keep your shirt on

Aye-yi-yi.

What a weekend. I have so much to tell y’all so grab another cup of coffee, black tea or your drink of choice – preferably not honey Evan Williams mixed with Jack because we all learned on Saturday that that’s a dangerous combination. One that would make –

-well, I’m getting too far ahead of myself.

I’m going to flash back to another time about Dino and Martha. You all know that Dino always gets under my skin when we’re all hanging out. When she’s drunk she’s either spouting off about something or grabbing Charlie and touching her inappropriately.

The last time we were all out at a bar in Little 5 points watching Rooster and Shutters band with our friend, Drewberry. Soon as the drink flowed and they started playing Dino came over and grabbed Charlie and started dancing and fondling her. I’ve pretty much stayed back thinking either Charlie or even Martha would intervene and say, Hey, hey – stop. Because, honestly if I intervene there’s going to be a fight and a scene.

So, after prying herself away from Dino and coming back over to Drew and I hanging in the corner rolling her eyes we thought it had stopped until Dino passed by grabbing her butt on the way to the little girls room (Yes, Dino is a women but I named her this pseudo name because I picture her to be some tacky, redneck guy).

We were shaking our heads like, Unbelievable.  I even said loudly in front of Martha that it was such a drag Dino grabbing Charlie all the time and grabbing her @ss. Did Martha do anything about that? No. Which, is SO typical of her. I have to tell you that I’m sooooo tired of it. This is the reason I haven’t invited them over, too. But, last week Charlie suggested that we have them over for dinner. I told her I’d only have them over if Link and Stiletto came, too, because I couldn’t deal with Dino on my own. So, it was a plan. Charlie made a fabulous lasagna, I picked up a couple of mini cakes because we were celebrating Martha’s belated birthday.

Martha and Dino showed first and when Martha handed me a six pack of craft beer to put in the beer cooler I knew this was a little short for Dino. Normally, Dino brings a bottle of Wild Turkey (because they know we don’t keep that rot gut in our cabinet) and a case of Rolling Rock. I asked Dino what I could get her and she said that honey Evan Williams and Jack Daniels would do. (I almost threw up in my mouth, to be honest) Glad to get rid of the honey rot gut out of the cabinet I freely poured and put a large ice cube into a tumbler for her.

Flash forward to the evening. We had a great time hanging out and having dinner. I actually thought for once that things were going OK. Aside from the little safety debate between Link and Dino (which, they get into every time they are together and I think it’s a total drag) things were running smoothly.  Until Link suggested we go out to the shed and throw some darts. Link and Stiletto had just got a couple sets of darts and were on fire to use them. It had the makings of a great night, really. We had the baseball game on out in the shed, music playing, we were dancing around laughing and having a great time until-

– Dino decides to take off her shirt and get completely naked from the waist up. (And, believe me – it was not a pretty sight). I tried seriously to act like it was no big deal because I think all Dino wants is me to lose it on her and have me deck her. (I was seriously considering it, too.) But, it was Martha’s birthday and honestly, I felt sorry for her. And, Dino did all the things that Dino does drunk – grabbed Charlie from behind and was trying to rub her breasts all over her back and dance. It was so obnoxious. Poor Stiletto looked mortified – she kept taking the birdies off her darts and switching them to the other set of darts saying they weren’t right. I was thinking we had to end this game quickly or else things were going to go south very quickly. Finally, Charlie hit a bulls eye and we closed up shop. I had already talked to Martha about sending the rest of the lasagna home with her and Dino and ran inside to get everything for them to take home. I instructed Link to help carry everything to the car as I was packing up the cakes and rosemary bread to send home with them, too.

And, do you think that freaking Dino could put on her shirt to walk to the car? No. We were carrying things out and here she comes walking down to the driveway saying loudly, I take off my shirt just about anywhere don’t I, honey?

At that point I’m PRAYING that the old ladies across the street aren’t looking out their windows. Plus, pervert Richard next door (who I’m sure saw it all). Then, I’m praying that the neighborhood cops that commonly cruise the neighborhood at night don’t drive by. I’m picturing tickets, blue lights and warnings as we’re packing the car and thinking, Get the hell out of here.

The next day, Charlie and I were still shaking our heads over it. We made plans with Link and Stiletto to go see Wonder Woman (fabulous, btw) and have dinner afterwards. Well, I’m sure Dino and Martha’s ears were on fire because once we all sat down together we were like, What the f*ck was that last night?!!!

Apparently, Dino has done the dancing and fondling thing with both of them, too. The only difference is the two of them have put Dino in her place. But, we all agreed something has to be done now. Link has volunteered to have a discussion with Martha about it. We all agreed that they are alienating themselves from all of Martha’s friends because everyone thinks Dino’s so obnoxious when she’s drinking – no one wants to be around them anymore and after last Saturday I’m about to wash my hands, too. We all agreed if we were at their house then Dino could do whatever she wants – and I agreed. If we were over there and the shirt came off I’d be like, Time to go, honey – BYE! But, the fact that it was at our house for a dinner party that we were hosting came off as being so disrespectful.

If there is a next time we hang out with them and Dino does her same shit I’m putting her in her place. I think we’ve all had it with her and Martha not doing anything about it. So, in short – I feel like the night was ruined. I was disappointed and felt bad for Martha for about a minute until I realized that she just keeps letting this go on and on.

 

 

 

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