for verification purposes can you give your DOB?

“Today, 48 years ago, Mutha-F-er.”, I wanted to say but didn’t.

IIIIIIIIIII don’t want to work, I just want play on these –


all day!

Yes, it’s my birthday and…… I’m working :_(

WTF? I knew I shouldn’t have scheduled a stupid meeting on the day of my birthday. But (hopefully)– I’m out of here after it’s over.

Charlie is taking me out for a birthday dinner at one of my favorite restaurants in Va-highlands. I have already received most of my presents already. Charlie got me phone holder clamp and a USB port for my motorcycle and the latest Walking Dead comic books (which are eons ahead of the TV series and really way more interesting, too. Seriously, if we have one more season of wandering through the woods of south Georgia and killing zombies I’m D-O-N-E). Ellen got me a nice bottle of whiskey and Charlie’s parents got me a gift certificate to Outback.

My sister really tried this year by getting me a belt that I hook this flexible dog lead to so when Sadie and I go running I won’t have to hold the leash. Kind of ingenious but she kind of ruined it with a Cuisinart Smart Stick – borrrrring. I can’t even sell it on Ebay, either, because what I’ll make on it won’t even be worth the trouble to box up and ship it. So, I think I’m stuck just mixing margaritas with the thing. (Especially since I got a bottle of tequila from Jess for my b-day) Oh well, you win some and drink lose some.

You know I’m still going around and around with those f*ck-tards at the insurance company? Finally, they sent out the memo stating that people who were in same sex marriages could add their spouses to their insurance and to use June 26, 2015 as the qualifying event date (no matter if you got married previously in another state – that June 26th date would be the date of the qualifying event in Georgia). SO, I got Charlie added and they sent me documentation that stated that I would have to provide a copy of our marriage license as supporting documentation. SO –I uploaded it to their site – per their instructions. A week later, I’m getting emails and documentation in the mail of: PLEASE PROVIDE SUPPORTING DOCUMENTATION BY AUGUST 28, 2015. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL RESULT IN DENIAL OF REQUEST AND COVERAGE WILL REVERT TO PRIOR COVERAGE.

So, once again I called them and was put on hold forever while they tried to verify that they received the supporting documentation. Once the woman came back on she said she would have to look further into it. I told her to call me back and let me know either way. She never called me back. So, again, I get a nasty-gram email and letter saying above. I called again this morning. The lady said, yes, they had received it but it had been denied because our qualifying event date was outside the 30 days as our marriage license said, September 24, 2014. I was revving up to shout out loud, “FOR THE 45TH TIME SAME SEX MARRIAGE BECAME LEGAL IN GEORGIA JUNE 26, 2015 AND THAT IS THE MOTHER-F*CKING QUALIFYING EVENT DATE!!!!! When –

-she said, “Oh I’m sorry Mrs. Lanie– I’m sending this back for review since this is a same sex marriage it should be approved.”

-Sigh –

Wtf do I have to do to be treated like an equal around here? I really do hope that this is the last phone call I have to make to these people. I took down a reference number and assured her that I would be calling back if I didn’t hear back from them. She at least said Happy Birthday before hanging up as for verification purposes for the 45th time I had to give my DOB. All I really want for my birthday is to not have to make anymore phone calls to these people. Ever. Again.






'Normally I'd be optimistic that we could work out a little problem like this.'

‘Normally I’d be optimistic that we could work out a little problem like this.’

We have a mediocre like love/hate relationship with our neighbors. They first moved into the house next door last summer. I have lived on the street since 1997 and am among only a handful of others who have been there before or as long as I have. So, I count myself as a veteran of the street. I remember the next door neighbor being alive who was the original builder of all the houses on the street. I remember when he passed and then years later his wife passing. Her name was Mildred. I loved having her next door because she was almost deaf and never complained of my drumming and parties. In fact, the only thing she ever complained of was a Tulip Poplar on my property that shed leaves onto her property. The woman almost couldn’t stand to have one leaf in her yard. Eventually, I took the tree down because it wasn’t in the best of shape and leaning towards the house.

After Mildred passed friends of her family purchased the house. I first came across the new owner named Carl who would constantly introduce himself, “Carl and Amy here, nice to mee-cha!”

This would be the moment that I would look around for “Amy” never to be found. Carl did a bunch of work to the house – even later when I’d see him he’d say, “Hi, Carl and Amy here how-ya doing?” Again, no Amy anywhere and to this day I’ve never met her.

But no one moved in for quite some time. Then finally two older women moved in – (well, in fact I only SAW one but was informed by the other that the second did exist even though she was a hoarder and never left the house.) Apparently, Carl and his invisible wife, Amy, were getting a divorce and Amy was renting it to one live person and another invisible like herself.

This arrangement was fine until I was sitting in my carport one night talking to Charlie (this was before Charlie and I were together and she lived in Florida) when the one who I had met – the non-invisible one –  just came walking into the carport in her nightgown telling me to keep it down.

It was 8:30.

Ok, in the history of living on my street NO ONE had ever told me to keep it down. That lady was lucky I didn’t shoot her after walking up like that because she scared the crap out of me. After that, every time she saw me she made it a point to stop and talk to me. I’d be walking Sadie and she’d stop and talk. It got to a point that when I saw her coming I’d run and hide.

Finally, her and the hoarder moved out because Carl and Invisible-Amy’s divorce was final and she was moving in. So, we thought. The house sat empty again for months which suited me just fine. Then, Charlie moved in and then the current neighbors moved in. I came home one day and found Charlie standing in the back yard talking to some man who introduced himself as Tim. I would later meet his wife DeeDee. At first, it started out ok. There weren’t any incidents or complaints that I remember that first year. They would let out our dogs and then we’d let out theirs. We had even hired Tim to let them out during the day while we were at work and paid him. Then, Tim got a job and kind of left us in the lurch to find someone else so we decided to make due with blocking off rooms and hiding anything that could be chewed by Bailey. We were glad that Tim got a job because he was starting to come around more and more. He’d pop into the carport with a drink and talk about his penis sex which made me uncomfortable. I even got up and left at one point because I didn’t want to hear it. I even said something to his wife about it. Then, one morning last winter when Ellen and I were doing the Hot Chocolate Race I had gone out to ask her if she wanted any coffee before getting into her car and going and apparently Tim had heard me ask that and had called my cell phone number telling me to keep it down. Ok, by the time I had gotten the message we had already left that’s how quickly we were gone.

So, later Tim quit his job and decided to stay home all the time – and drink. Last week we had Michale, her gf and friend from Maine over to play music. We were literally in the back of the house in my office – right up against the neighbors on the opposite side of the house singing, playing drums and being rowdy until around 10:30 – we did this three nights in a row, in fact and those neighbors never said a word. (I think they probably felt guilty that I was up with every one of their kids when they were teething so this was my chance to keep them up). But, Thursday when we finished playing in my office we went out to the carport to sit and take a breather. The night was winding down but we got to laughing about something and suddenly both my phone and Charlie’s phones are going off from the neighbors – Tim and DeeDee. I let the message go to vm but listened to the message of Tim saying, “Hey, can you keep it down over there?” and a text saying, “Time to move the party inside…..please.”

We all shut up and started whispering and everyone left after that. What really p*ssed me off about that was BOTH of them were off the next day – DeeDee going to the mountains with a bunch of her girlfriends and Tim – well, just staying home and drinking. It was Charlie and I who had to get up early and drag into work. That morning going out the my truck I almost wanted to drag out my crash cymbol and start banging on it under their window.

That weekend with DeeDee out of town Tim didn’t have anything better to do than bug us. Even though we partied like rock starts again on Friday and Saturday playing music and drinking there were no more complaints from Tim -probably because he was bombed off his @ss. Then, Sunday I’m getting ready to go to the store when he calls my cell phone. Why he doesn’t text, I don’t know. I hate answering the phone to be honest. I only answer when it’s 100% convenient (which, is almost NEVER) or I WANT to talk to the person on the other end (which, I could list only 5 people not including TIM!). I let it go to vm and like Tim it was the standard, “Hey, Lanie – call me.”

Never saying what the f*ck he wants or what’s on fire – NO! Hey, call me. I never called him back. I texted Charlie, OMG WTF Tim just called me see what he wants. I’M DONE!!!

Apparently, he’d run out of vodka and wanted to borrow some of ours. We only had a teaspoon left in our bottle in the freezer so when I got home I had to ride with him to the liquor store and listen to him talk nothing. Once home he said, “Hey, I’ll just go make a drink and come by.”

Charlie and I internally cringed. We hadn’t had any time to ourselves the whole weekend and wanted some down time together but we were trapped. Fortunately, he’s usually only good for one drink before going home to drink more.

This week at work has been really busy. I’ve been killing myself getting ready for all these end of the month status meetings. Yesterday, I’m going into a meeting when my phone rings. I don’t recognize the number so I let it go to vm. Later, after my meeting I pick up the message, “Hey Lanie. It’s Tim, this is my cell phone. Give me a call.”

I went into a rage. WTF was that bastard calling me at work during the day for? What the hell is on fire that he thinks he needs to Eff-ing call me while I’m WORKING! I still had a ton of stuff to do before I left and got busy. I never called him back.

Later, at home Charlie and I were hanging out in the carport talking when suddenly DeeDee comes strolling up through the carport  – like the previous neighbor in her nightgown – scaring the crap out of us. We talked for a bit – I was hoping the topic of Tim calling would come up because all I really wanted to say was, “What the Eff is Tim doing calling me while I’m at work?” But, nothing was mentioned.

So, now I think we need to build a fence and tell the neighbors to please text us first before coming over. I mean, really – is that asking too much?

the [walking] dead ride

Last Sunday, Charlie and I met up with a group of [mostly] guys to ride to several Walking Dead sites in Georgia. Even though Charlie and I were the only cruisers of the group we managed to keep up. The group leader, Dakota happened to be a county sheriff in North Georgia, carried a sidearm (which, I was thankful for as I had decided to leave mine at home and I had been to Terminus previously and vowed I wouldn’t return without one) and ensured no one would get left in the group or exceed 70 mph on the highway.

Many of the photos below I linked to The Walking Dead Locations website.

Our first stop was the bridge overlooking the Highway. I’m not sure if this is Jackson bridge or not. I couldn’t find it on TWD location website. IMG_3303 (someone took a panoramic picture of the group)

Next, over to Grant Park for a photo in front of Rick’s house:


After Ricks’s we decided to ride to Smyrna where the Cobb Energy  Performing Arts Center that “played” the CDC in the show. (The real CDC wouldn’t let the film crew anywhere near their site for security purposes)


After sweating our butts off a bit we hopped back on the highway and headed for Terminus.

IMG_3305 (Charlie’s in yellow, I’m in blue in front of her. The guy in the back was one of our trip captains and he always made sure Charlie didn’t fall too far behind since it was her first highway trip)

IMG_3264 (Terminus. Like several TWD sites it’s chained up and no getting into)

Next we rode down to Newnan, GA to the Caldwell  Tanks location. This location was known as the Woodbury Arena where The Governor held the zombie fights and eventually where Daryl and Merle fought. (this was my favortie location of the trip)

IMG_3865 IMG_3267IMG_3866

By this time we’re parking in the trees to get any sort of shade as possible. The next place we stopped was the FEMA camp where Shane shot Otis.

Then to probably the creepiest town I have ever been in – Sharpsburgh, GA. As you can see from the photos the only people who were there were us. This is where Glen and Maggie went to Steve’s pharmacy and Carriage Bar and Shruggs Hardware:  

IMG_3874IMG_3877 (one of these stores had creepy dolls in the window. I told Charlie “Let’s get out of heeeeeeere!!)


(that’s me looking in the window. There was a ton of junk in there)


By this time I was running out of steam. We were all hot and dehydrated and seeking food and shelter – kind of like TWD survivors. So, we headed to Senoia, GA for lunch.

IMG_3878 IMG_3879 IMG_3880

These were the only pictures I was able to capture at the time. Charlie and I ended up in this cool Irish pub eating lunch with part of our group (we kind of split up at that point because part of the group wanted to walk around and being as my boot heel melted off and I was hot and tired I just followed the other half of the group into the nearest bar possible). This was a good choice not only because of location but because one of the guys in lunch group was a camera person for TWD for four years and he had all kinds of interesting stories and inside scoop on TWD. Unfortunately, after our ride back we never got his contact info nor was he on our FB event page. So, I guess we’ll just have to run into him again someday. Charlie and I want to do another ride down to just Senoia just to have lunch and come home. When it’s cooler!


“Press One for English……Press Two for Spanish…… apriete dos para español……..please hold for the next representative.”


[Good because I’m about to get QA/QC all over your @sses]

“Hi, this is [name of numerous reps] for verification purposes can I have the last four digits of your social security number and your date of birth.”


“Mz. [Lanie] do you still reside at [entire address recited]?”

“Yes, I do. Since today, yesterday, the day before and last week when I contacted you – I have not moved since then.”

“How may I help you today?”

“I have a life event and I would like to add my spouse to my health insurance.”

“I’d be happy to assist you with that Mrs. [Lanie]. What was the date of your marriage?”

“September 24, 2014.”

“Oh, I’m sorry Mrs. [Lanie] but you had 30 days after that event date to add your spouse to your health benefits. You will have to wait until open enrollment to do so.”

“I don’t agree because my marriage became legal in the state of Georgia June 26, 2015. Therefore, it is within the 30 days to add my spouse and I’d like to do so at this time.”

“I’m sorry Mrs. [Lanie] we are aware of the Supreme Court Decision, however, at this time our agents are working diligently in updating the policy so same sex couples can add their spouses to their insurance. We will put out a directive soon but other than that is there anything else I can help you with today?”

“When will you be putting out the directive?”

“I’m sorry, we don’t’ know at this time.”

“So, you mean to tell me that Joe next to me who just got married is able to add his spouse but because I’m in a same sex marriage I cannot add my spouse?”

“Mrs. [Lanie] we are working on that policy at this time and will put out a directive –

“So, this is a discrimination wouldn’t you think?”

“Mrs. [Lanie] –

“This is the fifth time I have called and still I am not able to add my spouse to my benefits even though there are thousands of others who can and I’m being discriminated against because I happen to be in a same sex marriage – is that what you are saying?”

“Mrs. [Lanie] –

“I suggest that [insurance] company gets the directive out soon or the next call will be from my attorney. Good day.”

I mean seriously – all they have to change in their system is this:

marriage2 (it’s that eff-ing simple)

The directive from my HR came out yesterday and you’d better believe I was burning up the phone line to add Charlie to my insurance. Once this is done I hope to never hear health insurance again until it’s time for open enrollment. This has been an on-going battle, believe me. First, Charlie was one.week out from getting insurance at the company she worked for (they had a three month waiting period after being hired) when she fell off the ladder and busted her heel and was out of work for three months. So, she had no insurance. We dealt with it -pretty well, considering.

Then, Charlie gets a new job. The day she came home from her working interview with a new vet that specializes in eyes and sees all kinds of animals that she was so excited to work with – she’s crying.

“What’s wrong? Did your interview not go well?”

“Yes [hiccup] it did but I called my Mom to tell her because I was so happy and she yelled at me about what I was going to do about health insurance and that I shouldn’t switch jobs right now because I just got on their insurance.”  

“Yeah, those bastards that made you wait six months for insurance, wouldn’t take you back for three months after your accident even though when they did they just sat you in a chair in reception and made you answer the phone – like you couldn’t do that at one month in? Then, they work you to death, bad hours, yell at you -but no, you shouldn’t leave because OH WOW they decided to grant you benefits like you should kiss their @sses and be soooo grateful. EEEEEFFF – THEM! We’ll figure this health stuff out even if we have to get you on Obama Care and Ima call my insurance company and hound them every day until I can add you in the meantime. Don’t sweat it – I want you to do what you want to do and what makes YOU happy.”

Next: Call from my sister:

“What’s new?”

“Oh, Charlie had an interview with a vet that specializes in eyes and is really excited about the job and will probably take it. It’s practically walking distance from the house and the hours are much better than the other place and it’s a private practice.”

“What about insurance? I hope you’re not going to let her go without insurance again. You should have been on that when she left the other job.”

“It’s being taken care of – no worries.”

“Well, I hope so because you need to –“

[Bitch sister name] I’m on it! Plus, we have the Supreme Court decision coming out any day now and if it rules in our favor than I will be able to add her to my benefits.”

Next: Call from Charlie’s brother after the Supreme Court decision:

“That’s so great! But, you still won’t be able to be on Lanie’s insurance will you?”

“Yes [narcissistic brother name] I will be. We will have all the rights as any couple  [except for you, brother who will need to MARRY your girlfriend of 12 years in order to put her on YOUR insurance – HAHA!] It’s across the board.”

So, you can understand why I am sooooooooo eff-ing sick and tired of the health benefit thing and having to explain it to family members who are not eff-ing supportive AT. ALL! So, I was celebrating yesterday, believe me! It’s one thing to have the Supreme Court decision but another to actually be able to put it into effect. It’s now real. We now have all the rights as any other couple.

Soccer and Crystal 

I was about to tuck into a Wells Bombardier the other night and watch the soccer game at our favorite little Irish pub when Charlie said, We’d better get there early and get seats.

I was really hoping that we would catch at least the first 30 minutes of the game but agreed she’d had a point. We were going to see Crystal Bowersox at Edie’s Attic and it was bound to fill up. I looked up at the TV and USA was warming up and knew it would be another 30 minutes even before kickoff. I suggested that we finish off our beers and go. I was proud of Charlie for getting us concert tickets and planning a date night so I wasn’t going to ruin it by making us arrive late and have to stand all night.

We walked into the room and already people were sitting at the middle bar. There were several seats at the back bar but several of them had water glasses sitting in front of them like they were being saved. I started to go up and tap the lady sitting on the end and ask if they were taken when I realized she was…………


I turned around and started the opposite direction when Charlie said, “Oh my God is that Lee and Heidi?”

“Why yes it is.”

Just then two seats appeared at the front bar and I asked the guy next to one of them if they were taken and he said, “They are now.”

Pulling out one of the stools so Charlie and I could wedge our way in.

I’m so glad we found a seats here.

I am too, and we have our backs to them now so we don’t have to look at them.

If you read this post you know that Lee basically went out to Seattle to bust up Rhoda and Heidi. Apparently, Heidi is shacking up with Lee who still lives in Bertha’s (her ex of 9 years) basement.

I looked at the clock on the wall – we still had an hour before any music was played. I signaled the server and ordered a pitcher. If we were in for the haul might as well focus on the liquid. I told Charlie I was going out on the back porch to see if the soccer game was on and go to the restroom. I went out back and no, the game wasn’t on –which was so LAME and then to the bathroom. I’m standing there waiting for someone to come out of one of the two stalls when one of the stall doors open almost hitting me and out walked Crystal Bowersox.

“Oh, sorry.”

“No problem.” Thinking, Crystal Bowersox can hit me with the bathroom door anytime.

I came back into the music room and settled down next to Charlie. It wouldn’t be long now. Finally, people started flooding in and taking the reserved seats and the place started to fill up. Eventually what seemed like an eternity Crystal took the stage to introduce one of the warmup performers.

“I want to bring to the stage a good friend of mine. This is a woman I discovered in Seattle walking by a café’ I heard this incredible voice…..”

I eyed the keyboard on the stage and my stomach dropped. Surely Crystal Bowersox wasn’t talking about Heidi and her pitiful little mewing she calls singing while she pounded the keyboard. Surely not. I’m going to fall.out. if she brings her up there. Maybe that’s why Heidi and Lee are here – Heidi is playing. Oh.My.God. If she brings her up on stage I’m going back to the Irish bar and watch soccer until she’s gone.

“……….please everyone welcome Whitney Monge.

IMG_3801 (Charlie and Whitney)

Relief flooded me.

“Oh, I knew she wasn’t good enough to be up there, Lanie.”

“You never know, Charlie. She’s fooled a lot of people.”

After many drinks, and listening to wonderful artists including Crystal Bowersox we left. We managed to get through the whole night without any communication or contact with Lee and Heidi and USA won without my visual help so it was a win-win situation.

IMG_3807 (Crystal takes to the stage)