Hey, happy Friday and a big thank you to ctrlcandv for the TMI Award and, while I’m at it I want to thank all of you for the constant support and readership on this blog. Y’all rock! So, without further ado:
The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.
Here are the rules
- Thank the person who presented you with the award.
- Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
- Share an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story
- Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
- Present the TMI Blog Award to 5 – 10 deserving blogs.
- Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.
Alright, I have two embarassing stories that kind of go hand-in-hand to tell all of you so here goes.
I know some of you who have been reading for awhile may remember me referring to “my toads” as the five friends (some ex-friends now) who share the same Chinese symbol that spells out the word “toad” on our ankles. (I won’t go into the whole meaning of that and how it came about. I will just cut to the main story)
It was a Saturday morning and Debra, Stephanie, Alex and I had just gotten our tattoos. We all had on probably what we slept in the night before – athletic shorts and t-shirts save for all of us wearing flip-flops and me with my cutoff knaki shorts. We had all gotten up that morning and raced to the tattoo place hoping to be the first in line.
“You think they’re going to show?” I asked Debra. We were waiting for both Stephanie and Alex to get there.
“I don’t know. The two of them where waffling on the decision all last night.”
Right then we saw Alex’s VW come screaming into the parking lot and skid to a stop. Both her and Stephanie got out of the car with Alex saying, “Let’s do it.”
Just then the guy came to unlock the door and we all went inside. An hour later we were all standing on the sidewalk with bandages around our ankles. Both Debra and I had gotten the symbol done in the traditional Chinese language read from- top to bottom whereas Alex and Stephanie had gotten the more modern day -left to right.
“What now?” I said.
“Let’s got back to my place and party.”
It was only 2:00 in the afternoon but this mattered to none of us. We first went to Stephanie’s apartment and drank until we’d ran out of beer. Next, we headed to Little 5 points to drink some more at this bar. Finally, around 8:30 and several pitchers later Debra said, “I’m done. I need to go home.”
“Wait. We haven’t done [lesbian bar] yet.”
“I can’t do it. You girls go.”
So, I dropped Debra at her house and followed Alex and Stephanie to the bar. Really, at this point is was amazing that any of us could drive – let alone stand up. Once in the bar there was a burlesque show going on. Once I had gotten a drink, I plopped myself down on the edge of the stage not caring that the dancer was performing just over my shoulder. A woman sat down to my right and I started talking to her – telling her about all of us getting tattoos that day.
“So, which ones are your friends?” She asked.
“Well, see the blonde over there pouring her drink over that other woman’s head?”
“That’s Alex. And, that’s Leah who’s getting the vodka bath. I don’t blame her – I can’t stand Leah.”
I looked around and then spotted her down on the dance floor. “Ok, see the redhead down there grinding in the body sandwich with the two African-American women?”
“THAT’s Stephanie. Hey, you want to go home with me?”
“Yeah, you want to go?”
“Um, no – I mean, it’s not that you’re not attractive but I really shouldn’t.”
I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Ok. I just thought I’d ask.”
The next morning I woke up on the couch sicker than a dog – with only my underwear on. Alex and Stephanie had stayed the night and I vaguely remembered them waking me briefly that morning to say they were taking off. I got up and wandered into the kitchen. The cabinets were thrown open, a pot of red beans and rice were sitting on the counter. I stared at it of a second and then ran to the bathroom and threw up. I called Alex.
“Ok, I have to know something.”
“Did we eat that pot of red beans and rice that was in the refrigerator?”
“Yes. We were starved.”
“Oh my Goddess, Alex! We have food poisoning – that’s been in there for a month! It had mold on it!” Alex had to put down the phone and go throw up. Once she was back I asked, “And, why did I wake up with no shirt and only in my underwear on the couch?”
“Because you came home and wanted to play your drums for us. You put on Def Leppard and took off everything but your underwear.”
I paused letting this sink in. It made sense because Rick Allen has alwasy been an idol of mine. (and, in his early days always played shirtless)
“Was I any good?”
“Yeah, from what I can remember.”
“Good, it’s almost worth having food poisoning now and showing y’all my tits.”
“Well, we’re toads now.”
[So, we’re not done – the story gets even more embarrassing.]
Two weeks later I’m at a bar with Alana (yes, that Alana) and her gf Meredith.
“So, how did that whole tattoo thing go?” Meredith asked.
We were sitting at tables along the wall of this bar. On one side were chairs and the other a bench ran down the wall. The tables were placed pretty close together and there were several other women sitting adjacent to us.
I told them the story leading all the way up to the woman in the bar.
“-and, I was so wasted I asked this woman if she wanted to go home and f*ck.”
“Lanie! You didn’t!”
“I did. I did.”
“Well, what did she look like? What was her name?”
“Well, she was an older woman. Pretty decent looking as far as I could tell through my drunken haze but –“ just then I felt eyes on me and looked to the table right beside us and there was the same woman resting her chin in her hand with a half smile on her face waiting for me to finish the story. I immediately turned red and looked down.
“Well, what was her name?” Alana asked.
“I don’t know but she’s sitting right there.” Pointing next to us. “I guess I’ll ask her.”
It was at that point Meredith about fell off her chair laughing and Alana shook her head saying, “I’m going to get you a drink for that one. You’re too much, Lanie.”
Still red I said to the woman, “I’m so sorry. I was so drunk that night.”
-and, just when I thought I was off the hook she added –
-but I’m glad I didn’t go home with you.”
Alana brought back drinks and shots –even for the woman sitting next to us.
Next up I nominate the following bloggers for the TMI award: