4th prep

The past two weekends were spent getting home furnishings or home furnishings ready for company this Thursday. As you recall, last weekend we were tied up in with the new bed. This weekend, we got new patio furniture (in our eyes carport furniture), I hooked up a new Roku in the living room and also a used receiver and cd player in the kitchen. Now we have continuous music both inside and out instead of, “Honey, would you go change the cd?” Even though I got a splitter for the iPod to hook into the receiver the sound quality bites is not the best.  I may have to figure out another way to connect to the receiver to get a better sound (any tech geeks out there?). I was just proud that I managed to hook up the receiver, speakers and cd player and that it actually worked.

Next, we need a TV in the carport (which is our new living room) to watch football in the Fall (– also a digital antenna in the attic with all 15 4 TV’s hooked to it….) I admit I’m becoming an electronic whore junky.  I was telling my sister this morning that if I could get a quick release TV bracket for both the carport and my office I could switch it back and forth (are you reading this, Charlie?). Charlie did such a wonderful job of installing the bracket in the kitchen for the new smart TV I got last weekend, too. My sister said that I was starting to sound like one of her male friends who has TV’s and surround sound in every room.

Along with all that, we ordered our wedding rings this weekend (after we went to the very expensive local store to try on and after convincing her that the more expensive rings would take away from the Harley fund she was convinced that the ones we ordered where just right for the $$).  I also got an early birthday present  – a new HP laptop. It’s very nice! My mac is almost 15 years old and any day now I know I’m going to get the dreaded blue screen (that reminds me that I need to go to office depot and get a few jump drives to transfer files). This morning I wanted to just stay home and transfer files play with it.

There are many more trips to the grocery to get ready for company coming in on Thursday – Charlie’s younger son and her best friend and the party on Friday. Which, at first seemed like it was going to be a bust like New Year’s Eve was but as time wore on people finally started RSVP-ing (after I threatened emailed them twice to RSVP – what is with people not RSVP-ing?). But, who knows how many we’ll have. Charlie and I just approached this one as a, “We’ll be here and it won’t stop our good time.”

What’s your plans for the 4th?



the Ikea antelope

Last weekend Charlie and I bought a new bed at the pit of hell Ikea. First of all, one of the reasons I don’t like that place is because you have to follow the whole entire maize to get out of there. After a while it starts to feel like Hotel California and that you’ll never find the exit. Second, I had no idea you had to go collect all the stuff you want to buy and load it onto a cart. This includes furniture that weights twice your body weight, mattresses, dressers, chairs and antelopes – because, really who doesn’t want an antelope in their living room?

Cartoon Antelope Bored

Fortunately, we got some help from one of the nice Ikea antelope helpers. As we maneuvered to the checkout counter with our 4 carts trying not to hit anyone or run them over with all our stuff I wondered how the hell we were going to get all of this into the truck. I just thought the mattress would go on top and the antelope would run along the side as long as we dangled one of those Swedish meatballs out the window (I mean, that’s why they sell those there, right?). Once we got checked out and maneuvered near the door Charlie went to retrieve the truck. After she backed up to the store another man appeared and assured us that we could get everything in – including said antelope. I think the antelope was relieved by this as it was very hot outside. In fact, he was already climbing in to ride shotgun and cranking up the air, his horns ripping into my roof upholstery as he sat down. The man took the mattress and folded it in half and threw it into the back. I climbed in and with my feet dangling out the back Charlie took off for home.
Well, once we got home the antelope didn’t want to have anything to do with us anymore. I think Bailey or Sadie called him a dildo head pissed him off so he took off down the road – kind of like that moose in Northern Exposure but not quite as impressive. So, Charlie and I were left to put the bed together with no help from him. I was hard pressed to get it done before the 3:00 game so I was all like, “This piece goes here. Here let me help you with that, hon. Want the drill? It will screw in faster with that.”
Screw faster, faster, fasteeeeeer…….
I was able to catch most of the game – probably the fastest I’ve ever put a bed together in my life. But, when the bed was together despite it SAYING we bought a QUEEN size it appeared to be just a double. Charlie and I squeezed in together that night her face in my armpit as I climbed in, “Move over will-ya?!”
“I can’t! I’m right on the edge!”
“Would you take your elbow out of my side?”
“That’s not my elbow it’s a hoof – that damn antelope came back.”

F the shirt

This is day two of this workout/meal plan. Although, I’ve mixed it up a bit with 40 minutes of bicycle prior to hitting the weights. If I don’t see results from this then I’m going to move to a third world country and eat rice. (At least it will be brown rice).

I have no problem eating right and working out – really, I don’t. My biggest problem is cutting out alcohol which, I know in order for this plan to be successful I will need to cut back. I don’t picture myself cutting it out all the way – that’s an unrealistic goal but perhaps to the point where I plan out specific days I can have a drink – like, when we go out and see a concert or out to see soccer. (Like on Sunday)

At least it’s a start. I have to start somewhere in order to do it. The last time I did this plan I went from a size 10 to a 4. I can’t imagine getting into a 4 again but it would be nice to have my size 31 jeans fit again and be able to button my cowboy shirts. Yes, it’s time. It would be a lot easier if the gym wasn’t relocated to the 30th floor of the bank building and not having to change in the bathroom and take a whore’s bath in the sink before going back to work.

“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty…” Quote by Theodore Roosevelt who my cat is named after.

Speaking of workouts, I was on my way to work the other day and passed by where I used to meet up for Bootcamp. I happened to look over and see some people with the signature black instructor shirts surrounding Jo-Jo. The pang I felt just then was wishing I could run like that again. (My 5k time was screaming when I was instructing) But, I don’t miss being constantly berated by Jo-Jo during the time I was one of her instructors (Yes, running her camp for free). Those of you who read my older blog may remember reading about her and Bootcamp. There were times when they would have a special dress up camp and all the instructors would dress up of some theme. I would show up to camp and everyone would be in camo – for our “Guts and Guns” workout – except for me. When I’d ask her about it she would say, “Didn’t you get the email?” I knew that b*tch had my email she was just singling me out. I have my theories of why shedid that but it’s really not worth going into anymore. She can have her stupid bootcamp. I’ll just do my own.

I don’t need that shit the shirt.

world cup ankle therapy

My ankle is still bothering me from the Jailbreak. I’m supposed to do a beer festival race on Saturday and I don’t think I’m going to be able to do it – unless, I hang back with Ellen, which, would be to her joy to have company.

I just hate to waste the entry fee and the T-shirt, y’all! (Not to mention the beer afterwards…)

I’m just really bummed out that my ankle is like this at the time of a busy race season – one that I had planned on BEING busy doing. I’d planned out my schedule throughout the summer, too. To top it off, the fancy health club I’d just jointed in April is now renovating over the summer and won’t re-open until August. They have relocated a partial facility on the 30th floor of but it’s nothing like the normal club. Unless I go up there and cycle by August I’m going to weigh 300 pounds!

This is how I feel when my athleticism gets cut off.

(I won’t even mention the Peachtree Road race, which, I signed up for. That’s too depressing to even contemplate.)

Speaking of athleticism, is anyone watching the FIFA World Cup? I managed to catch the end of a match yesterday after I got off from work. Tonight US plays Ghana (and I’m not even going to air my true feelings about that) and I really want to go see them play (no, I do not have $$$ to have ESPN in the house). I know Charlie is going to think I’ve lost my mind during this time. The last world cup I completely got hooked – I happened to be unemployed at the time – I say this lightly because at the time I was running my own landscaping company and teaching classes and between the two I felt like the It’s-time-to-make-the-donuts guy. I was scheduling all my installations and mall watering schedule around the world cup.

“What time will you be here tomorrow to plant?” [the 12 trees, 25 shrubs and 25 flats of flowers].

Planning to be sitting at the bar by the 3:00 game, “I don’t know but I’ll done by 2:30.” 

At the time I was taking care of all [125 pots] of the plants at the mall [plus, three huge palms] and my typical schedule was finishing right around the time the games were starting and staking out a stool at the bar of the fancy steak house inside the mall. My typical fare was a filet, medium with a chopped salad and 420’s -and keep ‘em coming. The bartender would see me coming with my bright orange company work shirt on and would already be pouring me a 420.

Despite it being a very stressful time in my life there were times – like during the world cup – that were amazing. I say to people that the last world cup was the best reason for being unemployed because I could control my own schedule.

Now if only the re-located, temporary location health club would have soccer on in the afternoons when I’m on the bicycle trying to keep the 300 pounds off……




Charlie, Ellen and I did our jailbreak obstacle course race this last Saturday. This was our first obstacle course race.  I was a bit leery from the beginning. But let’s back up-

– Thursday Ellen was supposed to come over and we were all going to do shirt prep for the race. Charlie and I both were going to wear black shirts with white stripes she was going to paint on with a box on the back that had two letters standing for “Charlie’s bi-otch” and mine [lanies real name] bi-otch. Ellen was going to have a gold star on hers because she was going to be the cop who chased us. Well Charlie and I did ours but Ellen had unplanned guests and couldn’t make it.  Well, that is – she was going to make dinner for them before coming over and Charlie and I weren’t intersted in staying up until midnight on a school night so we bailed. (Needless to say she never got her shirt done) I do admit it was a disappointment that she was so caught up in the guests that it was lost on her that it was Charlie and I’s way to include her in something that the three of us could do together since we hadn’t done anything with her for awhile. (and, can you guess why?) Friday evening when we asked her if she wanted us to pick her up on the way to the race she said there may be a crowd – meaning she was bringing the unsavory guests with her.

Saturday we met her there with her current gf, Lorraine, in tow. I knew the guests were too lazy weren’t going to be there.
The race was literally held on the grounds of the Gwinnett county jail and was set up with about 15 obstacles some very intimidating.
“Y’all don’t be mad if we come in last”, Ellen said.
Yeah, we’ll we won’t leave you like you left us, I thought. I mean, honestly – why do I bother?
We were going to all three finish the race together come hell or high water – which, was in a dumpster at the end. I gave Lorraine the key to my truck to hold and  she promised to take [about 3] many pictures of us during the race.

We were standing near the starting line getting ready to go when Lorraine said, “someone should tell that woman she’s way too old to be wearing pigtails”
I was a bit shocked that churchy she said that. I mean she’s waaaaaaaay not the person to be making judgments. She wasn’t even doing the race – for reasons that would be apparent looking at her but not judging her despite her judging.
“Maybe she’s just wearing her hair that way because she’s about to do a race [unlike you] and wants to keep it out of her face” which later became out of the mud….
I admit right then I thought, “here’s another weird gf of Ellen’s.” Granted this one is EONS better than Louise but…
BAM! The gun went off and I didn’t have time to ponder Ellen’s [weird @ss] choices of gf’s. We were on! We ran through a swamp, lugged 2 twenty pound bags on our shoulders, crawled through a muddy ditch with netting on top that my fingers kept getting caught in, through the woods, up steep inclines and finally the large obstacle course. The first was an intimidating tower you had to climb up and belay down a ramp. It was easier than it looked. Next was a tube u slid down into a sandpit. I slid down and when I hit the pit my ankle caught in the sand and I heard a loud pop. I limped up and Charlie and Ellen were there.
“Are you ok?”
“Yeah, I think I can put weight on it”
One of the sheriffs volunteers asked me if I wanted to go to first aid. But I said no that I wanted to finish. So on we went. The next thing scared me (and Ellen) the most. It was an A frame tower we had to climb that was quite high. Charlie went first and shouted over her shoulder “don’t look down”
Ellen and I were behind and I was afraid my ankle would give out on me at the top and I wouldn’t be able to climb. All I thought is if I can just reach the top I’ll be ok.
Once I hit the peak and climbed over I waited for Ellen. I knew I wasn’t going anywhere until she reached the top. We made it down and went through several other obstacles but none as scary as the last one. We crawled through a tube, balanced on muddy logs over swampy areas, and then came to a rope you had to swing your legs up and go hand over hand and inch your way upside down to the other side. Charlie did it like a champ and I thought I wasn’t going to be able to do it but I did. We all finished by climbing into a dumpster filled with muddy water (which, Charlie obsessed over the whole time – “That water is going to be so nasty on my coochie by the time we get there.”).
And, Ellen would answer, “if we get there….”
And, me, “WE’LL GET THERE!”

Come hell or muddy high water we did.

Here’s pics from Charlie n I:






Here’s the 3 pics Lorraine took: (note the long tube in the background – this was the one I sprained my ankle on sliding down)







All in all Charlie and I had a blast! There’s another one in August we want to do. It’s up for debate whether we want to include Ellen.


vaca – long awaited but soon over

So, I’ve caught you up on our show schedule now for our vacation. The day we were leaving I woke up with a sick stomach. We almost didn’t go because of it. I was pissed about it – we’d waited for this trip for almost a year. I took some meds and said, Let’s hit the road, and we did. The drive down wasn’t bad although, I don’t think Charlie expected it to be 5 hours. It was in the 90’s when we went across the bridge to the island.

photo 1

Once there we found the wooded campground we had reserved a space back in January. We set up camp – this time very easily with no Shining moments. Afterwards, we decided to go down to the beach. Since there is very little development there the beach seemed almost deserted – which, was nice!

charlienbaily charliendogs2 CnD dogsncharlie dogsnD dogsnD2

Most of the time we were there I hardly ate anything – I got this strange craving for Cheetos, though. Saturday evening we did go out to one of the local island restaurants for shrimp and crawfish and listened to live music.

photo 4 photo 5 sunset

By the last night I was able to manage some solid food and we cooked out. Thankfully, the weather was good and wasn’t in the 90’s the whole time we were there. It was a good trip and I’m glad we went but I could have felt a lot better.

old and righteous-SLY

Gosh, it’s been awhile, hasn’t it? There is so much catching up to do, I know. I’ve been wanting to update for a while now but I’ve just been so busy. I guess that’s the trade off with finding a new job – no time for writing or creativity, which, isn’t necessarily a good thing.

I will go back to mid-May – Charlie and I went to a Tegan and Sara concert at the Buckhead Theatre. (The last time I was there it was The Roxie) We got there early and had sushi down the way and left the car there and walked to the theatre. It was a decent mix of people – not all lesbians, but a mix of young hipsters of both sexes. We grabbed some beers and sat down and watched the crowd. One of the opening bands wasn’t really capturing the crowd so we stayed out in the lobby until another band came on – who we originally thought was Tegan and Sara but turned out to be Lucius – who were really good. They started out with this number:

I loved how the lead singers were sandwiched between two guys playing drums. We watched all of their show and then when they broke to set up for Tegan and Sara we went out to the lobby and had our pictures taken with them. By this time we’d lost interest and sat out in the lobby for some time. We did go in briefly to see the main show but didn’t see all of it. It seems every time I go to a show I always like the opener better than the main show, which, brings me to the next concert we went to – Lucinda Williams at the Variety playhouse. I always love seeing shows at this venue because it’s in Little 5 points and surrounded by bars and restaurants. Plus, I always like a general admission show. We got there early and secured some seats in the back – which, would have been perfect had the old man 5 rows in front of us hadn’t stood up during the whole show. I mean, this is Lucinda-61-year-old-Williams not a friggin’ KISS concert (although, I’m sure the crowd for KISS would have been just as old)! It was a weird mix of people – like a Michigan Womyn’s festival bus collided with the nursing home van.


The Kenneth Brian Band was the opener – and, again, I enjoyed them a lot – they got down. Here’s a little taste of one of their songs:

By the time Lucinda went on (at least it was early because we were all old and had a bedtime) it was packed in there and ALLLLL the old people in front of us stood up with their walkers. I was a bit frustrated by it – I mean, if you want to stand up then go up to the front and stand in the crowd of people not back where the theatre seating is. Then, there was some fat guy behind us that kept shouting, “HEP!” from time to time. I turned around and glared at him. Before the show he had gone on and on and on about how he’d seen every Lucinda show possible and that his whole family was Lucinda fans.

Ok, so you’re Lucinda certified, what-the-F-ever, I thought.

Despite the stupid people standing in front of us the whole show (which, I later threw ice at) it was a good show. Although, I was a bit disappointed by her last song, Righteously. It didn’t have style in the sound as some of her previous recordings – it was like she was spitting out the words like bullets (yes, it’s late and get back to the nursing home so I need to get this tune done)

Youdon’thavetoproveyourmanhoodtome –






Whyyouwannadismeafterthewayoubinkissin –


All in all I give the show 7 out of 10 – so call me a critic of old music and people. We were supposed to meet up with another couple before the show but we couldn’t agree on a time and place so Charlie and I just bagged it and went out on our own – which, we tend to do a lot. I’ve decided that our straight friends and out of town gay friends are the most reliable and easiest to hang with. The local gays mostly are lame, although, we did get Ellen over to the house for pizza last night. Ellen is a lot more accessible now that she has a new gf that has her own home south of town. We’re going to be doing an obstacle course race on Saturday together and we needed to plan our outfits.