all out – like a country mile


It’s day 4 of Hell week at Orangetheory and todays workout is Silence of the Limbs.

Yesterday, it was The Sixth SETS and we did sets of everything. Running, rowing, weights, abs – you name it. When I came in yesterday there were two ladies standing at the front counter. In fact, they were blocking my way to get my parking validation decal – why I noticed them. One in particular was very – ah – let’s say -FULL figured and the other was average.

The guy behind the counter was explaining the program and the workouts and the full figured one said, Ok, good so I jus need a couple-ah weeks of dis and I be back to my reg-lar shape.

I thought, So what’s that? Hourglass? Mini-beached whale? What?

I know, I’m so bad.

Before the workout began we were all standing outside of the workout room. We’re not allowed to go in there until it starts. Ben was in there showing the two newbies proper form. We were all looking at the clock and he was running over with them. One of the guys behind the counter went in there and signaled him that his time was up and that he needed to start class. It was a full class, too. Most everyone I’ve worked out with this week has wanted to get this whole hell week over as soon as possible. Finally, he came out and did his announcement:


Then, we high fived him on the way into the gym. I was assigned tread mill #2 and got on and immediately pressed start. The sooner you can get to the green on your heart monitor the better. The other group started on the rowing machines. We warmed up and then had to immediately switch by getting on the rowing machines while the other group moved to the weight floor. I rowed 1300 meters before my group was pulled off to go to the weight area. As I was doing the workout I noticed several times that Ben had to go over and assist the two newbies. I mean, they were some high maintenance chicks. Earlier, the average one next to me started to row and then acted like she didn’t know HOW to row. I just wanted to say, Just go with it, sister. But then I was like, None of your business, Lanie, you don’t work here.

I mean, how hard can it be to just m-f*cking row? After rowing we went to the weights and had to do six sets of various weights which ensued more coaching from Ben to the newbies. I mean, the guy almost couldn’t run his class because the two of them were constantly motioning him over to help with their weight form. I thought again, how hard is it to do a shoulder press – you raise the weight above your head and bring it down to your shoulder. There was even a video monitor that displayed the exercises and form.

By the time I got back on the treadmill my legs were rubbery. The treadmill paces are base pace, push pace and all out – what’s in the picture above. Your base should be a comfortable jog if you’re a runner or jogger – if you’re a walker then a 1-2% incline walk pace. The runners and joggers typically amp up the pace whereas the walkers amp up the incline when it’s time to go to a push pace or an all-out. Push pace means your heartrate is in the orange (like 84% – 89%) and you’re uncomfortable and can only say about 5 words at a time, like I’m at fat ass here, or I love myself, fat ass or I drink beer why I’m here, Oh that was six I’m going to pass out now.

All out is actual running no words just thoughts of I hope I don’t trip and fly off the back of this thing. My all out is usually between 6-7 rpm’s on the treads depending on how tired I am and yesterday I was really tired so I was at a 6.

So, once on the treadmill the larger of the newbies got on the one next to me. Ben is coaching to get into the base, get the heart rate into the green zone and get ready for push pace and into that orange zone as soon as possible. I’m at 4.5 base at a 1% incline, 78% green pushing orange and my neighbor is doing a slow walk, down a country road, stopping ever so often to pick flowers to sniff.

Next, Ben says, In 3, 2, 1 push pace, ORANGE! I amp it up to 5 and am doing a decent run. My neighbor – still ambling, that country mile.

We do 2 minutes of push pace before Ben says, In 15 seconds we’re going alllllllllllllouuuuuuut, I-want-you-to-empty-that-tank-I-want-there-tobe-noth-ing-left. In 3-2-1 -ALLLLLLLLLLLL OUUTTTTTTTT!

I go to 6 and am running a pretty decent clip considering I just did 90 squats earlier.

Neighbor-still country and hasn’t changed up that amble at all. It’s then that Ben comes over and I hear him say to her, Hey, I just wanted to know if you’re ok. I mean, you’re still walking when everyone else is at like a 6 or an 8% walking incline.

Defensively, the woman said, I’m at my personal best-tess here. I mean, I did 6 miles before I got here tonight and I’m just taking it easy I mean, I have to get up and go to work tomorrow.

That was the point where I had to grip the treadmill to keep from flying off the back. I wanted to say, I’ll bet you a bucket of Colonel Sanders that the only six miles you’ve ever seen is to the Krispy Kreme and back.

Fortunately, I couldn’t say that because I was going allllllllllllout (and that was more than 5 words). I only grunted like a laugh and held on.

After the workouts and wiping off the equipment we stood in a circle to stretch. I was next to, Suzie, one of my neighbors and said, That was a tough workout.

Yeah, I feel like I’m going to throw up. She said bending over and putting her head between her knees.

I moved a little further away.

Afterwards, walking out I saw both the newbies cross the street and walk towards Taco Mac – like a country mile.




Hell Week 

It’s Hell Week at Orangtheory. Basically, it consists of coming to work out a minimum of 5 out of 8 days they’re having it and if so we get a cool skull t-shirt.

And, you know [how I love skulls] I’m determined to go every day this week and take the weekend off. That is, if I make it. I’ve never done this amount of intense workout 5 days in a row since I was in bootcamp. (that was YEARS ago, y’all) So, I’m trying to pace myself. I’m cutting my normal 43 splat points in half for this week.

Yesterday, our workout was called “The hills have thighs” and you can guess we did a lot of leg workouts. The treadmill work was all hills and the weight room consisted of squats – lots of squats.

I’m not sure what today’s workout is called but I’m sure it’s not as gruesome as the premier of TWD. [No, this isn’t a spoiler – only a warning of disturbance] I follow the comic book and this was no shocker to me but it was still difficult to watch.

And, all people can say is KILL THAT MF*CKER, RICK. Here’s Rick:

Um, yeah – I could say more but you can draw your own conclusions.

Happy Hell week – I hope your hell is one that you will overcome and prevail [maybe if I say it enough I’ll start believing it.]

the wedding slinger

This was the sort of Monday that I wished to stay in bed and sleep in. We made it through the weekend of Dino and Martha’s wedding. We hugged so many necks I’m wanting to go home and o.d. on Emergen-C packs.

Friday evening was the bachelor/bachelorette part(ies). The later consisted of Hollis C. Literar driving all the girls up to this spa where they got naked and women scrubbed their bodies. In hearing Stiletto explain this is worthy of a SNL skit. Especially, the part where she’s talking about the spa for the –uh-groin area only. I was sitting there wondering if one would add in some spices like olive oil and basil if they knew they were going to get some action later.

I was to drop Charlie off at the pub to rendezvous with the girls and go on to have dinner with Drewberry and meet up with them later at the Claremont Lounge. When we got to the pub we decided to have a few beers before she left as the spa didn’t allow any alcohol – probably to keep everything hydrated you know what I mean? Cant’ have a dry hootchie or else there will be more treatment.

Once there, Stiletto came in from the back porch saying they were having a pre-rehearsal dinner and everyone was out there. We kind of wondered why we didn’t get invited as it would have been nice to meet Martha and Dino’s extended family and Creed who I haven’t seen in 5 years as well has Rhoda and her new gf. But, according to Stiletto it was only for the family and people in the wedding party. Ok. Looking back, I still would have been happier with a place of meeting where everyone could eat and linger instead of dividing up the heard between heifers and bulls and leaving. Creed came in and introduced us to her new gf. I never did see Rhoda until the next day at the wedding. So, as everyone was wrapping up and I made my escape.

Later, I Uber’d it down to the Lounge and when I got there I texted Charlie to see where they were. I guessed that all the “boys” were already in the club but I wanted to wait for the [newly scrubbed] girls. Hollis had to park about three blocks away as there was no parking anywhere close. Finally, we went inside but everyone got lost in the crowd. I managed to score Charlie and I some seats at the bar and we visited with Link and Stiletto from time to time but Martha and the group had gotten a table in the back where I guess it was more accessible for lap dances? I don’t know. The boys had only gone to one strip club prior to arriving and Mike had drank so much he was passed out in the limo. When we got there they were leaving to take the limo back and some of the heifer/bull people left with the limo. Charlie and I finally called it quits and walked outside to follow Hollis to the car to get her bag. Hollis disappeared for what seemed hours and we walked up these really steep stairs to get to the front. The minute I got to the top of the stairs I turned my ankle and went down. Charlie and this guy who was there grilling hot dogs [why that seemed like a reasonable thing at 2 a.m. in the morning] had to help me up. I skinned my shin and knee as well.

The next day, the dogs had to drag us out of bed to get us up. We had breakfast and took it easy until the wedding. There was to be cocktails at 4, the ceremony at 5 and festivities after. When we arrived, Rhoda was on the back deck playing guitar. Unlike her ex she’s a wonderful musician and I enjoyed hearing her. We mingled with Hollis and her gf, Sharon who we hadn’t seen in forever. We had just had a beer when everyone was directed to stand in the back garden area and await the ceremony to begin. Martha was escorted down by Hollis and Dino by [of course] Mike. Creed came out to do the ceremony. It was very surprisingly fast – no vows or anything. I remembered Charlie and me exchanging ours in Valbella in New York – in fact, it was attached to a really nice hotel with a library where we did our exchange.

After the ceremony, many people herded to the food line. I wasn’t about to stand in that line so Charlie and I grabbed more drinks and mingled some more. I was telling Rhoda about hearing that Lee threw Heidi out (which, is no surprise as I figured Bertha would have made her get her out of there eventually). Apparently, once Lee threw her out she later went to look for her and found Heidi passed out on a park bench (frothing at the mouth, even) and took a bunch of pictures and posted them on FB. Rhoda was livid that she never called an ambulance or anything just took pictures and walked away. I wasn’t surprised. I said all Lee ever thought about was herself. But, then Lee upped and moved out to Seattle to be with Heidi and moved into some trailer with her. Rhoda said they deserve each other and they do.

Rooster and Shutter’s band played after the ceremony. I had gone in to say hi to them when we got there. Link was walking around helping Stiletto (who was the volunteered music coordinator, makeup artist for the bride and her mother, caterer manager and bachelorette party planner). B. Ferris had shown up after the ceremony and she and Charlie had started managing the fire pit as it was freezing outside. I was talking to Hollis and them on the deck when we noticed flames coming up. Dino walked over and told them to cool it on the fire ring.

Later, there was a mass exodus to get at several of the cakes that were provided. Someone said that the kids started cutting the cake and eating it before the brides could get in there to do their slice and feed it to each other. Others said that people were ignoring the caterers serving the slices and were just cutting in a grabbing a bunch of pieces with their forks. I mean, it’s just cake, people. Charlie and I left shortly after that and went over to Brockett for dinner. I had the most amazing patty melt and I was happy.

I’m still tired from the weekend despite taking it easy yesterday. This week is Hell week at Orangetheory. If we make it there 5 out of 8 days to work out starting today thru Halloween we get this skull t-shirt. I’m going to try but I only hope I don’t end up getting a really bad cold after this week. I’m planning on drinking some smoothies and eating well this week so hopefully I’ll make it.

Next weekend, we’re doing the Halloween ride with the Hags like we did last year. Rooster has a whole new agenda of places we’re going. What are your plans for Halloween?  I will leave you with this appropriately named drink recipe:

The Wedding Slinger

  • 1.25 ounces of 77 Local Rye and Corn Whisky
  • .5 ounce of Carpano Antica Formula Sweet Vermouth
  • 2 dashes of orange bitters
  • Ginger Ale
  • Cocktail cherry




new mods

I finally got the fenders and tank back from the painter a few weeks ago. Saturday, Drewberry came over and put it together for me. I did a lot of holding of the tank and handing of beers while he worked. A few glitches were one of the screws broke off putting one of the tank badges back on and we had to use doubled sided tape to keep it on while I ordered another set of screws. Then, the gaskets on the fuel supply valve were cracked and leaking so he had to fashion a piece of rubber (from the existing tail light that we did not install) which seemed to plug up the leak but I still order another set of those, too.

The final modifications were the fender eliminator kit on the back (the back fender which is solid black is staying wrapped up until I decide if I ever want to put it back on again) that includes a new tail light. New café style seat, newly painted tank and front fender with a stripe down the middle. Here are some pics:

Last night, Charlie and I rode down to Victory sandwich bar and met up with Link. As we were pulling into the lot we almost ran over Sharon just getting off the train from work who ended up joining us. After a bite to eat and lively conversation about ex’s we went out to look at all the bikes that had parked since we sat down. We were standing outside looking at bikes and talking when a young woman came up and asked to join us. She pointed over to a BMW that was hers and we all chatted and joked around as we’re winking at Sharon going, Girl you should get her number!

She’s only 23!

So? 23 backwards is 32 your age – it’s meant to be!

We left leaving Sharon to get the girls phone number. It was a fun night and nice to ride again.


Sex and the [Babytown] City

Well, we or should I say I didn’t make it down to the park this weekend for PRIDE. Charlie decided to leave for Florida on Saturday to go help her folks (who are safe and didn’t sustain much damage where they were). Saturday, I rode her bike to this neighborhood music fest and met up with Link and Stiletto to watch Rooster and Shutter’s band play. Soon as they were done playing I took off for home on the bike. I fed the dogs and went out to grab a pizza for dinner.

While eating pizza, the dogs and I watched Sex and the City reruns on Amazon Prime. I really didn’t think it had been that long since it first came out but watching Season 1 (1998) I felt like I was watching something that surely was filmed in the 80’s. There was big hair, cigarette smoking [everywhere], the twin towers in the background, cell phones that flip open and home phones.


I never noticed this when watching the show previously but every time one of the girls met a new character they were dating Carrie would narrate their qualifications, “up-and-coming Manhattan furniture designer Aidan Shaw….” When you watch episode after episode you start to figure out the Sex and the City template. First, a topic is presented and Second, Carrie writes a line about the topic with a question at the end and finally the question is answered in the end based on the episodes actions.


The formula was so sound that it carried on for six seasons. In the end, Carrie and the girls would eventually settle down and move on with their lives – end of series story.  Because in Hollywood terms, seem like sad, single old ladies if they didn’t – because according to Hollywood, one can only be caught up in the single, swinging life for so long until it wears off and seems tragically sad.

Which, brings me to the next topic – PRIDE. I would have gone if Charlie were here but since she wasn’t I had no desire to go. I got what I want – a marriage license and insurance benefits for my spouse. What more can I ask for than to be treated just like everyone else? See, I never wanted special treatment. I only wanted what the Buckhead couple have – equal rights. Once we got those what is the biiiiiig deal about PRIDE? I seriously think that the same sex marriage ruling burst the PRIDE balloon.  However, I have friends who go every year – to celebrate pride, their new relationship, singleness or marriage.

That’s fine. To each his own. I do miss PRIDE when it was originally the last week in June right before the 4th of July. That way you could string in two celebrations into one (and take a four day weekend for partying).

My PRIDE consisted of making lasagnas for two of my friends – one post-op and the other pre-op and driving them to their houses and visiting for a while. The first friend who is on crutches was supposed to go down to the park with her friends but they all ended up bailing because of one thing or another and were ok with that. She said honestly she wished someone would just have an all day party at their house and cookout and have people dropping in throughout the day. Which, sounded good to me – I love house parties – especially, when we’re throwing them. The other couple hadn’t been to PRIDE in years and  didn’t even know it was happening that weekend.

I had several people saying, “Let me know what you get in to” this past weekend but I just kind of blew it off. I can get into several things without their help or company. I get tired of always asking. I decided to go out on my own and watch the rest of the Falcons game. But, I was at an impasse on where to go. The one nearby I knew would be crowded, I went to one of the standby’s and turned right around when I saw the woman who was keeping bar was the one who gave shitty service the last time Charlie and I were there. It was between the one that had a huge long bar that I could probably squeeze in to -but a 9:00 curfew for children that was rarely enforced. Or, a new burger place I hadn’t been to yet and knew nothing about.

Normally, the restaurants and bars we frequent near the house are full of new parents, babies and toddlers. In fact, it should be named Sex and then the Babytown -season 35.


I’ve literally sat next to a toddler taking up prime bar space with their coloring book and sippy cup while I drank my Peroni waiting for a pizza. I mean, you get sick of it after a while. When part of what you’re paying for is ambiance then a screaming baby almost makes you want to get up, throw some money on the table and leave (and, we have done that). Times like that almost make me miss the ol’ Sex and the City days of babies banned from bars and smoking areas. I decided to try the new place and was pleasantly surprised they had a 21 and older upstairs bar. I ended up watching the Falcons beat the Broncos over a burger and beer. Yes, there was screaming going on but the adult kind that doesn’t rupture one’s eardrum. I think I’ve found a new niche to hang in Babytown – and I like it.

Friday chex mix

I freaking love Fridays now that I can work from home! The work week goes so much faster when I know that I can work in my boxers on Fridays.

I’m settling in to my new office a bit more and bonding a little more with my team. Patricia doesn’t get on my nerves as much since I know the reasoning behind her questions of my coming and goings is mostly due to a means to make conversation. Ned and Nicole are finally out of their training and are in the office more as well. Both of them have worked together for years and they have a work relationship chemistry going. Yesterday, I got up from designing a job and announced that I needed to get out for a while and get some fresh air. We all loaded into a company truck and rode over to a center nearby and Ned pointed out work that he and Nicole had done in the past. Then, we visited the center where we were supposed to move previously to talk to another member there and I was really glad we didn’t move in to that place. Save for both Chris and Bob there’s no one else in there. It reminded me of The Walking Dead. I’m not so sure I could work by myself over there it would creep me out. I managed to arrange a happy hour for all of us next week so we can bond a little more.

So, some of you have probably been watching this massive hurricane that has been moving up the coast of Florida. Charlie’s folks are down in Vero Beach so she’s been quite worried about them the past week few days. Wednesday we tried to no avail to get them to come up here to stay but her folks wouldn’t move. We were frustrated to say the least but there was nothing we could do short of driving down there and hauling them in the car and driving back but at that point I don’t think we would have made it as it’s a 7 hour trip [at best] there. Charlie was supposed to go down there this past week because the previous week her dad had had a complete hip replacement surgery (another reason why they didn’t want to evacuate is because his movement is limited) but I forbid her going down there to the possible cat 4 hurricane. Thankfully, last night it passed through there as a cat 1 and when she called this morning they said they still had electricity and only lost a screen off of their porch. I really hope for the sake of coastal Georgia and the Carolinas that it veers out to sea before it gets there.

This weekend just happens to be PRIDE weekend in Atlanta along with a bunch of other stuff happening. Tomorrow there’s a neighborhood porch concert fest that our friends Rooster and Shutter are playing so we will probably head down there for a little while. Sunday we will probably try to Uber it down to Piedmont Park to watch the parade and Link and Stiletto ride with the dykes on bikes. Speaking of bikes – it looks like I’m finally going to get my tank and fenders back next week. They have been in Indiana being custom painted since last August. It’s been a process but once they’re back and the bike is put back together it’s going to look HOT. Here’s some pics of the final coat that’s drying.

image000000(that stripe down the front fender is going to look great!)

[For those of you who don’t remember what the old paint looked like it was this:]


Drewberry is coming over next weekend to help me put it back together and afterwards we’re heading down to the lake near the house for a neighborhood BBQ fest. I’m not sure if Charlie is going to be here for that or not as she’s planning on high-tailing it to Florida as soon as this shit moves off the coast.

Other than that I got nothing except for an answer to Liz + Lina’s podcast question – yes, I need to stay plugged in as that’s what I do. Rarely do I go off the grid but if I do, I’ll let ya know!

Happy weekend! Cheers!



ex’s, rats and apple watches


Last Saturday Sadie had her test to become a therapy dog and both she and Charlie passed with flying colors. I wasn’t worried, honestly – despite Sadie being my dog initially her and Charlie have a special bond – even the examiner said so.

I took both to drop them off for their test and headed over to catch both the soccer and UGA game at the local pub. After downing a Guinness and heading back I got a text from Charlie saying they were running late. I only received this after I’d gotten back since I was on my tablet and it signs off texts after a while. I was on my tablet because –

-my iPhone (7) was sitting next to my Apple watch (1st gen) updating. I’ll get more in to that in a bit.

So, once I got back I was sitting in the car with the windows down and these two ladies came out and asked if I was Lanie and I said, Yes. They said I could come inside and wait if I didn’t want to sit in the hot car and I said that’s ok I didn’t mind I was in the shade anyway. They went back inside and then some blonde woman came out and looked around then turned and looked right at me and went back inside. It took me a moment but I thought she looked just like someone I went out with years ago and once I noted that she had an Alabama t-shirt on I swore it was her.

Later, after driving home with Charlie reliving her and Sadie’s testing she related that there were other women in there doing scenarios of talking loud, yelling and slamming things around to see if they could get a reaction out of Sadie – this was part of the exam (which, she didn’t have any reaction at all).

What was the blonde woman’s name?

Uh, I can’t remember, um….

Was it Beverly?

Yes, that was her name! Wait! You know her?

I went out with her for, like a minute, a long time ago.

It just figures that I run in to yet another one of your ex-girlfriends.

(Our friend, Link always jokes that I’ve dated everyone in Atlanta and when I say, No, I don’t think Charlie believes me. I get that look. I told Link, Quit saying that. You’ll give the girl a complex.)

I always say, That was then, this is now, baby! to Charlie.

So, once home we were getting ready to go out for a celebratory beer when I checked my watch. It was still updating. At this point I was ready to throw the thing out the window. I specifically waited until the new version came out and the older ones went on sale because I wanted a stainless steel one and was not about to pay $500 for it. (this from someone who once paid the cost of a car WAY more for a Rolex which I sold to buy a motorcycle but that’s another story). It had spent ALL NIGHT updating and then most of the next day. I had to reboot both my phone and watch three times in order for the update to take. I was wondering if I’d gotten a bad watch. I unplugged it and went and set it on the box thinking I was going to take it back the next day. Later, I thought, I will try it one.more.time just to see if it will go and when I picked it up and, voila, it was updated. Yeah, it only took 2 days! These apple updates are getting somewhat short of ridiculous in my book.

The other night, Charlie and I were driving back from having dinner at the 57th Fighter Club. It was nice sitting out there watching the planes come in. It’s finally cooled off here and the club lit the fire pit while we were sitting on the patio. This was the first time we’d tried this place. We’re trying to break out of our regular scene and try new places.

On the way home Charlie said, it just figures I run in to yet another girlfriend of yours.

You haven’t met that many ex-girlfriends of mine.

Yes, I have.

Ok, so you met Bird, Lee and Beverly – that’s it.

No, I’ve met monkey lady, too. Remember when she brought her dog into the vet and I had to check her in?

Oh yeah, that’s right. How unfortunate.

So, why did you break up with them?


What’s wrong?

No, I mean because of rats.

What? Seriously?

Yeah, Beverly had these rats in her condo – she was also a hoarder, by-the-way. Her building super set all these live traps in there and only cleaned them out once a month. She asked me if I would come over and clean them out for her and I said no. She got really mad at me after that and I just blew her off and we stopped going out. We weren’t really hitting it anyway. She ended up getting married to a man after that so she was never really lesbian material.

What about monkey lady?

Oh, well one night I went over there  and we’d had a couple of bourbons and her friend, Lorraine called and said there was a stench so bad in her house that she needed us to come over and find the dead animal in her walls. We ran over there with a drill and jig saw. After drilling several holes in their newly painted stairwell wall we discovered after prying up a couple of stairs and looking down into the crawlspace that it was under there. I had to shimmy down there and get it out. After that, I got the rep of removing rats and there was another night monkey lady called me and asked me to go crawling around in her attic to find these rats that had been getting into her house and I refused. She got very angry and started yelling at me about it. So, like before I just blew her off after that. We weren’t hitting it either. I’d gotten tired of her yelling at me about rats.

That’s weird. Why do you get stuck killing rats – in your house and others peoples?

Yeah, remember Ellen? I had to go over there and kill a rat for her, too.

I remember that. I was afraid you’d get rabies.

And, right after that conversation in the car we got home and let the dogs out and was enjoying a whiskey when Sadie started looking at the grill.

What is it, Sadie?

Charlie went over and opened the lid and turned on one of the burners and just then…..

……you guessed it- a rat ran out. Sadie chased it around the side of the house and then suddenly it came running towards me. I jumped up as I saw a grey blur run by with Sadie in tow. Sadie never got it but she was looking for it the rest of the night. And, so was I.

I don’t know what it is about ex’s, rats and Apple watches-but it is what it is.