mixed hues

Lee and I just got back from vacation at Pensacola Beach. I must say it was probably one of the best vacations I’ve had there despite a few setbacks.

We started down there Tuesday evening but by Montgomery, AL we had ran out of steam and checked in to a hotel. The next morning after hitting the continental breakfast we took off for Florida again pulling in at almost high noon. We were meeting my friend, Sheila and her recently gotten back together with girlfriend, Rachael. They had been there since Monday evening but Sheila had been doing work stuff the entire time they had been there. She had just gotten a new job and was in training and on conference calls almost the entire week we were there only finishing up early Friday afternoon.

So, what does that tell you?

You’re correct – Lee and I got stuck entertaining Rachael while Sheila did work stuff. So, every day we’re on the beach with Rachael and at least two evenings Rachael went to dinner with us because Sheila was either studying or not feeling well.

“Is she going to hang out with us the entire time?” – Lee

“I hope not. I’m going to propose a date night because I want some one-on-one time with you.” – me

Really the only reason that I invited Sheila was because it made the accommodations and the trip itself more affordable to share a room plus, she had asked if she could go and at the time I thought it would be fun. We had been to Pensacola before and had always had a great time. Then, her and Rachael got back together and it ended up being the four of us in a room. In looking back, I will probably never do that again.

One afternoon, Lee and I managed to escape and [run] walk across the street and do a little shopping and have a frozen drink. When we got back to the hotel we were met with “Where did you guys go?”

I felt like I was in high school again having to check in. “We just walked across the street and did a little shopping and had a drink.”

“Oh, well you should have called us – we would have gone with you.”

‘Right, ok if you can’t get the hint I will help you out here’, I thought.

“Oh, well I just thought you girls wanted some alone time. I know you’ve been working a lot. In fact, I was thinking tonight we’d have date night and you two can have a nice dinner together and Lee and I would meet up with you later for a drink.”

“No, we want to hang with you guys tonight.” Sheila replied for the two of them. I got the feeling that Rachael wouldn’t have minded having a night alone with Sheila but I wasn’t going to get involved.

“Well, I – “ Just then Lee elbowed me in the side and did a small shake of the head like ‘you’re going to lose this battle tonight.’ –“ok, where do you want to go?”

Friday morning Lee and I got up and went down to breakfast. “Where do you want to go after breakfast?” I asked.

“I don’t know – you want to go somewhere?”

“Yes, I want some alone time with you even if it means possibly pissing them off. Plus, we can’t go back to the room anyway because Sheila is taking that test.”

So, we walked across the street and went exploring some more. There were shops and restaurants that were not yet open. We took pictures and walked down by the water and I spied a boat/jet ski rental place. “Let’s go check this place out.”

We went over and go the rates for the boats, jet skis and parasailing. “Do you want to rent a jet ski?” I asked Lee.

“Sure, I’ve never done it before. Why not?”

We had to run back to the hotel and grab out bathing suits and make a mad dash back. “If they ask what we’re doing just say we don’t know but we came back to grab our suits and suntan lotion just in case.”  We did just that and ended up having a fabulous time. We rented it for an hour and raced back and forth in the inlet and twice we stopped, shut down and jumped off to swim, tread water and talk. Finally, we saw a red flag telling us to come in and we hopped back on and rode in.

Afterwards, we had frozen drinks at the bar next door, talked and then shopped.  Later, we leisurely made our way back to the hotel after 3:00 and found the two of them on the beach asking where we had been [again]. I was getting tired of this constant check-in but said, “We went jet skiing, had frozen drinks and then went shopping.” I grabbed Lee’s hand and showed matching mood rings. [which, were both blue at the time].

“Oh, we were thinking we’d go to Crabs tonight for dinner.”

So much for date night. I looked at my mood ring and it started to turn amber. Saturday we packed up all our beach stuff, called a cab to take us to the gay beach and stayed down there all day. Both Rachael and Sheila seemed very moody but Lee and I both ignored it. I grabbed her hand and said, “Let’s go walk” Which, we did.

That evening Sheila complained of a headache when we got back to the room and said she needed to lay down. Rachael asked if she could go out to dinner with us. I said, “Sure.” even though I really wanted at least one evening out with Lee alone while we were there. I actually felt sorry for Rachael. We sat outside by the water and ate oysters and listened to a band that was starting to play next door. Lee and I started playing a game of guessing the artist/band of each song. Rachael decided to take a salad to Sheila and  left us to go do just that. I was relieved. “Finally, we get out date night.”

The next morning Sheila and Rachael decided to leave a day early. “I fly out on Tuesday for business so I need to get back and get ready for the trip.” Sheila said. I thought for one horrible second that Rachael was going to stay behind with us.

“Are you sure?” I asked and then Lee and I helped them take all their stuff down to Sheila’s car and pack up. As they pulled away from the hotel and Lee and I waved I said, “Thank Goddess! We have the place all to ourselves.”

The last day Lee and I sat on the beach, rode bikes to lunch, swam at the hotel pool and had drinks at the Tiki bar. That night we never made it out of the hotel room to dinner.


meerkat love

I think I’ve finally almost hit a wall with burnout. Today, I rolled out of bed and started fantasizing about going to the beach next week. I couldn’t believe it was right around the corner. “Yes, I can make it.” I thought as I slipped into my flip flops and went into the kitchen to pour some coffee.

Last Sunday I was able to get out of my motorcycle class early and head to the pool hall for the Qualifier Cup playoffs my team was in. We were to play this team that my friend, Edith, used to play on and quit.

“Are you going to be there tonight?”

“Hell no. I quit that team, remember?”

“Well, I know but you’re still part of the season that your team qualified.”

“I told them I didn’t want to play because Bunny was just being too much of a psycho.”

Backstory: Bunny is short of Bunny Boiler and is the name we gave this girl on Edith’s team that has a big crush on her.  (She’s also an ex gf of my team Captain, Mick and has an ex on Edith’s Thursday night team – yes, the girl gets around in the pool shooting community.) When Edith refused to go out with her Bunny started doing all kinds of text/phone call harassment.

As I was warming up with my team, Mick, pulled me outside and said that I was going to play Kristeen (Bunny) and am I ok with that. The question kind of threw me off because as far as I knew the captain didn’t have any idea of the nickname we have given her ex and why or any of the backstory from above.

“Sure, I’m fine with it.” I knew I could take her and that she was one of those people who over-thought their shots when they got freaked out about something. All I needed was the opportunity to make my famous bank shot and the match would be mine.  I also wanted to stir the pot a little. I went inside I asked Nat very loudly if Edith was coming. Nat got all big-eyed and shook her head and said out of the corner of her mouth “No, tell you later.” I looked over at Bunny and gave her a thousand yard stare with my icy blue eyes. Bunny got up to go get a drink. Yes, I would have no problems beating her that day if it came to it.

But, it didn’t. Both teams had to win the best out of 5 individual matches to win. We lost our first match and the Bunny team whooped and cheered and danced. We won the next one and did the same right back. The third match Mick went out. Since she’s ranked a 6 and her opponent a 5 she had to win 5 games and the opponent 4. It continued to be a tie – we would win one game and the other would win one. At some point our team was up by two games when I caught some movement out of the corner of my eye. I looked over and Bunny had a stuffed animal out.

I nudged Nat and said,

“What the hell is that?”

“It’s a meerkat. The team mascot.”

Just then we heard Bunny scold the stuffed meerkat saying “You better start bringing us better luck or else.”

“Oh.My.God.” I said, as Nat and I both picked up our phones and started texting Edith at the same time.

Text to Edith: “Omg bunny has a stuffed animal now. A meerkat. Apparently, it was ur team’s mascot and it’s not doing them any good so bunny had to have a talk with it.”

From Edith: “SHUT UP! You are lying. U r so lying.”

“Honest Abe.” I wrote back and Nat wrote “She’s not lying.”

Edith: “THANK GOD I am no longer on that team……I would be dying of embarrassment by now.”

Bunny then proceeded over to the tournament area – which, the only people who were allowed in that area while in play was the players and the scorekeepers. Bunny’s coach took the meerkat away from her sitting it on the bar and shooed her out of the playing area before my team could say anything.

“We have to steal that thing.” Me

“How? It’s in the playing area?” Nat

“We’re going to steal it and duct tape it to the roof of my truck when we win this thing.”

“Maybe Dee will steal it for us she’s been over there keeping score anyway.”

Just then Dee walked by with a pitcher of beer. I grabbed her and Nat and I told her what was up.

“It’s over there behind Bunny’s coach.”

Dee poured herself a beer, slugged back a big gulp, wiped her mouth and said, “I’m on it.”

Dee can flirt with anyone – man or woman and Nat and I saw her cross the playing floor and put her arm around the opposing team’s coach. She bent down and said something into her ear and she put back her head and laughed. This was going perfect. Meanwhile, Mick was in on the hill (meaning if she won the game she was on then she would win the match, making our team the winners) and lining up for a very difficult shot. Dee leaned down again and said something else  just as she reached behind her back and grabbed the meerkat.

“She’s gonna do it!” Me

“No, we’re going to get busted.”Nat

Mick sunk the shot and as we clapped Dee stuck the meerkat up her shirt. Mick’s lined up for her next shot when –

“HEY, SHE’S STEALING OUR MEERKAT!” the opposing player shouted pointing to Dee.

 Mick almost missed her shot and stopped herself right before hitting the ball and stood up and looked at all of us across the bar. By this time my entire team plus Nat was in on it and we all had sheepish looks on our faces and Mick shook her head at us with this incredulous look on her face and her hands out to the side in this “WTF” gesture. Dee sheepishly gave the stuffed animal back to the coach and said something else flirty before walking back to us.  

Rejoining us she said, “D@mn! I almost HAD it!” as Bunny glared at us.  Mick sank the 8 ball then and we all celebrated. Bunny’s team was both angry at loosing and the attempted meerkat abduction. After Mick packed up her cue she came over to us and said, “Here I am trying to make this bank when you guys are trying to steal that stuffed animal. You’re lucky I didn’t miss or YOU would have been playing Kristeen in a sudden death game.” She said, pointing to me.

I have to admit I was a little disappointed in not getting to play Bunny and botching the meerkat-napping. I was envisioning it with a little noose around it’s neck hanging out the back window of my truck.

That’s ok, I’m sure we haven’t seen the last of them and on to the City Cup Vegas Qualifier Tournament in three weeks!

shoe on the other foot

Thank you all for your comments. I think all of you are pretty much on the money (except the one where I’m supposed to run far and fast but, Klynne, I thank you for your comment all the same) with the two of us taking on the different roles at different times. J, you’re right on in your assessment that when Lee and I started out I seemed to be the one that was in to her way more than she was in to me. I think a lot of that was all the stuff Lee was dealing with at the time. Now that things have calmed down she seems more focused and the shoe seems to be on the other foot.

Honestly, I prefer that shoe on that foot. I admit that I get off on the feeling of the other person being a tad bit in to me as I them. There’s been so many times where I have been hurt by those that I felt that I was in to more than they were in to me. I guess you could call it a defense mechanism. Although, I do admit there are times that I feel that I’m equally as crazy about her. So, yeah – it does fluxuate. It’s good that Lee is way more in to me right now because I have it working to my advantage because she’s not very happy with me this week.

This weekend Lee is going to her house in Savannah to check on it and I’m working. The other night on the phone:

“I guess I won’t see you until Sunday?”

“I have to go play pool right after work so maybe not.”

“Arg! I forgot about that. [she forgot that I have my pool playoffs that if we win we go to Vegas but she has her tennis playoffs the same day which I didn’t forget about] You will probably be in that bar allllll night.”

Pool is a sore spot with Lee. Mostly because I partake in smoking and drinking when I’m playing pool. [she’s ok with the drinking part but can’t stand the smoking part] Plus, I’m often there very late finishing my matches.It’s what I do – once a week. It’s basically my night and one where I can do whatever the f*ck I want [which, most of the time I do anyway]. I tell her that she has tennis [which, is usually more than one night per week] and she says “Yeah, but I don’t smoke and it’s not in a smoky bar.”

Yeah, tennis isn’t in a smoky bar and even if I didn’t smoke there would still be smoke there and she would still not come so what does it matter? Plus, I don’t want her there. The one time she came and watched me play I lost. It messed with my normally cool head when I play. So now Thursday nights are my night and we don’t talk about the smoking. If she brings it up I say “Do you really want to go there?” and she drops it. Honestly, I just dont’ want to hear any sh*t about it.

“Don’t call me after you get out of pool tonight.”

“I know, I called you too late last week and made a mental note not to call you anymore after pool.” I did call her really late and woke her up.

But, last night a fight broke out in the bar against these two women on opposing teams. A pool cue was broken along with a couple of beer bottles and one of the players on another team who is a cop had to break it up. All I kept thinking was “wow, I’m so glad it broke out over there and not right beside me like it usually does. This place is WILD!”

I texted Lee:

“There was a bar fight”

I waited a beat after her reply of “what?”

“I’m ok”

another beat after her “were you in it?” Lee has heard too many stories of how I’ve gotten myself in bar fights (never intentionally).

“Naw. Goodnight.”

That spurred a “call me when you’re done.”

“But I thought you didn’t want me to call you?”

“Just call me.”

Yeah, small victory for me. 😉

tip of the scales

This post has been swirling around in my head for awhile now. I was thinking about how in relationships there’s always one person who feels like “Wow, I really got lucky with this one.” – like they feel that the person they’re with is just a little bit out of their league or that they’re just a little bit more crazier about that person than they are of them or even would be a whole lot more devastated if they broke up.

Does that make any kind of sense?

What I mean is that I think there’s always one person in the relationship that’s a little bit more crazier about the other person. I’m not saying that the other person does not love the other as much but that there’s always just a small tip of the scales in one direction.

Does that make sense now?

If so, I will continue. (If not read the first two paragraphs again 😉

I’ve thought back in time about my past relationships and this scenario. There was Lisa who I was really crazy about. I thought she was beautiful and felt very lucky to be with her until after awhile I realized that she never acted that way towards me – I never got any of that. In fact, that was one of the reasons I broke up with her was because she never really reciprocated any passion or love. In my gut I knew that relationship could not continue so I broke it off with her only to be met with shock and anger on her end.

There was B who at first I think we both were equally crazy about each other then I became bored and frustrated with her very quickly into the relationship. She slept all the time and her apartment was always a mess. I remember every time I left there being covered in dog hair.

Of course, there was the most recent ex, J. I know that I fell out of craziness in love first because it became such a chore to be with her and for those of you who have followed my old blog then you know. I think she always felt that I was the catch and I faded away with stress and anger towards her.

So, here we have three cases – the first being I was a little crazier for Lisa than her me. Second, B started out equal and then laxed probably at the same time.

Third, J was a little more crazier for me than I her  – which was probably for reasons of using me.

So, I know you’re all wondering how Lee fits in to all this – which, scenario is us.

What do you think and why? Let me know and I will continue.

space, balance and prioritizing

I am striving for balance and space this week. Last week I was totally slammed and very tired. The week started out on a low from working the previous weekend and I never caught up on my sleep. I had something going on almost every evening and Thursday I was out especially late because of pool. I started a new season on my 8 ball team and also started playing on a 9 ball team. I had reservations about the 9 ball to be honest. My captain texted me on Thursday and asked me if I was up for it.

I texted back “Are you captain of it?”


“Ok, I’ll do it.”

It turns out that most of my 8 ball team is on the 9 ball team, too. After grabbing a quick cat nap I went off to pool which turned out to be quite hectic. I no more walked in and ordered a beer when –

“Lanie, you need to warm up on this table with Chris.”

So, I warmed up with Chris on the 8 ball table. After some time a woman – and, I say this loosely because she honestly didn’t look old enough to be in the pool hall – came up to me and said, “Mel says you need to go over and practice 9 ball with Jim.”

“Who’s Jim?”

“He’s my Mom’s boyfriend.”

“Who’s your Mom?”

“Debra who plays on your team.”

“Holy cow! You’re Debra’s daughter?” Debra didn’t look old enough to have a daughter that age.

Smiling she said “Yes.”

I went over and practiced with Jim and got about half way through before the girl appeared again and said, “Mel says you’re up on table 34.” Meaning it was time to play for real. So, I ran over to the 8 ball table, met the woman who would beat me after three very close games.

Afterwards one of my teammates was up on the 9 ball side to play. Like me, she had never played on the 9 ball league and was hesitant. Heck, we never even hung out over on the 9 ball side let alone play. I went over with her for moral support. She ended up losing by only a few points. Unlike 8 ball, 9 ball goes by points and whoever can score 31 points first wins the match. I was up next and ended up winning. I found 9 ball to go a lot faster than 8 ball. However, unlike 8 ball where I would block pockets with my balls (defense) and set up for later shots, in 9 ball those shots wouldn’t be there by the time you got up to shoot again. There was no saving shots for the future – every shot you had to make. I walked out at 12:30 a.m. and was glad I grabbed that cat nap before going out that night.

Lee wasn’t happy that I called and woke her up but I suspected she went to bed unhappy because I played so late. There had been some talk about meeting up later after my match but that wasn’t happening. Mental note to self to never try to plan anything on Thursday nights except play pool – especially, since I’m playing on two teams now. Also, mental note to self to not call Lee and wake her up afterwards, either.

By Saturday I had finally caught up on my sleep. Lee and I lounged in bed that morning and then went to have coffee and sandwiches before she went off to play tennis and I to do a landscape installation. The weekend was good but Sunday I felt my battery start to drain after being at an outdoor festival all day. Lee and I had gone to the grocery store to do our weekly shopping together. Part of me was glad we did it but the other part really didn’t want to be at the grocery store at 7:30 on a Sunday night. When we got back to my house Lee said she might just run back to her house and check on the cats and put her groceries away and come back. I didn’t think I would still be awake by that time and said so.

“Why don’t we just call it a night?”

“Are you sure because I can just run home and be back in an hour.”

I needed to get my stuff together so I could ride my motorcycle in to work and make my lunch. I realized that I needed some down time and just wanted to lounge in bed and finish a Netflix movie I had started.

“Yeah, I’m sure. I have stuff to do and I’m tired.” So, Lee left. Even though she didn’t let on I could tell she was disappointed. I called her later and asked if she was upset with me and she said she wasn’t and blamed it on her monthly cycle.

Lee’s a pretty fantastic gf and I’m crazy about her but sometimes after spending a lot of time together I feel the walls closing in. I think she could be with me every day and night. If that were the case then I don’t things would be so great and her be so fantastic. Why I need space and balance from time to time.

As the movie I was watching finished up a text came in from this person asking how I was and could we get together this week. I texted back that I couldn’t until June because of work and bootcamp, [not to mention spending time with current gf].

Sometimes you just have to prioritize, too.


Last night after a rainy bootcamp I met my friend, Carla at a bar/restaurant around the corner for dinner and drinks. I hadn’t seen her in ages so it was good to catch up. Lee had asked me (enough times for me to notice something might be up) if I was still meeting my friend that night.

“My plans haven’t changed since the last 3 times you asked”, I wanted to say. I couldn’t figure out if she was a little jealous or if she was coming down with an early case of dementia.

“Let her be jealous”, I thought as I stripped off my wet workout clothes in the car.

“It serves her right after what she pulled the other day”, pulling on warm, dry clothes and getting out of the car right as my friend pulled up.

Last week Lee said she had texted muscle head a ‘happy birthday’ and that she never heard back anything. I thought ‘who the f*ck cares’ but just played the dense blonde role and said, “Huh? OH, you mean that Florida gal. I’d forgotten all about her.” (Other than the fact that blondes have more fun it’s also a useful tool for acting dense or blaming something on a ‘blonde moment’.)

“Yeah, and she’s supposed to be coming here and doing that race this weekend with her friends but I didn’t get an invite.”

“Were you planning on going?”

“I don’t’ know. Do you mind if I go?”

“No, do what you want.” and walked out of the room to do some chore so she wouldn’t see that look in my eyes.  I’ve been told by people who know me that when I get pissed off or mad I can stop traffic with that look.

That weekend I taught a class and Lee said she’d be out on Saturday afternoon to watch and meet my co-instructor (as she met her gf several times before when we were working together).  At three she pulled up while we were on the range teaching. It had been one of those days and we were running behind. I was in a bit of a foul mood because the school we share the site with had messed up our schedule for the day and we had been playing catch up. Lee walked up behind me under the shade structure and I talked to her over my shoulder as I watched my group ride.

“I can only stay a little bit and then I have to get back and put the wet clothes in the laundry and tend to the cats.”

I wondered in passing what her hurry was as when I left her that morning to go to work she was sleeping peacefully in my bed and hadn’t said anything about having any plans for that day. I just assumed she had been hanging out at the house all day doing laundry and relaxing. Later, after we let class out I texted her and told her I was on my way home. Fully intending to find her car parked in the carport when I got there I was surprised to not see it there. I got out of the truck, unlocked the door and went inside and fed the cat. He ate as I popped open a cold beer. I put the bottle up to the side of my head before taking a long pull. It had been a hard day. Several people had dropped their bikes and we were behind going in to Sunday. My co-instructor and I would have to haul @ss the next day. Just then Lee walked in.  

After a hug she said, “So, did you just get home?”

“Yes, we got out late tonight. Let’s go outside and sit a bit before I take a shower.”

I wanted to sit down badly since I had been on my feet all day and they were hurting. Lee popped open a cider and we went outside and sat down. After catching her up on my day she held out an arm and said, “I got burnt today.”

Realizing that I had no idea what she did that day I asked.

“Oh, I went to that race and saw Florida.”

I suddenly saw red and composed myself before saying, “Oh, I didn’t realize that you had decided to go.”

“I know. I didn’t want to tell you because I knew you were having a shitty day and didn’t want you to be in a fizz about it all day.”

“You know me well, then.” I said, smiling.  

True – with the day I had I would have been more and more pissed off as the day wore on and probably by the time I got home that night I would have called her and told her not to come over and that I didn’t want to see her. I realized that I had a choice right then and there to either be pissed off at her about it or to use it to my advantage and decided on the later. I could probably get anything I wanted right then because I thought I detected a note of guilt in her voice when she said she went.

I casually asked how it went, if she saw Florida, if she talked to her and if Florida’s new gf was there. It was a ‘yes’ to all.

“Florida’s new gf acted really strange around me. I was trying to talk to her but she was a little standoffish.”

I started laughing and said, “She was probably pissed that you were there. Plus, Florida’s probably in hot water because you showed up.”

“Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t have gone.”

“Why did you go?”

“Because I wanted us to be friends again.”

“You know that’s never going to happen, right? That the reason she wanted to be your ‘friend’ before was because there was some chance that she could be with you.”

“I know but why can’t we be friends? We had so much of a connection before.”

“Sweetheart”, I said in a mildly patronizing voice, “that connection was her wanting to get in your pants. Now that you’re off the market she doesn’t want to ‘just be friends’ “.

I see what you’re saying but she doesn’t have to act like she’s mad at me.”

“She’s not mad at you she’s mad because she didn’t get you.” I put my hand under her chin and gently tilted her head up until her eyes were looking directly in mine before saying, “You’re a catch, Lee[-full-name] and I’m so lucky you chose me.”

She smiled back and after some time said, “Me too. Now where do you want to go for dinner? My treat and when we get back I’m going to give you a foot massage before bed.”

Yep, I’m glad I chose the latter.


It was 2001 and I was a week into a new job. I was in my new boss’s office and he had the TV on. The a plane had just flown into one of the World Trade towers in New York. We watched in horror as another plane flew into the second tower. The rest of the day was a blur of news and listening to the radio. I remember pulling my car off the side of the road and sitting there sobbing after hearing of the tower collapsing killing all those people – many including firefighters, police officers and people who were trying to help those who were trapped inside. A year later I remember standing at Ground Zero and being amazed at the huge gap in the buildings and hole in the ground where the towers used to be. I remembered being inside both of those buildings in the 80’s when I went there on a tour with my mother and best friend. Now they were gone. There was plastic on the surrounding buildings. I walked down by the water and there was a memorial tent with badges of all the police officers and firefighters who died trying to save all those people who inside. I wept again, bitter tears.

This morning as I was getting my coffee, I thumbed through my Facebook and saw some comments about Osama Bin Laden being dead. I picked up a paper and realized that he was gone. I again wept, only tears of joy this time. I never thought I’d wish another human being dead but I did. I don’t regret it – but rejoice.