Saturday we decided to head up to north Georgia and meet our friends Camie and Gina for lunch. It was kind of a last minute decision that morning to go but we had a great time! The dogs went with us and they always enjoy a road trip. We met them for lunch at a wing place and gave the dogs their Kongs filled with cookies and peanut butter while we were inside.

The food was mediocre but the company fabulous!

Afterwards, we followed them to their house sat around on the back deck talking, drinking tall boys and watching the dogs run around in the backyard. Charlie’s ex came up (her new name is Big Mack).

“Just watch out – she’s getting back on FaceB**k,” Camie said.

“It doesn’t matter – we have her blocked. She can’t see a thing.”

“I wonder if we should just unblock her – let her see everything.”

“Yeah, so she can go through all of our pictures and posts. That should take her about a month to do.”

Part of me would like to be in her face and the other part would like to be invisible. I did tell Camie that if Big Mack came to the house while she was in town that I would be calling the police and filing a restraining order -until then I wasn’t reacting over anything. I have a feeling she will pass that information on.

We went on to talk about self defense, guns and times we’d gotten in to fights other things. Then, we talked about boats, camping and the armpit hair festival coming up. I hoped that Camie’s health will be better by the summer and we have our camper.

I was sitting there being all nostalgic over camping, fishing, the beach. Summer. Summertime. While it was a nice day outside there was still a chilly bite in the air. Regardless, it was good getting out of the town for the day. Breathing different air, visiting with friends and letting the dogs run.





down time

The dogs and I are hanging out in my home office today – me in my pajama’s and them on the futon.


Charlie spent a lot of time fixing this office up for me. It was a complete wreck when she first moved in. I remember she took one look at it and said, “Honey, you need to reorganize, get rid of half this stuff and I will paint.” (She did help me with a lot of the reorganization, too. I came home one day to find boxes of books in the hall and her saying,

“You need to go through these books and decide what you want to keep and donate.”

Which was probably the hardest task of all. The three composite bookshelves that lined one wall were moved out and replaced with one solid wood, glass door shelf with select books – mainly hardbacks. The closet was cleaned out and replaced with strictly motorcycle gear. The TV is still the same but Charlie has promised a flat screen mounted above the shelf in the near future.

The reason for my staying in today is because I don’t feel well. Not feeling well for me can take on many meanings. The meaning today is a slight achiness, tiredness and stuffed up head. Now, could I work today if I really needed to? Yes, I could. (and would probably feel much worse and spread germs to everyone else in the office – which, I really hate when people do that)  But, mentally along with the physical aspects I thought, “I just can’t.”

“I just can’t” takes on several meanings as well.

I just can’t leave this bed sandwiched between two dogs (Charlie’s out of town until tonight)

I am physically unable to make myself get up, take a shower, freeze my @ss off and drive in to work in the pitch dark. Then –

-I just cannot bear to hear my boss and another guy on our team run their mouths all day [about nothing] and then be made to go out to a “team lunch” with them. In short, listen to their b.s. all day long. I already have a headache and I could imagine how it would intensify if I were there. Sometimes at work I put my headphones in but listen to nothing just to muffle their prattle or see that I don’t want to join in on their conversation.

Which, brings me to the subject of how unhappy I am with work right now. My immediate boss (a female) feels the same. We’ve both been like “I’m trying to get to a better place. Really I am.” You know it’s bad when your immediate supervisor feels the same. If it were just her and I, the rest of the team minus the upper boss and guy who’s up his @ss then life would be great!

I have decided that I need to really to be proactive in finding another job before my skill sets die or get rusty. Both the interviews the past two weeks helped. Whether or not I get offered either job it oiled my interviewing skills. I am thankful for that.

I also told my motorcycle supervisor that I was very sick and needed a replacement this weekend. This was another “I just can’t –

-stand out in the cold all weekend and possibly have people who pop wheelies and almost hit other riders (like two weekends ago), pick numerous people up (like two weekends ago), work until dark and get home at almost 7:30 p.m. (like – oh you know) and with an instructor that refuses to take the advice of someone seasoned like me and because of that lets his class run over three hours. (I’m glad I wasn’t one of his students, that’s for sure)

So, no – I just couldn’t do it and this is unusual for me because normally I would work being sick. Not take a day off or give up a precious motorcycle class because that was bank, baby.

Now, I just don’t care. I want to stay home in my office and work on my book submissions, looking at sleeping dogs on the futon, spend more time with Charlie who I really look forward to having my weekends off with.

Teeter-totter, balance

I think when there are many great things happening in your life that you sometimes have at least one equally lame thing going on – like a teeter-totter that is balanced in the middle. Of course many of you can guess the really great things going on is Charlie n me. We frequently sometimes probably sicken our friends on FB with our messages and songs of love to each other.

I honestly think some of our friends have retaliated a bit over it, too. That’s lesbians for you. They can often sometimes be madly in love or raging b*tches -from one extreme to the other. Charlie has been hearing a bit from her ex who is the later of the extremes I mentioned above. Right after her and Charlie broke up and she moved up here she got an email from her saying she just wanted closure.

I love the closure emails – they are often end up to be some lame excuse to contact the other. A therapist once told me that if I wanted to write an evil letter to my ex then do so. Write several if I wanted but throw them in a drawer, don’t mail them or actually give them to the ex.

Months went by and Charlie didn’t hear from the ex again until she recently went up to see friends of ours. These friends are mutual friends of Charlie’s and the ex’s but have become my friends as well after Charlie moved up here and they came to several of our parties and even one of theirs. I will call them Camie and Gina. Well, they had this party early December and wanted us to come up.

It was kind of the last real party they were having before Camie started treatment (I won’t say but yes it’s kind of serious) and Gina had shoulder surgery. I couldn’t go that weekend because I had to work but Charlie went up without me and spent the night. Well, just like our New Years Eve party – hardly anyone showed up. In their case only Charlie showed up. The girls still had a good time and once Charlie was back in town she said she was glad she went. Well, right after that she received a very nasty letter from the ex. This one was another closure letter.

“How many f*cking closure letters do you have to get?”, I railed.

I had read the letter and it made my claws come out. She started out comparing their breakup to the tragedy in Connecticut and at one point in the letter she wrote “I despise you.”

Apparently, Camie and Gina got a nasty letter from her, too. Gina called her and told her she was basically really lame and how dare she send something like that what with all they were going through. She apologized to them but if I were them I’d be like “go F-youself take a hike – a very long hike – to another continent, even. “

I showed Charlie how to block her email address so any emails from her go into limbo. Then, a few weeks later she calls Charlie and leaves some message that a mutual friend of theirs in Florida was sick and probably going to die. After the message she followed up with a few texts giving her information on how to contact the family (which Charlie didn’t answer the texts but she did contact the family – but the info could have certainly came from another source other than the ex)

Next, we find out that she has said that she’s coming to visit Camie and Gina the end of May and oh, she’s going to stay will Ellen, too.

“We’re so going to be out of town that weekend.”

“Camper or no camper – we’re out.”

Right now, I don’t want to make a big deal out of it. I honestly think that by the end of May she will have pissed Camie and Gina off so much that they will say stay the hell away. That leaves Ellen who I’m sure only said yes because she’s a nice person like that and cannot say no. Do I think it’s weird that a friend of Charlie’s that she’s had for many years said yes to letting an ex of hers stay with her?

Yes, I do.

That would be like Lee (my ex) calling her up to ask her if she could come stay with her. I feel like it’s exactly the same situation and why the hell would anyone want that crazy girl to come stay with them?

Anyway, like I told Charlie – the less a big of deal we make out of this the better. I feel the ex wants some kind of reaction from Charlie, some kind of attention. Let’s wait until May to see if it does come to fruition and if so it doesn’t matter anyway because we will be out of town.

I mean, am I taking this too lightly? Should I be worried? (is anyone out there?)


the winter doldrums

At least it was nice this past weekend. Saturday I had an instructor update in the afternoon and other than it being nice to see everyone– it was a complete waste of time. That night Charlie and I decided to go out again to East Atlanta. We started out at the Graveyard like a few weekends before but then ended up at Taco Mac in Decatur because we wanted nachos so badly.

Sunday, we took the dogs for a long walk before going out and getting a good spot at our local joint to eat and watch the game. All of our friends either had non-plans or specifically other plans. Bird kept wanting us to go to this expensive brunch place that I thought was just wrong for a day of football. Alana was checking out an entirely new bar that later she said left because it was too smoky. Later, after [our big friggin’ crap of a loss] the game Charlie and I went back home and sat out on the porch burning a fire in the pit and drinking beers and whiskey. It reminded me of the old days.

Yesterday, I was glad I had off. We went out to breakfast and then for a motorcycle ride. I had to stop at one point and get a latte’. We took the dogs to the dog park and then back to our favorite joint for a beer before heading home for chili and “The Following” pilot. Which, did anyone catch? If so, what did you think?

Today, I’m back at work and it’s cold again. This week is going to be kind of a grind like last week was. Charlie’s heading out of town for a work trip on Thursday and will be back on Friday and I have to work again this weekend. I’m ready for Spring weather, jazz and longer days. Hell, I don’t even care about the super bowl at this point – only that it’s a good excuse to make wings and nachos.



ready for the week to be over – chex mix

I nailed it!

Yesterday started out a dismal, rainy morning. I groaned getting out of bed. I thought about the day ahead of me and I was only looking forward to being home again, taking off my suit and having a beer. I had been studying the past few days for the upcoming interview and Charlie helped me put together my portfolio the night before. My suit was in a dark garment bag so it could hang conspicuously in my truck.

I changed into my suit in the restroom of the Starbucks and sat in the truck sipping coffee and studying. I might as well head down there, I though. I was glad I did because I-285 in the other direction was a parking lot. I was thankful it was moving on the side I was on. The interview location was at the airport and I was told on the phone that it was rather complicated to find on GPS. I had directions but when I reached the exit that took me onto the loop road I turned the wrong way and ended up circling the entire airport. It was pouring rain, I was lost and running on empty. I imagined myself standing out in the rain next to my car that had ran out of gas in my suit trying to hitch a ride to my interview.

This cannot happen.

I pulled over and asked some nice Delta women for directions then I went in search for a gas station. Thankfully, I found the place fifteen minutes before I had to go in and it had stopped raining and I could lose the umbrella.

I walked in and waited in the lobby until they came and got me. I knew it was going to be another panel interview and I had prepared for it. I walked in to the room with four other people -I will not explain the demographics but they were a lot better than the last interview and a lot more in my favor. [Pathetically true that this is a factor and not the most qualified].

All in all it went great and I felt really good about it. I felt there was a good energy in the room and would be really surprised if I didn’t get a call from them. Even one of the interviewers practically walked me to my car talking to me about the job. But, it’s done so we’ll see. I don’t have my hopes up – it just is and I just am.

I went home after that and kicked off my suit, let the dogs out and drank a beer. I was relieved it was over -on to the next interview…..whenever that is.

Focusing on the good

It’s been kind of a mutha-f*cker of a week.

I had an exhausting weekend working and then rolled into a rainy Monday and into a meeting – which, I hate Monday morning team meetings. I’d almost rather have a pap smear than be assaulted with all things I know that I have to do on a Monday morning. My boss is increasingly becoming a micromanaging little a-hole and I’m over it.

I have no idea if part of this attitude is from the fact that I have an interview tomorrow. I don’t care either way. I plan on studying and preparing tonight. I will be glad when it’s over, though and the rain clears.

Things that have been good:

Charlie and I – of course, always.
Banana bread that she baked me. [the dogs get to lick the bowl, too]

Clean dogs – with conditioner and clean collars – yes, Charlie gave them baths yesterday.

The fact that I have next Monday off because of a holiday. I find it weird that after having all this time off over the holidays how hard it’s been to be back at work. The weeks back have seemed like a bi-otch. Maybe because all the bosses are so gung-ho to making everything perfect.

The fact that I didn’t lose as much out of my paycheck as my boss and other’s who make far more than I – lost. After hearing them complain about it all week I came in this morning and said, “I didn’t lose that much because I don’t really make that much.” I hope that gave them something to think about.

Charlie made chicken curry last night and we watched the finale of Homeland Season 1 that is……after getting “reacquainted”.

Friday get here! More later! Hang in there and hope your week is good!

change chex mix

Someone once said, “Don’t be fearful, it’s bad luck.”

Charlie starts school next week and I have another job interview [with another company]. People are often afraid of change but I think it’s part of personal growth.

The interview I had this week went well. It was a panel interview like I thought it would be. I probably won’t hear anything for awhile. This whole thing is a process, I know, and if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. I hope next week’s goes well because it’s a position that I am very much interested in doing – plus, it’s down at the airport. [I love just about everything about planes except flying them.]

From years of experience with these things I know not to get my hopes up. I know that the interviewing process is just a process and good practice. You can usually figure out whether or not you’re going to jive with the people who interview you the minute you walk in the door and meet them. With all that said it’s still hard not to get one’s hopes up especially when it’s been a b*tch of a week at work. Everyone I work with has been in a very bad mood all week. Moral is kind of low right now because there’s been some changes in the organization structure. Everyone’s taken on extra duties to compensate. I usually don’t mind doing this but I am losing the skill set that I was originally hired for which is a concern to me.

Anyway –enough of that -we’ll see what happens after next week. Keep your fingers crossed –or, don’t – I don’t really believe in that – if it’s meant to be, it’s meant to be. On to other things –

-we’ve had a real reprieve in the weather this week which has been a huge relief. I really hate cold weather. I want to ride motorcycles, wear t-shirts and take walks without shivering. I’m counting down the days practically when January is over. [21 more days..]

Next holiday – Valentine’s Day. [Charlie says she has something planned for me that day, too.] We’re trying to get to our camper goal and I need to run some numbers. I put some more stuff up on Ebay and Craigslist, too.

Charlie’s rode the Ducati to work for the first time the other day. She looked hot on it, too. 😉 [She literally was since I introduced the heated jacket to her.]

Well, that’s all I have for now, peeps! How’s your new year turning out?

[non] space

“I just need to get away from her sometimes.”

Charlie and I were at a club in East Atlanta hanging upstairs on the balcony having drinks with Alana. I had asked her where her partner Meagan was and how come she never came out with her.

“We’ve spend so much time together over the holidays. I just need some space.”

I hoped Charlie and I would never get to that – not wanting to be around each other 24/7. She’s my best friend, my lover, my partner and I’m glad we always want to be together even if sometimes it’s me in my office doing something while she’s outside sawing up a tree with her chainsaw. It’s still together.

Friday, I whipped up a spicy dinner of stir-fry and we stayed in watching Homeland. Saturday she cleaned the drawers in the kitchen and room outside in the carport while I listed stuff on Ebay to sell. (I’ve had a couple of hits on my vintage coke sign, too). Later, we decided to take the dogs for a long walk up to the pizza joint and have a couple of beers. Once we were there we parked ourselves at one of the tables outside and the wait staff came out to pet both the dogs. The dogs are local regulars there like Charlie and I. But, despite that every time we go there we meet someone new from the neighborhood. This time we met a man who owned a store up the street. I’d always walked by there but never stopped in. At first he seemed a little quirky. Long hair, hippy-ish, with a long leather jacket and pimp shoes. I kind of gave Charlie a look like “Ok…..” but as he kept talking I warmed up to him a bit. He was a bit of an eccentric and it seems there’s never a stranger in the neighborhood we live in.

After walking home we decided to change and go out. There was a football game on that night and I wanted to go to this bar in East Atlanta that we really liked. We got dressed, I slipped a flask of whiskey into my boot and we were off for the East Village. Once there we sucked down cheap Miller high life’s while watching Green Bay beat Minnesota. Alana eventually slid onto the stool beside us and had a drink and edamame before we started down the street to the women’s bar.

“I haven’t been here since that time your car got booted.”

“I haven’t been here since that time that transsexual tried to pick me up.” Thank Goddess for Charlie, I thought, as I gripped her hand.

We arrived at the door of the club and handed over our i.d.’s. (I loathe getting carded at bars just to get in the front door.)

“That will be five dollars.” (I also loathe cover charges)

“Five dollars?! But, there’s no one here. What are we paying for?” (I wanted to say, “F-you I can get two miller’s down the street for that.”)

“This place doesn’t get packed until 11.”

“We’ll come back then.” I said plucking my i.d. out of the male/female?Couldn’t tell’s  hand. (This is why lesbian bars don’t make it. A. they charge a cover B. They’re never packed C. they never have drink specials and D. most of the time it’s like online dating – there’s scary people in there.

“Whatever – let’s go next door to the men’s bar.”

“I always have fun at Mary’s.”

“Me too.”

We walked in to a packed bar with people dancing. We wound our way through the dance floor to the bar. After getting our drinks we went upstairs to observe the crowd.

Alana sucked down her one drink and said, “Oh, I have to go. The smoke is getting to me.”

We said our goodbye’s and afterwards Charlie said, “Why did she leave so soon the smoke’s not that bad up here.”

“Oh, I think the longer she’s gone the more p*ssed her gf gets.”

“But, why? She was the one who wanted to stay home.”

“Yeah, but she doesn’t want to go out but she doesn’t want her to, either.”

“I hope we never get like that.”

“Me neither, baby.”

“Let’s go get some taco’s.”

“You read my mind.”

Sunday Charlie served me breakfast in bed. She usually brings me a cup of coffee but this time when I opened my eyes she was standing there with a tray the dogs both sitting next to her. I had three sets of eyes on me as I sipped my coffee and ate the egg and bacon croissant she’d made. Later, after I’d drank about a gallon of coffee we decided to take the bikes out and ride. We initially rode around town but then I realized that I didn’t dress warm enough so we went back to the house and I grabbed my heated jacket and gloves.

[This is when Charlie discovers heated motorcycle gear]

“Where do those plug in to?”

“The jacket plugs into the bike and the gloves plug into the jacket.”

“Oh, only on the Triumph?”

“No, both bikes have electric hookup’s to the batteries.”

We rode down to Stone mountain and stopped off at a German bakery to have coffee.

“I’m a bit cold.”

“On the way back you can wear the jacket.”

We sat in the bar watching football and drinking coffee having shed our gear.

“I wish I could have a beer.” Eying all the German taps.

“Me too. Let’s finish this, ride home and take the dogs out to the park and then go have a drink.”

“Sounds good.”

I dressed her in the jacket that she wore underneath her outer jacket (one of mine that fits her) and when she started up I plugged her in. We rode towards home. At the first light we stopped at I raised my shield and asked her if she was warm yet.

“Omg, I am sooooooo warm! I feel like I can ride all day!”

“That’s why you get heated gear. Once you have it you never want to be without it.”

We got home and miraculously the dogs hadn’t destroyed the house so we took them to the dog park for being so good. Afterwards, we went to our favorite joint and sat inside the heated patio awning and had beers. A great end to a perfect weekend!


big planz

My hopes for the New Year are growing and I’ve been thinking a lot about things I want to happen. I hope that by putting things in my mind that they will be summoned. Which, in hindsight – I had Charlie in my mind about this time last year and look what happened?!

We both have huge plans for the year. First, we’re going to save for a camper. We have hopes of affording a used one by May so we can take it to the coast of Georgia and go camping with the dogs. Second, she’s starting school soon so by the end of the year she will have her certificate and hopefully find a more stable [income] job. Speaking of jobs – third it would be great if I could find a better job.

I’m starting out the year by going to an interview on Tuesday. (and, no I don’t think I’m jinxing it by talking about it – either it will be meant to be or not) This company I applied to back in October contacting me for an interview. I said, “Sure what time?”

I dusted off my career coaching notebook and went over several interview questions that could be asked. I have a feeling it’s going to be a panel interview (which, I hate) and I literally bombed my last one (not that I was unhappy about that because I could already tell showing up at the interview that the people and office would not work for me) so I’m going to study and prepare for it this weekend. Just like relationships, it’s either meant to be or not but at least if not then I am getting back into the practice of interviewing.

I would like to work closer to the house and make more money. I originally came into my current job from unemployment so I’m at the poverty level very low end of the pay structure for what I do. Plus, I’m so tired of having a 45 minute commute one way. I spend almost $80 in gas per week just to get to and from work. I haven’t had a raise since I started here and no bonuses. I work for the government where raises and bonuses are non-existent. There are some pro’s to the job but I don’t feel like talking about the pros right now – I want to think about moving on from where I am. I fantasize about something closer, that paid close to what I made previously in the private sector – maybe even enough to quit teaching every month. Maybe even retire from teaching. I don’t know – that’s a lot to think about.

Charlie and I are going to go through things to sell on Ebay and Craigslist tonight. I think we could easily sell enough sh*t stuff to get at least half way there. We’re going to cook at home and not go out to eat. (We agreed that we’re still going to enjoy the occasional beer at our favorite joint once in awhile) I already take my lunch to work every day so I save $$ there. But, I want to think of other ways to save $$ and make $$.

What are your new year goals or do you have any tips?



1st post of the year

Well, I’m back! I had a really good vacation with Charlie and her family! The only disappointing thing was our New Years Eve party attendance. We had sent out an Evite right after Thanksgiving. We had said to please RSVP by a certain date because we were providing food and some drink and needed a headcount. I again, had to send out another reminder right before because we still had several people on the list that hadn’t replied to the invite. Before the party we had about 10 people confirm. That was good because with the 10 plus us and Charlie’s family that would be a good size attendance.

The night of the party 0nly two people showed up  – one was even a “maybe” on the invite because she didn’t get off work that night until 8 and had to be back at work at 4 a.m. (she’s medical field). The other two were Ellen and Louise. We all had a good time, don’t get me wrong – but, attendance was a pisser. I realize things come up – like two of our guests (a couple) experienced a loss over the holidays as well as our neighbor lost his dog. But, the other people who confirmed and said later at another party Ellen attended before she came to our house, “Yeah, tell them we’re sorry we didn’t make it. It’s just too far.” And the ones who never acknowledged the Evite in the first place –

-f*ck them.

They’re not getting invited again. I can’t believe people just don’t have the consideration. But, that was one of my problems of 2012. Worrying about people’s sh*t or expecting anything too much from people. Which, brings me to some of my 2013 resolutions –  the things I’m am and not going to do in 2013:


  1. Worry about other people’s sh*t.
  2. Or try to make plans around them. From now on I will say, “Charlie and I will be here” or “there at this time. Come by. Or not. What-the-f*ck-ever.”
  3. Never again will I send out an Evite. If we have a get-together it will be by word of mouth only and it will be casual like “bring something for the grill and what you want to drink. If we see ya, we see ya!”
  4. Let some friendships go that have been driving me crazy. Maybe it’s time to move on and make room for new ones.


  1. Ride motorcycles more
  2. Explore new groups – musicians, artists and friendships
  3. Play guitar
  4. Read more books
  5. Fish the Chattahoochie River
  6. Camp more – it would be nice if Charlie and I could go one weekend a month starting in March. (Especially, if we can scrape together enough $$ to buy a pop-up trailer)
  7. Worry less about anything
  8. Write more
  9. Drink less alcohol and more water
  10. Go on more dates with Charlie

So, that’s mine in a pop-up, I mean, snapshot. What’s yours?