This past week we had these friends of ours who live up in Gainesville call us. I looked at my phone and said, Why is CG calling me?
I don’t know, pick up.
I really hate talking on the phone at night – most of the time when I get home, I plug my phone in and walk away from it until the a.m. I let the first call go to vm and listened to it with her just saying, Hey, call me back.
THEN! She calls again. You’d better pick up, Charlie said.
So, I did and she was calling to say that we needed to friend this friend of hers on FB and introduce her to some friends in ATL. This friend of hers is trying to “find her tribe” and also, do we know any single people we can fix her up with?
OH YEAH, CG – Charlie and I constantly have parties with 100 single eligible lesbians every damn weekend, in fact we’re having one on Friday night right after we get off work. We have the pig on the spit as we speak.
First, I’m always suspicious of people telling me that someone is looking for friends, has no friends, etc. They must not have friends for a reason and why should I be made privy to finding out why it is they have no friends?
Second, don’t tell me who to be friends with or who I should friend on FB. And, what’s this “tribe” business? I hadn’t heard that term ever. It sounded like something someone in a generation of my parents would say.
Third, it’s not like Charlie and I hang out at all these single functions in our spare time and know a lot of folks who are single. And, seriously the ones we DO know who are single we wouldn’t wish on anyone.
With that said, we still friended her friend, Karol, and invited her down on Friday to go to an 80’s party at this bar/restaurant and even to crash in our spare room. We wondered if that was a good idea, even, considering we’d never met this person, but people do it in Europe all the time so maybe we should be a little more trusting. After friending, she reached out to us and we messaged back and forth and came up with a plan. Meet us at the house at 6:30 and we’ll go on down to the restaurant, maybe grab a bite to eat and then hang and see if it’s fun.
I no more got home from work and changed when we got a message that she was close by. WTF, it was only 5:30 but ok. She pulled up and I went out to greet her and she seemed ok. We went inside and I asked if I could make her a drink since we had planned on Ubering it that night. Her reply was that she only drank Margaritas or Rum and cokes. She was out of luck because although we had tequila we had not made up any simple syrup nor did we have near enough limes to make up some homemade Margs nor did we have any rum or regular coke.
So, we showed her around – usually when we open up the she-shed it’s a WOW, that’s incredible, how did you do that? Type of reaction. This was, Oh, that’s nice. Really? That’s nice? Okay. She talked a lot about her adopted children who were now in their teens. She talked a lot about how she’s in-between girlfriends. She talked a lot about how there’s no culture in Gainesville. (Really? Then why did you move there?) She talked a lot about herself – almost like we were interviewing her.
I was kind of relieved when it came time to call the Uber and go. Maybe being in a crowded bar would relieve some of the pressure of keeping up the conversation about herself. Granted, she was nice but not really engaging. I couldn’t imagine calling her up and talking to her for any amount of time nor could I imagine a situation of, Hey, let’s invite Karol. She’s a blast! Nope.
When we got there, we were able to score two seats at the bar while one of us stood, hoping to score another chair later when someone left. The two women on the other side of Karol were getting the check and I thought they were ready to leave but when I asked for the spare chair the woman told me rudely that her friend went to the restroom and that they weren’t leaving yet. So, we laid in wait for them to leave only when they did two other women moved into them before we could grab one. We ended up grabbing a stool and moving it in between us. The bar was filling up fast with a ton of [straight] people dressed up in 80’s garb. I saw a Frankie goes to Hollywood t-shirt go by and this one woman in neon yellow and pink leg warmers. We were definitely out of our element, but we didn’t care. Charlie and I can hang with anyone it was Karol who was probably like, Damn there’s no lesbians here.
It got packed and the two bartenders couldn’t keep up to the mosh pit of neon demanding drinks. One of the women working behind the bar was starting to get surly and the party hadn’t even started yet. We put in a food order and barely got the three drinks we ordered before finally shouting over the din of RELAX DON’T DO IT……to Jake our bartender for the check. The women on the end of the bar were ordering 4 Cosmos at once because they knew. They shoved one of the pink concoctions down the bar to Charlie. Charlie was joking with them – they looked to be late 30’s which we were right, and Karol said, nodding to the one on the end Charlie was joking with, I could go for that. Which reminded me of a few other friends we have with unrealistic girlfriend expectations. I wanted to say, In your DREAMS, Karol.
When we were walking out, there were about 100 more people walking up the road to go inside. I couldn’t imagine trying to get a drink after they got inside. We told our Uber driver to take us to Decatur and we went to see our favorite bartender, Wendy. This was more our speed. I could still tell Karol was looking around for eligible lesbians. We had a drink, talked to Wendy and left Ubering it home. Earlier Karol had mentioned that she could stay around until 1 the next day and we were like – No, we’re both leaving very early in the morning because Lanie is going paddling and I have things to do.
I mean, really? Did she think we were going to give her a full tour of ATL and Decatur and point out lesbian hot spots? The next day I was literally almost to the lake before Karol had gotten up. Both Charlie and I had had coffee together, and I had loaded up my gear and was down the road. I think Charlie was worried that she’d have to go into the spare room and drag her out by the toe. When she got up Charlie offered to make her an egg and toast a bagel for her and she relented. I think this was mainly to say, Eat, have your coffee and GO we’ve got shit to do.
We were both like, She was nice but we hope this doesn’t become a thing that she is expecting to come down here to a bed and breakfast and us to be tour guides. Later, we got a text thanking us and asking us if we wanted to go to this single’s social the next weekend. I was like, Let me think about it – UH NO! I mean, we’ve got shit to do, lady. School starts so I’m sure I’m going to be doing some homework. I have a Saturday class that will cut into my paddling time which will only be on Sundays now. So no – here’s the address to My Sisters Room knock yourself out. I mean, if she wants to meet other single people in Atlanta or Decatur then she’s just going to have to friggin’ move here. Plus, we’re not going to be able to introduce her to single people because we don’t know any. We don’t go to lesbian bars only because we don’t want to stay up until 11:00 and go out to a bar when that’s the only time it has any people in it.
So, that was how our weekend started. After that, we didn’t feel like entertaining at all the rest of the weekend. I only managed to paddle Saturday because when we got up on Sunday it looking rainy. As it was I probably could have gone because it didn’t rain the rest of the day. Here’s a few from Saturday: (Notice I put in with the geese that day)