bumf!ck bocce

We had a brief sighting of Ellen this weekend. Apparently, churchy broke up with her and she needed to come over and vent about it. We had been out on the porch talking with the neighbor when she messaged me. I replied, Just come over and have a drink or several. She did bless us with her presence long enough to have a couple of beers and tell us the ridiculous story of the breakup. (They always seem a bit ridiculous, dont’ they? Like, I was just eating a bagel that reminded her of that time she was in France with her ex and she just threw the napkin in my face and walked out. I mean, I was only eating a cinnamon and raisin and she lost it! – that didn’t happen, really, but it’s kind of like that) I just sat there listening (Charlie at one point jumped up to go take a shower because we were meeting a co-worker friend of hers later) and only agreed with one thing churchy said -that she was passive aggressive – and because of that I was reluctant to dole out any advice at that point. I remember all too well after her last relationship when I did offer advice and it came back and bit me in the @ss. What went from, What should I do? to I don’t know why you don’t like her. I’m not about to go there again. Honestly, I don’t’ care what or who she sees I just wish she’d be a more consistent friend. I was actually hoping she was back as a friend being churcy-less – I was wrong about that (and, probably wrong about her staying churchy-less).

The next morning I had promised to check in with her to see about going running. Once I got up I texted her that I really needed some coffee and breakfast before I could go and she said she’d just gotten up and was having coffee and that she’d text me later when she was leaving to see if I still wanted to go. I ate breakfast, Charlie and I walked the dogs and when we got back I decided to just go ahead and go run by myself because I didn’t feel like waiting anymore. Even if I did text her and she was going it would still be about two hours after that before we were actually running. I just didn’t feel like waiting all day. When by the time I would even get a text back I could have run 3.2 miles.

Does that make sense? Do you have friends like this? It drives me insane.

Later that day she was supposed to go hang with a bunch of old dykes and throw a plastic ball play on her bocce team at this bar that Charlie and I had also been invited to go watch the football game. We thought, Ok, kill two balls with one stone kind of thing. Plus, watching bocce ball is a bit like watching paint dry in my opinion. However, I do understand that there are plenty of people out there that feel the same way about watching football (why they play bocce). I get it! But, we thought we’d hang with Ellen a bit while she threw plastic ball, drink some beer and go in and watch some football – the best of both worlds (both lame and fun). In hindsight, we should have called or texted her to make sure we got an answer back either way instead of assuming she’d be there.

When we got there we could barely make it through the door it was so crowded. It was like the last time we went there to watch the World Cup and couldn’t find a seat so we ended up at a bar 1.2 miles from the house with plenty of seats. We crowded in right at the same time some distant friends came in and we all stood at three-person-deep bar trying to get a drink then shoved back in a corner, standing, watching the game.

Honestly, the only reason we put up with the crowd is because Ellen was coming to play bocce. We waited and texted her – nothing. Finally, after some time we texted wondering if she was ok fearing churchy coming back welding a knife or something. One never knows what could happen after a breakup. Sometimes even the churchiest lightest ones of throwing the dogs into the car and leaving for bum-f!ck could turn out to be the psycho ones that come back and park in the yard and scream. I was starting to wonder if we should go over there just to make sure when finally she texted back, I fell asleep and just getting up. And then nothing for a while.

Our questions of, Are you coming? Should we wait? Your team is starting went unanswered. I mean, my gawd, woman, answer your texts.

Finally, I have to get in the shower.

Ok, she must be coming, I said to Charlie.

Much later, third quarter, Is she coming or what?

I texted her that question and got back after another long period of time – I’ve decided to clean the house. It’s therapeutic.

Oh, for the love of – let’s go! from Charlie.

We left after that. I mean, there was no point in even being there if it was standing room only and she wasn’t even going to show. I wanted to text her back so bad and say, If you knew you weren’t coming you should have let us know instead of us having to drag it out of you. Instead, I texted So is hanging with your friends.

But, that’s just her – inconsistent and inconsiderate at times. I do know that I’m not going back there again if it’s going to be a crowd. There’s way better places (like our house) to hang and watch a game and it will be a cold day in h*ll before I watch another bocce game.



2 thoughts on “bumf!ck bocce

  1. Sometimes we’re so good to friends that rarely return the favour. They’re so caught up in their world that they don’t even realise that they’re being selfish. I am always told, “you’re too nice.” I think, “nope, I just treat people the way I would like to be treated and if they don’t treat you back that way then it’s because you’re too nice…. It’s because they’re a jerk!!”


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