[Update: I met Kaitlyn for coffee yesterday and I have a drink date lined up with the good doctor on Sunday.]
So, Kaitlyn – yeah, I know you’re all dying to know how that went. It went well, in fact. But, it didn’t quell my crush at all. It even intensified it. She’s an amazing woman.
We were to meet at a coffee shop in Virginia Highlands before she had to go to a meeting at church. When I rode up there was no one there. The café was closed on Mondays. She showed up minutes later and I walked up to her car.
“Hey, the café is closed.”
“Oh, darn I forgot they’re closed on Mondays.”
“Here, put this in your car.” I handed her Emily’s latest cd I’d burned.
We decided to leave her car and my bike parked where they were and walk up the street a few blocks to another café. I was glad for the diversion because I was very nervous. I think we were talking about free trade coffee and supporting local shops. I think we laughed a bit on that walk but I can’t remember what about. Once we got there we ordered and I chose a table by the window. We talked and talked and talked and even laughed. It was like we were old or new friends.
“How did you and Heather meet?”
“We met in seminary. She’s ordained although she’s not working in the church right now.”
Wow, she’s with an ordained minister. No way I could ever compete with that.
“Do your parents know about your sexuality?”
“Oh yeah, we were married officially in Iceland, where my parents live.”
That was some of the highlights that she said. It wasn’t all one sided. She asked me several questions about my upbringing and family. I also told her the history of the Lutheran church and what happened.
“That must have been so hard. I can see why you want to just try different churches and see what feels right. I’m getting the impression it’s about community to you. The people in the church.”
Correction: the person in the church, I thought looking at her across the table.
“I need to check the time.”
I looked at my phone, “It’s 6:25”
“Oh, I have 5 minutes to get to the church. Time flys.”
We had been sitting there talking for at least an hour and 15 minutes and it wasn’t lost on me that she allotted an hour and ½ to talk with me. She could have just met me at 6 for a quick cup and been gone.
We walked back to her car. She stopped at her car and said, “Wow, it was nice meeting you and you work two jobs and you still found time to talk to me.”
“No, I was the one who asked you.”
“Well, see you tomorrow night.”
She wasn’t moving from the spot by her car, waiting for me to leave. “Er, my jacket and helmet are in your car.”
“Oh, that’s right!”
She unlocked the door and I grabbed my stuff and said, “Hey, thanks for the chat and see you tomorrow.”
There were no hugs, thankfully, because I don’t know if I could have handled that. So, taco night at the church tonight and I get to see her twice in one week, which, after this I wonder when I’ll see her again.
It’s all good, though. Part of it is that she’s unattainable and I could never be with someone that perfect. I couldn’t. I mean, I don’t think I could even get naked with a woman like that. I’d be shy, feel inadequate. I wouldn’t be able to get it up and-
-I’m also lying to myself just because I know I can’t have her.