reading lame-@ss

Reading A’s post about her [ex] friend Colleen reminded me of my [ex] friend, Alana. I’ve finally cut the strings from Alana – although, unknowingly to her. The last couple of times I’ve gotten the,“Hey, heading down to the UJ to grab a beer and watch the game.” I’ve either not answered or said, “Got other plans.”

I mean, really. This whole stupid thing of only texting at the last minute to get together when her partner is out of town has gotten old. The whole thing of seeing her on FaceBook with pictures of other friends (who I know and have partied with, btw) at a party that I wasn’t invited to has really gotten old. I mean, F-her. I have many other friends I could do things with who value my time.

Oddly enough, she still remains friends with one of my ex’s. This is the weird-monkey-woman ex. If you’ve read my blog(s) for a really long time – back in the Fruit-on-the-Bottom days then you know who monkey woman is or “L” as she was formerly known. But, I’ll get you up to speed. The reason “L” was called weird-monkey-woman is because she works with chimpanzees and monkeys in getting sh*t thrown at her all day to do research.  Anyway, L had some serious social anxieties. In fact, the two years we dated she barely spoke to any of my friends. Alana and her partner just happened to be the only friends of mine that she took to. To this day they still meet out for the rare drink (as L became even more of a secluded hermit when she partnered up with a woman who is much of the same personality, which, is a huge relief because I’d really hate bumping in to her all the time in our favorite neighborhood haunts, like I do Teri. )

What’s worse, Alana thinks that I somehow care to know about these times when her and L hook up for a drink.

The other night, Charlie and I were out at our favorite Mexican place when my phone vibrated and it was Alana.

“What the hell does she want?”

“I’ll read it to you:’L bought a Subaru last month. Got hit by a drunk driver (not me!) on Saturday in (neighborhood we hang). She’s ok. I guess her car isn’t.’

“And I care about this why?” and texted back “Bummer.”

Alana texted back, “Glad I didn’t hit her leaving the UJ! Hahahaha.” (sans Lee)

I texted back, “Ya.” And left it at that. I wondered then if the two of them were drinking together when L left and got hit by the drunk driver and then I wondered if L got a DUI because any cop showing up on the scene of that would probably test both drivers. I relayed this to Charlie.

Then, yesterday after work I was in a really bad mood – just a frustrating day at work. You know those days where people at work ask you to help out with a project and you say what needs to be done in order to come to a solution and a. they either don’t want to hear it or b. they tell you to stay out of it after you’ve worked on it or c. they take credit for your work. I came home thinking “Fine, I hope you F-yourself so hard with a corncob.” (That’s my farming background coming in)  Then, I had fantasies about the interview last Friday and THEN I cracked open a beer and made myself not think about it because I think I would have cried right then at the possibility of not getting it and I just can’t go there. You know? I cannot be disappointed. The show must go on.

So, I’m sitting there drinking my beer thinking this when my phone vibrates and it’s Alana. Normally, this would have put me in an even blacker mood and I probably would have texted back going off on her. (I’ve refrained from doing this because I know it’s exactly what she wants so she can tell everyone that Lanie is so unreasonable and went off on her). But, oddly her text gave me some kind of sick satisfaction. She asked if I was playing fantasy football this year on the team her and I always played on.

The last two years we’ve been on this team, drafted together and I’ve had to hump her money to pay her league fees to the commissioner who I work with. No more. When he emailed me this year to say it was $30 again to play I told him I wasn’t interested. (I especially was put out because when I spoke to him last year about it he said he was going to drop it to $20 – which, is what it started out as being the first year we played) I joined a free all-women league (who I know no one – I’ve found in playing fantasy sports it’s sometimes good that you don’t know the other league managers and the old league that Alana and I played on had some real c*nts on it. (Like I wanted to kick Kayla-loves-Vick’s @ss allllll the time. I mean, just the NAME is wrong on all kinds of levels. I hope that dog-hater eats it this year.)

So, she texted, “Hey, are you playing with that guy again (commissioner I work with and she KNOWS his name and HAS his email address and NUMBER. GEEEOWD, what a lame-@ss!) When do you draft? I’m thinking about taking my laptop to UJ one eve to do a couple of mock draft. (We draft Labor Day at 8 p).”

This was her lame-@ss attempt on trying to get me up to UJ for a beer to work on FF stuff. I wasn’t biting. Plus, I was just waiting for her to ask about FF and whether or not I’d gotten an invite. The commissioner had asked me if she was still interested in playing and if so could he have her email address and me being tired of being their FF b*tch didn’t respond.

“Nope, playing on another team.”

“When do you draft?”

“Already did.”

“What? Wow! How’s your team look?”

I was getting tired of the conversation and left it at, Roddy White, R Griffin II”


I ignored her after that, even when she sent me a pic and said, “Our bathroom downstairs. Gutted!!”

Like I care.

I know she was expecting me to write something back like, “Omg” or “Why?” or “Home Renovation?” so she could go on about her and her partner once again renovating their house. Honestly, they’ve renovated that house so many times it’s a wonder it’s still standing. I should know, I was on some of the original renovation crews.

Never again.

By this time, I was in a better mood and then my love pulled up from work and the dogs went crazy. I love my family!



a string of long weekends

So, I just got over a long 3-day weekend that was kicked off by an interview that I had prepped all the previous week for. By 4:00 on Friday I was walking out of a building downtown in my suit and heading to my truck to go get a celebratory beer. I felt like it went very well – better than the ones I’d had previously. I’m so ready to start a new chapter in my professional life it’s not even funny. I won’t know anything – if anything until the end of September because they are still interviewing. But, I hope no one leaves a portfolio and resume package behind like I did. Or takes the time to find out everyone in the interview’s email address and draft a personal thank you letter highlighting professional achievements like I did. I hope above all else they remember me and I get a call the end of the month. So, keep your fingers crossed.

Saturday, Charlie and I took the dogs to the park and walked around. I didn’t feel that well because I had a huge canker sore in my mouth (probably from the stress of the earlier week) so that night we took it easy and ate Chinese food in bed and watched movies.

Sunday, Ellen went bike riding with us on the Beltline. We ended up at Piedmont park (and the Latin festival) and Joes on Juniper for lunch. Back at the house we split a bottle of Sweetwater Dank Tank that Charlie had bought to celebrate my interview and even more later Cindy came over for wings on the grill and more beer.

Monday, I dragged myself in to work. It’s so hard going back when you’ve been off for a long weekend. The only saving grace is I’m only here three days this week and Thurs – Monday I’m off for another long weekend. Charlie and I are heading up to NC with the dogs to camp. We have all the camping stuff dragged out into the living room and have compiled a huge list of things we need to buy, make and take. (Why we took Thursday off, too, we may need the day to get everything ready and packed up) I can’t wait to smell that mountain air!

So, until then I’m hanging in!

weird path


I’m walking such a weird path this week. I’ve been very broke since last week so Charlie and I haven’t really done much lately as far as going out. We’ve been staying in and making meals and watching Netflix which has been nice but unusual for us. I long for the Mexican place(s) though.

I’ve been writing my @ss off doing articles and have made some decent pin money so far but I’m dying to sink my teeth in a major project that pays more and/or have ongoing clients.

I need to study for Friday, which, that whole thing has had some weird anomalies. (more on that later, I can’t bring myself to write about that right now).

I originally had a class scheduled for this weekend but I found out today it didn’t make. I have mixed feelings about that, too. One, at least Charlie and I will get to spend another weekend together (I want to ride bikes again but this time not in a deluge) but at the same time I’m broke and really needed the $$.

Work is as annoying as ever. I just ignore everything now. I’m not really putting any energy into it – just doing my time, punching out my boss and going home. Hopefully soon I will have another place to go but until then – I’m walking this weird path that hopefully leads to something good.


yeah so –

– we got the hot tub in place but it took 8 of us and one cut head rushed to the urgent care later.

Charlie and I got there on Saturday around 10:00. Ellen had made monkey bread for everyone (Charlie noticed that she starts on time when [a group of] people are supposed to come and help versus just her showing up and Ellen still in her pajamas and drinking coffee) We all stood around eating the cinnamon bread and procrastinating. Finally, we went out. The hot tub was standing on end and the top of it was almost half way up Ellen’s elevated deck – that was how big it was. The thing was MASSIVE! I couldn’t believe it. (I think it’s an 8-15 person tub?? – lol) I took one look at it and knew we were in trouble. Yeah, there was 8 of us but some of us looked 100 years old. (not me and Charlie, of course -but others)

Old lesbians arn’t meant to move hot tubs, I thought, we’re all gonna die!

Three of us were on one side to PUSH it down on the other five of us. Yeah, so five of us were almost trapped under the thing. They tipped it and as the weight came down I was like “Holy f*ck!”

Charlie was like, “No one let go.”

“Yeah, because we’re all dead if anyone does”

“Get it down to a certain point and when I count to three step back and drop it.”

So, just at the point of all of our backs going out I counted to three and we stepped back and dropped it. Except for Ellen – she fell back with a thunk because her head happened to get in the way of it. Yeah, so she had a nasty gash. Three of the women ran upstairs with her who kept saying, “I’m fine, I’m fine.” as blood was gushing down the side of her head.

“Yeah right you’re fine – go!”

The rest of us grunted and pushed and moved the tub into place. The whole time the stupid rooster was crowing.

What ambiance!, I thought.

Later, we went upstairs to check out Ellen and Louise was just padding hydrogen peroxide on Ellen’s head.

“Oh for Key-rist-sakes pour it on her head!” Charlie

“When’s the last time you had a tetanus?” random 100 year old lesbian

“Uh, I don’t know.” Ellen who may have a concussion at this point.

“I’m texting Cindy to see where the urgent care place is. Hold on. Go down Clermont…..” [young] Lanie

They ended up gluing her head and giving her a tetanus shot. The free hot tub is adding up.

rare friday chex

I don’t have really that much to say so I will make it a Friday chex mix snippets. The rare thing about today is that I’m not rushing off to my second job to teach, sitting here in my office (which, I don’t think I’ve sat here for any length of time for the past month), writing this and actually typing it on the blog instead of transferring it from a Word document.

  • It’s been cool the last few days and it’s made me feel all nostalgic over it being fall and football season starting. I always feel a bit hopeful for fall – that it’s going to be beautiful with the leaves and crisp air. Getting out that sweatshirt I’ve had in the closet and revisiting long sleeves again.
  • Charlie and I don’t have any big plans this weekend since we’re both broke. We do have to go over to Ellen’s house and help (along with 6 others – not sure if 8 lesbians over 40 is going to be the same as 4 young, strong men bringing it in initially) set the hot tub. I just hope if it falls it’s not me who gets pinned under it. There’s a ton more drama information about all that I’m dying to share but I’d better not. (Just remember free doesn’t always EQUAL free. Yes, that means you, Ellen, if you still read this blog……)
  • Remember Creed? You do? Remind me who she is? She got a girlfriend and disappeared. At least it’s not Nancy, though.
  • I want to ride bicycles very badly this weekend [Charlie, hint, hint] made we can do that after we move the hot tub and if we don’t get pinned under it.
  • I’ve sold about $50 worth of articles since I first started. I’ve written about a wide range of things, although, I realize it’s much easier to get to your word count if you’re writing about something you’re interested in (for me that’s running shoes, heart rate monitors and white water rafting places in NC).
  • I’m dying to get out of town with Charlie to NC in a few weeks! We’re dragging out the camping gear this weekend and deciding what all we’re taking and making lists. Sadie has already requested Italian sausage [Charlie, just so you know that] Bailey said something rubber [she ate a tennis ball this week – she had just finished passing Charlie’s sandal].
  • I hope I have some very good news in a few weeks. I can’t say any more right now because I don’t want to jinx it. Just say a little prayer or keep your fingers crossed for me.
  • The dogs wanted me to let you know that they are in the office today and will be your canine psychologists  (no offense Savannah) – they charge $.50 per hour and will receive unlimited pets, ear scratches and belly rubs.
  • photo
  • Maybe I should also say I’m in rare form today. Let the weekend begin!

I’m all about…..friday!

I’m glad it’s Friday because that means that it’s closer to being next weekend when I’m off. I hope the weather is fine, too, because I am dying to get back on my bicycle and ride the trail!

kellybikedylanbike (I promised Charlie I would post these)

This time I want to ride my other bike that the tires arn’t quite so thin. That way we can go offroad if we need/want to. I’ve also been working out in the mornings before work. It has helped with my mood at work. It’s kind of hard to let the sh*t get to me when I’m comfortably tired from running 4 miles. I feel melow, like whateva. I’ve decided that I’m not going to let it get to me anymore. I really just don’t care. I punch a time clock and will do what I’m told and when I walk out of the place I’m going to forget about it. There are far too many other creative things going on in my life outside of that place that I don’t need them and if they don’t want to utilize me for all of my talents then that’s their loss. So, that’s where I’m at right now – in the don’t care mode and I plan to stay there.

This mode, however, does not include how I feel about my part-time job teaching motorcycle classes. Thankfully, I have that, my awesome fiance Charlie and our wonderful if not somewhat stinky dogs.


Then, there’s football season that’s getting ready to begin. The Falcons TANKED against the Bengals last night. Let’s hope this isn’t an introduction to how the season’s going to go. For tonight – go Pack! Have a great weekend, everyone!


summer blahs and sexy bed bugs

It’s August here in big, bad Georgia. Every time this month rolls around I start fantasizing about crisp fall walks, bike rides & camping. Football, beer and wings -you knew I had to add beer in there somewhere, didn’t you?

I’ve been blah this week. Probably for several reasons – one, I worked the weekend and typically I’m always dragging butt on Mondays. Two, the job hunting has been a bear. Yeah, I’ve applied to tons and actually had a phone call two weeks ago from the HR rep for a place I applied to. He was basically doing a weed-out of candidates via an initial phone interview. I thought it went well and received an email later saying “I passed” but nothing from any hiring manager. I applied for another job yesterday that I thought fit me like a glove – I mean, this job I would be perfect for but it still doesn’t mean I’ll even get a phone call. I also applied for another position within my company.  

I decided after applying to those that I’m quitting for awhile. I need a break from looking, applying, hoping, praying, etc.

I’ve been taking on writing gigs online. They’re very small assignments, articles that pay about $1 for 100 words. The first one I signed up for was a 500 word article rating this powder that’s safe to use for bed bugs – not very sexy, I know. The next one I did was on rating two kinds of running shoes. That one was easy. I signed up to several sites that have writing assignments, some you bid or send a proposal to do and others you just write the article and wait to see if the subscriber or client picks it up. I’ve made a total of about $5 so far – I know, crazy but I have to start somewhere. I kind of get a kick out of it when someone picks up an article I wrote. It’s weekend beer money – so far I’ve made enough for one 16 oz. PBR.

Charlie and I do need to get out of town and breathe different air for awhile. I booked us the campsite in NC for Labor Day weekend. I’m very much looking forward to that. I’m hoping it will be cooler up there, no mosquitoes and nice weather and maybe a camper trailer.

PS: If you want to read my sexy published article on bed bugs comment or email and I will send you the link.



IPA school, bike riding and old friends

That night after the boat trip Charlie had gotten us tickets to IPA school. IPA’s are some of my favorite beers. The local Growler up the road was hosting it and it was put on by New Holland Brewing.

We tasted 5 beers altogether (which, upon later research I learned they were part of the “Hatter Day Hatters” series –I wondered why they all had hatter in their names – duh)  and got to take a Growler of our choice of New Holland beer home. Between the two of us we chose the Farmhouse Hatter and the Oak-Aged Hatter – two very nice IPA’s. They also are known for their Beer Barrel Whiskey and I highly recommend that, too if you’re a whiskey drinker.

The next day I was very happy when I looked at the clock at 5 a.m. and realized that I could roll over and go back to sleep for a few more hours. Later, Charlie brought me a cup of coffee in bed and the dogs bounded up to lay on top of me. (Over 100 lbs of canine) She cooked me breakfast and then took the dogs on a long walk because later we were going to go on a bike ride.

I wanted to ride my restored Bianchi that day. I hadn’t had it out since its maiden voyage where the handlebars came loose from the head and I took a nose dive.  When we rolled the bikes outside the air up the tires I noticed the head set was loose again so Charlie and I loaded up and drove down to our favorite bike shop first to have it checked out. It was a good thing, too, because the last time I had it in there they only tightened the nut and not the actual headset. Tightened with the proper air poundage in the tires we set out to find The Beltline trail.  

The Beltline is a bit of an enigma in that there’s a lot of talk about it but no one seems to know exactly where it is. When you go to the website and pull up a map of it it shows a green line entirely around the city of Atlanta. One would think “Wow, there’s an entire off-road trail that runs all the way around Atlanta.”  That’s the misconception. There’s only a few completed pieces of the trail currently constructed (yes, note to self click ‘completed trails’ on the map link and you will see the few pieces of already constructed trails) Charlie and I were fortunate enough to find the Eastside trail just off Krog street. In fact, right across the street from the way overrated and overpriced restaurant and wine bar. You can park in the gravel lot beside it and walk your bike across the street and get on the trail from there. It will take you past Old Fourth Ward (which, I have decided is one of my favorite neighborhoods in the city) through Inman Park and eventually to Piedmont park.

Once we got to Piedmont, we rode around the park and through the Botanical Garden and finally got back on the trail stopping off in Inman to eat some great tacos. By the time we were finished eating I don’t think either of us thought we could pedal on our full stomachs if our lives depended on it but we managed (I really do think Charlie almost lost a taco on that first hill). On the way back we stopped off at this bicycle shop and looked around. Since rebuilding the Bianchi I admit that I’m a little obsessed with bikes. The man behind the counter even commented on it when we first walked in. I was even more obsessed then. He sold restored used bikes, too – obsession was really kicking in….

We found a small bike and we both had to try out laughing and cutting up. I took a video of Charlie and it that was so funny. We got back on the trail and to the car, hopping in and cooling off in the air conditioning. Once home we loaded up the dogs and took them on the trial for a long walk. Once back from that we had plans to meet up with one of my good friends that I hadn’t seen in over ten years. She was visiting from California and we met up with her and her new gf (who is a local but only so for another year). The drank beers, played pool and caught up. We shared funny stories and both Charlie and her girl, Gail cracked up. I had forgotten all the funny little stories we shared until we got together.

So, it was a very full and enjoyable weekend starting with last Wednesday night at the Mexican place. It was so much fun it really s*cked going back to work on Tuesday. I will close with some a video I uploaded of the dogs at the lake. (I tried to upload pics but my email is not cooperating with me today). More pics later.

onna boat

The next day I felt Charlie get up and go let the dogs out. I laid there for awhile hoping to catch a few more zzzz’s but instead I was greeted with, “Hon, get up!”

She wasn’t kidding when she said we had an early day.

When I stumbled into the kitchen she was already packing the cooler. She handed me a cup of coffee and told me to go find my bathing suit and board shorts. Later, in the truck, coffee in hand and dogs in the back we headed west towards Lake Jackson. I knew we were going on a lake but wasn’t sure which one until later we passed some signs.

The dogs were hanging out of the windows and we had the radio turned up. Finally, we passed the road we were supposed to turn down and had to double back. Turning on to a a very narrow paved road that took us back into the woods and finally brought us to some houses overlooking the lake. Charlie hopped out of the truck and went inside one of the houses.

Finally, a guy in swimming trunks came out and I got out of the truck and shook his hand. He directed me to park next to another car and said he’d be back with the gator to get our stuff. Charlie had rented us a pontoon boat. The day was perfect for it, too. Sunny, with a slight breeze and the lake was smooth as glass. Back with the gator I helped Barry load up and took the dogs down to the dock. Bailey eagerly walked towards the boats but Sadie dug in to the dock.

“Com’mon, Sadie.”

Finally, after much contemplation of the crack between the dock and the boat I lifted her butt and pushed her onboard. After that she was fine. Barry got onboard and showed us the basics and both Charlie and I nodded as we both grew up on boats. Moments later we pushed off and headed off. The dogs were at the bow, ears flapping in the wind and enjoying the views. Every once in a while a fish would jump up out of the water and they would cock their heads to the side.

We went towards Bear Creek Marina.  Once there we tied up and let the dogs out to go. They had been cooped up all morning in the truck. It was still early and after a few rounds of fetch the stick in the water we got back on board to go back the other way. Later, after riding around we went back to the Marina and tied up and played with the dogs a bit and ate lunch. We were trying to get them to jump off the end of the dock by leading them down the dock to the end and throwing a stick into the water.

The first time, they both plunked off the side barely missing the dock – pathetic but funny. (At least Sadie went into the water) We tried again and they both ran off the dock and into the water via the boat ramp completely cheating. It was great fun all the same!


Next up more birthday fun!