Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely)

After having such a fantastic time together the previous weekend Lee and I started off the week very close. Very, very close. There were phone conversations, texts and a dinner date at my house on Wednesday evening to which she stayed the night. By yesterday I was kind of worn out from my busy work week. Two evenings this week I did landscape work and this weekend I have to teach a motorcycle class. The earlier sweet nothings turned to

“I have to go to sleep now.”

“But, we just got on the phone.”

“I know but you’re rustling around and banging stuff in my ear and I’m over it and going to sleep.”

So, one minute I love you and the next is leave me alone. Maybe I should have skipped the Wednesday evening date at my house this week since it was so busy. I don’t know, though, if we started skipping dates during the week on weekends I work or am out of town then we would never see each other. Again, I think less is more in any dating situation – to keep it fresh. To miss each other. To not get on each other’s ever last nerve and speaking of last nerves. [can you tell I’m about ready to start?]

I am one of those people that 90% of the time when I say I’m going to do something I f-ing DO it. Unless it’s something like if I win the lotto I’m going to buy a Ducati 999 and a Porsche Carrera that kind of thing. For months Lee’s been complaining about her company phone duplicating text messages. She keeps talking about trading it in for another, getting another phone or even changing her personal phone’s service. In fact, this has been going since December [when we met] and do you think she’s done anything to change this? No. Almost every day she comments on receiving a duplicate text from me. I finally told her this week that I was tired of hearing about it. It’s actually starting to drive me nuts, in fact. I’ve even started to nag her every time she brings it up I reply that if she had an iPhone or better phone service this wouldn’t happen.

And, what makes it so bad is the woman works for a telecom company. That’s like me saying I’m a motorcycle instructor but ride a 1976 moped. Seriously.

Another thing that’s on my nerves is for two weeks in a row she’s talked about going to Savannah the following weekend. She was supposed to go last weekend but she stayed and we were both glad she did but the reason she didn’t go was that she decided that she was going to go this weekend instead. Well, now it’s she can’t decide if she’s going or not. One minute she’s going the next is she doesn’t know then no she’s not going. I don’t really care at this point I just am tired of hearing about it. Either make a decision or shut up about it. I know that sounds harsh but I’m also one of those people that don’t find it very difficult to make decisions and people who cannot get on my nerves.

So, you can see some of the reasons why I distance myself from Lee from time to time is because some of it is stuff that drives me crazy and the other is just my stuff and I need time to cool out about. I have gotten better with timing when I talk to her. For instance, the other night I was in a mood. My results came back from my doctor’s office and there are some things I need to work on. I wasn’t in a good mood when she called. I knew she was concerned about my results and was calling to consol me which, I knew was sweet and thoughtful but midway into the conversation she was trying to joke and I didn’t feel like it and it led to her saying something that really annoyed me. I can’t even remember what it was, really. Hell, she could have said, “You are so beautiful and I love you very much.” and I would have found something to be annoyed about her saying that – that was the kind of mood I was in. I suddenly cut off the conversation and said, “Can I call you back, I have to load all my equipment.” And she said, “Oh, yeah, no problem.” It was true I did have to load up the truck because I was heading to a client’s house and was late, actually – another reason I was in a fizz. All not her fault and my own stuff so I’m glad I handled that the way I did instead of just going off on her.

Things like this make me wonder if I will ever actually be in a long term relationship, even cohabitate with my partner again. If I will just be one of those people that will go from relationship to relationship only being with someone until all their little nuances get to me so much that it’s time to move on. I know to some that may seem very sad and unfulfilling but to me it’s actually not all that bad. Maybe a compromise of being together and living in separate places or having two places to go to each having a place to go when they need to be alone.

Text just now from Lee: “When will you be done tonight”

Me [thinking] WHEN I’M DONE, WOMAN replying “I don’t know”

Guess this means she’s not going to Savannah. Which means, all weekend I will get – “When do you have to be at work? When are you done? When are you home?” When, when, when?

-and my answers are “Early, when we’re finished, when I get there.”

I think I will go buy that lotto ticket.
No, I know I will!


One thought on “Leave Me Alone (I’m Lonely)

  1. i feel ya. my guy is in grad school and haaates it. he’s been whining about it since it started, in Aug of 09. i’m of the “if you don’t like something, fix it” variety. he’s more “let’s talk this through- i don’t want to regret anything. did i mention that i’m miserable yet?” variety.

    writing the above just made me realize that i’m starting to whine (about him) as much as he does. well, crap.

    good luck.


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