rare dogs

Charlie and I were visiting the Nantahala Outdoor Center in NC. It was an awesome day outside, the dogs were playing in the river along with a few kids when some guy came over, lit a cigaretta and leered at us. Charlie and I were sitting a little close having beers. I noted the rudeness of his cigarette as I could smell it and the way he was looking at us. I knew we were in Eric Rudolph land and despite most visiting that place, were tourists like ourselves there could still be others that would lynch someone for being gay – or have perverted thoughts of kidnapping two women and having their way with them. It was why I always carried a sharp knife when I was in the mountains and camped. I was about ready to flip the spring assisted one out and start cleaning my fingernails at the same time giving him a crazy look when he took off.

“That guy gave me the creeps.”

“Me too, baby.”

The next day after I bored Charlie and the dogs out of their minds watching me fly fish from the bank we drove up to Sylva, NC and had lunch at this café’ – who happened to be owned by two lesbians from the town we live. It was a small world, after all. When we walked up I asked the woman standing in front of the door greeting everyone if it was a dog friendly restaurant. It was – in fact, she was one of the owners and photographed dogs as a side business. Sadie and Bailey practically had an entire photo shoot before Charlie and I even got our beers. People in the restaurant came out to say “Hi” to the dogs,  people on the patio with us were petting them. While I was glad it was gay and dog friendly I was also thinking, “So much for having a romantic little lunch with my girl.”

I was also getting annoyed with all the “What type of dog IS that?” mostly of Bailey but Sadie did get some of that, too. I’m sorry, excuse me while I finish chewing the bite of tuna wrap I had in my mouth, wash it down with my Left Hand – Fade to Black beer (btw, excellent) before going into a long explanation for the 45th time that day of “Well, she’s part this that and the other and we think blah, blah, blah.”

Later that day we had passed a flea market and decided to stop. We were trying to walk the dogs through it when practically every 5th step it was the same question – and, worse – most of the people asking didn’t have all their teeth. I was getting really creeped out and annoyed all the same. I also noticed that some of the booths contained hundreds of bottles of lotion for sale that were probably ten years old. I started to realize that most of these people were probably hoarders trying to clean out their houses and sell stuff off.

“Let’s get out of here!”

“I’m with you, hon. I’m tired of being stopped and asked what Bailey is.”

We were in the car at this point travelling on down the road when I said, “I mean – I want to say ‘Fuck if I know! – they could be a rare puke-a-no.”

“Yeah, let’s just make up a name.”

“How about fuke-a-no, meaning, F*CK IF I KNOW!”

We cracked up after that. Later, we sat around making up stories of what to say if anyone asked again we’d say they were rare Fuke-a-no’s that came from Sylvan valley. If they asked if Sadie was the same I’d say ‘Yeah, but that one is just a hybrid of the fuke-a-no crossed with a puke-a-no from the same valley.”

So, here’s a picture of our rare dogs – The Fuke-a-no and Fuke-a-Puke-a-no:


weekend getaway

Kelly and I are getting out of town this weekend with the dogs. I can’t wait – in fact, I can’t wait until it’s time to run out the door and start the weekend. I haven’t been up to NC since this time and I am chomping at the bit to go up there again and take her. She’s never been there before and I can’t wait to see the look on her face when I take her up river and show her my favorite stream. (which, is just about the most gorgeous place on earth).

I can’t wait to fish a little, sit at the bar overlooking the river and have a craft beer, set up camp, start a fire – heaven!

Have a great weekend! I will leave you with some pics of the dogs!


rich but not

Breaking bad season 5 must have left an impression on me. I won’t spoil it for those of you that haven’t watched it but anyone who has knows that large sums of money are acquired illegally. So, I had a dream that I had 10 million dollars [obtained illegally] and I was going to take the money and run away with it. (Charlie – you weren’t in the dream or else I’d have taken you with me) To where? I didn’t know but some image of a house on a cliff overlooking the ocean in another county came to mind in my dream. But wait – how would I get the money there? It’s not like I could carry it onto a plane and fly there with it. It would go through security, they would x-ray it and discover I was carrying a lot of money. Then, I would be detained in customs. They would take the money away and probably throw me in jail. Wait? How many bags would it take to move 10 million dollars, anyway? Probably several. Maybe I’d just box it all up and ship it via UPS. Someone could still get it, though and it’s not like I could just go to Bank of America and make a deposit.

Then, I woke up and I thought I was rich but not really. It’s not like I could actually move that money, spend it or do anything with it without anyone noticing. If it was noticed then I’d either be killed or put in jail. I mean, you could probably hide a million but 10? No way. Then, I thought sometimes the more money you have the more trouble you have. Having that amount of money would bring on a lot of trouble.

So, tell me – what if one day you woke up and discovered 10 million dollars and only you knew about it. What would you do with it? What would you do about it?


year ago today

This time last year I was just getting back from Key West and was just getting ready to adopt Sadie. Here’s a picture of her then:

I remembered when I got back from Key West I was very depressed. We had all had such a great time down there together and I had had an instant connection with Charlie. At that point I didn’t know when I’d see her again and she was with someone. I didn’t stand a chance in hell in a. seeing her anytime soon and b. her being with me and c. she lived in another state.  After that trip, Charlie and I continued a friendship that began in Key West and blossomed until I saw her again last April.

Last night we sat in the carport drinking beers and listening to the radio and talking about that time. I think both of us are still pinching ourselves over us finally being together. I look forward to waking up with her every day and have never thought twice over her being here with me. It all came so naturally.

Ironically, right after Key West Charlie adopted Bailey. Now here’s a picture of both Sadie and Bailey:

The days go by quickly. I wake up and grudgingly tear myself away from her and get out of bed. I go to work and look forward to when I get home, walk the dogs and wait for her to come home so we can start our evening together. Usually, we make dinner (we’ve been doing that a lot lately.) and sit outside and talk until bedtime. Sometimes we go for a walk before bed. Sometimes we go out and have a beer at the local pizza joint like we did the other night after she helped me landscape. We both sat up at the bar company shirts on with the sleeves torn off, hats on backwards, drinking drafts. The bartender called us by name. Friday nights we play on the same softball team together. Weekends are anything goes depending on if I work.

So, that’s days in the life of Lanie and Charlie – we’ve come a long way in a year, baby!


Charlie and I pulled up in front of the restaurant for drinks.

“Why don’t you go in and get us a seat at the bar, hon, and I’ll park.”

“Ok, baby.”

Hopping out, I slipped a shirt on over my bikini top. The sign on the door clearly said, “No shirt, no shoes, no service.”

I went in and did a visual of the bar area – which, I always do when we go anywhere. There were two chairs at the end of the bar but on one side was a man sitting alone with a wandering eye. On the other side was a woman sitting next to a man who I presumed was her husband – better choice. I went over and slid onto the stool next to the woman. As expected when Charlie came in, I saw the man at the end of the bar turn and watch her walk over and sit down next to me. Why I chose that particular seat was because I didn’t want some guy crashing in on our time together.  Also, when given the choice of putting her or myself next to a man at the bar I put myself. Men love to flirt with Charlie. She’s always polite but slightly annoyed that someone is inserting themselves into our conversation.

Of course, the tables can be turned. Last Friday on the plane to Florida, Charlie had the window seat and I the aisle. When the steward came by and asked what we wanted to drink. Charlie ordered Diet Coke and me a Coke Zero. When she was pouring my drink she asked, “Would you like the whole can?”

“Yes, that would be great.”

She handed me the can and went on to the rows behind us.

“How come you got a whole can and I don’t?”

“I don’t know, honey.”

“Uh, huh. She was flirting with you.”

“She was not.”

“Uh huh! She offered you the whole can and not me.”

“Well, maybe diet Coke is just more popular than zero.”


Later, the steward came by with the bag to put trash in. When she got to our row she kneeled down next to my seat, her face even with mine and put her arm on my tray table.

“You know, I’m gay.”

“Uh, really?” I was caught off guard. She had to have seen Charlie and I holding hands while we were watching Project Runway on my Kindle.

“Yeah, no one knows.”

“Well, the guy you’re working with is definitely family because we spoke to him when we were boarding.” Charlie

“How come you’re not out?”

“Oh, these pilots……”

I didn’t know what she meant by that.

Just then someone came up behind her trying to get to the restroom so she stood up and went on down the aisle.

“That’s weird.”

“Weird my ass, she’s flirting with you.”

“Oh, hon, she’s not.”

“She is, too, Lanie, all this ‘I’m gay, blah, blah, blah. Can’t she see we’re holding hands?”

I was amused. When you’re single you can’t even pay or beg someone to come on to you but when you’re obviously happily in love you have people all over you.

“She’d better not come back.”

She did.

Again, she kneeled down in front of me, putting her arm on my tray table.

“How long have you two been together?”

“Two months.”

“But, we’ve known each other for years.” Charlie interjected.

“I’m with a 52 year-old.”

“Oh, so you like the cougars.” I said as a statement.

“Oh, no, not really……[looking at me. I could feel Charlie tense next to me] she’s a personal trainer so she’s in really good shape for her age.” She said almost as an apology. Then – “But, she’s not out to her kids.”

“How old are her kids?” Charlie

“Oh, 28 and 34. Old.”

Probably the oldest was same age as her, I thought.

“Do you think that’s bad? I mean……what do you think?” looking directly at me again.

“I uh…..”

“Yeah, I think it’s bad. I’ve been out to my kids for years and they’re 19 and 23.”

By this point I thought Charlie was going to switch seats with me. The pilot made an announcement that we were approaching Orlando airport and she moved off.

“Thank Gaw-dead she’s gone.”

I smirked. “I thought you were going to come over the seat, babe.”

“I almost did. Ya, well – you were enjoying it -some woman coming on to you.”

“Oh, honey – most times it’s women and men I have to beat off of you.”

“Nut huh!”

“Yunt huh!”

As we passed the steward walking off the plane she was engaged in a conversation with her next victim someone else not even batting an eye as we walked by. I was relieved but still amused.


back from the beach

Charlie and I flew to Florida last weekend for her Dad’s 80th birthday party. This would be the first time I met the folks and her kids.

“Are you nervous?”

“No, from what you’ve told me about them they sound cool.”

I was more nervous about her meeting my family than me hers. I mean, my family is a drag. They can take anything that could be fun and turn it into the most dullsville event in history. That reason alone is why we are driving to Indiana so when I reach the limit of my patience [or boredom threshold] I can say, “Oh yeah – we didn’t tell you? We’re leaving in, like, 5 minutes. Have to get back.”

The one thing I think we both have in common is that I noticed her brother tells her about things she should do (this is mostly school and career-wise) whereas my sister does the same thing – mostly about things I should do to my house.

“I see now why you get so frustrated with me when I talk about getting under the house.”

“I see now why you get frustrated with me in talking to you about jobs.”

Which is why our siblings get [the f*ck] on our nerves.

We did have fun with her family while we were there. Her brother and his gf took us out the first night we were there for dinner and afterwards pool. We were in this bar that had pool tables everywhere and a ping pong table in the back that had all these amazing beers on the menu for only $3. I wished that we had a bar like that where we lived.

Her folks were equally fun – in fact, I think they ran circles around us while we were there. After her Dad’s birthday party we all went back to the house and her parents and friends of theirs who followed them back partied on until 2 while Charlie and I crashed.

We went to the beach three of the days we were there. We walked, ran and swam those days. We sat at a bar near on the beach and had beers and listened to some guy play out on the patio.

“This time last year – we were here.”

We got back on Tuesday and we’re both still tired. It was a blast and I wished it hadn’t gone so fast. It was wonderful being in a tropical place with her again.