I have a handle on it.
This week and I hope it lasts.
What I mean by that is that I feel in control this week, like I’m doing all the things I need to be doing and I’m focused. I know there are weeks that I feel the complete opposite. That I’m screwing up. Last week was one of those weeks where I felt like I was screwing up all week. It possibly had to do with the monthly timing, I know.
I had all my doctor’s appointments and the tests from the specialist came back ok so I’m good to go. I just need to get my cholesterol down and by doing so I need to eat better and work out more. I’ve already cut out red meat the last two weeks and it’s really made a difference in how I feel – despite the fact that I desperately crave a cheeseburger. Perhaps I can compromise with a lean turkey burger instead.
I also feel like Lee and I are on track again. Yesterday, she bought a new phone. I was very happy about it. Although, there are a few other things I had to nip in the bud. For instance, the other night Florida came up again. Like the cell phone, I am really tired of this topic. I have told her how I feel about it. I finally nipped it in the bud and said that if she went down to Florida even as “friends” that I was going to see other people. Sorry I’m serious about this. I’m not waiting around to find out later that she has decided that she has feelings for this girl or pick up the pieces if something happens between them. It’s either right here, right now or nothing and I told her that she had to make a choice or I was [gone] going to see other people, too. She said that I was right about not trusting Florida and that it could have an impact on our relationship and that she didn’t want to do anything to mess it up and apologized for bringing her up again.
[Smiling] “So you have them lined up, do you?”
[Smiling back] “You know, I have my Florida’s, too……………… you just don’t know about them.”
That seemed to take her back a step. I was amused by the look on her face and just kept smiling. Yes, I have had more opportunities to date recently. However, I have made a choice and it’s Lee. Like a friend of mine recently said, “I don’t have the emotional energy for more than one woman at a time.” I agree, I don’t, either. I have too many other things to focus on and even at times it’s a juggling match to date even one person, work two jobs and keep up the household chores. I think Lee finally realized how easily she could be replaced if she kept up the Florida game –
-and if she only knew how I love a woman in uniform. (who I work with on a daily basis I might add)