Dixie Attitude

29 Jun 2011 10 Comments

by lanie belluz in balance, dating, Lee

I don’t know what’s wrong with me this week. I feel so unsettled about Lee – pissed off, even. I know I’m probably contributing to it by being b*tchy. (It’s been Monday since I smoked so I suspect nicotine withdrawals have something to do with it. Please don’t ask me why I’m not smoking my brains out since I’m mad at Lee.)

Yesterday, I did a long workout at the gym and then met Sarah out at this place for drinks afterwards. Before that I was talking to Lee on the phone -for the second time that hour.

“Are you going over to Ellen’s tonight, watch the chickens and go have half price burgers?”

“No, I did that last night – save for the burger part.”

“Oh, you never did tell me what you were doing.”

I wanted to say ‘you know, you’re not my mother that I just supply information to you on my whereabouts’ and what I am doing.’ But, instead I said, “You never asked.” Yes, instead you just fished which was very obnoxious.

“What are you doing tonight?”

“I’m meeting my blog friend, Sarah, out in Cobb for drinks.”

There was a pause in conversation. I could tell Lee was trying to remember who Sarah was and whether or not to be worried. “Have I met Sarah before?”

“No. I think I’ve seen Sarah maybe once since you and I have started dating – that one night I went out to [bar near Grant Park].” – and, you probably never will meet her because Sarah and I talk about blog stuff that’s off-limits to you.

Lee started talking about something else after that. I swear the girl just wants to ramble on about nothing just to kill time on the phone it seems. I actually loathe talking on the phone and want to complete what I need to say or get the information I need and get off. I cut in – “Hey, I think I’m just going to go inside and start my new book, have a beer and chill a bit before she gets here.”

“Oh. Well, ok. Have a good evening and maybe we’ll talk later before bed.”

There it was again. I said, “Have a good evening, too.” And hung up. I wasn’t committing to the bedtime call. I went inside and ordered a 420. I looked around. “Sarah wasn’t kidding about this place.” I had chosen a barstool down towards the end away from the sprinkling of men sitting at the bar. Not that I don’t like men but the men that hang out at the bars I go to in my neighborhood are good for easy conversation about sports but aren’t there to troll – like these guys seemed to be there for. I had noted a few head turns when I walked in and was on alert. [Honestly, it’s really not my looks that attract the opposite sex. It’s my attitude and my confidence that attract both sexes.] Just then a bartender appeared in front of me and asked me if she could get me a drink. She was a blonde that looked like she’d cut her teeth on working at s[Hooters] before settling there. I smiled. I could see myself coming here sometimes after work. One chapter and ½ a beer later Sarah slid onto the stool next time mine.

“So, how’s things?”

“Things are great except for Lee driving me crazy this week.”

She laughed and said, “That’s apparent.” We talked about my blogs posts and world. I asked her about her posts and world. Both of us have been able to keep up pretty well with each other through our blogs and the occasional drink – which, fills in the gaps. It was great to see her and catch up. I feel sometimes that we lead parallel lives despite being on different sides of the fence of who we’re attracted to. We talked about Lee testing out making friends through a popular dating site and whether or not that was a good idea.

“I don’t know, Sarah. I mean, I want her to have friends but one of these days she’s going to be out with one of them and they’re going to make a pass at her and then what?” Lee was out with one of them that very night.

“I know. I could see it happening. I can also see her holding the space you need over your head by saying ‘well, if you’re going to do your own thing then I’m going to go out with my new friends – they want to be with me if you don’t.”

“I can totally see her doing that. Lee has some insecurity issues and I can see her using these other friends to fill in the gap or as a weapon against me. Plus, this moving back in with ex gf thing? WTF?”

“I can’t believe she’s doing that. I mean, did she ever check the ‘popular-free- local –loafer’?”

“No. She didn’t even bother. She thinks this is her only solution”

Just then a guy two stools down asked us if he could buy us a shot. We both shook our heads, and said, ‘no thank you.’ We went back to talking and he cut in again and said he’d buy us beers – gesturing to our almost empty beers. We both shook our heads no again.

“I swear, things were going so well. What happened? F*ck it. If things don’t work out then they don’t work out. There will be someone else – there always is. I will just go to the next one on the list.”

Sarah laughed and said, “I wish it were that easy.”

“It’s all up here.” I said, pointing to my head. “Attitude.” Sometimes that works against you, too, because at that moment a big, burly guy came over and leaned on the bar next to Sarah so close that his arm was touching hers. I thought it was a good thing it was her and not me because I would have wanted to crack him over the head with my beer bottle for getting into my personal space like that and even touching me. He drunkenly slurred that since Sarah and I were the only women in the bar could he buy us a drink. I had been glaring at him the whole time and emphatically said, “NO!” at the same time Sarah politely said, “Oh, no thank you.” ‘Gee, she’s easygoing’, I thought. I still had my glare locked on him until he stood up and moved away.

“Where were we? Oh, yeah. Lee – “

We talked for a few minutes more until I said, “You want to get out of here? It’s starting to get weird.” Sarah agreed and we left. Mental note to self: always meet girlfriends there and not go on my own unless I wanted to end up in jail for cracking some guy over the head. I drove home relaxed and thought about crawling into bed and reading a bit before making it an early night. I was exhausted. Once home I was brushing my teeth when a text came in from Lee.

“Hey”

“Hey”

“I just made a new friend. Sharie is cool. You would like her.”

“Cool”

I didn’t want to hear about her cool new friend who she was possibly going to have an affair with if I couldn’t shake my bitchiness or her shake the space I needed. I put my phone on airplane mode so I wouldn’t get anymore texts or worse, a call, and went to bed. I knew I would hear about it the next morning if she tried texting more or calling.

-and, I did. To be continued.

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