sin and running out of time

I can tell that I’m approaching total burnout from working two weekends in a row. Which means that my last full day off was February 20th. Suck it up, Lanie – you’ll have some time off next week. Next week a childhood friend of mine is flying in from Indiana. We’ll call her FP for Famous Psychologist. (sounds better than famous shrink) I can’t remember the last time I saw her and am really looking forward to her visit. I will write more about her and our adventures later.

Last night I went to church and saw Kaitlyn and, again, she plunked down right beside me. Our feet almost touched under the table. She wrote on a piece of paper taking notes right next to my cookies and coffee. I wondered if she noticed how close she was. Unbeknownst to her she had invaded the invisible line I call my personal space. Despite her oblivion I welcomed it. The study last night was based on sin.

Sin = transgression – I thought about her.

Sin = trespassing – her

Sin = guilt – me guilty over wanting her

Sigh, it meant so many things that I could apply….to her.  Afterwards, I said in passing that maybe all this was a little out of my depth.

“How did you study it in your church back home?”

“We didn’t, Kaitlyn, it was simple – you sin, you’re going to hell.”

She asked me for my email address after that. I said she already had it.

“That’s right. I do. I just have to plug you into my address book.”

And then what?  I so wanted to ask.

I wondered what she was going to email me about. Sin? Anyway, I never hear from the people I want to hear from but hear tons from the ones who I don’t –

-the other night Sadie and I were curled up on the bed watching Fringe when my phone vibrated. I pick it up and saw it was a text from just a number – which, meant it was Lee because I didn’t put her number into my new phone.

“Half of burgers!! Haha”

I looked at it and put it back, What the f-ing-F? I’m ignoring that.

Sometime later another text, “My @ss is still at work. 45 more min and it will be 12 hr day….I think I will leave in 5 min. ha”

Does the woman memorize the same cliff notes on what to say because it’s like a reel on a cassette tape that gets rewound every time. Again, I ignored her. Maybe she will go away.

Later, I was texting Ellen about this.

I texted Ellen, “I should text Lee and say ‘I just did my taxes and owe 10k – haha!”

Ellen wrote back, “But then she would text back, ‘that’s too bad….i did my taxes two months ago and they already paid me the $50,000 return and am off on a world trip to Europe in three days. My boss said I could be paid for the whole time I’m gone cause I’m such a hard worker and worked 12 hours the other day…..Ha ha! Half price burgers!”

I was cracking up and wrote back, “Add on that, ’Olivia cruise lines decided to make me the spokesperson because I’m so hot and relate so well to women and even Melissa Ethridge wrote a song about me and is performing along side me on the cruise – which, is headed to Italy. Gonna see some art! Haha!”

So, at least I’m getting some mileage out of Lee and her antics but now I’m being stalked by Hannah. Yes, Hannah. I got a FB message from her yesterday that caused me to go “Ahh!” and whip off a frantic text to both Ellen and Charlie saying “Wtf?”

It said,

“hey woman….called you a couple times. haven’t heard back! don’t have to just be your drinkn buddy:) i had that awful food poisoning this past week. wow. horrible. think i lost 5 lbs. let get together soon!”

Yeah, I hadn’t called her back and wanted to do a fade out ever since I felt the winds shift that night we went to see Emily. I could tell that night when I was walking her to her truck that she wanted me to take her hand or kiss her to which I did neither. I wrote back,

Hey,  Hannah- I’m sorry you got food poisoning. I hope you’re feeling better. Yeah, I’m sorry I’ve been lame getting back to you. I’ve worked the past two weekends an have been busy. Got another work weekend ahead of me and then a friend in town visiting and then I should be free.”

I purposely left it open-ended making no plans until –

I took Sadie for a walk down to the lake and ran right into her walking her dog. I silently cursed myself when I saw her in the distance. “Why does this always happen to me?”

And, just the fact that she acted like she didn’t see me until the last minute confirmed that she went down there hoping to run into me. We walked around the lake and I said that I had replied to her FB message and I knew by her reaction that she’d already read it despite saying “Oh, ok.” It confirmed mentally that my reply wasn’t what she wanted so she went down there to find me. So, sigh – we have a dinner date for Monday.

[And, it’s not lost on me that because I never initiate anything with these women they get all clingy on me and suddenly find me soooo attractive. Although, it only works on the psychos!]

How is it that I get all these dates I don’t want? I’m fully prepared to tell Hannah on Monday that my heart belongs to someone else if she tries anything fishy.

But, who does it belong to? Kaitlyn? Emily? Some hot female firefighter I haven’t even met yet? Who?

Things would be a hell heck of a lot less complicated if I had a girlfriend. Summer is approaching and I’m running out of time.






One thought on “sin and running out of time

  1. Tell her your heart belongs to yourself because you have not found the right person to give it to yet and it wouldn’t do her or you any favors if you pretended it belonged to her.


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