three day red solo cup drama

It was pouring yesterday when I got out of bed. On a Monday, too, when I was so tired from running around like crazy on our three day weekend off. It was fun, well – most of it was, anyway.

Thursday night kicked off the first night of jazz in the neighborhood. We scrambled around and got things to take to nosh on, threw everything in the truck along with the dogs and drove to Oakhurst. Right after putting the coolers in the truck Bailey started acting freaky-deaky. She’s been like that ever since we went to Indiana and we had so much stuff piled up back there that the cooler fell on her and she jumped into the front seat on top of Charlie almost breaking her arm. (Can you picture 80 lbs of dog hurling herself into the front seat?) So, now every time we put the cooler, dry cleaning, gym bags and other inanimate objects into the truck she looks at them like they’re going to jump up hit her. This was what she was doing just then.

“Drive slow so they won’t fall over.”

So, I had to drive like an old person who just got let out of the nursing home on the way to Sunday dinner.

“Ok, I put in some extra Efferdent so I can really bite into that fried chicken at the country buffet. Oh, I forgot my cataract glasses….”

At jazz we ended up with several people on our blanket noshing. Ellen came after she got off of work then Cindy came over with Lisa. Later, Garth and his wife came and sat behind us. He didn’t recognize me at first as I hadn’t spoken or even laid eyes on him since Lee. He said that Lee had dropped off the face of the earth. One of the reasons I stopped hanging with Garth was because Lee and him hung together and I didn’t want her knowing my business. Fortunately, we weren’t blessed with Nancy’s presence that night but it’s no surprise because she would never show her face with me surrounded by friends and my girl.

The next day we went to look at washer and dryers, went down to the Braves stadium to buy tickets and had lunch at a cute little tex mex place near Oakland cemetery. After being fortified we ran to the hardware store to get tomato and pepper plants for the garden. Later, we had dinner at a mediocre Thai place in Decatur, a drink at MacMcGee’s and then took in Antigone Rising at Eddie’s Attic. The show opened with our friend, Hannah. The place packed in and they jammed out. It was great seeing them again.

Sunday, we had planned on taking the camper out on her maiden voyage to Stone Mountain. We loaded up, hooked up and took off for the mountain and got there around 1:00 p.m. We found the office and the lady circled several sites that were available to go look at. I was immediately suspicious wondering if everyone had already had gotten the good sites. We chose one that was the flattest and closest to the lake.

Let me tell you, it could have been way flatter (like my chest at 16) and it was a BITCH leveling. First, we fought over the levelers we brought Charlie saying that she was going to use four on one side and none on the other. I didn’t know that the legs of the camper could just stick right into the dirt. I thought they HAD to have a leveler under it. After running over and looking at three other campers I finally conceded and said ok. Then, we went to crank it up – that in itself it a bitch because of the heavy air-conditioning unit on the top. By the time we finished cranking it up we were both puffing. We caught our breath and started to unload the truck and put stuff inside.

“We should probably put the door down now.”

Side note #2 – the door will also be a mutha-f-er to put down if the trailer is not perfectly level. We were inside grunting like we were having massive sex trying to get that thing snapped in. We ended up having to lift the roof of the camper while sliding the door into the gap to tighten.

“One, two, three – LIFT! OOOOAAFFF, UUUUUGH, OH! Wait, I can’t get it. SHEEEEET!”

We went through this forever. Fortunately, the sites adjacent to us that had kids were off playing putt putt golf or something. My shirt was sticking to my back by the time we got that thing in.

“Damn, that was a BITCH! F-ing DOOR! “

“Hon, I’m sure it’s because we’re not exactly level is why the door wouldn’t just slide right in.” – in her mother-knows-everything voice.

motherknows

I just looked at her with a slight glare. (The full-on would come next.)

Ok, I’m going outdarn, we needed to put the Bimini shade down before we cranked this thing up.”

“OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD CAN WE JUST GET A BREAK?!”

“Hon, take a break, go have a beer. I’ve got this. I can just reach it…..” she reaches up and unzipped it and there’s an explosion of poles and canvas. Bailey took off practically running to the other side of the campground.

Thankfully, I was away from the explosion searching for the little red cups I’d packed.

“You mess with it then.”

I was done. I needed a beer and grabbed the cups to pour it in since technically there wasn’t alcohol allowed where we were camping. All we needed was the beer police to show up and take it from us. I came out when Charlie was trying to use one of the braces that came wrapped up in the shade. I stepped out just when one of them came falling down and hit me over the head. She covered her mouth and said, “I’m so sorry, honey.”

I glared at her full on then. I know she was probably afraid I was going to explode again at that point. I calmly went over and poured her a beer as well handing it to her, “Take a break before I shove that pole up your @ss.”

“Mmm, promise?”

“You’ve been watching too much Queer as Folk, love.”

We sipped beer for a while and she went back to it. I went over and tried to help, the dogs walked up when suddenly one of the pole braces fell off again narrowly hitting me and Bailey ran off freaky-deaky again. The Bimini shade had become The Shining Shade -simply because everything I see that’s freaky-deaky [or can kill] to me I call The Shining [object].

jack (I don’t know if that was me at the time or the shade but at that point all I knew was that I needed more beer)

Then, Charlie opened the door and ripped the shade and started cursing. I collapsed in gales of  laughter.

“Shut up!”

“Who’s pissed at the shade NOW?! How we going to get your dog into the camper now that the shade has become the cooler?”

We finally got that stupid @ss thing situated where it wouldn’t fall and kill us but I’m still not convinced or impressed. It seems way more trouble than it’s worth. I pointed out that all it would take is a Phillips screwdriver to take it off and throw in the lake but Charlie didn’t seem to like that idea.

camper (this may be the last picture of the shade so look closely – notice Bailey sitting a good distance from it.)

We brought enough food to cook on the grill that was at the site. We grilled a burger for me and chicken for Charlie and ears of corn. I had made a broccoli slaw and we had a ton of chips and beer dip. The camper was equipped with beds on both sides. Charlie had brought the dogs electric blanket and plugged it in.

dogs4

One thing we discovered was that the camper really needs a porta-potty…..we managed to rough it with a single red cup (which was hard to keep from mistaking it from the original beer cup – and, it gave a whole new concept to two girls and a cup)

redcup (temporary camper por-ta-let)

This was ok to get us through the night but if you have to go this route I recommend a larger cup, like, a 32 “ounzer” that you get at the gas station for obvious reasons……yes, we had to mop the floor when we got home….no more about that. The camper was waaaaay easier to lower and fold up. By 10 the next morning we were hitched up and heading for home. We backed it into the carport just as the rain hit.

I will close with this:

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2 thoughts on “three day red solo cup drama

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