getting sh*t done – literally

Since it’s been in the single digits here the dogs haven’t had their daily walks. The poor things have been cooped up in the house for almost three days. Yesterday, it finally reached a balmy 40 degrees and I decided to take them out. They enjoy the walks – especially, if I let Sadie chase a few squirrels here and there. But, mainly these walks are for getting sh*t done – literally.

We always go down to the lake, loop around and come home and if we time it right Charlie is usually just pulling in from work. Some days when it’s nicer I linger at the lake, sometimes even sitting down on a bench and taking it in. The other day before all the cold hit I did this only to have the serial killers approach me.

411 on the serial killers:

This is a couple who always drives up in a serial killer van (the ones that have no windows on the side – exactly, like the one the psychopath in Silence of the Lambs used) and parks on the side of the road (either too lazy to walk to the lake or they don’t live in the neighborhood). The female looks to be 10 years junior to the male although she has long, grey hair. They have in tow a Chinese Crested that shivers even on hot days. Both the female and the dog have crazy eyes. I could totally see the woman feigning some sort of emergency so the male could come up and knock you in the head and drag you off to the van. The man always has a grouchy snarl on his face. I made the mistake one time in letting the dogs come up and sniff the C.C. and right about the time Sadie got within an inch of it, it started snarling and barking at her like it wanted to rip her face off. Since then I always steer clear of them.

“Are your dogs friendly?”

Really? You don’t remember your dog almost taking my dogs face off?

“No, they’re not.”

“Come on.” The man growled at her.

I mean, really? You think I’d fall for that again? Get the F away from me, crazy. I thought, watching them walk away. Just then Bailey growled.

“You and I have the same freak-o-meter, Bailey.” I said, petting her head.

It’s true. We’ll be walking along and some nasty guy will come along and right about the time I’m thinking it she’ll growl or bark. She’s an excellent deterrent of freaks, and people who want to rob or rape you. Sadie, on the other hand is too busy looking at nature unless she’s in the truck and then she’ll put on the best feral pitbull want-to-rip –your-face-off act I’ve ever seen. She’s crazy protective over both the house and the truck.

But back to Bailey, one day we were walking and one of the bird watchers was looking at some bird in the tree. Now, I have nothing against bird watchers – there’s a group in the neighborhood and next to the lake is a bird sanctuary. I love birds, don’t get me wrong. But, when some weird looking guy is standing around in a trench coat on a 70 degree day looking at something through binoculars I tend to want to steer clear. I spied the guy and veered away avoiding him right at the time Bailey barked at him and the bird he was looking at flew away.

It’s too bad my dog made the bird fly away but maybe if he didn’t appear to look like a serial killer/pervert feigning bird watching he’d be more successful.

Also, in walking the dogs I only stop for the kids that live on the street to pet them – just because they have seniority and live on the street. The dogs love kids but when we go walking we don’t stop for every kid that goes by and wants to pet them. F-that – it’s not a petting zoo, people. We’re out here to get sh*t done – literally.

Plus, it’s not a “Let’s guess this breed” Game Show.  We’re not spinning the wheel like in Price is Right of breed choices of German Shepherd, Labrador, Ridgeback, “OH, IT’S A GERMAN SHEPHERD, RHODESIAN RIDGEBACK, DANISH BROHOLMER MIX, DING, DING, DING, DING, DING – YOU WIN $1,000,000!”

Just say, “What pretty dogs.” And move the F on!

And, I’ll say, “Thank you.” And move the F on cuz –

-we got sh*t to do – literally.



One thought on “getting sh*t done – literally

  1. My dog is sure that anyone who walks through our front door wants to kill me unless I smile immediately. This is his cue and he watches me like a hawk, growling the whole time until I smile. So, more than one delivery person has thought me much friendlier than I really am…..


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