I’m so sick and tired of being fat. I look at old pictures and think, I wish I still looked like that.
I longingly look at pants, jeans and shirts in my closet that I can’t bear to get rid of because I vow to get back into them some day. I already gave away all these cute cowboy shirts that I loved but I can’t get my shoulders into them anymore and let’s not even talk about photographs. I hate posing for pics these days. We had friends from out of town in this past weekend and
they took pics every 5 minutes there were a ton of pics taken and I looked that heavy in all of them.
And, friends – I feel like I’m growing out of some of them, too. Some are really tight around the waist like my jeans or they rub me the wrong way. (Not the ones from out of town although, we’re exhausted from entertaining all weekend.)
Link had a cookout at her house yesterday and while Charlie and I love Link and Stiletto we knew both Mike and Dino were going to be there. It went ok, Mike only pissed me off once but I kept my distance (– especially, since Dino and Celina were puffing up a storm.) I think some social situations I drink because I’m bored. Like, last night the conversation got on to politics and I swear if Trump weren’t such an idiot (or Bernie was still in the running) we wouldn’t have all agreed on Hilary. (Do you ever feel that way – like, you know some of your friends have turned because Trump is an idiot?) But, even so – it was still a boring conversation. I texted Charlie, We didn’t bring enough beer for this. She gave me the keys to the car and I left to run over to the shell station to get more- I wasn’t about to bum any off Mike or Dino. By the time I got back politics had ended and moved on to outdoor concerts. I thought it was kind of ironic that both Martha and Dino didn’t even mention being pissy-heads in bad moods during the Journey concert we were all at, either – not that they would unless Dino was really drunk but it still looked like he had quite a bit to go before a beer buzz even reached his stomach him.
It was kind of an eye opener for me, though. I hadn’t seen most of them for months and some had majorly gained some weight. I thought, That’s going to be me in a few years if I don’t stop drinking beer everyday make some changes.
I went into the house and helped Stiletto get the food ready. She’s easy to talk to and she doesn’t drink at all which makes me wonder why she’s such good friends with
them all of us. It’s mystifying, to be honest. I wonder if it’s just because they’re Link’s friends but they all do stuff together all the time.(Charlie and I not included but I’m actually relieved about that because I don’t want to keep finding opportunities to hang with Mike and Dino). I know that both her and Mike are Jewish and from New York so maybe that’s it- who knows. But, I really hope don’t think we’ll see them again until the wedding.
So, until then, I really need to make some changes. I want to lose 30 pounds by the end of October. That’s only two months away and probably a “hefty” goal but I have to start somewhere. I went into Orange Theory at lunch today and I’m going to try it on my lunch hour tomorrow. I just want something that’s flexible with my work schedule and convenient. They have a couple of gyms near where I currently work and when my office moves (like they keep telling us that it is but no one knows when) then there’s one near there so it works. Hey, I started bootcamp years ago and went on for months doing that I can do this.
It would just be good to have some jeans be loose on me again.