Well –

I feel like I’ve been run over. Tuesday night I woke up in the night and immediately went to the bathroom and threw up.

“Hmm, this is weird. I’m not drunk.” I almost never throw up. In fact, I have a strong aversion to it – like most people I know. But, later after I had been throwing up every 20 minutes then it seemed welcome because that was the only time my stomach calmed down. Then, it would start again. I originally thought that I had eaten something bad and had food poisoning. These were the same symptoms.

Finally, at around 8 in the morning I’d had enough and Charlie drove me to the hospital. The first one I went to was very sad but it was by the house and I thought if I could get in they’re quickly then it would be ok. No, it was like take a number in a soup kitchen. I looked at all the other people in the waiting room and they were sitting there reading magazines, one was arguing with her boyfriend who looked fine to me. I asked them when they could take me back and they kept telling me to take a seat. I was getting that crazy white woman look.

“Common, let’s go to Emory.”, and left left. F-those people.

They had valet parking that didn’t cost anything if you were in ER. They took me right in and the triage nurse found me heaving my guts out in the waiting room. [Such a lovely sound, too.] She took my vitals and then another nurse came in and got me and took me straight to a room. Now this was more like it!

Charlie was following me back to the room. Once I got settled on the bed the male nurse wrapped an elastic band around my bicep. I had only a tank top on and it pinched my arm and hurt.

“This will hurt a bit more because you have a tank on.”

Fine if he was going to stick the needle in right away. But, he was messing around with the packages that contained the syringes. He even left the room at one point and I took the band off.

“Ooops, how did that happen?” I said when he came in and saw the band off. He put it on and tightened it even more.

He finally put in my port for the I.V. and left saying the nurse would be in a minute. I couldn’t wait! Then, the nurse, doctor and another woman who was taking notes on a laptop came in. This was better; I was surrounded by all women who were very nice.

“What’s that?” my nurse asked pointing to my thumb. It had just healed enough where I didn’t have to wear a bandage.

“Oh, that thing? Cut it on a glass vase.”

“When’s the last time you had a tetanus shot?”

Nurses love to ask these questions. Like you’re supposed to know that exact date and time you last had a tetanus shot? Plus, those things last ten years – I can’t even remember what I did yesterday let alone that. I think they should give you a card to carry in your wallet when you get one of those – just like a firearm carry permit. You’ve got tetanus? Yes, I do. Got it back in ’06 when my dog bit me. My mean cat, Judy, had been responsible for keeping me up to date on those for years but she’s been dead for several years.

“Uh, I can’t remember.”

“Well then, we’re going to get you one.”

Great, I thought – my arm always hurts for days after a shot and she stuck me right in the tattoo. You’d think she could go in-between the ink or something. It is a skeleton after all. But, then I bet tetanus is worse. Like lockjaw or something. I’ve never known anyone who had it.

They hooked me up to an IV and put pain and nausea meds in it and I went to sleep. Charlie ran home to let the dogs out and grab some clothes. By the time she got back I was on my second bag and felt a million times better. She fed me ice while we waited for the other bag to finish. My mouth felt hot like lava and I pictured the ice sizzling and melting on my tongue.
We checked out of the hospital and went to get a prescription with a stop for Gatorade on the way. Gatorade was my friend, I felt like I could drink a gallon of it. I ended up with a 7up in one hand and Gatorade in the other.

“Hon, take it easy on those.”

It was all I could do to sip them. We got home and I took a hot shower. It was amazing how much I stank. I lay down and slept the rest of the day while Charlie bleached both bathrooms and did yard work. I woke up to the smell of fresh cut grass. I finally got up and dragged on my shorts and t-shirt. My head was pounding like I’d had the worst hangover ever. I went outside and sat on the porch with her and the dogs. We were waiting for the new pet sitters to come. We’re going out of town on Saturday to a concert [sold out, I’ve had tickets for forever, great seats, etc] and they’re going to stay at the house. That is – if Charlie doesn’t get this bug I had. The doctor told us that I had an upper GI virus. Great.

The couple that is dog sitting are very nice –they pet sit and foster. Right now they have about 10 puppies they’re fostering. One of them will stay the night at the house on Saturday while we’re gone and the other will take care of all the dogs they have at home and other dog walking duties. One is the butch – I had stereotyping but she has the shorter hair, cargo shorts [like the ones I had on] and flip-flops. The other a flowing hippy-ish skirt and blouse – definitely the fem. The dogs sucked up to them and like them. They had met previously at the dog park when Charlie and I were trying desperately to find a dog sitter for this concert weekend. They got into a conversation and, viola, it was like fate that they met.

Next day:

I still feel a bit hungover. I ate a piece of toast this morning and have been drinking the Gatorade and ginger ale. Later, I’m going to Wal-Mart and buying Clorox bleach cloths to keep everything wiped down. Tomorrow when I go in to work I’m going to wipe every surface with those things and tell no one to touch me or get near me although, the doctor said this was probably only a 24 hour virus. I hope Charlie doesn’t get this – especially, when we’ve had this weekend planned for months. I hope I can at least drink a beer by Saturday.

“At least your jeans will be lose now.”

“Yeah, exactly. It’s the 24 hour virus diet. First you throw your guts up for 12 hours, getting in that ab workout. Then, you only drink Gatorade – G2 mind you. Then, you only eat ramen noodles and drink smoothies for three days.”


2 thoughts on “Well –

  1. I had that “stomach flu” or virus, whatever it is. Hurt like hell, and it only felt good after throwing up. I couldn’t even keep down water during the first 18 hours. It sucked! Plus, my abs/side hurt for a week after.

    Although, perhaps capitalize on that and do a ton of crunches now?

    Basically tetanus infections make all your skeletal muscles seize up, just think, constant calf cramping, yeah! However what my physio professor told us was that the only muscle that cannot enter a state of tetanus is the heart (cardiac contractile) muscle. So, you’ll live through a full blown state of tetany and feel it all!!


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