the wedding slinger

This was the sort of Monday that I wished to stay in bed and sleep in. We made it through the weekend of Dino and Martha’s wedding. We hugged so many necks I’m wanting to go home and o.d. on Emergen-C packs.

Friday evening was the bachelor/bachelorette part(ies). The later consisted of Hollis C. Literar driving all the girls up to this spa where they got naked and women scrubbed their bodies. In hearing Stiletto explain this is worthy of a SNL skit. Especially, the part where she’s talking about the spa for the –uh-groin area only. I was sitting there wondering if one would add in some spices like olive oil and basil if they knew they were going to get some action later.

I was to drop Charlie off at the pub to rendezvous with the girls and go on to have dinner with Drewberry and meet up with them later at the Claremont Lounge. When we got to the pub we decided to have a few beers before she left as the spa didn’t allow any alcohol – probably to keep everything hydrated you know what I mean? Cant’ have a dry hootchie or else there will be more treatment.

Once there, Stiletto came in from the back porch saying they were having a pre-rehearsal dinner and everyone was out there. We kind of wondered why we didn’t get invited as it would have been nice to meet Martha and Dino’s extended family and Creed who I haven’t seen in 5 years as well has Rhoda and her new gf. But, according to Stiletto it was only for the family and people in the wedding party. Ok. Looking back, I still would have been happier with a place of meeting where everyone could eat and linger instead of dividing up the heard between heifers and bulls and leaving. Creed came in and introduced us to her new gf. I never did see Rhoda until the next day at the wedding. So, as everyone was wrapping up and I made my escape.

Later, I Uber’d it down to the Lounge and when I got there I texted Charlie to see where they were. I guessed that all the “boys” were already in the club but I wanted to wait for the [newly scrubbed] girls. Hollis had to park about three blocks away as there was no parking anywhere close. Finally, we went inside but everyone got lost in the crowd. I managed to score Charlie and I some seats at the bar and we visited with Link and Stiletto from time to time but Martha and the group had gotten a table in the back where I guess it was more accessible for lap dances? I don’t know. The boys had only gone to one strip club prior to arriving and Mike had drank so much he was passed out in the limo. When we got there they were leaving to take the limo back and some of the heifer/bull people left with the limo. Charlie and I finally called it quits and walked outside to follow Hollis to the car to get her bag. Hollis disappeared for what seemed hours and we walked up these really steep stairs to get to the front. The minute I got to the top of the stairs I turned my ankle and went down. Charlie and this guy who was there grilling hot dogs [why that seemed like a reasonable thing at 2 a.m. in the morning] had to help me up. I skinned my shin and knee as well.

The next day, the dogs had to drag us out of bed to get us up. We had breakfast and took it easy until the wedding. There was to be cocktails at 4, the ceremony at 5 and festivities after. When we arrived, Rhoda was on the back deck playing guitar. Unlike her ex she’s a wonderful musician and I enjoyed hearing her. We mingled with Hollis and her gf, Sharon who we hadn’t seen in forever. We had just had a beer when everyone was directed to stand in the back garden area and await the ceremony to begin. Martha was escorted down by Hollis and Dino by [of course] Mike. Creed came out to do the ceremony. It was very surprisingly fast – no vows or anything. I remembered Charlie and me exchanging ours in Valbella in New York – in fact, it was attached to a really nice hotel with a library where we did our exchange.

After the ceremony, many people herded to the food line. I wasn’t about to stand in that line so Charlie and I grabbed more drinks and mingled some more. I was telling Rhoda about hearing that Lee threw Heidi out (which, is no surprise as I figured Bertha would have made her get her out of there eventually). Apparently, once Lee threw her out she later went to look for her and found Heidi passed out on a park bench (frothing at the mouth, even) and took a bunch of pictures and posted them on FB. Rhoda was livid that she never called an ambulance or anything just took pictures and walked away. I wasn’t surprised. I said all Lee ever thought about was herself. But, then Lee upped and moved out to Seattle to be with Heidi and moved into some trailer with her. Rhoda said they deserve each other and they do.

Rooster and Shutter’s band played after the ceremony. I had gone in to say hi to them when we got there. Link was walking around helping Stiletto (who was the volunteered music coordinator, makeup artist for the bride and her mother, caterer manager and bachelorette party planner). B. Ferris had shown up after the ceremony and she and Charlie had started managing the fire pit as it was freezing outside. I was talking to Hollis and them on the deck when we noticed flames coming up. Dino walked over and told them to cool it on the fire ring.

Later, there was a mass exodus to get at several of the cakes that were provided. Someone said that the kids started cutting the cake and eating it before the brides could get in there to do their slice and feed it to each other. Others said that people were ignoring the caterers serving the slices and were just cutting in a grabbing a bunch of pieces with their forks. I mean, it’s just cake, people. Charlie and I left shortly after that and went over to Brockett for dinner. I had the most amazing patty melt and I was happy.

I’m still tired from the weekend despite taking it easy yesterday. This week is Hell week at Orangetheory. If we make it there 5 out of 8 days to work out starting today thru Halloween we get this skull t-shirt. I’m going to try but I only hope I don’t end up getting a really bad cold after this week. I’m planning on drinking some smoothies and eating well this week so hopefully I’ll make it.

Next weekend, we’re doing the Halloween ride with the Hags like we did last year. Rooster has a whole new agenda of places we’re going. What are your plans for Halloween?  I will leave you with this appropriately named drink recipe:

The Wedding Slinger

  • 1.25 ounces of 77 Local Rye and Corn Whisky
  • .5 ounce of Carpano Antica Formula Sweet Vermouth
  • 2 dashes of orange bitters
  • Ginger Ale
  • Cocktail cherry




new mods

I finally got the fenders and tank back from the painter a few weeks ago. Saturday, Drewberry came over and put it together for me. I did a lot of holding of the tank and handing of beers while he worked. A few glitches were one of the screws broke off putting one of the tank badges back on and we had to use doubled sided tape to keep it on while I ordered another set of screws. Then, the gaskets on the fuel supply valve were cracked and leaking so he had to fashion a piece of rubber (from the existing tail light that we did not install) which seemed to plug up the leak but I still order another set of those, too.

The final modifications were the fender eliminator kit on the back (the back fender which is solid black is staying wrapped up until I decide if I ever want to put it back on again) that includes a new tail light. New café style seat, newly painted tank and front fender with a stripe down the middle. Here are some pics:

Last night, Charlie and I rode down to Victory sandwich bar and met up with Link. As we were pulling into the lot we almost ran over Sharon just getting off the train from work who ended up joining us. After a bite to eat and lively conversation about ex’s we went out to look at all the bikes that had parked since we sat down. We were standing outside looking at bikes and talking when a young woman came up and asked to join us. She pointed over to a BMW that was hers and we all chatted and joked around as we’re winking at Sharon going, Girl you should get her number!

She’s only 23!

So? 23 backwards is 32 your age – it’s meant to be!

We left leaving Sharon to get the girls phone number. It was a fun night and nice to ride again.


Sex and the [Babytown] City

Well, we or should I say I didn’t make it down to the park this weekend for PRIDE. Charlie decided to leave for Florida on Saturday to go help her folks (who are safe and didn’t sustain much damage where they were). Saturday, I rode her bike to this neighborhood music fest and met up with Link and Stiletto to watch Rooster and Shutter’s band play. Soon as they were done playing I took off for home on the bike. I fed the dogs and went out to grab a pizza for dinner.

While eating pizza, the dogs and I watched Sex and the City reruns on Amazon Prime. I really didn’t think it had been that long since it first came out but watching Season 1 (1998) I felt like I was watching something that surely was filmed in the 80’s. There was big hair, cigarette smoking [everywhere], the twin towers in the background, cell phones that flip open and home phones.


I never noticed this when watching the show previously but every time one of the girls met a new character they were dating Carrie would narrate their qualifications, “up-and-coming Manhattan furniture designer Aidan Shaw….” When you watch episode after episode you start to figure out the Sex and the City template. First, a topic is presented and Second, Carrie writes a line about the topic with a question at the end and finally the question is answered in the end based on the episodes actions.


The formula was so sound that it carried on for six seasons. In the end, Carrie and the girls would eventually settle down and move on with their lives – end of series story.  Because in Hollywood terms, seem like sad, single old ladies if they didn’t – because according to Hollywood, one can only be caught up in the single, swinging life for so long until it wears off and seems tragically sad.

Which, brings me to the next topic – PRIDE. I would have gone if Charlie were here but since she wasn’t I had no desire to go. I got what I want – a marriage license and insurance benefits for my spouse. What more can I ask for than to be treated just like everyone else? See, I never wanted special treatment. I only wanted what the Buckhead couple have – equal rights. Once we got those what is the biiiiiig deal about PRIDE? I seriously think that the same sex marriage ruling burst the PRIDE balloon.  However, I have friends who go every year – to celebrate pride, their new relationship, singleness or marriage.

That’s fine. To each his own. I do miss PRIDE when it was originally the last week in June right before the 4th of July. That way you could string in two celebrations into one (and take a four day weekend for partying).

My PRIDE consisted of making lasagnas for two of my friends – one post-op and the other pre-op and driving them to their houses and visiting for a while. The first friend who is on crutches was supposed to go down to the park with her friends but they all ended up bailing because of one thing or another and were ok with that. She said honestly she wished someone would just have an all day party at their house and cookout and have people dropping in throughout the day. Which, sounded good to me – I love house parties – especially, when we’re throwing them. The other couple hadn’t been to PRIDE in years and  didn’t even know it was happening that weekend.

I had several people saying, “Let me know what you get in to” this past weekend but I just kind of blew it off. I can get into several things without their help or company. I get tired of always asking. I decided to go out on my own and watch the rest of the Falcons game. But, I was at an impasse on where to go. The one nearby I knew would be crowded, I went to one of the standby’s and turned right around when I saw the woman who was keeping bar was the one who gave shitty service the last time Charlie and I were there. It was between the one that had a huge long bar that I could probably squeeze in to -but a 9:00 curfew for children that was rarely enforced. Or, a new burger place I hadn’t been to yet and knew nothing about.

Normally, the restaurants and bars we frequent near the house are full of new parents, babies and toddlers. In fact, it should be named Sex and then the Babytown -season 35.


I’ve literally sat next to a toddler taking up prime bar space with their coloring book and sippy cup while I drank my Peroni waiting for a pizza. I mean, you get sick of it after a while. When part of what you’re paying for is ambiance then a screaming baby almost makes you want to get up, throw some money on the table and leave (and, we have done that). Times like that almost make me miss the ol’ Sex and the City days of babies banned from bars and smoking areas. I decided to try the new place and was pleasantly surprised they had a 21 and older upstairs bar. I ended up watching the Falcons beat the Broncos over a burger and beer. Yes, there was screaming going on but the adult kind that doesn’t rupture one’s eardrum. I think I’ve found a new niche to hang in Babytown – and I like it.

Friday chex mix

I freaking love Fridays now that I can work from home! The work week goes so much faster when I know that I can work in my boxers on Fridays.

I’m settling in to my new office a bit more and bonding a little more with my team. Patricia doesn’t get on my nerves as much since I know the reasoning behind her questions of my coming and goings is mostly due to a means to make conversation. Ned and Nicole are finally out of their training and are in the office more as well. Both of them have worked together for years and they have a work relationship chemistry going. Yesterday, I got up from designing a job and announced that I needed to get out for a while and get some fresh air. We all loaded into a company truck and rode over to a center nearby and Ned pointed out work that he and Nicole had done in the past. Then, we visited the center where we were supposed to move previously to talk to another member there and I was really glad we didn’t move in to that place. Save for both Chris and Bob there’s no one else in there. It reminded me of The Walking Dead. I’m not so sure I could work by myself over there it would creep me out. I managed to arrange a happy hour for all of us next week so we can bond a little more.

So, some of you have probably been watching this massive hurricane that has been moving up the coast of Florida. Charlie’s folks are down in Vero Beach so she’s been quite worried about them the past week few days. Wednesday we tried to no avail to get them to come up here to stay but her folks wouldn’t move. We were frustrated to say the least but there was nothing we could do short of driving down there and hauling them in the car and driving back but at that point I don’t think we would have made it as it’s a 7 hour trip [at best] there. Charlie was supposed to go down there this past week because the previous week her dad had had a complete hip replacement surgery (another reason why they didn’t want to evacuate is because his movement is limited) but I forbid her going down there to the possible cat 4 hurricane. Thankfully, last night it passed through there as a cat 1 and when she called this morning they said they still had electricity and only lost a screen off of their porch. I really hope for the sake of coastal Georgia and the Carolinas that it veers out to sea before it gets there.

This weekend just happens to be PRIDE weekend in Atlanta along with a bunch of other stuff happening. Tomorrow there’s a neighborhood porch concert fest that our friends Rooster and Shutter are playing so we will probably head down there for a little while. Sunday we will probably try to Uber it down to Piedmont Park to watch the parade and Link and Stiletto ride with the dykes on bikes. Speaking of bikes – it looks like I’m finally going to get my tank and fenders back next week. They have been in Indiana being custom painted since last August. It’s been a process but once they’re back and the bike is put back together it’s going to look HOT. Here’s some pics of the final coat that’s drying.

image000000(that stripe down the front fender is going to look great!)

[For those of you who don’t remember what the old paint looked like it was this:]


Drewberry is coming over next weekend to help me put it back together and afterwards we’re heading down to the lake near the house for a neighborhood BBQ fest. I’m not sure if Charlie is going to be here for that or not as she’s planning on high-tailing it to Florida as soon as this shit moves off the coast.

Other than that I got nothing except for an answer to Liz + Lina’s podcast question – yes, I need to stay plugged in as that’s what I do. Rarely do I go off the grid but if I do, I’ll let ya know!

Happy weekend! Cheers!



ex’s, rats and apple watches


Last Saturday Sadie had her test to become a therapy dog and both she and Charlie passed with flying colors. I wasn’t worried, honestly – despite Sadie being my dog initially her and Charlie have a special bond – even the examiner said so.

I took both to drop them off for their test and headed over to catch both the soccer and UGA game at the local pub. After downing a Guinness and heading back I got a text from Charlie saying they were running late. I only received this after I’d gotten back since I was on my tablet and it signs off texts after a while. I was on my tablet because –

-my iPhone (7) was sitting next to my Apple watch (1st gen) updating. I’ll get more in to that in a bit.

So, once I got back I was sitting in the car with the windows down and these two ladies came out and asked if I was Lanie and I said, Yes. They said I could come inside and wait if I didn’t want to sit in the hot car and I said that’s ok I didn’t mind I was in the shade anyway. They went back inside and then some blonde woman came out and looked around then turned and looked right at me and went back inside. It took me a moment but I thought she looked just like someone I went out with years ago and once I noted that she had an Alabama t-shirt on I swore it was her.

Later, after driving home with Charlie reliving her and Sadie’s testing she related that there were other women in there doing scenarios of talking loud, yelling and slamming things around to see if they could get a reaction out of Sadie – this was part of the exam (which, she didn’t have any reaction at all).

What was the blonde woman’s name?

Uh, I can’t remember, um….

Was it Beverly?

Yes, that was her name! Wait! You know her?

I went out with her for, like a minute, a long time ago.

It just figures that I run in to yet another one of your ex-girlfriends.

(Our friend, Link always jokes that I’ve dated everyone in Atlanta and when I say, No, I don’t think Charlie believes me. I get that look. I told Link, Quit saying that. You’ll give the girl a complex.)

I always say, That was then, this is now, baby! to Charlie.

So, once home we were getting ready to go out for a celebratory beer when I checked my watch. It was still updating. At this point I was ready to throw the thing out the window. I specifically waited until the new version came out and the older ones went on sale because I wanted a stainless steel one and was not about to pay $500 for it. (this from someone who once paid the cost of a car WAY more for a Rolex which I sold to buy a motorcycle but that’s another story). It had spent ALL NIGHT updating and then most of the next day. I had to reboot both my phone and watch three times in order for the update to take. I was wondering if I’d gotten a bad watch. I unplugged it and went and set it on the box thinking I was going to take it back the next day. Later, I thought, I will try it one.more.time just to see if it will go and when I picked it up and, voila, it was updated. Yeah, it only took 2 days! These apple updates are getting somewhat short of ridiculous in my book.

The other night, Charlie and I were driving back from having dinner at the 57th Fighter Club. It was nice sitting out there watching the planes come in. It’s finally cooled off here and the club lit the fire pit while we were sitting on the patio. This was the first time we’d tried this place. We’re trying to break out of our regular scene and try new places.

On the way home Charlie said, it just figures I run in to yet another girlfriend of yours.

You haven’t met that many ex-girlfriends of mine.

Yes, I have.

Ok, so you met Bird, Lee and Beverly – that’s it.

No, I’ve met monkey lady, too. Remember when she brought her dog into the vet and I had to check her in?

Oh yeah, that’s right. How unfortunate.

So, why did you break up with them?


What’s wrong?

No, I mean because of rats.

What? Seriously?

Yeah, Beverly had these rats in her condo – she was also a hoarder, by-the-way. Her building super set all these live traps in there and only cleaned them out once a month. She asked me if I would come over and clean them out for her and I said no. She got really mad at me after that and I just blew her off and we stopped going out. We weren’t really hitting it anyway. She ended up getting married to a man after that so she was never really lesbian material.

What about monkey lady?

Oh, well one night I went over there  and we’d had a couple of bourbons and her friend, Lorraine called and said there was a stench so bad in her house that she needed us to come over and find the dead animal in her walls. We ran over there with a drill and jig saw. After drilling several holes in their newly painted stairwell wall we discovered after prying up a couple of stairs and looking down into the crawlspace that it was under there. I had to shimmy down there and get it out. After that, I got the rep of removing rats and there was another night monkey lady called me and asked me to go crawling around in her attic to find these rats that had been getting into her house and I refused. She got very angry and started yelling at me about it. So, like before I just blew her off after that. We weren’t hitting it either. I’d gotten tired of her yelling at me about rats.

That’s weird. Why do you get stuck killing rats – in your house and others peoples?

Yeah, remember Ellen? I had to go over there and kill a rat for her, too.

I remember that. I was afraid you’d get rabies.

And, right after that conversation in the car we got home and let the dogs out and was enjoying a whiskey when Sadie started looking at the grill.

What is it, Sadie?

Charlie went over and opened the lid and turned on one of the burners and just then…..

……you guessed it- a rat ran out. Sadie chased it around the side of the house and then suddenly it came running towards me. I jumped up as I saw a grey blur run by with Sadie in tow. Sadie never got it but she was looking for it the rest of the night. And, so was I.

I don’t know what it is about ex’s, rats and Apple watches-but it is what it is.



Lunch lady

This past week we had to move out of our office building to a new location. The company I work for sold the building we were in along with several others. (One would think that being in the top 25 on the Forbs list of companies with trillions of profit they wouldn’t need to be in the business of selling buildings but what do I know?)

The old building was old corporate – cubicle farm everywhere. I had a fairly decent cube there near a window. But, with the new move I was given a choice to move to a construction office down the street from my house or out to an office south of the airport – you know what I chose – the construction office, of course. It is what it is – a construction office with lots of equipment and loud men walking around. Fortunately, it gets quieter once everyone goes out into the field.

We’re all shoved into a room called the “Engineer Room” (I’ve actually gotten called an engineer a couple of times since I’ve been here which is ok with me as long as the technicians don’t hold it against me). In the room is an office at the end with Ned and Nicole who are the newest members of our team. None of us have really worked with them because they got hired on at this location and have stayed here waiting for some of us to transition over. They both seem pretty ok. Others on our team who moved over here is Patricia and maybe Shareece later on. So, Patricia and I are sitting in this room with basically tables and moving boxes. All my computer equipment is on one of these tables. I made sure I arranged my table to face out because I cannot stand to have my back to the door and other people.

So, I’m not used to working in the same room with someone and someone who asks questions. Patricia also has a cubicle set up at the other office by the airport as well and says she will be splitting her time between the two offices. I’m wondering when this will happen as it’s going on Thursday and she’s been here every day so far this week. (Personally, I think she’s just doing this so no one will know where she is at any given time).

Monday, I had to stand outside the gate until someone let me in. I had my uniform on so I was easy to spot as someone who needed in. When I got in the room Patricia was already there with her stuff spread out on two tables. There was a third table that I took and set my boxes on. (She will have to move her shit if Shareece decides to move over here.)

I had a project due that day so I had to set up fast. I was tired from the busy weekend and setting up my computer equipment and diving right in to a project was not seeming attractive. Looking around for an Ethernet outlet to plug into was just as crazy. I finally had to sign onto the wireless and go. I had no time to search for an Ethernet cord or find out with outlet was hot.

While I’m frantically working Patricia who had been on her phone most of the morning talking to her husband (a truck driver), various family members and friends asked, “Are you going to lunch?”

I looked up and said, “I normally eat at my desk”, holding up my lunchbox like yes, I carry this thing so what’s new here?

“Oh, well what’s good around here?”

The one time I went to lunch with her and other members of the team she ordered a lobster tail, grilled chicken, baked potato, and desert and left the whole lobster tail on the plate.

“Just a lot of good Mexican restaurants and, oh, there’s a fish place up the street that’s pretty good.”

She left and went to Kroger and came back with BBQ chicken, mac n cheese, bacon flavored Ritz crackers, apple slices, and chocolate and hazelnut peanut butter. I asked her if there was something she wasn’t telling us.

Later, after finishing my job she asked what time I was leaving. I said, “4ish, like I always do. What time are you leaving?

“Oh, I’m gonna work until 7. Probably be working that late all week. I’m trying to get all four of my centers in shape because I’m giving two away.”

Shareece and I and the two new hires currently haven’t been assigned centers yet. Shareece (who is my work buddy) and I do design work for construction and we’re both very ok with that. The two new hires are used to doing the field verification work and overseeing construction and they are very ok with their roles as well. We have guys out in the northeast office who manage centers as well as design then we have people like Patricia (and three other women a few others) who don’t do know anything about design work and don’t want anything to do with it. It is me and Shareece’s hope that we will remain designers and take over maybe one center (if we are assigned one) and leave the bulk of center management to (Patricia) those other three who won’t design the jobs.

So, Patricia thinks that she’s going to give away two of her centers and still be able to justify all the overtime she’s pulling. Me, I haven’t asked to pull OT because I haven’t needed to yet and I don’t want to abuse the system.

Yesterday, Patricia felt the need to read the entire ‘Folks menu to her cousin over the phone and after hanging up asked me again if I was going to lunch. I said, “No, brought it again.”

I mean, really.

Later, I unzipped my lunchbox to get out some carrots and she turned around and asked me if I was leaving.

“No, it’s just carrots.”

“Oh, I heard zipping and thought you were leaving. What time you leaving?”

I was starting to think our boss put her in here to keep an eye on me.

“Same time as yesterday, tomorrow and the following day – four-ISH. You?”

“Oh, I’m going to work until seven again.”

Now I know why she works late every night its because she spends all day on the phone and does her real work making time and ½. I get it. I wonder if the boss does, too.

I sighed when I came in at 7:30 this morning and she was here again and on the phone. She’d probably been here since 6 talking. I said good morning and sat down to work. Later in the morning she got up and grabbed her keys and said she’d be back. I did not ask where she was going, when she’d be back or if she was going to lunch because –


I just said, “Ok.”

I had to go run an errand and when I came back she was here and asked, “So you went to lunch?”

“No, I had an errand to run.”

I’m starting to realize that lunch and what time we’re leaving is the extent of our ability to make conversation. I miss talking to my work buddy, Shareece. We instant message each other questions and conversations but it’s not the same.

What I can’t figure out is if she just wants to make conversation to fill the silence (when she’s not on the phone) or she really wants to know when the hell I’m ever going to go out for lunch and when I’m leaving. I know what’s going to drive her really crazy is I’m going to start leaving the room when I take a call. If she asks why, I’m going to say, “I have a thing about people listening to my phone conversations and vice versa.”

I’m going to have to think of some ways to run her off to the other office. Maybe asking the new hires to lunch and going to lunch after she gets back. I’m going to work on bonding with the new hires when they get out of training, too. Part of me thinks she’s a bit intimidated by my being a designer. I don’t know – what do you think?



img_5211 (Yes, Lanie is only at 45% and is almost dead. Let’s check her pulse)

This is the second week of the new gym with running in between. Yesterday, I went after work and when I walked in I already had my heartbeat strap on and suddenly I appeared on all the monitors all over the gym:

Note to self: Don’t turn on the heart monitor until other people are in the gym as well. There was a woman who brought her husband in and I could tell it was his first time. I thought I was doing good until he passed me on the treads. I thought, GAWD, get with it, Lanie, you’re not going to let this guy pass you. (That’s not exactly what I thought, but you get the gist)

I’m trying to remember how long it was when I started bootcamp that I noticed any weight loss. I think it was a monthly thing – you signed up for a month and they said don’t worry about seeing anything until at least two weeks out and that’s what I’m counting on with this. (Because, I still feel like a fat @ss)

I think the most difficult thing has been not getting drunk drinking every night when I get home from work but I bought a 30 oz Yeti (and put a Green Bay sticker on it) that I keep ice water in all day to drink. I’ve been drinking a ton of water and eating low carb meals so I’m hoping something will happen soon. I’m determined.

Speaking of determined, Charlie has been building a deck onto our little shed in the back this week. I always know if I haven’t heard from her in the afternoon when I know she’s not doing landscape work at a clients or running errands that she’s up to something. So, one afternoon last week I hadn’t noticed because I was trying to get out some jobs at work (we’ve been pretty busy lately) and I came home to this:


Then, the dog had to get involved as site superintendent:


(Typical super laying down on the job – probably working holidays for time and 1/2, too)

img_5219 (Just a frame with fabric here nothing to see, NO, IT’S NOT A DOGGIE WIDE WORLD WRESTLING RING, GET OUT!)

Then, a few days later there’s this: (they subbed me out to help with the rock)


(The super is up on her feet not happy about the rock. Trying to rush the job – typical)


(The worker (Charlie) finally taking credit – site super has gone on vacation but left explicit instructions to have the job completed by the time she got back)

img_5218 img_5217

(Laying down on the job again and taking all the credit)


going thru the change

Ha! I bet you thought when you read that I meant menopause. I didn’t (although, that could be any day now) I meant body changes other than hormonal.

The other day I went over to Orangetheory on my lunch hour to check the place out. From my past experiences in bootcamp it’s basically that but indoors. What I really liked about it is that everything you do is monitored by your heart rate that is projected onto a large TV screen in the studio as you work out. You can see the zones you’re in – they start off as gray (almost dead), green (there IS a pulse after all), orange (wow, wake up heart) and red (we’re burning now, baby and try not to drop dead) – at least that’s how I perceive the levels. They also have splat points that add up however many minutes you are in the orange and red levels.

So yesterday I went in for my first workout. I met the trainer, Jay, who would be running the class. He reminded me of an older version of Charlie’s son, Bray. Of course, all muscles, tat sleeve, nicely trimmed beard and I’m sure easy on the eyes of their straight female members. Jay took me through the gym and showed me the treadmills, rowers, free weights and the workout area. The minute we walked in my heart monitor was already showing “LANIE” on the screen in the almost dead gray zone. Jay showed me the breakdown of beats per minute, zones, calories burned and splat points earned on the screen. Fast forward to class – it was around 5 women, all but two seemed like they just started as well. We started off on the treadmill (and they have flex in them to cut down on injuries) doing 30,60,90 second intervals of jogging, running and sprinting. I was looking on the screen doing this and thinking, How dare Lydia get in the orange zone before me ima step it up. (I think they have those monitors up there for that very reason. If you’re loafing then the whole class knows it)

After about 20 minutes of the treadmill we got on the rowers. The rowers are water rowers that they said the Olympians use to practice. They already felt better than the lame fan rowers that you see in a typical gym. We rowed 400 meters then got off and went over to the free weight area.

Side note: What I really like about it is the station numbers. If you get on a treadmill that is a certain number, like 5 then every other exercise station you use the same number so you automatically know where to go when you switch stations. Each station has their own dumbells, benches, mats – whatever workout that you’re going to do that day is set up.

In the free weight area we went to our stations and up on another monitor is the exercises and reps they want you to do. Jay also demonstrated the proper way to do each before we began. Between each set we went back to the rowers and did 200 meters. Next, we did another three sets of different free weights (all had burpees in between) then we finished up 90 second planks and 90 more of various ab exercises.

I was spent afterwards but I felt good. Here’s my results (which, they email to you):


So, I’m going to try it out for awhile. I signed up for 8 workouts and I’m going to see where it goes. I already feel better this week – I have not had one drop of alcohol since Monday. I plan on having a nice drink before dinner with Charlie tonight as a reward but I’m going to try to stay good through the weekend. I think the next workout is Sunday morning so then I can enjoy another drink while watching the Pack beat Jacksonville.

Here’s  video of the place in case you’re interested:


friends pants

I’m so sick and tired of being fat. I look at old pictures and think, I wish I still looked like that.

I longingly look at pants, jeans and shirts in my closet that I can’t bear to get rid of because I vow to get back into them some day. I already gave away all these cute cowboy shirts that I loved but I can’t get my shoulders into them anymore and let’s not even talk about photographs. I hate posing for pics these days. We had friends from out of town in this past weekend and they took pics every 5 minutes there were a ton of pics taken and I looked that heavy in all of them.

And, friends – I feel like I’m growing out of some of them, too. Some are really tight around the waist like my jeans or they rub me the wrong way. (Not the ones from out of town although, we’re exhausted from entertaining all weekend.)

Link had a cookout at her house yesterday and while Charlie and I love Link and Stiletto we knew both Mike and Dino were going to be there. It went ok, Mike only pissed me off once but I kept my distance (– especially, since Dino and Celina were puffing up a storm.) I think some social situations I drink because I’m bored. Like, last night the conversation got on to politics and I swear if Trump weren’t such an idiot (or Bernie was still in the running) we wouldn’t have all agreed on Hilary. (Do you ever feel that way – like, you know some of your friends have turned because Trump is an idiot?) But, even so – it was still a boring conversation. I texted Charlie, We didn’t bring enough beer for this. She gave me the keys to the car and I left to run over to the shell station to get more- I wasn’t about to bum any off Mike or Dino. By the time I got back politics had ended and moved on to outdoor concerts. I thought it was kind of ironic that both Martha and Dino didn’t even mention being pissy-heads in bad moods during the Journey concert we were all at, either – not that they would unless Dino was really drunk but it still looked like he had quite a bit to go before a beer buzz even reached his stomach him.

It was kind of an eye opener for me, though. I hadn’t seen most of them for months and some had majorly gained some weight. I thought, That’s going to be me in a few years if I don’t stop drinking beer everyday make some changes.

I went into the house and helped Stiletto get the food ready. She’s easy to talk to and she doesn’t drink at all which makes me wonder why she’s such good friends with them all of us. It’s mystifying, to be honest. I wonder if it’s just because they’re Link’s friends but they all do stuff together all the time.(Charlie and I not included but I’m actually relieved about that because I don’t want to keep finding opportunities to hang with Mike and Dino). I know that both her and Mike are Jewish and from New York so maybe that’s it- who knows. But, I really hope don’t think we’ll see them again until the wedding.

So, until then, I really need to make some changes. I want to lose 30 pounds by the end of October. That’s only two months away and probably a “hefty” goal but I have to start somewhere. I went into Orange Theory at lunch today and I’m going to try it on my lunch hour tomorrow. I just want something that’s flexible with my work schedule and convenient. They have a couple of gyms near where I currently work and when my office moves (like they keep telling us that it is but no one knows when) then there’s one near there so it works. Hey, I started bootcamp years ago and went on for months doing that I can do this.

It would just be good to have some jeans be loose on me again.



picture of an island

This weekend was exhausting and by Sunday Charlie and I were wore slap out.

Friday night we had Yappy hour with Sadie over at the local Irish pub.


I put out a Facebook invite for joining us and sent it to a few peeps. Surprisingly, we had a great turnout. Link showed up first -who I thought was going to be the only one joining us since we had a ton of maybes and only one I’ll be there from her. But, then Lorelyn showed up with Lenny (two lesbians) the buff plumber. Lorelyn also brought her friend Marilyn and invited Lenny’s sister and brother-in-law. Stiletto showed up later and so did Belinda so it was a party. I hadn’t seen Belinda in ages and I moved over and caught up with her for a while. We didn’t get home until 9 that night (late night for the dogs dinner) and then we sat out on the porch until late having more beers.

Saturday morning came too soon and with a mild headache. We had to go over to a friend of ours – which, I will call her the nickname that was given to her behind her back while we were teaching motorcycle classes together – moonbeam. Moonbeam had been calling for months stressing over her yard but when we gave quotes it was always, No, I will get gf to cut the grass.

Well, I don’t know about y’all but if I were a relatively new gf of someone and moved into their house and they expected ME to cut the grass of their acre lot I don’t think that would go over well. (Fortunately for me, Charlie is all into a motor running that cuts blades of any sort so we’re a match made in heaven as far as I’m concerned). So, this last week both Moonbeam and gf (let’s call her Shawn) lawn mowers pooped out.

[I know I’m rhyming a bit with Lorelyn, Marilyn, Shawn, lawn but bear with me.]

I got a call from an all stressed out Moonbeam that her yard needed cut and can we go ahead and do the pinestraw we’d talked about. Phone calls and emails went back and forth for a bit after that because you can’t just have one conversation with her. Also, she had a family member that wasn’t doing well so I had to hear all about that in addition. So, to make a long story way shorter, Charlie and I went over there, laid the straw, we got most of the property but we had said we’d start with 30 bales and go from there. Shawn came out to talk to us and said it looked good, I emailed some pics to Moon and we left.

Later, Charlie and I were at the phone store getting her a new phone when I noticed a missed call from Moonbeam. I went outside to listen to the message and was surprised to hear a very irate ‘beam on the phone saying, Shawn told me you didn’t get the front of the house and in the front under that tree so please call me back and help me understand this?

[Ok, lesson learned that this will probably be the last time we do work for a friend]

Another long story short – Charlie’s over there now finishing it with 20 more bales and let’s keep our fingers crossed that moonbeam gets off our moon-@sses it all gets covered. We also have another client that’s ready for payment and the last time we sought that she gave us a hard time because we didn’t just show up and cut. I had reminded her that we don’t do anything unless payment is made -especially, with new clients. She had grudgingly left it with her wife who turned out to be really nice, btw, (and I had asked Charlie if we could deal with her instead). Well, I emailed her today that Charlie would be over tomorrow to cut and she was ready for another payment cycle and to leave it somewhere that she could find if her or her wife weren’t home. I still haven’t heard back from her but by-golly if Charlie gets over there tomorrow and no one’s around or she hasn’t left us payment somewhere and TOLD us……


Seriously, I totally get the customer is always right but they don’t get to dish out abuse.

After that frazzling thing and leaving the phone store with a new phone for Charlie we were thrown into another stressful situation of going to pick up her motorcycle from the dealer. It just so happened that they are repaving a major highway here and traffic was a nightmare getting there and back. We pulled up in the carport and I got off the bike and peeled my sweaty jacket off and said, I need a beer because that was a complete nightmare.

And, beers we drank. Several. Then, a friend of ours came over because her and her gf are on the rocks and she needed someone to talk to so we stayed up rather late talking to her. (I feel for her – her gf is being a HUGE d*ck.)

The next day, we ran into Lorelyn. We were around the corner and I was drinking a jack n coke slushy at my favorite sandwich shop and she sat down for a quick bite and whiskey before running back to work (must be nice to drink on your lunch hour). She was shooting a verbal machine gun telling us more than we needed to know about how she met buff plumber, the threesome between her and her husband who is soon to be ex and his old high school sweetheart moving in which sounds like a complete nightmare and that she just loves PEOPLE and not so much so she doesn’t BELIEVE she’s bisexual but she LOVES the gag LWord  and women on women but so, yeah, she finally DID BELIEVE she was gay and came out to her mom.

funny cat

I was thinking, Really?

The whole discovering-my-sexuality conversation bores the shit out me. So what you love women? Who doesn’t? It’s legal now, it’s all good. You weren’t around to fight the fight. You didn’t have people calling you a queer as you walked across campus or having that written on your dorm room door. You didn’t just miss being blown to bits when they bombed The Otherside in ’97. You didn’t have people shouting that you didn’t deserve to live, have children or burn in hell when you walked down the street waving a rainbow flag.

No, you were painting your toenails and getting ready for your [legal] wedding to your still now husband.

But, that’s all good. I’m happy for you and buff plumber. I am, really. I think buff plumber really nice.

Hey, Charlie and I will walk you back to work.

And, we did and went home and flopped. It had been a long weekend and I’m so ready for vacation this week. I want to breathe a little beach breeze, suck an oyster out of a shell and just feel different air on my skin. I want to hear the ocean, the cap pop off of a bottle of beer, the seagulls call and fight the fight another day.

I can’t wait.