running of the feet – and mouth

I bit the bullet yesterday and signed up for the Atlanta Track club. There was a race I wanted to do this weekend that if I joined I could do for free if I was a member. I went to their website and there a bunch of races they sponsor that are free to members. Now that’s done I’m going to be really careful not to hurt myself.

Ok, I have to admit something and tell me if I’m being unreasonable here, I can take it. Earlier I mentioned we had some peeps at our superbowl party that hooked up and messed up our spare room. I’m still kind of pissed over that. I mean, here’s how it went down. One of the motorcycle gals – Leslie hooked up with one of the pool girls, Lisa. (I swear everyone with that name is TROUBLE) Well, Lisa got really drunk, like, slurring words drunk. Her had Leslie had been talking all night and told both Charlie and I – and whoever else who would listen that they were going to go out on a date after that night. They liked each other and blah, blah, blah. I mean, don’t hold back y’all, whatever. Anyway, towards the end of the night when people were leaving Leslie asked Lisa if she was ok to drive. I mean, come on – the girl could barely walk without hitting the wall and part of me was thinking – do you really want to go out with someone who gets drunk off their face the first night you meet them? Really?!

But, who are you to judge, Lanie. [Holding hands up]

So, Lisa says that she needs a bit to sober up before driving home. I had asked Leslie earlier if she was going to take Lisa home – meaning to her own house and she thought I meant driving her to outside the fruitloop where she lives and said, “She lives all the way up in Norcross. I’m not going to do that. I’m not that kind of girl.” [whatever that means]

Charlie and I suggested that they could stay a bit and even crash for a while if they needed to, there was a spare room etc. and we went to bed. We both had to get up and go to work the next day. So, I just figured that they would make out a bit and either crash or Lisa would go home with Leslie who lived just down the street. The next morning we get up and 1. All the lights are on in the house. 2. The spare room has everything ripped off the bed all the way down to the mattress.

Ok, in the spare room [that we just changed the sheets] we have a down mattress pad, fitted sheet, regular sheet and comforter – all that was stuffed into the washing machine along with a couple of towels. 3. There’s no way our washing machine could handle that large of a load and 4. What the hell?! Someone offers you a place to sober up for a while and you’re going to mess up their whole bedroom?! Not to mention 5. EWWWWWW!! F-ing GROSS!

SO – after discovering all this I really expected a text from Leslie saying, Hey sorry we messed up your room and all…..


I finally texted them both asking if they made it home ok and had the unfortunate reply back from Leslie, “Yes, all good. The bed covers need to be washed [Really? No shit!] didn’t want to leave them on the bed, put them into the washer. Lordy….”

Ok, waaaaaay even MORE information than I wanted to know. I didn’t answer.

So, later I get a “We’re going out on a date any ideas on a first date restaurant in Decatur?”

So, because you used my spare room for massive sex I’m suddenly the lesbian Dear Abby of dating advice, too?!


I had to bite my finger practically OFF to keep from writing – McDonalds drive thru – have fun!


But, I gave the same advice I give everyone for a first date – go dutch. That way there are no expectations and you know it’s mutual and not someone just using you to get a free dinner. Which, honestly, I thought that about Lisa because she happened to mention several times in her drunkenness that she gets around and that she’s been dating A LOT since she broke up with her last GF. I know Leslie doesn’t get around much and Lisa is probably the first women she’s been on a date with in three years. Then-

“Is there anything I need to know, that you know about her, heads up on anything important?”

Well, just that she’s a drunk slut but – YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!

But, I wasn’t getting involved in that.

“She says she’s a bad girl, that’s ok too. We’ll play 20 questions at dinner, see if she thinks I’m too crazy to date.”

Oh, yeah maybe you should bring a Scattergories game, too. Yeah, Leslie you so crazy that a wild night for you is probably fermenting your tequila while you watch American Idol. You’re out of your element, girl, and you’re about to have a rude awakening. I just hope it goes your way, girl, I do.

I said, “Only what you saw I mean she got pretty wasted I don’t really know that much about her so go with your gut.”

“Thanks, Lanie was thinking that would be a good idea. And, I know she drank quite a bit. I’m more reserved with alcohol these days, getting older, wiser. I will keep you posted.

Please don’t. I don’t care. I’m going to send you a dry cleaning bill.

I thought I was done with it after that. Then yesterday I get a text from Lisa asking if she can swing by sometime this weekend and pick up the dish that she left. I wanted to say, No, I’m keeping it for trade of my dry cleaning bill.

I said I’d put it in the carport and prayed neither of us would be home when she stopped by because I really don’t want to hear about the date.

Then she wrote, “You doing alright? I have a date with Leslie tomorrow night. 🙂 “

“Yes, she told me.”

Again, I don’t care and I don’t want to know really and I feel the walls closing in on me on this whole, Can I stop by and pick up my dish from the party? 1. I don’t like people just stopping by and arbitrarily wasting my time. If people are coming over I need to plan for it.  I’m really OCD when it comes to shit like that. I think I get that from my father who would get out his shotgun every time the cable man came to the farm to try and sell him service.

I also got this from Angela who is an ex motorcycle instructor that always likes to talk my head off about how she’s quitting teaching (yes, we’ve all been saying that for 5 years now) and how she has a new job and is working on herself (I’ve heard this as long as I’ve known her – almost 11 years.) And, there’s nothing she can say that won’t exhaust me because she is just one of those people that can open their mouth for five minutes and  exhaust me and now she wants to come over to my house and trap me for two hours saying all this all over again just to get her lame-ass bowl?

“Hey, I’ll drop it by tomorrow night.” With the dogs in the car and the – Oh, I have to go the dogs are getting antsy.

“Also, can I have your blog address? I’d like to read your blog.”

How does she know about my blog? Yeah, I blew that one off. She’s not reading my blog.

So, in all this – am I being unreasonable about the spare room? Would you be all like EWWW, EWWW, EWWW!? And, do you have friends who you can only take in small doses?



3 thoughts on “running of the feet – and mouth

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