-in light of that last post I just had to post this video – it will crack you up!
-in light of that last post I just had to post this video – it will crack you up!
Yesterday was an annoying day capped off by an emergency visit to the vet. Afterwards, we both decided to break our alcohol fast and have a couple of beers. Today, I’m thankfully taking off to watch Sadie to make sure she can keep some food down. Like a baby, if she can keep the spoonful of IP down in three hours she can have some more.
“This is where mommy is like a man.” Charlie said to the dogs as they both looked at her with rapt attention.
“Why to we get this mommy today? What about you?” I mimicked.
“Ok, I will stay home and mommy can go take my test.”
“No, no – I know nothing about nephrons.”
Seems like everything she’s been studying these days is nephron this and nephron that. Such a weird word, too – even my spell check is telling me I spelled it wrong and I haven’t. Medical terms….I told her that it was a good thing she was good at these things because I sure wasn’t. About the only thing I could see myself doing medically is being an eye doctor. But, after my last visit and the doctor telling me about this friend of his that just got out of med school and how much his student loans were I was relieved that it wasn’t me. I would have heart failure owing that much money.
So, you probably want to hear about yesterday and you’re thinking, “Just get to it, Lanie.”
Ok, ok –
My boss was his typical annoying self yesterday. I’ve heard so much about the Spartacus workout that I do think I’m going to do it on my own today while the dogs watch me. This is the man who f*cked up my workout schedule, too. I’ve been a little bitter about that. Since we get an hour to work out per day I used to go between 2-3. But, now he said that if I’m to use that hour it can only be between 7-8 and I am not a morning person and I don’t want to haul all my crap to work everyday, take a shower there in those grimy locker rooms. Not to mention how much I hate being naked in front of total strangers. No way, I wasn’t doing it.
This is the man who every morning comes in at 8 after working out, after we all have been there since 7 and goes around and talks to everyone about his workout, his wife, political
sh*t stuff [that I don’t agree with], all kinds of things. We’re trying to work here. I mean, can’t he just be a boss and stop trying to be my best friend? Then, once he’s talked to everyone about Goddess knows what he goes off to take a shower. This is usually between 8:30-9. And – the men have a locker room in our building but if the women want to shower we have to go all the way up to the gym to shower. So, I’ve recently noticed that him and Noel take 1-1/2 hr. lunches and have been sneaking up to the gym, getting in a workout and skipping back before they even get back. I’ve been sneaky about it because they don’t want us to work out on our lunch hour, either. Oh, yeah – we’ll give you an hour to work out but it’s by our rules. F*ck that. No one can tell me what I can or cannot do on my lunch hour.
Yesterday, was a big sending off party for this woman who I’ve had a couple of run-ins with. She’
s a complete b*tch works in accounting. She’s one of those people who every time we have to communicate about something she looks at me in this patronizing way like I’m the blame for all of her ancestors. Yeah, that patronizing look – I try to ignore it, say, “Hey, how you doing here’s my travel expense.” And that’s when she starts enunciating every word like I don’t understand English (and, I’m a white American cracker – yes, I am) talking down to me like I’m an idiot. I want to smack her but I don’t. I think she wants me to smack her so she can say, “See! See? She’s a racist!”
And, I would say, “You stupid b*tch – my BROTHERS-IN-LAW is African American. I have African American in my family and I’m a lesbian – bet you’ve never been beat up or almost killed because of whom you are. You call yourself a minority but actually since you’re the number cruncher, crunch this – I’m actually the minority here.”
What-the-F-ever. Where was I? Oh yeah –
-so, anyway it was her last day and everyone was taking her to Long Horn. Since I felt the exact same way about the restaurant as I did her there wasn’t any way in hell I was going. I was simply waiting around for everyone to leave for their two hour lunch so I could get in a nice gym workout. And, I did. Finally, sighing in peace on the treadmill I put my ipod to a 45 minute trance mix and zoned out. I looked over and another woman in my section was on the elliptical. She’s very quiet, too. I like her because she doesn’t talk. I’m so tired of talkers. When my session was done I went into the gym and did sit-ups and then washed up and headed back to the office. They were still gone. I relished the quiet and took out my salad and salmon patty. That’s when the only other guy in the office – he’s an old guy – semi-retired and kind of drives me crazy, too, with his talking -decides to bug me. I try never to get him started because he always wants to teach a history lesson. He also has a nose better than my dogs. As I unwrapped my salmon patty I heard,
“What is that smell?” and, he gets up from his chair and comes over to investigate.
“Lennie.”, I almost shouted, “It’s my salmon patty and you’d better get used to it because I’m going to bring it every day this week for lunch.”
“Oh, it can’t be that. This smell I smell is of burnt rubber.”
Isn’t it time to go take your Geritol or something, I wanted to ask. Maybe I needed Geritol….or something stronger….a Miller Lite, maybe, a shot of whiskey. Now that would put me in a good mood. I can’t wait for Saturday, I thought. I wish I could just live off of coffee and beer. If I could develop a coffee/beer/protein shake that could top the Atkins diet I’d be rich and wouldn’t have to work here.
I just wanted to eat in peace. Then, another woman came in looking for everyone. I typically eat at my desk and am the only one there around lunchtime and just love when people come in with this puzzled look on their face and come over and ask me where they are.
“Well, let me ask you a question.”
“Ok, are you ready?”
“Here goes. What time is it?”
“Ok, and between what time of the day do people normally eat lunch?”
“Between 12 and 1.”
“So, ask yourself where do you think they are?”
“Yes! Good! I’m so happy you figured this out and you don’t have to ask me anymore. Here, smell my salmon patty. Doesn’t smell like burnt rubber?”
She wrinkled her nose and walked out. Maybe I was on to something……
Right after that everyone came back from lunch and then one of the colonels came in and said, “Everyone in the breakroom. We’re having cupcakes today for [stupid b*tches] going away party.”
I reluctantly got up and went to the break room and stood next to my boss. I froze a smile on my face during the going away speeches and then when it was over I turned, and walked back to my cube, dropping the smile off my face and thought, “-and, don’t let the door hit you on the @ss on the way out.” Honestly, I’d never been so glad to see someone go. Now if only her boss would go, too – who, I must add wasn’t there the whole day. I think she had called in sick.
Thankfully, I was pulled into a meeting after that. We’re helping another department with projects and I’m very interested in helping. I really need to broaden my horizons there or else I can see myself getting very bored. I’m one of those people who professionally need to keep growing or else I become very unhappy and bored. I can’t be kept down. Then, my boss comes over and asks when we can all go on this business trip together. I didn’t relish being locked in the car all day with him, Noel and Lennie for 5 hours. I’d want to shoot myself.
“Faye, I have to find an excuse not to go.” I was telling this to a woman in another department in the ladies restroom. She had gone on the last trip with us and kind had driven me crazy, too, with her trying to swat flies in the van and almost running us off the road and sideswiping another car but I could take her over my boss, Lennie and Noel anyday.
“You have to find something that comes up.”
“Ok, I can say that Charlie has clinicals and I have to stay with the dogs.”
“No, dogs aren’t a good enough reason for [boss] you know that. It has to be a medical condition.”
“Like a lobotomy?”
“Yes, like that.”
After finally leaving for the day Charlie calls me on the way home. I thought this was unusual because I had just called her when I got outside the gate.
“Honey, Sadie’s throwing up and shaking. Where are you?”
“I’m almost home, hon. She probably just ate something bad.”
I came home to a retching dog and a panicked fiancé’. I mean, Charlie had been a vet tech for several years you’d think she’d be calmer about this stuff but she was freaking out. Every time the dog retched she would yell, “Honey, she’s throwing up.”
I called the vet and they said to bring her in so we all loaded up in the car. Sadie was in the back throwing up [– which, reminds me I have to clean out the car today.] We got her there and she still threw up. There wasn’t nothing going down that gullet until she got something to calm her stomach. So, we waited for what seemed like hours. The doctor suggested almost $250 worth of meds and tests. We went with the meds and the pancreatitis test – which, came out fine. We got prescription food and was told to fast her for 12 hours then feed her a tablespoon every three hours, watch her to see if she keeps it down – I texted boss, little boss and Noel (just because he likes to think he’s my boss) that I wasn’t going to be in because I had a sick dog and to put me down for a personal day. Yeah – this dog is a good enough reason whether he wanted to think that or not.
Once home we cracked beers and sat out on the porch. I was beat. Charlie had made chili and as much as I wanted some I thought better of it being that I knew I wanted to go lay down and watch Justified. We put on pajama’s, turned the dogs electric blanket on their bed and watched TV.
So, I’m home with the dogs today and relishing my quiet time. Sadie seems ok, so far she’s kept her tablespoon of IP down so we’ll see how she does at 10. Happy Thursday!