What does Melissa Etheridge think when she’s performing on an all-exclusive lesbian cruise? As women dance around in their bikini tops and cutoff jean shorts with their Bud Lights in cozies does she think, I’ve really made it, man! If I die right now then my destiny will be fulfilled.
Do you think she thinks that?
There was a point where I thought it would be fun to go on one of those cruises. Melissa Etheridge, Sarah McLachlan and a few other notable mostly female artists play. I bet Sarah M is like, Yeah, pick me up in this port, I’ll play and be on to the next thing. I really doubt any of these artists stay around for the entire cruise. I guess there would be some pros and cons to an all lesbian cruise. Let’s list them starting out with the pros first:
You wouldn’t have to worry about the opposite sex trying to pick up your wife
Lots of good music if you’re in to a mostly all women lineup
You have the biggest lesbian bar right there
You don’t have to take an Uber across town when you’re drunk
I’m sure there’s activities outside of Bud Light and music?
Maybe there’s food, too and shore activities.
Ok, the cons:
Even though you wouldn’t have to worry about the opposite sex trying to pick up your wife the same sex could be trying. I’m sure there’s quite a few single women on that cruise. It makes me wonder what the percentages are. I mean, does a single woman who lives in a po-dunky town that’s dated all of the fish in the small pond think, I’m gonna go on a Melissa Etheridge cruise and meet the woman of my life and get married.
Do you think they think that?
Then – they could possibly run out of Bud Light. I’m sure the company stock goes up during cruise times. Do they stop in different ports and load up on xtra Bud? Does Sarah M come on board with the Bud Light load in San Juan?
These are important questions, I know.
The cruise is for 8 days – that seems a bit long to be locked up on a boat with all lesbians. Plus, 8 days of Bud Light doesn’t seem appealing but – there’s always the shore excursions you can go on to get away – but I’m sure they cost $$.
Plus, your ex could be on board. (Mine is, actually – another reason I would never go on one of these – she’s always there – she’s the fish in the small pond scenario – really there to stalk Sonia Leigh – poor Sonia L – everywhere she goes there’s my ex stalking her. Oh well.)
Do you think there’s women who get on board and realize their ex is on the cruise, too, and they spend all their time trying to avoid or hide out from that person? Like this:
OMG there she is over by the stage left – when Halcyon comes on we are so outta here. Let’s go down and hide out in the casino.
I can’t believe you ever dated her – why is she here anyway. Hey did she ever pay you back the $20,000 she owes you?
No, and that’s probably how she could afford to go on this cruise and be with that ho-bag that’s all over her.
What, are you jealous?
Hell, no – we were never going to work.
Shit, I think she just looked right at me.
Nut-huh, she’s too busy licking that girl’s neck. Ew!
Don’t look now but here she comes!
I’m sure this happens on every cruise. I’m sure the people who work on that cruise need a year off in between cruises to recuperate from all the drama.
Do you think Sarah M and Melissa E meet up for drinks after and say, Did you see that one woman throw her Bud Light at the woman who threatened to jump off the ship if they didn’t get back together? I didn’t think we were going to make it this time, Melissa, I really didn’t.
I honestly don’t know why I keep doing this, Sarah. I keep hoping that I’ll meet the love of my life on one of these things but I’ve got a Chrome Plated Heart.