This seems to be the day for Lanie to beat up on herself. This post has been floating around in my mind for quite sometime. Part of me just didn’t want to write it but the other part thought, “It’s your d@mn blog, you can write anything you want. Just get it out.”
I also really hate to have to lock down posts but being what this post is about it could very well bring me more drama if I didn’t. And, despite being a lesbian that always seems to find drama, this one really doesn’t want it. I only want to live peaceful with my dog. Which, goddess, I don’t know what I would have done without her. Why did I wait so long to get a dog? Anyway, I digress.
I think you all know about the Susan, Nancy and Creed debacle. Well, Susan left for out west and the holidays and no one has really heard from her since. Except for Nancy, I guess. I had sent messages to Susan asking her how things were and asking when she would be headed back through. No reply. In mentioning this to Ellen I was told that Nancy told her that she didn’t trust me. Of course Nancy would find someone to throw under the bus instead of admitting that she had both Susan and Creed on the chain at the same time. It all had to do with that night when I took Susan over to the joint to meet Nancy and she showed up late, drunk and emotional. I was only looking out for my friend and was skeptical – yeah, even mistrustful of Nancy. She had told Susan that night on the phone that she was being mean to her when Susan was hesitant in meeting her out because she’d been drinking and was emotional. At the same time because she was late in getting to the joint she was talking to Creed on the phone saying that Susan was forcing her to meet and she just didn’t want to and, again, Susan was being mean to her. (Yes, I heard both stories from Susan and Creed)
So, in short – you get the gist of it – Nancy is a manipulator and a liar.
After losing our pool tournament yesterday I asked Ellen if she would go out and eat Mexican food with me. All I wanted was the comfort of my friend and Mex food. I felt awful about losing in pool – I took it harder than usual – crying when I lost my match and my whole team giving me a group hug – even girls from the team we played came up and hugged me. (One a little harder than others but that’s another story.) I was so embarrassed. But, I choked it up to not smoking – I get very emotional when I quit. And, if there’s anything to be proud of is that I didn’t smoke yesterday despite the pressure, losing my match and so forth. And, Goddess I wanted to light up so bad but resisted.
After pulling up to the restaurant, I saw Ellen walking across the street to meet me talking on the phone. As she was hanging up she said, “That was Susan. She’s in town.”
I’m not sure if Susan had heard that on the other end before it was disconnected or not but didn’t care.
“What does she want?”
“She wanted to know if she could crash at my house if things didn’t go well with Nancy.”
“Well, I’m glad she’s got you, Ellen, because I would have told her to F-off.”
“Uh, Lanie, I think you just did.”
“Yeah, I did. Let’s get some food.”
We went inside and ordered the most scrumptious enchiladas. I swear I am addicted to this place. We talked about how crazy we both thought it was for Susan to pursue the thing with Nancy. I told Ellen that if she did end up staying with her that I wasn’t going to do anything with the two of them and that if Susan wanted to talk she had to initiate. If not then we were done.
It hurts that Susan would just believe whatever Nancy says about me without even discussing it with me or giving me the benefit of the doubt. I also think that Creed got a raw deal out of it as well – Nancy really hurt her and Creed is my friend. Plus, Susan had stayed with me the last time she was here and that I can’t help but think that Nancy is totally jealous of me. Which, is so lame because I have never thought of Susan as anything but a friend.
The situation has me a bit at a loss. I just want to wash my hands of it and walk away. Perhaps Susan and I weren’t meant to be friends, after all.
The next thing that’s bothering me is Ronnie. I told you about Ronnie basically breaking up a 9 year relationship to be with this woman. So, now Ronnie’s new girl has forbidden her to go to the pool hall to play because she told Ronnie that she thinks it’s a meat market. I told Ronnie that I thought that was lame that she couldn’t go out and spend one night during the week with her friends to shoot pool and that it sounded like a trust issue to me.
“Well, I’m quitting. I want to spend all my time with her anyway.”
“So, what you’re saying is that you don’t want to hang out with your friends anymore and only want to spend all your free time with your girl.”
“That’s what I’m telling you.”
“Dude, that’s going to get old after awhile and your friendships are going to suffer because of it.”
“I don’t care. I’m outta here, don’t be pissed.” Slapping me on the back as she left the pool hall without even playing. I had to admit instead of a slap on the back it was like a slap in the face. Like, I don’t want to hang out with you or anyone else anymore, I don’t care about the friendship, I only want to be with my girl.
We had to play Ronnie’s team last Thursday for the tiebreaker to see who would play in tournament on Saturday. Ronnie didn’t even show up to play or root her team on. Because of all that I’m starting to think that Ronnie isn’t a very nice person to hang out with anymore. In fact, she’s acted like a real douche bag since she’s started dating this woman. It’s a shame because we both used to have such a good time together. But, she only wants to hang out when she’s single. When she’s in a relationship she devotes all her time and energy to it – obviously, like what Susan’s doing.
I was trying to explain all this to my sister on the phone this morning and all she could do was start bitching about the last girl I dated and how I didn’t ever go out when I was with her and how much she couldn’t stand her.
“It’s because she was disabled, Janice, it’s a little different. I was too busy taking care of her and [son].”
I thought, “Thank you sister [and ex gf] for never giving me any credit for taking care of someone and being good to them the time we were together. I hope you never have to take care of anyone but yourself. “
My sister always makes me feel like a douchie loser. Instead of arguing with her – which, honestly, it’s not worth it to me to get into it with her, I just tried to get off the phone as soon as possible. (Later, I just tried to think of it as her way of sticking up for me –I’d like to think that, anyway.)
“I don’t need this.” I thought, after hanging up and putting on more coffee. Just then, Sadie came over and nuzzled my hand. “Yeah, you’re my friend no matter what, aren’t you?”
Thank Goddess for dogs.