I am exhausted tonight.
I ran out of work at 2:30 and went to the gym. I ran 30 minutes on the treadmill before deciding to just end it. I kept thinking of all the things I needed to do. I drove by the motorcycle shop to pick up a clutch lever for the Ducati. It was enormously expensive. I went home after that and walked the dog. On the way back from the walk I stopped off at the neighbors to tell them that I had finished their landscape plan (not really but I’m hoping to have it done by our appointment on Monday).
By the time I got back home my sister called and talked my ear off for an hour. I managed to get off the phone and threw Sadie in the car and we took off to Wal-mart. Being in Wal-mart on a Friday night is like having a root canal on Sunday afternoon. You could have your feet propped up, watching TV, reading and having a drink but no – instead you’re there listening to people argue. People always scream at each other in Wal-mart – it’s in the air. Babies always cry and checkout people are always slow. There’s always someone in front of you buying clothes and the cashier has to fold every-single-article before throwing it into a bag – where it gets wrinkled anyway. I wanted to scream. I still had to air up the tires on my bike, go to the gas station, pack all my motorcycle sh*t on the bike before I made dinner, and, finally…..sat down.
It was 8:00 by the time I got all this done. Then, I thought –
“When the hell would I have time to date anyway?”
But, I have had time to develop crushes. I have two right now. One is completely unattainable and happily married. (and, I can’t say any more about her because my friends who read this blog would figure out who she is. And, no, friends, you will not ever know who she is because I will never tell) In fact, I would never do anything unless she was out of her relationship for, like, several months and completely over it. The other is a little more attainable but she just got out of a relationship and it’s still a bit touch and go. I am trying to develop a friendship with her. Part of me doesn’t think it will ever fly though – she looks too good in person and on paper -it’s a too good to be true thing. But – that’s why they call them crushes – because they’ll never go anywhere – except in your mind. But –
-when the hell would I have time to date anyway?
Today, driving home in the car I thought about Lee. “Why don’t I text her?” She had texted me just last week wanting to know if I wanted to go out for a burger. Yeah, after all this time she thinks we can just casually go out. Like I’m going to throw every crazy thing she ever did and said out the window and say, “Ok, what time?”
I shook my head. I can’t take her. I can’t take her stupid cats and having to run home and scoop the litter box twice a day. I can’t take her constantly checking her phone for texts or a call from Bertha. I don’t want hear about that bitch Florida woman ever.again. Never. I hate how I had to drive all the time. And, if I hear one more time “I was just joking” or read another “Haha” in one of her texts I will DIE.
For all that I will not text Lee nor probably ever be friends with her.
These are the reasons I have a dog, no girlfriend and crushes.