I realized today that I’ve been lying. To you and to myself.
When I said that I am not religious but spiritual.
I realized today that I pray all the time, but, to the Goddess. I like to think of my God as being a female rather than a male. She has flowing, long blonde, wavy hair. She is a maternal, earth mother. She is apt to reach out and caress my cheek in desperate moments such as when I’m feeling like I’m not going to make it – I feel the caress and hear, “It’s going to be alright.” She’s there when I often feel like no one’s got my back. When I’m so lonely she sends Sadie over to lick my hand or lay down next to me. She is there and within me.
So, I do find myself often praying. When I meet a hot woman I pray, “Please Goddess, let me go out with her.” 😉
When I’m frustrated, like today. “Please Goddess, let her pick up her feet and RIDE the mf-ing motorcycle or else we will all surely perish from frostbite and hypothermia.”
I even pray over the weather, again, like today when I was taking out all the motorcycles, airing up tires, jump starting many because of dead batteries and basically, coaxing the things to run I said, “Please Goddess let these mf-ing things RUN.” when rain and sleet started coming down. “Don’t do this to me right now, Goddess. Really.” And, miraculously it stopped.
Goddess doesn’t always grant my prayers. Like the whole dating, finding a partner and all that has not been going my way despite my talking to her quite a bit about that. She must not think it’s time. But, sometimes she listens. About the weather, like today. About my finding Sadie and important things like health and having a job.
So, she is there. I guess taking care of the important things. I like to think that, anyway, that sometimes things are just out of my hands. Just thinking that brings me comfort.
Tonight, I took out my bible and laid it on the counter in the kitchen. Something to think about because I doubt I’ve gotten this far on just my wits. Think I could buy a bible that has God replaced with Goddess? What would that be? The QUEEN James version?