What does Melissa Etheridge think when she’s performing on an all-exclusive lesbian cruise? As women dance around in their bikini tops and cutoff jean shorts with their Bud Lights in cozies does she think, I’ve really made it, man!  If I die right now then my destiny will be fulfilled.

Do you think she thinks that?

There was a point where I thought it would be fun to go on one of those cruises. Melissa Etheridge, Sarah McLachlan and a few other notable mostly female artists play. I bet Sarah M is like, Yeah, pick me up in this port, I’ll play and be on to the next thing. I really doubt any of these artists stay around for the entire cruise.  I guess there would be some pros and cons to an all lesbian cruise. Let’s list them starting out with the pros first:

You wouldn’t have to worry about the opposite sex trying to pick up your wife

Lots of good music if you’re in to a mostly all women lineup

You have the biggest lesbian bar right there

You don’t have to take an Uber across town when you’re drunk

I’m sure there’s activities outside of Bud Light and music?

Maybe there’s food, too and shore activities.


Ok, the cons:

Even though you wouldn’t have to worry about the opposite sex trying to pick up your wife the same sex could be trying. I’m sure there’s quite a few single women on that cruise. It makes me wonder what the percentages are. I mean, does a single woman who lives in a po-dunky town that’s dated all of the fish in the small pond think, I’m gonna go on a Melissa Etheridge cruise and meet the woman of my life and get married.

Do you think they think that?

Then – they could possibly run out of Bud Light. I’m sure the company stock goes up during cruise times. Do they stop in different ports and load up on xtra Bud? Does Sarah M come on board with the Bud Light load in San Juan?

These are important questions, I know.

The cruise is for 8 days – that seems a bit long to be locked up on a boat with all lesbians. Plus, 8 days of Bud Light doesn’t seem appealing but – there’s always the shore excursions you can go on to get away – but I’m sure they cost $$.

Plus, your ex could be on board. (Mine is, actually – another reason I would never go on one of these – she’s always there – she’s the fish in the small pond scenario – really there to stalk Sonia Leigh – poor Sonia L – everywhere she goes there’s my ex stalking her. Oh well.)

Do you think there’s women who get on board and realize their ex is on the cruise, too, and they spend all their time trying to avoid or hide out from that person? Like this:

OMG there she is over by the stage left – when Halcyon comes on we are so outta here. Let’s go down and hide out in the casino.

I can’t believe you ever dated her – why is she here anyway. Hey did she ever pay you back the $20,000 she owes you?

No, and that’s probably how she could afford to go on this cruise and be with that ho-bag that’s all over her.

What, are you jealous?

Hell, no – we were never going to work.

Shit, I think she just looked right at me.

Nut-huh, she’s too busy licking that girl’s neck. Ew!

Don’t look now but here she comes!

I’m sure this happens on every cruise. I’m sure the people who work on that cruise need a year off in between cruises to recuperate from all the drama.

Do you think Sarah M and Melissa E meet up for drinks after and say, Did you see that one woman throw her Bud Light at the woman who threatened to jump off the ship if they didn’t get back together? I didn’t think we were going to make it this time, Melissa, I really didn’t.

I honestly don’t know why I keep doing this, Sarah. I keep hoping that I’ll meet the love of my life on one of these things but I’ve got a Chrome Plated Heart.




weekend chex mix

I think I mentioned in the last post that the magnolias have been blooming this time of year so last Friday Charlie and I went out and got a saucer magnolia and she planted it in the back yard for me in memory of my mother. It also so happened that we bought it on the same day as my step mother’s bday. We’ve been planting trees in memory of people lost. In addition to the magnolia, we planted two cherries in the front for both my mothers and a true red crape myrtle in the back for Emil’s sister.

Last week we had our guitar recital. All the classes with the school performed, but our class had to go first because we were guitar I. We played our asses off to Jet Plane and sat down and watched the rest of the groups perform.  Apparently, we had the most recently released song because the banjo group got up and played some song from the 1800’s. Charlie and Kim came to watch (Kim made it to one class/jam session and decided to not come back and talked the instructor hippy lady into retaking it in May). Kim was clapping along and having a good time and Charlie was looking on wide-eyed like, You weren’t kidding when you said they play old hillbilly songs. WTH!? I was glad to be done with it to be honest. Emil had been coming over on Fridays and playing a bit and I learn a lot more doing that than anything. Thursday, it was pouring it’s ass off outside and we stayed in. Friday we had Emil over to play and then Link showed up with a couple bottles of tequila and it was on. Despite throwing down I made 100% on my midterm the next day. The weekend was so beautiful and we were outside most of it.

This weekend Bernice and Ralph are supposed to be in town so we’re hoping to do an oyster happy hour somewhere. Saturday we’re wide open and I’m hoping the weather is going to be decent while they’re here. I know it’s going to be much cooler than it was last weekend. That’s March for you! Next week we’re getting out of town for a few days to take the dogs to a cabin next to a river. I’m hoping to do a little fishing while we’re there and we got the dogs a couple of swim toys to play with in the river. This is part I of our take-the-dogs-on-vacation in a III part series so stay tuned for cute dog photos.

If I don’t talk to you before then have a great weekend! Cheers!

Skipping stones (school), we know the price now

I’m back! That’s saying something because I didn’t know when I’d be back again.

I skipped school today to hang out and play guitars with Emil. Well, it didn’t originally start out that way – I was all ready to go to school when Emil asked us if we wanted to go to breakfast and Charlie took a picture of the BLT w/egg sandwich she just made us and asked if Emil wanted one and she said she’d be right over. Emil never going anywhere without her guitar, walked in with it saying she needed to change some strings before playing this song she wrote about her sister.

I think this is a sad time for both of us. Her sister passed around this time of year in early 2000. My mom’s birthday was Valentine’s Day and this time of year I always think of her because of the magnolia’s blooming. So, every time I’ve passed a blooming magnolia this week my heart gives a little twang like my uneven chords of Leaving on a Jet Plane.

So, yeah – I’ve been a bit blue lately even though the weather has been fantastic here.

Emil played her song and it was very beautiful – I can’t post it because it’s still a work in progress and she wants to surprise her family with it. Also, I don’t think I have a video of it. But, when I get permission I will post it here. I thought I would lose it crying when I listened to it – the words are very sad but the chords give it lively twist so it was a good balance.

We then tuned our guitars to work on this song – it was pretty great. Despite going back to guitar school our teacher hadn’t really covered strumming rhythms (we glanced off it briefly the other night but we had to move on to some other old cowboy song in the key of A.

“I will hold up the fingers 1, 4 & 5 while we play Bury me under the Weeping Willow, 1, 2, 3 hit it!”

We went on to Am and Em chords after that and I think she was trying to make us play something like Jambalaya or was it the Crawdad song? It was one of those songs from my great grandmother’s time when I said, One of the Indigo Girls songs is in the chords of Em and Am – Kid Fears.

“Oh, I don’t know them.”

That’s when I knew this lady was certifiably crazy. What artist in their right mind wouldn’t know The Indigo Girls -especially living in Atlanta? I mean, they are everywhere here not to mention almost all the acoustic guitar players I know play at least one of their songs.

Now I know in the last post I said I would never go see them again – it’s not that I don’t like them – I love them and it will be my ultimate goal in my guitar playing career to master Closer to Fine.

I’ll always love them but I’ve seen them more than I’ve seen any other artist and life is just too short to keep listening to the same people over and over again when there are millions more artists to discover.

So Emil and I played songs that we KNOW (that were recorded post 1975 not including Jet Plane – 1969). It makes it so much easier to learn if you can anticipate the lyrics from songs you’ve heard previously. We’re going to work on about three songs to play together and guess what?

They’re Indo Girls songs. HA! Well, two of them are.

Our guitar recital is next Wednesday night and Emil and I went over Jet Plane. I’m totally going to play it every damn day until then. I couldn’t just bail on the last two weeks of class because mostly I didn’t want to leave my friend Yolanda with the only other two students in the class who seem like they can barely eck out an A chord. So, I decided to go back. The other night, after the teacher said she didn’t know The Indigo Girls she ended class abruptly after a final run-thru of Worried Man Blues to dash downstairs for the old-folks-jam session. I think Yolanda and I realized that we’re way too young for this banjo picking set and we knew none of the songs. Honestly, they reminded me of being in Indiana again watching the flies buzz over cow manure in the field. It just never gave me a great mental image.

We were packing up and I started talking to this other lady in our class – she’s the song writer. (which, I admire someone who wants to learn guitar so they can write songs but it amazes me that someone can write a song without actually playing an instrument). She said this was her second time taking the beginner class and she said she ran into another woman in Guitar II who said she took I four times before making it to II.

Again, I thought, Not me sister…..

I went downstairs and Yolanda was waiting for me next to her Porsche SUV – I had to say that – it’s an amazing vehicle but even if I were rich I still wouldn’t spend that much money on a car – a boat, maybe, but not a car. I digress.

She asked me if I was all ready for the recital next week and I said, I was. I told her about talking to the song writing woman and her telling me about it being her second time in I and the other lady. We both agreed that we have the “concept” of playing in the keys of A, D, G, E, Em and holding up fingers that if we practiced on our own we’d have it. So, I’ll be on my way. Dream about the days to come and playing a more modern pallet.

away and this year

I felt like I got a lot accomplished this past weekend. I got ahead on a lot of homework and filed our taxes. Despite liking doing the taxes every year it still gives me quite a bit of anxiety before I finish them. I never know what they’re going to look like, if we’ll get anything back or have to owe. Especially, this year with all the new tax laws – although, I don’t think any of those affect us because we’re not millionaires.

Charlie and I are planning a couple of out of town trips this Spring. One is firmed up and the other I’m looking in to. Both trips include taking the dogs. That will probably be the extent of our trips this year as I can’t miss too much school. I will probably look into taking several stay-ca’s this year which will still be relaxing. I hope to get out and do a little trout fishing this year. This is something I think I’m going to do every year and then it never happens. A friend of mine’s husband is a fellow angler and every year when we see each other at Super Bowl we always say we need to get out and go fishing. I’ve already looked at the stocking times and rivers and plan on trying to get out there as early as March. March – mid-April is really the best times because it’s still cool. When it gets hot outside those fish dive to the bottom and are hard to coax out.

I just love when you have friends who read your blog and every time they tell you something they have to preface it with “Don’t put this on your blog”. It’s a double-edged sword having people you know read your blog.

But, I am not a professor and will not lecture people about their lives and choices. I have only myself and my family (which, I will preface with the family I have chosen not my blood family) to worry about.

It’s a large temptation of mine – getting involved. I’ve had to tell myself several times – don’t get involved. Worry about your own shit and stay out of others. That’s one of the NY resolutions. Others are:

I will not see The Indigo Girls for the 45th time. I will pursue hearing new music.

I will not let my sister or father hurt me and I will remain non-emotional when I speak to them. I will not give them details about my life so they can criticize.

I think the whole sex-change thing was the last straw for me. The last two conversations I’ve had with my sister she’s said she’s taken food down to our father and I never commented on it. She’s asked me what I’ve been up to and I’ve said just work.

Take more breaks from social media – honestly, I have been a little tempted to uninstall FB from my phone – especially, in light of everything that’s happened in the news. I get staying in touch with people and events but there’s a time when it’s just too much negativity and the need to take care of yourself.

I guess that’s enough resolutions for now. How are your resolutions going?


tuesday chex

The time of reckoning came. What I had been waiting for to happen for a whole year finally came – I got my yearly review. And, it was good.

Big exhale.

I was prepared for battle, believe me. My boss waited until the last moment to do mine last Friday afternoon – over the phone. That’s fine – he’s kind of a gutless twat. All I was looking for was the “meaningful impact” which is higher than the somewhat impact I got last year. Upon further investigation I was told everyone got the same rating (we were all evaluated as a team) and no one got the highest rating like I suspected they wanted. I was happy that we were all evaluated on the same plane and no one got more of a rating than others, more of a bonus structure, etc.

Now that that’s out of the way I can breathe easier and just hang out here until I get further through cyber security school before I start looking again. I mentioned in the past I’m in this computer basics class – that although I know most of the basics some of it stumps me from time to time – like the UNIX lab we did last weekend. My favorite class is the other one – the hardware class. We cover a part of the inside of a computer every week. Last week we talked about the processors and wattage tonight we’re going to talk about hard drives.

So, I dug out my old Macbook Pro – this is an early 2008 15” running OS X. After several attempts I finally got the thing to turn on. It ran and I played around with all the programs, it connected to the internet but the fan runs constantly on the thing. I suspect is has years of dust that has collected in it. I’ve been doing a ton of research on switching out the hard drive to a SSD and putting in more RAM. That all seems pretty straightforward but then I started looking into replacing the motherboard. That’s a whole other ball of wax. I plan on picking my prof’s brain on that tonight when I get to class. I think it would be a good little home project to do is switch out the hard drive and replace the ram.

I’ve bailed on the last two guitar classes – I mean, why would I want to go play Leaving on a Jet plane all night compared to having V-Day dinner with my wife? So, I don’t know if I’ll be back there. I plan on working on some stuff this weekend while Charlie is away if I can get all the homework completed that I need to. I’m going for all A’s this semester so I need to keep my GPA up and that’s way more important than Jet plane right now.

So, on that note I’ve gotta fly – cheers and have a great weekend if I don’t talk to you before then!


rainy day chex mix

It’s a disgustingly rainy day here in Atlanta. Not just a light drizzle that you would expect from Atlanta winters but a FULL ON downpour with thunder chiming in from time to time saying, “SO THERE” and “TAKE THAT!” 

Yesterday, when I was inside all day and had class that night it was beautiful, of course. 63 degrees and sunny. -SIGH- It was the first really nice day we’d had since last Saturday and it was cold even then.

We had a great Super Bowl and the turn out was what most of us wanted. Link was still there in her NE scarf but she held back on the jersey this year – maybe because she had a premonition that they would lose? We had a ton of food and a medium crowd – around 15-16 people. Remember the couple that messed up our spare room three Super Bowl’s ago? They came – this was the first they have been back since that night. And, miraculously they’re married now. (and, no, they didn’t stay this time)

So, I have a new guitar to take to class with me [to play leaving on a jet plane]. Well, it’s new to me. LB is letting me borrow it while I’m taking classes because she just got a new guitar. This one is a little damaged – it has a crack in the side but it still plays well and the crack doesn’t go all the way through (don’t ask me how that happened). She said I could have it since she didn’t need two but I just asked to borrow it. Anyway, it’s a big improvement over that Ibanez I’d been playing that Lee left at my house after we broke up. (I think I’m even going to gift that thing to someone in our neighborhood who wants it)

This Friday we’re going to go see our friend Hannah play for her birthday bash at Eddie’s. Last year when she had it Charlie was sick and couldn’t go so Benji went instead. Hannah always has a full band of rocking women behind her on her birthday bash so we’re looking forward to it.

I broke down and got a flu shot today. There’s only two other people in the office I work and one of them has the flu. So, hopefully I will dodge the bullet. Well, that’s all I got right now – I just wanted to pop in and say hi. Have a great rest of the week and stay dry if you’re in the ATL.





leaving on a jet plane

Guitar lessons are not what I hoped them to be.

Our teacher in guitar looks like a hippie from the ‘70’s – in fact, I’m sure she was a hippie in the ‘70’s – and we keep working on these chords which you would expect guitar lessons to be. She has a strange way of presenting – the best I can explain is that say we play something in the key of A then A= I, D=IV, E =V

Does that make any sense to any of you guitar players out there?

Then, the key of D is D= I, A = IV, A7 = V

What is with the Roman numerals, lady? If you want me to play the chords of D, A & A7 just say so instead of arbitrarily writing these Roman numerals on the dry erase board and testing us on this. I’m a bit fed up to be honest. Last night we played the key of G (since we just learned G & C last week) and it was this: G= I, C = IV, D = V then we had to play this tune in this order: I, IV, I, V, then the next line I, IV, I-IV-I-V the dashes between being switching the chords quicker like a quarter note as opposed to a half note.

It was hard enough just to switch between the chords quickly let alone having to just remember what the IV, V was – especially since we just did something in the key of A. I admit I’m not memorizing the Roman numeral/chord/key correlation quick enough.

Again, does any of this make any sense to you guitar players out there? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

To top it all off – all we’ve been playing in class are these old songs. She even mentioned some old cowboy song last night and I groaned inwardly. In the last class recap email she said to start practice playing these songs in the key of A – Bury Me Under the Weeping Willow and Hello Mary Lou.

There is a list of songs online (229 to be exact) that were made in this last century in the key of A we could be playing instead of some songs that were released in 1927 and 1961.

The second half of the class we’re all supposed to go downstairs and jam out with the old people. There’s always some guy standing up front announcing the songs we’re going to play in some key and he holds up fingers that correlate to the Roman numerals. The last two classes my friend, Yolanda and I have been skipping the jamboree. The last week of class we’re supposed to have a recital and play – get this: Leaving on a Jet plane (1967 – at least we’re getting more recent here).

Honestly, I feel like we should be attempting to play more recent songs and the last 30 minutes that have been devoted to a jam session downstairs should be cut to 15 minutes with an extra 15 added on to our lesson. Last night the teacher, Shelly, said that if we didn’t learn all the 7 and minor chords by the end of the remaining 4 weeks then we probably wouldn’t be ready for Guitar Repertoire next semester and that we’d probably have to take Guitar I over again.

Not me, sister.

I’m not playing Leaving on a jet plane another 8 weeks. I keep looking at online guitar lessons by Fender (and they have all kinds of recent songs to play) and wondering if that’s a better option for next semester. Regardless, Yolanda and I have both said we’re done with Guitar I down there after the semester is over – we’re both flying outta there onna jet plane.



an inflated sense of the future

So last week it dumped a bunch of snow on us in the middle of the night when it was, like,        21 ° outside and it remained so for two days. You can imagine what people in Georgia were doing…..

Schools, businesses, state offices were closed the remaining week. By Friday it was a balmy 51 and all the crap had melted and we went to our friend’s Holly and Darren’s down the street for homemade pizza. Since Darren got this pizza oven, Fridays have been a standing pizza date with them. We bailed on the last two invites – the last because other friends Brianna and Keith were wanting to watch this really weird film – Charlie and I aren’t really movie people – especially weird movie people. They watched this movie and talked about how weird it was – I guess sometimes you just need to watch something weird to talk about something weird? Speaking of weird…

I think basketball fans are weird. We all know that basketball isn’t Lanie’s sport of choice. One year an ex of Lanie’s had box seats to the – what’s the basketball team here – oh, The Hawks -where everything was paid for including booze and food and asked if Lanie wanted to go and of course the answer was no. No amount of hotdogs and Budlight could make Lanie want to watch 7 foot men dunking balls for three hours.

Speaking of balls…….

That effing Brady is in the Super Bowl again. That’s going to be his name from now on – That Effing Brady (TEB). I was really nice when I sent out the party invites, though. Instead of, Let’s beat effing Brady party I said, Our 6th annual Super Bowl party.

Charlie and I don’t actually KNOW if it’s the 6th one since we lost count ages ago but 6 sounds good. We all want the Eagles to win (except for Link)– and try as I might I couldn’t find an image of an eagle flying away with TEB in its talons. And, we won’t hear from Brady’s wife unless they lose. What’s her name? Gizelle? Do you pronounce that Jiz-zell? Or GAAAAAAA-zell? Or should we just call her hooved animal wife (HAW)?

And we all know that HAW will have a lot to say to people if TEB loses because he’s such a [female part slang] that he needs her to stick up for him. Here’s what HAW had to say about TEB’s balls, too.

But, I think he CAN, HAW! Ok, HAW and TEB are going to be old news soon so I’ll move on. Has anyone tried that Marco Polo ap? It’s hilarious! Stiletto (who is secretly rooting for the EAGLES) turned us on to it and we’ve been chatting back and forth. I love the voice changing button – it looks like a flexing arm and when you push that it makes your voice sound like this:

It really should be called the RuPaul button. The other two buttons helium and robot are ok but the RuPaul button is really the best. It’s kinda scary in a way because Charlie said this would be our real voices should we ever get on testosterone and change our sexes – Ok, but – why would we do that? Where did this subject come from? Lanie is very comfortable in her skin and with her sex. There’s NO WAY after going through all this menopause shit that Lanie would want to complicate things even more by wanting to sew on some appendage and have to pump it up –

-here we go with airing things up, again – we just can’t get away from this, can we?

Ok, well I will just wrap this up and say have a happy Tuesday and please if you’re a Patriots fan don’t let those heads get too inflated.



The first week of school went off without a hitch. My first class was Tuesday evening. I made it to school in plenty of time to eat my salad in the car and hang out until class started. This class is hardware installation and maintenance. In short, we take computers apart and put them back together and learn about what all the stuff inside them do.

The class was pretty full and we went around the room and introduced ourselves. Then, the professor went over the syllabus and talked about grading and assignments. I felt a little like his lecture on turning stuff in on time and not missing class was for the benefit of the youngsters in there.

After about an hour lecture on chapter one we broke into groups to identify some of the internal parts of a computer. I had a young guy named Trey and a woman who was probably way younger than the dark circles under her eyes did her justice. Later, she said she worked at the Publix down the street evaluating their milk. I didn’t know what to say to that – I didn’t know they had milk evaluators and looking at milk all day long could certainly be the cause of those dark circles. I just said, I hear they have great benefits there.

The next evening I had my first guitar class. The first part of the evening is devoted to class and the second is a meetup downstairs for everyone to have a jam session. There are banjo, mandolin, fiddle, ukulele and singing classes going on there at the same time. A mutual friend of our neighbors down the street – Kim was taking the class as well as a friend of hers, Yolanda. Our class consisted of myself, her, Yolanda and two other women as well as the instructor lady named Shelly.

So, Wednesday evening I pulled up at the church after Kim texted me she was there. We stood out in the parking lot and talked while she smoked a cigarette. She was going on and on about not having a guitar case and feeling weird about just carrying the guitar in as-is.

Just order one on Amazon, I said.

I don’t know what kind to get because this is a slim guitar.

I mean, this isn’t the only slim guitar ever made I think you could find one.

Hers was a Yamaha slim both acoustic and electric. I liked it and picked it up a few times during the evening to strum but would get frustrated because it had no strap on it. She was dragging a strap behind her when she carried the guitar in to practice and had to explain to several people that this was a special strap because it was autographed by a favorite musician of hers that when asked who it was no one acted like they knew who this person was – myself included.

Well, put the strap on then, I said.

I don’t know how it goes.

Well, get the instructor lady to show you.

By the time the instructor lady put it on class was over and when I picked it up to strum again the strap fell off.

Girl, just go frame that strap and hang it on the wall and get something practical that will hold your guitar on while you stand up and play.

Yolanda had shown up late to the class and by then we were already past the D and A7 chords. I think she was also subjected to the strap story. So, we learned D, A7, A and E and if we get proficient in those chords then we can all play and sing Leaving on a Jet Plane. I like how no one cares how bad you sing, either. We’re all just trying to play and sing along best we can.

Saturday, I had my second class which was computer basics. This was the class I tried to test out of but missed by 10 points. The instructor basically just went over the syllabus and lectured on the importance of attendance and doing the homework and cut us loose. I was thinking that maybe I should have taken a third class as this one is starting to seem like it’s going to be a cake walk but we’ll see.





a resolution

I’m really tired of my biological family b.s. It makes me glad I live three states away from them. My sister called yesterday. I take about every third call of her and it really depends on my mood whether I answer or not. I’ve been going through menopause lately so it makes my emotions run a little high at times. The gym and cutting back on the alcohol has helped a bit but she still gets under my skin.

So, yesterday I answered and let her prattle on and on about her job and her dog and having a party for all the people at her office that got let go prior to Christmas. (Of course, she didn’t get let go). There weren’t any questions about how our holiday was, how the boys and their spouse/gf were, what we cooked, what we ate, where we went – no-thing. I’m was waiting for her to get to the part of going to see our father. Since our step mother passed this last summer she’s been going down there to see him once a week. She takes him food that he doesn’t eat and complains about it. I ask why she even bothers if he won’t eat it and she says she doesn’t know maybe if she puts it in certain containers he’ll eat it – like that makes a lot of sense. I could give a rat’s @ss to be honest – at this point in my life I feel like they both deserve each other.

She tells me she took him to friends of ours house for lunch the other day- Jack and Lilly. They have been friends of our family since they were all in kindergarten. In fact, they grew up together as my sister and I grew up with their children. Their youngest son, Doug, has taken over the family farming business and is the one that farms my deceased grandparent’s land – the land that my sister, father and I fight over. So, during lunch Dad goes outside to talk to Jack about some piece of shit farm equipment or some stupid MAN stuff and Lilly and my sister talk. It’s then that Lilly tells Jan that she heard from Dad that I had a sex reassignment surgery and that I had asked him for $25,000 for the surgery.


Jan (I hope) said she set her straight and it wasn’t true but Lilly said Dad had been the one going around telling everyone about my sex change and asking him to pay for it. She went on to say that when they were leaving one of Lilly’s daughters pulled up and Dad didn’t know who she was. I asked her if we should have him committed. She said, Oh, he’s not that bad, yet.

Ok, let’s just everyone stay in denial about everything.

Denial about Mom’s cancer.

Denial about Step Mom’s cancer.

Denial about Dad’s Dementia.

Denial about every. Fucking. thing.

Let’s just play the denial game over and over again until something happens and we’re SHOCKED.

Man, I get so sick of it. I texted my cousin, Jake and told him that whatever he heard I have not had a sex reassignment surgery.

Normally, Jake takes a while to answer texts. He’s a busy IT guy running his own company and taking care of a sick husband but he answered right away.

I would have thought it would have come up in conversation by now so I wouldn’t believe it – who’s saying it?

Dad apparently – Jan was at lunch with Jack and Lilly and Lilly said something.

Oh, well I can’t see your dad talking anything about sex – I doubt if he’s ever uttered that word his whole life – you sure this isn’t coming from Lilly – she could be the one losing her marbles.

I could see that. Lilly is a huge gossiper and loves to stir up shit. I wouldn’t even put it past her to be a huge homophobe, too.

Yeah, she ran in the other direction when she saw me at Jo’s funeral.

I do recall Lilly gossiping quite a bit during the time I was in Indiana both before and after the funeral.

There was some speculation from Jan that Jo could have told Dad that in her moment of delirium from the morphine prior to passing. Even so – would you want to spread rumors of your daughter having a sex change surgery without even VERIFYING it first?

Regardless of everything I still can’t believe it. No one there has been able to comprehend my changing my first and last name. I always hated my first name and when mom passed I thought it the appropriate time. My first name is more androgynous and my last name is my mother’s maiden name. For years when my father cut the farm check to me he refused to make it out to my new name. This was even years after I had changed my name. I always had to sign it over to my new name before cashing it. I told my step mother over and over again to make sure he made it out to my NEW NAME. It’s only been a few years that it actually got made out to the correct name but only because the checks started coming directly from Doug and I instructed him to make them out to either my company or my new name.

Although, some have [stupidly] thought [an ex, my entire home town minus my gay cousin] that because I took a more androgynous first name that I wanted to become a man. Hello, there are plenty of other women with my name that are still women.

Just because I like my first name doesn’t mean that I want to change my sex. But, whatever – I’m done talking to them for another few weeks. This New Year I don’t want to let them get under my skin any longer or if they do they won’t know it. In fact, I find it would be amusing to get under my sisters skin for a change. Wonder how I can do that. But, alas I won’t have time because I’m starting school and guitar lessons next week. Guess it will have to be later.