not there yet or already there

I don’t even know where to begin.

Let’s go back to last Saturday and work forward, shall we?

Saturday, Savannah and I took in a leisurely lunch before going to the High Museum to see the Picasso exhibit.  On the way home from the exhibit we stopped off at a bar in downtown [burb of Atlanta] and had a beer. Afterwards, as we were walking to the car I spied Kate and Kendra sitting on the patio.

“Hold on, I want to say hi to these ladies.”

As I walked up, I noticed Cindi sitting with them. Cindi and I haven’t spoken since I blew her off last December. When I saw her I shrugged to myself thinking, “I’m going to bury the hatchet. I don’t want anymore weirdness.”

So, I said hi and invited them to the Irish pub with us later. Savannah and I were meeting Ellen, Louise, Amanda and Beth there. When Savannah and I got in the truck I said, “Those ladies may be joining us tonight. Cindi and I got drunk together last December and I kissed her.”

So, yeah – K&K and Cindi showed up at the bar later and we had a big table of girls. We ended up taking the party to my house with Cindi driving us there since Savannah and I had walked from the house. And, again Cindi and I – uh – got buzzed and kissed. I don’t know what it is about that woman but yes, alcohol tends to make both of us lose our inhibitions around each other.

The next day, I took Savannah to the airport and we had breakfast before she got on her plane (barely making it, according to her FB message later). I called Cindi and went to get coffee. We talked about what happened the previous evening – both checking in to see if everything was ok. We ended up laughing about it and agreed to work on a friendship. I was parked at the church waiting for service to start. I was excited that I was off and could go. I walked in and immediately saw Kaitlyn who gave me a huge wave. My heart leap into my throat. I took a seat and two of the women I met in the Wednesday night theology class came over and said hi.

The service started and Kaitlyn went up the front of the church and all the children gathered around her and she read them a story. I was sitting there thinking, “This woman just blows me away.” The whole thing was so pathetically cute and wholesome that even I scolded myself for putting her up on a pedestal of perfect goodness. “She’s human just like everyone else, Lanie. Yeah, but she is so hot……you really are the gatekeeper for hell, Lanie – crushing on the minister who’s in a relationship no less.”

After church I went up to talk to her.

“It’s so good to see you! I was surprised since you said you work most weekends.”

“Uh, yeah, I know – it’s great.” Thinking, ‘seeing you’. then, took the plunge and asked, “So, I wanted to see if you and your partner wanted to grab coffee or a meal sometime.”

“Yeah, that would be great! I will check our schedule and email you this week.”

“Great! Yeah, let me know. I will see you Wednesday at theology study.”

So, yeah – I’m attempting a friendship with HMM and her partner.

Then I went home and got Sadie. It was an 80 degree day and I packed some water and headed to the park. I called Cindi and asked if she was up for a walk with us. She decided to come down. We had decided we needed to be around each other sober to see if we behaved. We walked around the park until Sadie was so tired I thought I was going to have to pick her up and carry her to the car on my shoulders. We ended up at a pizza place in Oakhurst talking about our ex’s.

“Now when I get texts from Lee I just start making up funny stories.”

Just then Cindi’s phone vibrated and she picked it up. “Speak of the devil. She said, ‘want to come over for potroast?”

“Hmm, ok – I got this – tell her that you’re eating anchovies off a beautiful blonde right now and have your hands full.”

She chuckled, “That’s great but she knows I don’t eat anchovies.”

“Well, think of another pizza topping you do eat.”

As soon as I got home I had to fly into the shower and meet a friend downtown for a concert. The weekend wasn’t over yet. I was feeling it by then and decided that a bike ride there might wake me up. So, I took the Triumph and cut through neighborhoods to get there.

The concert was good but it was a bit emotional for my friend. She just got out of something and was feeling really blue. Seeing her emotions made me glad I wasn’t dealing with all that now.  In fact, Cindi and I had just talked about that earlier that day – not wanting to be in anything right now. I think the two of us scare the hell out of each other, to be honest. Oh, it’s all easy to crush on all these women who aren’t available –HMM, the woman in my motorcycle class, chiro and let’s not forget Emily (who I’m seeing play again next week) but when it comes to actually seeing someone who’s available maybe I’m just not ready. Or maybe I still haven’t met the right one. Or maybe I’m going to wait for HMM to be single.

Either way, I’m just hanging out and enjoying myself.


One thought on “not there yet or already there

  1. Its easy to like someone that is unavailable, and it really doesn’t hurt, besides the initial “damn, in a relationship”. Its like the paper cut version of liking someone, it doesn’t hurt as much as it is annoying, or gross. Papercuts gross me out.


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