The pounding of my heart in my ears is deafening. My throat burns with the breakfast I just ate threatening to come up. My palms are sweating and my hands are starting to shake. I was having a full-fledged panic attack.

The server leaned over and said, “You want a to-go box for that?”

“No, I want a back door. Do you have one?” 

“Through there.” She pointed, “I’ll get your check.”

I slapped a twenty on the bar and said, “Keep the change.”

I put my sunglasses on tried to walk as calmly as possible to the back. Only after pushing open the door to the alley did I run as fast as I could in the opposite direction of the restaurant where the person I most did not want to see in the whole world was – the ex before last, J.

My last weekend of drinking is getting off to a wonderful start. Hoorah.



3 thoughts on “panic

  1. Panic attacks are just awful. They started for me at the ripe old age of 31. I still have them. They usually happen if I have not had enough sleep (and drank too much the night before) and try to drive on the expressway. Or sometimes they just happen if I try to drive on the expressway. I have to take back roads on road trips, but, I like quaint country roads. I come by it honestly as my mother’s sister gets them, to the point she can’t leave the house. My younger brother gets them, but he can function. I just pray that I don’t get them so severe that I can’t function. Did not mean to make this all about me, but, I can relate.


  2. oh, l. i am so sorry. aim sure that feels horrible. and, by the way, you do deserve someone great. she is there. somewhere. so, hold out. and believe in yourself, listen to your soul. you will find your love & some peace. thinking of you.. xx


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s