Sadie and I haven’t been ourselves since the girls left. As I snapped her lesh on go for a walk the other day she whined and whined.

“I know, Sadie. I miss them, too.”

I know both of us had a great time playing with them while they were here. Too easy was it to run around and do fun things and party. Since they’ve been gone it’s been a literal hangover – mostly the real kind and then the mental kind of going back to work, getting sh*t done. The day to day doldrums have taken hold.

Right after they left on Friday I rolled into a weekend class. Part of me didn’t want to do it. I tried to give it away actually but I couldn’t. I was stuck doing it. It was a full class (which, is rare for this site) and they were very high maintenance. By Sunday I was wiped out. I don’t remember ever being so tired – even when I did the 3 day walk. I went home and propped my feet up and drank a beer. I relished the coolness of it going down.

I think I need a vacation from my vacation. I’m working the whole month of May straight through and then I’m going to take a week off and go somewhere. Who knows….

Maybe I need to go here.


blackness then redness

I sit at my desk at work trying to see the computer screen through my tired and bleary eyes. It’s Friday and Jennifer and Charlie are leaving today. It’s been a week – in a good way.

Wednesday night Jennifer, Charlie and I went down to a local bar to shoot some pool. My pool league is approaching tournament and every little bit of practice helps right now.

We grabbed a table, got  beers and started playing. Later, I got us a round of bourbon shots but made everyone wait to drink when we heard Pink’s song “Raise your glass” I put into the jukebox.

Back at the house I pulled out a bottle of bourbon and that’s when it got interesting. I put on disco music and started dancing. Charlie video’d me and Jennifer getting down to KC and the Sunshine band [and, uploaded it to FB].

After that the world went black.

I woke up the next morning and it was light outside. Shit. I was late for work. I got up a little too quickly and almost fainted. I sat down on the bed and looked around my bedroom. The boots and jeans I’d had on the night before were in a heap in the corner. My elbow hurt. I didn’t remember how I got there. I needed to get to work. I slowly crept to the shower.

It wasn’t until that afternoon after pulling into the carport and Jennifer pressing a bloody Mary into my hand that I found out that Charlie had found me passed out in the back yard.

“Yeah, Jennifer was puking and then I found you passed out in the back yard. I was literally in the weeds last night taking care of you two.”

“Charlie came and got me and said, ‘Help me get Lanie out of the back yard.’ We carried you in to the house and put you to bed.”

“So, you guys took my clothes off.”  It was a statement.

They both nodded. “Yeah.”

“And, you both saw me naked then.”

Smiling they nodded again.

“And, you’re not a true blonde, Lanie.” Jennifer said.

I turned as red as the drink in my hand.

pressure’s off

This morning I woke up next to a warm body that for once wasn’t my dog. I saw long, brown wavy hair poking out from under the blanket. I reveled in the moment and quietly tried to get up.

She rolled over and kissed me. “Hey you, where are you going?”

“I’m just going to go check on my dog and my friends. I’ll be back. You sleep.”

It was the morning after my party the previous night.

Let’s back up.

The morning after Ellen’s party Creed and her came over to join Charlie, Jennifer and I for brunch at my house.

“What are you fixing?” Charlie asked.

I don’t know – probably something with eggs since Ellen practically owns an egg producing factory from those chickens of hers.”

After a great brunch we went into action preparing for the party.

“How many people do you think will be here tonight?” Jennifer asked.

“Well, 28 are confirmed and that doesn’t include other people they want to bring. So, I’d say at least 30 will show.”

“Damn, that’s a big party. Do you think hippy-dippy and both Cindi’s are going to show?”

Just then I got a text from one of the stalker Cindi’s saying she was back in town and coming that night and wanted to know what I needed for the party. I texted back, “Ice, please. Thx.”

I sighed. “That was Cindi just now – she did decide to come back from California early for the party.”

Charlie smiled relishing giving me hell about her. “So, are you going to get drunk and kiss her again?”

I shook my head as vigorously as my hangover allowed. “No way, man. I’m staying away from her.”

“What about the other Cindi?

The other Cindi joined us on a motorcycle trip the previous Sunday and since then had been emailing me nonstop. She had also showed up to watch me play pool on Thursday. That night she had commented on my pretty blue eyes as I stared longingly across the bar at Lisa. I left her just then to get in a quick hi to Lisa before she started her match.

“No, I’m not interested in her either. She’s hippy without the dippy. Charlie, I don’t know what I’m going to do tonight if I get mobbed by both the Cindi’s and hippy-dippy. It’s almost going to be like The Walking Dead. Flesh eating women I’m not interested in.” I put my arms up mimicking a zombie.

I thought to myself again why everyone I liked was in a relationship and the single ones interested in me I had not the slightest interest in. I sighed, “Even Lisa is probably in a relationship although she never said she was bringing anyone to the party tonight.”

That night both Cindi’s showed without hippy-dippy. I thought this was a good sign – at least I could manage to get away from two instead of three. Plenty of people showed including some of the girls I used to party with way back. It was so great seeing them. I was out back talking to a bunch of peeps when I saw Lisa walk up with a small cooler in her hand. I was so glad to see her. I greeted her and she sat down in a chair on the back porch and other people trickled over to say hi.

I was having everyone make name tags with whatever name they wanted to go by that night. Bird and the Good Doctor walked in and I gave them both a hug. As I hugged Janice she apologized for the other night.

“Hey, it’s ok, no problem but you have to let me make up names for your name tags.” Mine said “Beer Bio-tch” They agreed and I wrote out “Good Doctor” and “Bird (ex gf)” and stuck it on laughing to myself on how appropriate that they go by the blog names I made up for them.

“So far so good”, I thought.

We partied on. One Cindi was holding court inside and the other was outside so I felt that it was a nice balance. If one got too intense I would leave until the other got too intense. I’d go inside and grab a bite to eat and talk to people and then back outside to grab a beer and talk to more people including Lisa making sure I talked to everyone that night. At one point inside Cindi tried to corner me to try some beer she brought over in a growler and after taking a sip, “That’s tasty, hey I need to go ask Amber something.” and left.

I threw myself into the chair next to Lisa and we started talking. I have no idea what we were talking about except she apologized for not getting over to meet Charlie and Jennifer the other night but said she had her hands full with her team.

“It’s ok. You’re here now.”

People were starting to trickle out and I noticed that Lisa was still planted in her chair.

You have the most beautiful eyes.” It had quite the opposite effect than Cindi saying it the other night at pool. She reached over just then and laid a kiss on me. Hippy Cindi witnessed the whole thing and decided just then to leave.

One down, one to go.

I sat back in my chair, “Wow, I didn’t see that coming.”

“You didn’t?”

“No, I had no idea when did that start?”

“You remember that night at pool when I was so upset about my Mom being in the hospital and talking to me?”

“Of course.” Her Mom was in the ER previously that day and the only reason she was there was because she had to get her team started in playing and her Mom had been checked out and her sister was with her.

“You were so caring and then very next week you again asked me about her. Then, we talked about Europe another night and I really liked talking to you.”

I sat there for a minute and said, “You want to go back to my bedroom and look at Europe pictures?”


We both got up, walked past the other Cindi (in fact, she was the last one to leave the party) and went to my bedroom and closed the door.

I think she got the hint then.

Despite not knowing if it’s going to go anywhere with Lisa it’s still great to feel that someone [single] finds me attractive – especially, after the mental beating I took seeing Lee with her model-like gf the previous night. It relieved a lot of pressure, too –

-in more ways than one.

spring break &

Well, this will probably be the last post for awhile. Charlie and Jennifer are rolling into town and after that we’ll be busy with parties. I have to finish up some stuff on the house today and then run to the store. Tomorrow they should beat me to the house before I get home from work.

So, we have a ton of people rolling into town. Last night Rhoda came in with her gf Heather. Rhoda is a friend of Ellen’s (hell, they all are) who is a musician and will be playing at the bar up the road next weekend. Heather is also a musician (maybe she’s playing with Rhoda as well?). Charlie and Jennifer get in tomorrow and next week Ellen’s friend Wendy will be here. (I’ve met everyone except her.)

It feels almost like spring break.

Last night I was at my favorite joint having a beer with Alana getting ready for the game to start (we finally beat the Mets – yeah!) when Nancy walked by. I didn’t recognize her at first because she cut off all her hair. I thought, “Who’s that dyke?” then I realized who it was. She walked by holding hands with another woman. I nudged Alana and said, “I’m gonna text you.”

They were literally sitting so close to us that I could hear their conversation – and, they ours – why I wanted to text Alana.

“Nancy is the one that Susan was trying to date.” I texted.

“Susan the one from Key West?”  Alana texted back.

“Yes. The one who couldn’t possibly meet me for a drink the last time she was in town because she wanted to spend alllllll of her time with Nancy.”

“Ooooh, right. I remember. Who’s that girl she’s with?”

“Don’t know but it doesn’t appear her and Susan are together anymore.”

“Women suck.” Alana said out loud.

“They sure do.” I replied.

I could hear their conversation and I swear Nancy said:

“Yeah, a year ago I had just gotten out of jail and was smoking cigarettes and drinking like a fish.”

I was surprised about the jail and cigarettes but the fish part was still the same to me.

I almost wanted to go over and put my arm around her and ask her how her girlfriend, Susan, was doing.  But, I didn’t. I’m not friends with Susan anymore so why should I care?

I finally tuned out and watched the game. It was way more interesting than Nancy.



other than that how was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?

I had this past weekend off from work and Saturday I decided to clean the house and get ready for Charlie and Jennifer’s visit next week. I spent most of the day sweeping and mopping the floors and dusting, doing laundry, etc. Later, I was taking a break and watching OZ and having some chips and salsa when I heard the doorbell.

I hate to hear the doorbell. That can mean one of three things – a salesperson, a religious person or someone just dropping in unannounced. Which, I’d almost take a Jehovah witness over the later. I peeped out and there was Hannah standing in my carport.

I hadn’t returned any of Hannah’s calls in the last month. I reluctantly opened the door.

“Hey, what’s up?” thinking, why the hell you stopping by my house unannounced?

“Oh, well where’s the party? You are having a party, aren’t you?”

 “Yeah, that’s next weekend.”

“Oh, I thought it was this weekend.”

Obviously, unless you’re running a scam on me, I thought.

Hannah had her 250 parked in the carport behind my Triumph.

“I see you rode your bike over.”

“Yeah, I was just out for a ride.”

“And you thought you were going to ride to a party? What were you thinking, missy?” I couldn’t help but give her the riot act for drinking and riding. Plus, it made me think she didn’t mess up the party time but was just stalking cruising by and wanted to see what I was up to. I sighed inwardly.

“Well, while I’m here do you want to go for a ride?”

I had no excuse at the moment. I, again, sighed inwardly and said, “Sure, let me grab my gear.”

We rode around town and then stopped off at a Mexican place for chips and salsa. After that we parted ways. I’m really not sure if she is coming to the party next weekend but I hope she doesn’t ride her bike and hope to stay over because I’m going to have a full house.

The next day I had a ride planned with some experienced riders down to Juliette in south Georgia to the Whistle Stop café for lunch. TC showed, this hot little number, and two other girls from pool. We had a great ride taking the back roads the whole way down. I had never been there before but it’s just a small place in the road in the middle of nowhere. We pulled up early at the place not realizing we’d get there so soon and decided to ride for another hour and come back for lunch. I lead the ride and got us good and lost out through the country. We had to stop and look at the gps unit. I got us pretty close as the restaurant was just down the road. After lunch, TC took off to her moms, Amber rode with us part of the way and split off to I-75 to downtown leaving Cathy, Deidra and I to wind our way back. We rolled into town about 3. After dumping the bike off and having a beer I checked my messages on my phone. I had a missed call earlier but assumed it was Deidra calling to say she’d meet me at the pub up the street. I listened to the message and realized it was doggie daycare saying something had happened to Sadie. I just drove straight there. Once there I was told that she had sustained a scratch on her muzzle, that it wasn’t too bad and that she must have been playing with another dog when it happened but that they didn’t see it at the time. I was simmering but knew losing my tempter would not be appropriate at that moment. I asked to see her and they said they’d taken her over to the vet to get checked out. I said I was heading over there and they said they’d take care of doggie daycare for that day and the vet bill. I asked even for the follow-up should she need stitches and they said, Yes.

I was steamed.

I went over to the vets and they had her in the back room. Apparently they were waiting on a consent from met to stitch up her face. They brought her in and she was happy to see me but her “scratch” was more of a laceration and very deep. It was at least an inch long and would need to be stitched up.

They said they needed to knock her out to do the stitches and that she’d need to be on antibiotics and were giving me some pain pills. They said they’d call when I could come pick her up. I left and went over to Alana’s house and drank a beer.

About an hour later they called to say I could come get her and I did. She was out of it when I got her. I helped her into the truck and she just crashed.

When I got her home I put her on the bed and she crashed again. Later, she woke up and was whimpering. I fed her a little food and shoved some pills down her throat. She was really pitiful throughout the night – every time I would move she would wake up and whimper. I would rub her head and back until she fell asleep.

This morning she seemed to feel a little better. We went for a walk, she ate her chow and I gave her another pain pill before crating her and going to work. Hopefully, she will sleep all day today.

Charlie and Jennifer are coming this week and bringing their dog, Bailey and Sadie’s gonna be all beat up. I’m so pissed at the doggie daycare place.

So, that was my weekend.

vacation, work, work, work and vacation

Goddess, I’m going to die.

I just got my motorcycle schedule for May. Yeah, I’m working every weekend except the last one – Memorial Day weekend. But, it’s a mixed bag. I will be working a lot but I plan to take the whole week off and head on down to Florida and see what kind of trouble I can get in to…..and, you know I will. 😉 This is typical for this time of year. Last year I worked almost all of April and May and Lee and I went to Pensacola. (Gosh, was that just last year?) I remember having a really good time with her then. When I remember good times with her it causes my heart to sink.

I think “WTF?!” then-

“She can go F herself. I was the best thing that ever happened to her.”  

Ok, I’m not going to think about that – only that there’s something mentally not there with that girl that I can’t do anything about [just keep thinking you’re not a F-ing shrink that, Lanie and -] moving on (to good things) –

-thankfully, I’m not working this weekend and next. Saturday is going to be spent getting the house ready for Charlie and Jennifer to get here. I haven’t laid eyes on them since Key West so you know there’s going to be some wildness. Sunday, I organized a motorcycle ride to the Whistle Stop café in Juliet, Georgia. This girl is going, along with my co-instructor TC and a mixed bag of pool ladies. Should be a good time! This is the first ride I’ve organized and I’m excited about it.

Next week Charlie and Jennifer are rolling in on Thursday and after walking the dogs (they’re bringing Bailey who is exactly Sadie’s age who we know they’re going to be great friends) they’re going to pool with me because I promised Mick I wouldn’t miss anymore pool this season – especially since we’re in third place. Friday Ellen is going to have a softball party at her house so Charlie and Jennifer can see those girls and Saturday is the party at my house. Sunday we’re going to chill – possibly go on a motorcycle ride. Jennifer is going to take Charlie on my Triumph and I’m riding the Ducati. Hell, we may even do a day trip or something. I’m off the following week Monday and Tuesday while they’re here. Then, sadly I have to go back to work on Wednesday and work through the last weekend they’re here. In fact, work through until the end of May – can I do it? Can I do it? I think I can but I need to put myself on a strict schedule. No partying during the week (well, maybe only one night), grocery shop and stock up so I can come home at night and crash after cooking dinner plus, I’m not dating right now so that means more time (anything to look on the positive side of that). And –

-there’s always vacation to look forward to at the end of May and maybe I can talk them into going to P’cola with me. We’ll see.

i love the way you lie

I was in Target yesterday shopping and thinking about Kaitlyn. On the fly I had called her the previous day to see if she wanted to grab a cup of coffee since I had the day off. It was a last minute decision to call her. I stared at my phone for a minute before hitting the button. Thankfully, it went to voicemail and I left her a message.

A day had passed and I’d not heard back from her. I looked at my phone just then and saw that she had called minutes ago, even leaving a message. Funny how I thought of her and she called just then – me missing it, too. I don’t think I was meant to get that call, thinking back on it.

When I finished my shopping and was in the car I plugged my phone into the speaker system (I listen to music off my phone this way but it also broadcasts messages) and played her message back. Her voice suddenly filled the car. I sat back and listened. Nothing out of the ordinary was said – mostly just she was sorry she missed my call, she was wiped out that day and maybe we could schedule another time to get coffee later in the week or the following week.

I listened to it again and then made myself unplug the phone. I mentally ran through my schedule and then shook my head. “There’s no way I can make this work this week.”

Nor should I, really.

This thing, this obsession with her has to end. If she knew the real reason why I wanted to see her then I’m sure she would pass and I would expect her to. She would never leave her girlfriend, wife for me or screw around on her and I wouldn’t want her to. No, I didn’t fall for a woman who would do that. I fell for someone good and kind and giving who sacrifices herself daily to help people.

So, I didn’t call her back.

Instead I copped out emailed her said something to the extent that sorry we missed each other, maybe another time. I was ambiguous. I said perhaps I’ll get by [pub/restaurant] the study group was meeting on Monday and hope she was having a good week.

“I love the way you lie.” I told myself.

(Ironically, Charlie WROTE this on a wall in a bar and took the pic and sent it to me last night)

I’m quitting being infatuated over married women – it’s a waste of time and energy. I could be focusing on meeting someone that’s available instead.

Posted in HMM.