glass blows

Today is Charlie’s birthday and as you know we went out last night for a surprise I’d had for her to go to a glass blowing studio and make a ball learn how to blow glass. I’d had this Groupon for a class for two at this local place since last August. She shared this place on my Facebook page twice I knew that she would love going so I booked us a two person class. The week before last I looked at the details of the class and it said [tersely in all caps] that all classes will be booked either via email or on their Facebook page. I emailed them saying I’d had a Groupon for two and would like to book a class and was the 28th either at 6:30 or 7:30 available and if not what other dates did they have and to please let me know? Two days later I get this [terse] email back that read:



Sent from Outlook

So, I looked at the Groupon I had printed out for the class. There was a Groupon number and a bar code number. I emailed Corey back with both the numbers and even attached a pdf of the voucher. Three days went by – nothing. This time I sent a Facebook message on their page stating the same as the earlier email message. Nothing. (I was about ready to choke this guy to be honest). Finally three days later I get an email back of:

you are signed up, thank you, please read your voucher info for all the terms and conditions: note the fine print also you must return to pick up the item you made, the schedule will be posted on our facebook page so anytime you see we are there either through classes or we have posted that we are there please come in within 3 months to pick up

Monday Nov 28th class @ 6:30

Sent from Outlook

I still wanted to choke this guy because he never discussed any other dates and times with me and I thought, I guess 6:30 on Monday is going to have to work.

So, there’s this one glass blowing studio right at the end of the road from us near Decatur that I was sure was it. We got there and no one seemed to be around. There was a sign that said “Check in at the Gallery” but once we tried to open the gallery door it was locked. I finally looked at my Groupon app and pulled up a map of the place and it was another place up the road. We got in the car and drove there just in time to walk into the class.

Or so we thought.

We were the only people there – again. This gallery door had a doorbell so Charlie rang it. I half expected Corey to step out and tell us to go away we were three minutes early. Finally, some woman named Sally opened the door and pointed us to a table to fill out a waiver form and that they were waiting for two more people. I was surprised there were only 4 of us in the class. Sally showed us the gallery and said we could wait there until the other two showed. We heard the doorbell and I was the closest to the door and let in this guy/gal couple that appeared to be in their 30’s. Sally then led us to the studio where there were large ovens firing. We hung up our coats and she directed those without glasses to put some on. I was happy that we were going to have her and not that Corey dude. She showed us the oven – one she even called the “glory hole” which I couldn’t help not having pornographic thoughts and then these long rods that the ends of were currently in the fire. She demonstrated making a ball herself pulling the rod out of the oven and rubbing it in this color stuff all around before sticking it back in the G-hole and doing it over again. I must had still been thinking about porn when she asked for a volunteer of someone who could blow that I accidentally volunteered for. Apparently, someone has to blow in the end of the rod to make the glass ball enlarge and there’s two speeds of harder and softer.

I swear this isn’t about sex.

So, at first I didn’t blow hard enough because no one told me how to give a blowjob to actually put my mouth on the end of the rod and torque down on it and BLOW. Next we had to sign this board on who wanted what color of ball and the order in which we would go. It was actually a good thing you went as a couple because you gave each other blow jobs while they spun their rods of glass. So I gave Charlie one and she I – made sense. I had to turn away to keep from laughing at the straight woman with her guy who actually looked like she was giving a blow job when it was her turn to blow in his rod.

Of course she’s WAY more experienced at that than you, Lanie.

The guy went first and just as Sally grabbed the rod out of the hole this other guy in an old t-shirt and gym shorts walked in pushing a stroller. He looked like he hadn’t shaved or showered in two days. Sally looked at him and he motioned her over. I wondered if this guy was her husband who couldn’t handle the baby for the hour it took to get through the class. She said, Excuse me, and went over to him. They had some kind of exchange and then she came back and grabbed the rod out of the hole again and gave it to the guy in the class to dip in the color. Then, the guy with the stroller came over and grabbed the rod from the guy in the class and stuck it back in the oven kind of dismissing Sally. I had already deduced that this was Corey because I saw him pull something out of one of the lockers behind us and it had a tag on it with his name.

What a slob, I thought.

Corey basically took over the rest of the time it took us to make our balls hurrying us along like he had a schedule to keep. I was sorry that Sally didn’t just continue the class because she was a lot nicer than him. Plus, we would have liked to have had a choice of what to make instead of Here’s your four colors to choose from and you’re making a ball. Aside from blowing and crimping the end we really didn’t actually do anything. I thought it was a big waste. But, Charlie and I would have a funny story to tell and as soon as I go pick up our BALLS I’m going to have an even funnier one to tell on my Groupon and Yelp review of “COREY- Sent from Outlook”

glory (this is what the actual Glory Hole looked like – not our glory hole because Corey was rushing us along so fast that we didn’t have time to take pictures. This is just an image from a class that was actually a class that lasted more than 30 minutes despite the advertised HOUR)

blowjob(See this guy is blowing into the rod. I wonder why he was allowed to wear a cool weird science jacket and stand up – we all had to kneel when we blew.)

glass-blowing(and, Hell no we didn’t have time to make anything like this – this was again, another class that even though you only made a ball you made a detailed and interesting ball – more than 30 minutes long, I imagine)

ornsmix(again, our balls did not look this good – probably wasn’t blowing hard enough anyway to do these)




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