TMI friday

Hey, happy Friday and a big thank you to ctrlcandv for the TMI Award and, while I’m at it I want to thank all of you for the constant support and readership on this blog. Y’all rock! So, without further ado:

The TMI Blog Award honors those blogs that discuss everything in detail and do it well. These bloggers aren’t afraid to discuss their most awkward, embarrassing and intimate experiences with honesty, humor and little to no filter.

 Here are the rules

  • Thank the person who presented you with the award.
  • Link back to the blogger who presented the award to you.
  • Share an awkward, embarrassing and intimate story
  • Copy and paste the blog award on your blog.
  • Present the TMI Blog Award to 5 – 10 deserving blogs.
  • Let them know they have been chosen by leaving a comment at their blog.

Alright, I have two embarassing stories that kind of go hand-in-hand  to tell all of you so here goes.

I know some of you who have been reading for awhile may remember me referring to “my toads” as the five friends (some ex-friends now) who share the same Chinese symbol that spells out the word “toad” on our ankles. (I won’t go into the whole meaning of that and how it came about. I will just cut to the main story)

It was a Saturday morning and Debra, Stephanie, Alex and I had just gotten our tattoos. We all had on probably what we slept in the night before – athletic shorts and t-shirts save for all of us wearing flip-flops and me with my cutoff knaki shorts. We had all gotten up that morning and raced to the tattoo place hoping to be the first in line.

“You think they’re going to show?” I asked Debra. We were waiting for both Stephanie and Alex to get there.

“I don’t know. The two of them where waffling on the decision all last night.”

Right then we saw Alex’s VW come screaming into the parking lot and skid to a stop. Both her and Stephanie got out of the car with Alex saying, “Let’s do it.”

Just then the guy came to unlock the door and we all went inside. An hour later we were all standing on the sidewalk with bandages around our ankles. Both Debra and I had gotten the symbol done in the traditional Chinese language read from- top to bottom whereas Alex and Stephanie had gotten the more modern day -left to right.

“What now?” I said.

“Let’s got back to my place and party.”

It was only 2:00 in the afternoon but this mattered to none of us. We first went to Stephanie’s apartment and drank until we’d ran out of beer. Next, we headed to Little 5 points to drink some more at this bar. Finally, around 8:30 and several pitchers later Debra said, “I’m done. I need to go home.”

“Wait. We haven’t done [lesbian bar] yet.”

“I can’t do it. You girls go.”

So, I dropped Debra at her house and followed Alex and Stephanie to the bar. Really, at this point is was amazing that any of us could drive – let alone stand up. Once in the bar there was a burlesque show going on. Once I had gotten a drink, I plopped myself down on the edge of the stage not caring that the dancer was performing just over my shoulder. A woman sat down to my right and I started talking to her – telling her about all of us getting tattoos that day.

“So, which ones are your friends?” She asked.

“Well, see the blonde over there pouring her drink over that other woman’s head?”

Uh, yeah.”

“That’s Alex. And, that’s Leah who’s getting the vodka bath. I don’t blame her – I can’t stand Leah.”

“And, Stephanie?”

I looked around and then spotted her down on the dance floor. “Ok, see the redhead down there grinding in the body sandwich with the two African-American women?”


“THAT’s Stephanie. Hey, you want to go home with me?”


“Yeah, you want to go?”

“Um, no – I mean, it’s not that you’re not attractive but I really shouldn’t.”

I shrugged my shoulders and said, “Ok. I just thought I’d ask.”

The next morning I woke up on the couch sicker than a dog – with only my underwear on. Alex and Stephanie had stayed the night and I vaguely remembered them waking me briefly that morning to say they were taking off. I got up and wandered into the kitchen. The cabinets were thrown open, a pot of red beans and rice were sitting on the counter. I stared at it of a second and then ran to the bathroom and threw up. I called Alex.

“Ok, I have to know something.”


“Did we eat that pot of red beans and rice that was in the refrigerator?”

“Yes. We were starved.”

“Oh my Goddess, Alex! We have food poisoning – that’s been in there for a month! It had mold on it!” Alex had to put down the phone and go throw up. Once she was back I asked, “And, why did I wake up with no shirt and only in my underwear on the couch?”

“Because you came home and wanted to play your drums for us. You put on Def Leppard and took off everything but your underwear.”

I paused letting this sink in. It made sense because Rick Allen has alwasy been an idol of mine. (and, in his early days always played shirtless)

“Was I any good?”

“Yeah, from what I can remember.”

“Good, it’s almost worth having food poisoning now and showing y’all my tits.”

“Well, we’re toads now.”

[So, we’re not done – the story gets even more embarrassing.]

Two weeks later I’m at a bar with Alana (yes, that Alana) and her gf Meredith.

“So, how did that whole tattoo thing go?” Meredith asked.

We were sitting at tables along the wall of this bar. On one side were chairs and the other a bench ran down the wall. The tables were placed pretty close together and there were several other women sitting adjacent to us.

I told them the story leading all the way up to the woman in the bar.

“-and, I was so wasted I asked this woman if she wanted to go home and f*ck.”

“Lanie! You didn’t!”

“I did. I did.”

“Well, what did she look like? What was her name?”

“Well, she was an older woman. Pretty decent looking as far as I could tell through my drunken haze but –“ just then I felt eyes on me and looked to the table right beside us and there was the same woman resting her chin in her hand with a half smile on her face waiting for me to finish the story.  I immediately turned red and looked down.

“Well, what was her name?” Alana asked.

“I don’t know but she’s sitting right there.” Pointing next to us. “I guess I’ll ask her.”

It was at that point Meredith about fell off her chair laughing and Alana shook her head saying, “I’m going to get you a drink for that one. You’re too much, Lanie.”

Still red I said to the woman, “I’m so sorry. I was so drunk that night.”

“It’s alright.”

-and, just when I thought I was off the hook she added –

 -but I’m glad I didn’t go home with you.”

Alana brought back drinks and shots –even for the woman sitting next to us.

Next up I nominate the following bloggers for the TMI award:







past and present




Last night I went out to see Emily play. Prior to the show I sat out back and had beers with Alana.

“Is that the chick you’re here to see?” she nodded in the direction of the table Emily and her band were sitting.

I turned around in my seat, “Yep, that’s her.”

“You should go over there.”

“Nah, I’m biding my time. I won’t get out of here before saying hi. I don’t want to bug her right now. They may be talking about the show.”


We sat out there until I saw the band get up and head to the stage. “Guess that’s my cue.” I said bye to Alana and went inside and pulled up a stool. They only played four songs and I was so disappointed. Don’t get me wrong – they sounded great but I was sorry to see it end so quickly. I’d even ordered a burger and had I known it was going to be over soon I would have waited and hit the taco stand down the street. I sat and finished my burger and fries. I was looking around for the server when this tall blonde with very goofy large glasses appeared in front of me.


“Er, hi.”

“How are you?”

“I’m fine. How are you?”

Who is this? Maybe she’s trying to pick me up and I should just introduce myself, I thought.

“Hey, I’m Lanie.”

“I know, silly, I’m Teri.”

“Teri! Right! It must be the glasses. So, you made it through your test, I take it.”

“Yes. Been working my @ss off.”

“Did you end up at [one hospital]?”

“No, I ended up at [another hospital].”

“Oh, well. Great.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“Well, I saw you sitting over here and I just wanted to come over and say ‘Hi’. Are you here by yourself?”

“Yeah, I just came to catch Emily’s show but I’m taking off now.” Flagging the server.

“Well, good to see you.”

“You, too. Take care.”

She went back across the bar and sat down at a table with some other girls. The one beside her didn’t act remotely like her girlfriend. Just then my phone vibrated.

“Good to see you and could you tell the server to bring my fries? It’s been an hour.”

I looked at my half-eaten fries that were still warm in the cup they serve them in. I grabbed them off the bar with a bottle of ketchup and walked over. I tapped her on the shoulder and she turned. I handed them to her with the ketchup – “you can have the rest of mine, they’re still warm.”


I left after that. I needed to. I have no business what-so-ever getting involved with her again. As I walked out the door I ran right into Emily and her band.

“Hey, great set but too short.”

“Yeah, I know. Since we were opening we had to keep it short.”

I went on to ask her about her next show in April then we started talking about music. Her band got up and went back inside to watch the headlining band and her and I just stood outside and talked about old music, new music, playing around town. It was great!

Finally, I she went back inside and I left feeling all tingly. I had talked to Emily about music – she had stayed out there and talked to me for 30 minutes – just me. I had her undivided attention for that long. It was better than an autograph. And –

-it was so wild that Teri came up to me and I didn’t even recognize her, which, is a miracle considering –

-she was the last person I slept with.

tacos and original sin

I walked in to taco night a ½ hour late last night and didn’t even know it. There was no way I could have made it any earlier. Everyone was standing around talking and I thought they were just lingering until Carrie came running in with tortillas appologizing for being late.  Kaitlyn said hi immediately and then moved off to talk to others. Her attention is always divided at these things – well, she’s the center of attention because she leads it. This is her show.

I talked to the theology professor about fly fishing. He showed me some amazing pictures of him flying fishing. I was exclaiming over a picture of a huge trout when Kaitlyn called us all into a circle to say grace. I ended up in between her and the professor holding hands. All during the prayer all I could think of was her hand in mine. It was cool where mine, I’m sure, was burning up. Thankfully, it wasn’t sweaty. Just warm. She closed the prayer and gave my hand a light squeeze before letting it go. My heart was pounding so hard in my ears I didn’t hear a word of the prayer.

We all lined up and grabbed tacos and sat down at the tables. Again, I ended up right next to her. She started the discussion of wrapping up our Lenten series subject: Sin and Salvation. She has written two questions on the board for us to discuss while we ate. One was: “Are there any leftovers from the discussion?” And –

“What does it mean to you? What did you carry away from it?”

We got into a deep discussion about sin and how it’s such an uncomfortable topic in the church, in group discussions, etc. That it’s not mentioned a lot and what is sin, exactly?

It was discussed that sin could be a number of things. The professor talked about the history of “original sin” and every time he said that all I could think of was “mine’s sitting right next to me.” [and this movie, which, I own.]

The discussion went on until Kaitlyn wrapped it up at 8:30. I lingered over peanut butter pie someone had brought in and talked to the ladies sitting at the far table before finally getting up and grabbing my gear.

I went over to Kaitlyn and nudged her with my helmet, “Hey, good to see you. I’m taking off.”

“Good to see you! I guess I’ll see you…..well, I don’t know when I’ll see you.”

“I know, the girls mentioned bible study starting back up.”

“Yes. Well, I have your number now and I’ll look you up on FB. Tell me your last name again?”

I had told her twice but I didn’t mind. I knew where to find her on there now. She had told me that she was under her Icelandic name when I asked if she was on FB. I asked her to spell it for me and she did. So, I friended her and that’s where we leave it – for now.

coffee with kaitlyn

[Update: I met Kaitlyn for coffee yesterday and I have a drink date lined up with the good doctor on Sunday.]

So, Kaitlyn – yeah, I know you’re all dying to know how that went. It went well, in fact. But, it didn’t quell my crush at all. It even intensified it. She’s an amazing woman.

We were to meet at a coffee shop in Virginia Highlands before she had to go to a meeting at church. When I rode up there was no one there. The café was closed on Mondays. She showed up minutes later and I walked up to her car.

Hey, the café is closed.”

“Oh, darn I forgot they’re closed on Mondays.”

“Here, put this in your car.” I handed her Emily’s latest cd I’d burned.


We decided to leave her car and my bike parked where they were and walk up the street a few blocks to another café. I was glad for the diversion because I was very nervous. I think we were talking about free trade coffee and supporting local shops. I think we laughed a bit on that walk but I can’t remember what about. Once we got there we ordered and I chose a table by the window. We talked and talked and talked and even laughed. It was like we were old or new friends.

“How did you and Heather meet?”

“We met in seminary. She’s ordained although she’s not working in the church right now.”

Wow, she’s with an ordained minister. No way I could ever compete with that.

“Do your parents know about your sexuality?”

“Oh yeah, we were married officially in Iceland, where my parents live.”

That was some of the highlights that she said. It wasn’t all one sided. She asked me several questions about my upbringing and family. I also told her the history of the Lutheran church and what happened.

“That must have been so hard. I can see why you want to just try different churches and see what feels right. I’m getting the impression it’s about community to you. The people in the church.”

Correction: the person in the church, I thought looking at her across the table.

“I need to check the time.”

I looked at my phone, “It’s 6:25”

“Oh, I have 5 minutes to get to the church. Time flys.”

We had been sitting there talking for at least an hour and 15 minutes and it wasn’t lost on me that she allotted an hour and ½ to talk with me. She could have just met me at 6 for a quick cup and been gone.

We walked back to her car. She stopped at her car and said, “Wow, it was nice meeting you and you work two jobs and you still found time to talk to me.”

“No, I was the one who asked you.”

“Well, see you tomorrow night.”

She wasn’t moving from the spot by her car, waiting for me to leave. “Er, my jacket and helmet are in your car.”

“Oh, that’s right!”

She unlocked the door and I grabbed my stuff and said, “Hey, thanks for the chat and see you tomorrow.”

There were no hugs, thankfully, because I don’t know if I could have handled that. So, taco night at the church tonight and I get to see her twice in one week, which, after this I wonder when I’ll see her again.

It’s all good, though. Part of it is that she’s unattainable and I could never be with someone that perfect. I couldn’t. I mean, I don’t think I could even get naked with a woman like that. I’d be shy, feel inadequate. I wouldn’t be able to get it up and-

-I’m also lying to myself just because I know I can’t have her.

fishing & whitewater

Just before the alarm went off on Saturday (4 a.m.) Sadie stood up in the bed ready to go. I had laid out all the camping/fishing gear Friday night in the dining room so I could quickly pack the truck. We did our normal routine of me pouring coffee and then hooking up her leash to go for our morning walk then hitting the shower. But, after that she stood in the middle of the dining room floor looking perplexed as I ran in and out of the house packing the truck. At one point she went and stood at the door like “I’m ready to go and you’re taking me with you.”

“I’m not ready for you yet.” I told her. I still had to load the coolers and the fishing gear.

Finally ready I let her out and opened the door to the truck and said, “Up-hup” which, I always say when I want her to jump into the truck.  It was 5 by the time we got on the road but we still pulled into Nantahala Outdoor Center by 9. As we walked around I saw that they were hosting the U.S. Open Kayak Slalom event that weekend. I have no idea how I lucked out in showing up that weekend but I planned on watching a lot of it in between heading up river to fly fish.

Sadie and I went back to the truck so I could replenish my cup of coffee and headed up to the event start. As we were walking I ran right into my former kayaking instructor, Juliet (actual name). Memories came flooding back of us on the Ocoee River -her pulling me out of an undercurrent and saving my life. I was so in love with her then. Even though this was almost ten years ago she still remembered me and we said “Hi.” She was one of the judges for the event. She said, “Who’s this?” and reached down and petted Sadie.

We chatted a bit more but I took off before she could ask me if/why I ever/never kayaked again after that time on the Ocoee. Despite feeling a bit of nostalgia over those times on the river I didn’t miss it. I didn’t miss the stress of wondering if I was going to get through that class III, IV or V rapid without flipping, hitting my head on a rock or even worse, drowning. No, my time on the river these days is much more relaxing. Standing in no more than waist-high water, tying on a nymph, casting out and watching it float on down hoping for a hit. Yes, my whitewater days were over.

(Juliet – left, Me – right taken on the upper Ocoee River the day prior to my epic swim and hanging up my paddle for good)

When the event started, I saw the first two competitors flip and have to be fished out by a rope. I was glad I wasn’t the only one [historically] who had to be fished out below that rapid. In my better kayaking days I could only get through that particular one 50% of the time. I even remember Juliet coaching me through it. Us in the micro eddie just above and her saying “Now just ride the tongue of it and soon as you get over brace hard on your right side.” No matter how you rode it the current always grabbed the back of your boat sending it vertical and if the brace was missed you flipped having only seconds to catch your role before the side of your helmet would crash into a rock just under the surface downstream. Yeah, fun times. I was suddenly glad I was only a spectator but had immense respect for the male and female competitors in the event.

After watching the first run, Sadie and I went upriver to fly fish. (Well, she slept in the truck while I fished. It was decided very soon that she in fact didn’t have any interest in water.) I parked along the river and walked out. I had tied on a dry fly and as soon as I got out into the river I got a hit, but, nothing else the rest of the afternoon. The other fishermen I spoke to were not getting anything, either. Maybe it was too late in the day. Sadie and I went back to the kayaking event, watched it until the end and went and found a campsite.

As we pulled up to Turkey Creek a big dog ran out barking. Apparently, we had a greeting committee. I opened the door and let Sadie out and she became immediate friends with the big dog whose name escapes me. The owner walked out and said, “I’m sorry I meant to keep him in. He tends to scare people.” I nodded to Sadie and him starting to play and said, “Not her. He’s made a new friend.”

“You’ve been here before, haven’t you?”

“Yes, but it’s been about ten years since I’ve been up this way.”

“I knew I remembered you. Well, choose any site you want.”

I drove down, choosing a site away from everyone else and parked. I pulled the coolers out of the back of the truck, opened a chair and sat down to finish my book with a beer while Sadie ran around the campsite like a little lunatic with her squeak toy in her mouth. We went to bed early that night with both of us curled up on an air mattress in the back of my suv. We were woken up by pouring rain and thunder in the middle of the night but we both just rolled over and went back to sleep – the rain on the roof lulling us back to sleep.

The next morning was cold and wet. I packed up the truck and made coffee while Sadie, again, ran around the campground like a lunatic. We headed out early to fish the river but like the day before there was no action. We went back and watched the kayak semi-finals (and after reading this article today I realized that I petted the No 1 women’s chocolate lab who had ran up to play with Sadie.)

At lunch I ate at the café that was on the river and drank a lovely Breckenridge Vanilla Porter before heading back out to watch the finals.

I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend and I think Sadie did, too.

off the grid and out of the woodwork

Apparently, when I disappear for a few days people start looking for me. From Lee on Saturday when I was on my way to the gorge:

Hey,That time of year again. Beautiful blooms, etc. Going to Savannah this weekend to hang with my parents. I’m sure we will take that drive again to see all the azaleas and such.

Hope you are doing well. 


Sent from Lee’s Fabulous Mobile Device!

Then, on Sunday:
Lanie,I want you to be happy. I believe that all efforts made for having a friendship need to end. I have reached out once again with nothing in return. This is not a friendship anyone should aspire to have. It saddens me but I have to let it go.

I’m glad we were able to experience Savannah once again and I will never forget our first trip there and to Tybee. You will always have a special place in my heart. I know…cheesey but true.

I am thankful for all the fun and adventures we had together. There is nothing wrong with a shout out once in a while okay.

I still think about working together with landscape design and actually doing the work. You never know. We did great together. Just a thought.

Pet Sadie for me.

On my way to Savannah…sitting here at the DOT in Macon…Kneesa potty spot! Haha

Take care.


Sent from Lee’s Fabulous Mobile Device!

Today, once I got back, unloaded the truck, cut the grass, took my first shower since Saturday morning and sat down to look at my emails I saw both. Of course I didn’t reply to either – not only because I was in the gorge and had no cell/email/text service but also I.DON’T.CARE. Maybe she will leave me alone now for good.
Next up was finally a reply from Kaitlyn:
Hey Lanie,Sorry its taken me a minute to respond. By the way, I listened to the song you sent and I really like it! They have a great sound and I like the lyrics to that song too. I would like to go to the show, but I have a church council meeting that evening at the church. But it would be great to hear them sometime—maybe they’ll play again at Eddie’s?

In terms of getting coffee…would you be able to meet in the afternoon either on Monday or Tuesday? Or is evening the only time you are free? I have something going in the evening Mon-Wed (taco night being one! :)) But if you are free in the afternoon on Monday for example, we could meet up. Heather would not be able to come, but we could grab a cup. Would be fun to get a chance to talk more with you. 


I wrote Kaitlyn back to the extend of  -Glad you enjoyed the song, will burn you a copy of the cd and that I could probably get away Monday afternoon to meet up for coffee.
And, no reply from the good doctor. So, she needs a nudge. Doctors get busy, time flys. So – “Janice, did you want to try to set up a night to have a drink? Hope you had a great weekend. Lanie”
So, it’s all out there. I will have to tell you all about my trip but I’m too tired to write any more right now so stay tuned.

gone fishing chex mix

I’ve decided to take the dog and head up to North Carolina to go fly fishing this weekend. The best time to catch some whopping trout on the upper Nantahala is in March and I missed it last year. Plus, the dog has webbed feet and refuses to get them wet so I need to teach her how to swim. So, I got my fishing license, ordered a new pair of waders to be delivered Friday and Saturday [very early] Sadie and I are heading out.

I think I’m going to have to break up with my chiropractor. I know. It’s for everyone’s good, though. First, I’m supposed to a. take a picture of my posture sitting at my desk at work. (Yes, I know my posture is bad but I’m honestly going to work on it and skip the lecture sister because I know that’s what you’re going to do when you see it.) b. She wants me to bring in my pillow(s). (Again, she’s going to lecture me on needing new pillows) and c. I only have moderate relief and I expected more by now. I mean, I’ve been there twice. Plus, she hasn’t even cracked my neck where most of the pain is coming from. So, I must move on. I will be sad to see her go but, alas, I need relief not lectures.

Charlie and Jennifer are coming up in April and stay with me. While they’re here I’m having a party. I just sent out the invitation today and can’t wait!

So, I haven’t heard back from Kaitlyn about coffee. I mean, she was the one who emailed me about letting her know when’s a good time, so, that’s exactly what I did. I don’t know if it’s what you say that she sensed something amiss. I know she’s with someone. I’m just trying to make a new friend, here. I don’t know why coffee or seeing if her and her partner (I included her) wanted to go listen to some music would be a big deal. If she does sense something amiss then I don’t know why the h*ll lesbians have to be so F-ing strange about everything. Can’t possibly have friendships outside the relationship – no, no. Anyway, I’m not pursuing it anymore – like you said, Mel – the ball is in her court. And – speaking of balls –

– me and the good doctor are setting up a time to go have a drink. We’ve exchanged a few emails with her even saying “Sure, it would be nice to get to know you better.”  But, like Kaitlyn, hasn’t emailed me back about when’s a good time for her. SO, again, the balls in her court and I’m not going to go over there and get it. (But, I’m cutting her a lot of slack because she’s a dr.)

So, if Kaitlyn wants to be friends then she’s going to have to do something about it. If the doc wants to go out for a drink then SHE’s going to have to do something about it.

Me, I’ve done my part and I’m going off the grid for the weekend and they can figure it out and if they don’t then so be it.

taco night

It’s was a weird night – mostly good but weird all the same.

I had a great day starting off with sleeping in late because I had a meeting downtown. I rolled through the old neighborhood and stopped for a latte’ and a chocolate croissant.

After work I walked Sadie, met Alana out for dinner and then went on to theology study. That’s where it got weird. First of all, Kaitlyn came in late and sat at another table. In fact, I didn’t even know she was there until I looked over. She had emailed me about some events at the church and setting up a time for coffee and I had emailed her back with some days I could do coffee. I had also attached a link to Emily’s site so she could listen to one of her songs. I had asked if she were in to music perhaps check her out. (Only because one of Emily’s songs is very spiritual and I wanted her to hear it) I hadn’t heard back but assumed she thought she was going to see me tonight and we would talk then.

So afterwards, I went over to her and she was deep in a conversation with some guy who I’ve seen in class and church. He was the one crunching on pretzels and ice all through the lecture and was getting the F on my nerves. Finally, after he left she apologized saying she got my email and hadn’t replied. I said no problem and asked her if she listened to the link. She said she hadn’t and followed with something that she was going through email and was going to come back to it. She wanted to know what kind of music it was and I told her the name of the group, about the woman who was the headliner and that their music was a bit Appalachian and I wanted her particularly to hear the first song – that I found it very spiritual. I thought she might dig it.

Just then the theology professor came up and shook my hand and thanked me for my attendance. He’s done this every time I’ve been there and I’ve appreciated it despite sometimes not having any idea what the F they were talking about. He referenced Wesley and I finally asked who Wesley was and he went into an explanation on him (who founded the Methodist church which, I felt like a total dumb @ss after that). The whole time I was wondering if I was going to be able to talk to Kaitlyn again about coffee.

Finally, conversation finished she turned to me again and said, “So, yes, I will email you about coffee. I’m still not sure about the schedule and Heather’s schedule  – I mean, she works late most nights (another lawyer) so I dunno.” 

“That’s fine. Just let me know. See you at taco night next week?”

“Yeah, see you then.”

And, we left. She was different tonight. The past two times I’ve seen her she’s lit up and we’ve chatted and laughed and it went so fast. Tonight, she sat at another table, she was reserved, I had to go to her, she was unsure about the plans. I admit I got a weird vibe. Maybe things were going on at home. Maybe she’d had a bad day and just didn’t feel up to being the outgoing, caring minister. I get that. But, I’m at the place where I want to be friends so tell me what’s wrong, preach. I mean, have you ever met someone you thought could be your best friend? And, you wanted it to just start?

I drove home wondering that now that theology study is over with and I’m unavailable most weekends for church if I’d ever see Kaitlyn again if we never secured a coffee date. Or, I should say – became friends outside the church. Maybe it’s time to let it go.

Taco night might be the last night I see her.

And – I think I’m going to have to break up with hot chiropractor. To be continued…….

vacation mode, riding

This morning I rolled over and looked at the clock and shot out of bed. It was 6 a.m. (Normally, I leave for work at 6:15) I went into the kitchen to pour coffee and found none in the pot. I had forgotten that I had set the delay brew time later for vaca mode. I pushed the button to start it and went back into the bedroom. Sadie was still in bed with only her rump sticking out from under the blankets. I said a couple of “where’s the puppy?” and she didn’t even move. Normally, I see the lump rise and try to find the opening of the blanket and sheet with her head. This morning, nothing.

Every thing and every one was still in vacation mode.

It should have been a sign to crawl back in bed and go back to sleep. I hadn’t slept the night before at all. I contributed it to drinking coffee at 9:00 at night trying to stay awake for the concert to start. I grabbed a dog leg and tugged a little and repeated my question. Finally, I heard a groan from the lump and she stood up.

We went for our morning walk. By the time we were back the coffee was done and I poured a cup and headed for the shower. At least I would make it sometime today. I looked at the weather on my phone and it showed only 10% rain. I was riding.

I [somehow] walked into work only 15 minutes late. No one seemed to notice. Work was uneventful and then I rode home and took Sadie on a long walk before riding over to my appointment with hot chiro. More lecturing about my posture and asking me if I had been doing the physical therapy exercises with my neck. I lied and said I had been doing them constantly but she still made me do a set in front of her – I have to pull my chin back  until it appears that I have a double chin, almost looking like a chicken. The only thing that keeps me from pure mortification is that she does them with me. We look like two chickens. Finally, it was time to lay down on the table much to my relief. I loved it when she put the electrodes on my neck and laid the heating pad on me. It was dark and I could hear her voice behind me.

“How was your weekend? Did you go to the pub like you said?”

“Yes, it was a blow-out. How about you? Did you end up going to [pub  in downtown Decatur]?”

“No, we stayed home. Ran errands and crazy stuff.”

I heard disappointment in her voice. She had told me that her and her partner had an 18- month child and her “wife” the lawyer was the  birth mother.

“So, you’re the daddy.” I quipped.

She chuckled, “Well, I guess so. He only minds me. When I tell him to do something he does it. Like put on his jacket. His mom just lets him get away with anything. But, I was told I’m having the next one.”

As I lay face down on the table I thought, “Don’t do it.”

I don’t know why that popped into my head. I mean, maybe she wants kids. Maybe her and her lawyer have a great life. Just because I don’t want kids doesn’t mean someone else doesn’t.

“I just can’t wait for us to go to the cabin this weekend.”

“Where’s the cabin?”

“Highlands, NC.”

“It’s beautiful up there.”

I wondered if she had been waiting for this get-away for quite some time. Maybe she was hoping they were finally going to spend some alone time together. They hadn’t had sex since he was born. She kept complaining about needing to heal and then being tired. Plus, she was working on an important case, trying to make partner. Suddenly, a voice echoed in my head and I realized that I had dozed off.

“You can get up now.”

I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “How long was I out?”

“Not long.”

“I bet you get a lot of that.”

“Yes, that’s a popular table for sleeping and drooling.”

I looked at the paper sheet that was pulled across the top that held my face moments earlier and sure enough there was a drool spot. My face felt hot and I knew I was turning red.

She handed me a slip of paper to take to the receptionist and said, “I want to see you in here on Friday.”

I walked out to my bike and took my time putting on my headphones, choosing the right song. I got on and started it and let it run for a second. As I pulled out of the drive I could have sworn I saw a curtain move. I decided to ride around Atlanta until dark tonight listening to music and thinking.