So, it’s do or die time with me and Lee. I know you’re probably thinking “WTF? I thought you were done.” No, no, nooooo – it can never be that easy.
I know I said in the previous post that I was taking a break. I emailed Lee this:
“Just because we finally came to an understanding between the two of us and what’s happened, how we feel and our needs does not mean that I still don’t want to take a break. I want to see you get settled in your new place and reevaluate in a month to see.”
“Well, I’m not sure why you want to be this drastic about it. I was looking forward to Savannah but at this point I’m not sure with you pushing me away this far will ever get us back. If we believe our love is strong enough then we will be together again. I’m just not convinced this type of distance is healthy.
I will give you your space and wait to hear from you.
I will miss you.”
stupid me I relented and said that I would be willing to do a face to face to talk about this before a decision would be made. [Stupid, stupid, stupid…..]
That face to face turned into dinner, kissing and fantastic makeup sex. [Sigh…….]
Then, Wednesday I helped her move the rest of her things out of her old apartment and into the new one. [I know – let’s all chant “stupid, stupid, stupid….”] That night she took me to dinner for helping her and I joked “I guess you were hopingwe’d make up so I’d help you, huh?” She joked back something but then our joking turned a bit malicious. I don’t know how it got to this but it did –
“I think I will start seeing [muscle head].” She joked. It came to that.
“I don’t think it’s appropriate to joke about that given how I’ve felt about her lately.”
She apologized but then said something to the extent of “we’re both still a little angry over this.”
I wondered what the h*ll she had to be angry about – she was the one who put all this into motion. I let it go. I did tell her about my drive-by which, she didn’t like at all. It turned out that she was staying at her new place that night (which, she never told me she was staying over there). Anyway, I give her that for being angry – if the tables were turned I wouldn’t want another woman driving by my house checking on me – however, if I caught her I would just wave gaily like “Yeah, I’m having a good time without you, b*tch!”
sh*t where was I digress.
That night she made it a point to say she wanted to call it an early night. Whatever. Don’t think I’m staying at your new apartment below your ex anytime soon. As we were unloading my truck the ex pulled up and got out with a box in her hand like she was moving out of her office. She had told Lee that day that she was probably going to be fired. (Ever since Lee left that job the company has imploded internally and I think it was because she was the only one that did any work over there.) She walked into the house without saying anything to either of us. I thought about upcoming drama. Despite the early night we still didn’t finish until 9.
Next day (Thursday), I didn’t hear anything from her except the typical daily “Good Morning” and “I’m at work now” texts. I asked her if everything was ok. She just replied yes that she was ok and that she was just trying to stay focused on herself and getting settled. I went with it and told her that I was going to stay the night in Alpharetta Friday evening and that she could come up if she wanted but that I knew she was busy and understood if she didn’t want to. She said she’d see how much she could get done that night and see.
That night I got home from work and we chatted a bit and it went ok. I had actually stopped off and worked on the final edits of my book and went to the grocery store. We chatted again while I was in the store. We hung up and agreed to talk later before I went to bed. So, later I texted her that I was going to bed soon and she called me back. She was supposed to find out if her ex could (walk down the stairs, open the door and) let the dog out (a total of three times) if she stayed with me in Alpharetta. The answer was no. I was pissed. Just the other day when we got there with her stuff we let her Labrador out. I said something to the extent that if ex wasn’t going to let her dog out that she had no business letting the ex’s out, either. Lee said she had only let the dog out that one day I wanted to say “See? You’re already ahead of her” but didn’t. She offered to come up for dinner and/or drinks and then go back and not stay. I replied, “I guess” but I couldn’t see the point. It would be late and I wouldn’t get to see much of her and then I’d have to get to bed so I could get up early.
The conversation took a dive after that. I mentioned that I understood that she had a lot of unpacking to do but that our relationship had reached a critical point and that it was important that we spend time together. (I know – I must have been high – me say that? I mean, she was the one who didn’t want to take the break and now she’s pushing me away.) She said she understood but if we were going to work out we were going to work out. I thought that was a lame answer and told her so. She then mentioned my match dot com membership. I guess she gotten the email showing the people she was matched up with and there I was[grining right back at her on the screen] – a 95% match. (Which, is really hilarious if you think about it)
“I opened my email from match this morning and there you were – a 95% match, too. Did you reactivate it?”
[I had to stop myself from guffawing. So that’s why she was distant. Yes, I did but that’s not how I’m going to put it. I’m doing this to make a point and here goes:]
“Oh, I haven’t looked at it [not a lie – I hadn’t all day] maybe my profile got visible again [because I pushed the ‘visible’ button]. What does it matter anyway –you’re still on there.” Which is true – and, the fact that she said, “I opened my email from match…..“
“I am not – I didn’t renew my membership.”
“Well, you’re still getting the emails from them. Your profile must still be up, too.”
“I will have to check it.”
“Well, me too……………..I mean, you’re the one who wanted to make friends on there.”
“Yeah, but I met the people on there I wanted to meet and I’m done with that. I mean just tell me if you activated it because you were mad at me this past weekend”
[I’m not going to tell you that. I made a big enough mistake in telling you that I did a drive by which you’re still angry about and taking out on me.]
“What’s the big deal? I will check it out. You know, I just feel like you’re still angry with me for doing that drive by. I’m sorry I did that. If you’re still angry about that then tell me. Let’s talk about it.” Instead of being a little sh*t to me and trying to take things out on me.
“It’s fine. I’m not mad – I just have a lot of unpacking to do.”
“You have the rest of your life to unpack. (break, break, break…..) We have Savannah coming up and we need to get things straight before then or else this trip is not happening.” (break, break, break. Stupid, stupid, stupid………..)
“We have to go.” I questioned why she said that so forcefully. Was it because her and Ellen (who is going with us and staying that first weekend) have big plans for my birthday celebration down there or was it just because she hadn’t been there in awhile wanted to check on her house. I chose the later.
“You may have to go but not I.”
“Don’t be silly. We’re going and it’s going to be great. You’ll see. Everything is going to work out.”
We hung up and I went to bed with none of my usual goodnight texts. Right. Everything was going to be alright my @ss.
Today, I emailed her saying if it was too much then not to worry about coming up tonight that I didn’t want her to stress.
I got a reply of “I’ll think about it.” And “What time is class out?”
Ok, the “I’ll think about it” isn’t really conducive to our previous conversation – it sounded
b*tchy angry and the “what time is class out” – I’ve told her so many times when my Friday night classes get out it isn’t even funny.
I replied: “See, it feels like you’re angry with me. Forget about it. I get out of class when I get out. 9:30ish”.
I got a reply of: “I’m not mad at you. Let’s meet up afterward.”
I replied: “ok.” I guess she didn’t have to think too long about it.
That was it. No more word since. I know she’s emailing and texting muscle head during the day. I won’t say that things weren’t a little f*cked up before she came to town but they have been way f*cked up since. I’m trying to hang in there and go through with this trip because I do think it can be good for us. If it works out it will really do us good and yes, despite all the b.s. I’ve been through with this girl I do love her. There are so many good things about her and us – I’m only sorry I don’t talk about it more on here but this place is my sounding board and a lot of times you’re only going to hear about the
bad things I need to work out and write about.
So, anyway – we’ll see.
Savannah or bust.
I will turn 44 regardless of my where-a-bouts but, I tell you this. If we don’t go down together then I’m riding out to Tybee by myself and ripping that $2 bill off the ceiling – on my birthday. (Sunday 31st)
To be continued……………………..