Lee loses it

Lee lost her ever-living mind today.

She had been sending me these long emails about wanting to talk to me, us getting back together and whatever rambling whatever she could throw in for good measure.

To Ellen: “Sigh, I got another book from Lee today.”

“I know. She called me and she’s having a hard time with this break.” 

“Oh, I know. I don’t want to reply because I know it’s going to be a shitstorm of emails.”

“She seems to think that you’re only on a month break and that it’s almost been a month and time to get back together.”

“I told her in the last email that it was a permanent break, that I wanted to see other people and that she should start getting used to that idea.” 

“I know but she keeps fixating on the month.”

The weekend went by and you all know what I was up to. Yesterday, I was feeling down about the bad date and the hookup date giving me the brush off. I took my laptop to my favorite pub (that happened to be across the street from the pub she FB stalked me on Friday and in her neighborhood) and wrote. I ate my edename, wrote and then closed up the laptop and went home and crashed. Hard. This morning at 5 a.m. I slapped the snooze button and rolled over to get some more z’s. Finally, I woke up again and bounded out of bed because it was 6:15 – the time when I am usually running out the door to work. I dragged in late only to remember that my desktop was at the shop being repaired. I decided to hook my laptop up to the flat screen monitor so I could work on two screens instead of one. Which, is really a necessity because I work with a lot of data from different forms. In doing so I knocked a full cup of water all over my desk. I cursed and cleaned it all up. It was almost 9 before I was able to do any real work. That’s when the first email of the day came in from Lee. I sighed as I read it and then closed the email down and started to work. After a while I walked in to my bosses office and sat down. We have always had an open door policy.

“What’s up?”

“Do you think I could take off the week after Labor Day?”

“Well, I don’t know but I could talk to the Major and see.” 

“Would you? I appreciate that.”

“Sure, I’ll try to catch him today.”

Ellen had a trip planned to Key West Women’s week and was rooming with her two friends from Florida. They had originally planned to have a 4th – Ellen’s gf but she had bailed. There was a slot and a standing invitation open. I had been looking at airfare and thought it was doable if I could get the time off.

“This will be just the thing to cheer me up. If I get the time off then it’s a sign and I’m going to do it.” I thought.

Just then my boss poked his head around the corner of my cubicle and said, “Major says ok you can have off.”

I hit the button just then confirming the ticket. “This is just what I need. Blondes, bikinis and Bushwackers.” I thought.

I was flying high and getting ready to leave for the gym when another email from Lee came in. I glanced at it and closed up my laptop but not before seeing one line that said:

“-if I meant shit to you then call me to talk after 4.” 

Like I was going to rush to the phone right then and call Lee. I did a grueling 45 minute treadmill workout and as I was leaving the gym I got a text from Ellen.

Just warning you. Lee is in anger mode.”

“Oh, I know – got the email.”

“I will call her back and try to talk her down.”

“Ok, will call you when I get home.”

Between conversations with Ellen it was determined that Lee wanted to see me tonight and get her paintings back. She had left those for me and suddenly wanted them back. I told her that I was not going to see her all angry like that. The girl needed to chill. If she was going to get anything from me then anger was not the way to go about it. After work, I took the paintings over to Ellen’s and dropped them off so Lee could pick them up then went off to the grocery. I hadn’t been in almost a month and the milk I threw out last night had mold in it. While I was in the store Lee started blowing up my phone with texts.

“She really has lost it.” I told Ellen.

“I know. I tried to talk her down but not sure I was getting anywhere.”

Just then the phone beeped and I saw that Lee was calling. “That’s her. I’m gonna talk to her.”

I picked up and was greeted by sobbing “I love you. I don’t-want-to-loose-you. I’ve changed. Bertha and I are not talking – I’ve cut her out of my life and [Muscle Head], too. 

I was like, “Wait, wait slow down a minute. Take a breath. Geez.”

So, we talked and yeah, she wants to get back together. I explained to her that just because she’s made these changes [in the two weeks we’ve been apart] that I’m not going to just jump right  back in again, that I wanted to date, see other people.

“But, I want to be friends.”

“I do, too, but it’s going to take awhile.” 

“How.long. Because you are the love of my life. I want to be with you. I want to spend-the-rest-of-my-life-with-you.” She hiccupped out.

I don’t know how long. I mean, I’m not putting a time on this nor making any promises that we are going to get back together. I don’t know right now.”

“So, those 8 months were for nothing. You don’t feel anything?”

I reminded her that if I hadn’t felt anything then we certainly wouldn’t have made it that long. I went over the Muscle Head thing again, Bertha, moving, her insecurities, lashing out, no friends that don’t want to kiss her – all.of.it.

I just want to hang out like, once a week.”

“As friends or more.”

“More. I will give you your space. You can even date other people. I just want to SEEEE you.” She wailed.

Geez, this wasn’t going anywhere near where I had hoped it would go. I picked up a knife and started dicing chicken and celery to make chicken salad to take in my lunch. The cat was rubbing up against my leg.

“I know I need to work on some things and I WILL. I’ve made these changes. Bertha is just my landlord we have stopped all communication.”

“Well, here’s what I want. I want to see other people. I think you should too.”

“I don’t want to see anyone else.”

“Well, be alone but this is what I need to do. Let’s work on a friendship.”

“Ok, so when will I see you?” 

“Whoa, whoa I can’t put a time limit on this. We’ll just have to wait and see but blowing up my phone and email is not going to be conducive to us being friends.”

“Ok, I will respect your space but I hope we can get together soon. I hope we can get back together eventually.”

“I can’t promise that right now, Lee, but I will try to get to a place were we can be friends.” 

“Ok, I guess that’s all I can hope for right now.”

We finally hung up and I put the chicken salad in the fridge. I mean, I hope we can be friends but right now I don’t want to get back with her. Don’t get me wrong – I do miss her. I did love her. I fought hard for the relationship those months. I broke up because there seemed to be nothing else left to do but argue. But, right now all I want to do is take it one day at a time. Plus, I’m going to Key West for Women’s week and –

-I’m still haunted by the girl with the startling blue eyes.

*Side note: Edith’s name will change per her request to “Ronnie”. I have changed her link to the side as well——>

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2 thoughts on “Lee loses it

  1. Whoa. You need to be clearer with her than that. I feel for the girl, whatever happened in your relationship, I’ve felt that way before, that ‘I need to be with you, I can’t not be with you’ desperation, It’s heart break. While I managed to keep myself on track and remain dignified, without outbursts, I remember that feeling of desperation. She’s looking for a thread to hang on to. And you’re giving it to her. Saying you just want to see other people, but that you want to work on being friends, while she’s saying she wants to get back together is not condusive. Your goals are a mile apart from each others, you can’t play on the same pitch.

    The kindest thing my ex ever said to me is “I don’t want to try again with you, I don’t want to be with you anymore, I don’t love you” … I was left with no uncertainty, I knew what the score was, and for me then, the only way was forward. She needs you to be harsh with her (in the kindest possible way) and she needs not to be looking forward to the next time she sees you – because she will be having little fantasies in her mind of how that meet is going to go.

    Cut off. Eventually, you’ll reach a level playing field and be able to work on a friendship.

    Sorry to rant. This is all still pretty raw for me too.

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  2. I was wondering when she would reach this phase, it was only a matter of time. Next will be her moment of clarity when she realizes just what a bafoon she has seemed like. I think you are handling things well. You’re smart to stand firm with her and not coddle her, that would just make things worse. The Womens Week thing sounds great and maybe just what the doctor ordered for you. As far as Teri goes, I don’t get it when people get like that. I know it’s easier to ignore something you don’t want to deal with and address, but don’t they understand how cruel it is to do that? Maybe your absence will make the heart grow fonder…or at least give her the ephiphany that she lost out on someone amazing.

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