bah humbug luncheon

We had our company Christmas luncheon the other day and it was somewhat like this:

“F-you, pass the potatoes THAT I BROUGHT”

“and, F-you, I see you’re eating MY GREENBEANS”

“Who The-F forgot the cheesecake? DAMN!”

We were supposed to have a meeting before the luncheon that we all had to pitch in and bring food for. I say this because it is pathetic that we have to pitch in for the Christmas luncheon that NOBODY wanted to attend. And, the fact that our boss scheduled a meeting right before it made the luncheon kind of mandatory. Only one person on my team managed to escape and that was because she had to (supposedly) take her father to the heart doctor. I think next year I will have some thing that I need to be off that day for – like a lobotomy.

I know I’ve expressed this many times on this blog but my “team” is divided into many little segments with a boss that alienates all of us. The meeting we were supposed to have ended up being a discussion on some function that only 1/2 of us do and a change in leadership – which, we had to see a photo of the lead VP manager that none of us will probably see in the time we all manage to stay engineers in our positions as they are always screaming about changes in the organization and that our positions may be extinct by 2020. I pray think, 2020 I’ll either be in another position or running my own show which looks better and better everyday.

So, our bosses boss who is just as clueless as our boss was there only because there was food. I came in with the two co-workers who I’ve decided to work with in another office close to my house – Big D and Chris. This was a self appointed move for me as I figured if my boss had a problem with my moving to another location he would have said something by now and that there are two other team members who I get along with over there that I could work with. Not to mention that when I did work over there my boss didn’t even know I existed, anyway.

We were somewhat late because Big-D had to go pick up the mashed potatoes and green beans he said he’d bring. As we’re riding over Sherry of Sherry and Larry are calling to see where we were. When we did arrive our boss was still trying to figure out how to plug in and run the projector from his laptop – as if he didn’t do this every month for our meetings.

On one end was the outside the perimeter crew – the rednecks with one ex-friend Indian woman (Shampa) who has defected to the side of the rednecks. The reason she’s ex-friend is that I don’t trust her not to repeat everything I tell her to Snarky @sshole and the rest of the OTP rednecks and I don’t want them to know anything about anything that I do anymore – for good reason because the crew of rednecks is ran by a snarky @sshole with the maturity level of an 18 year old that happens to be our bosses best friend as well as his appointed resource leader – even though we all are in the same position level and nowhere on paper does it say he’s our manager or boss. I completely ignore Snarky @sshole  most times unless I need a job approved. (If you’ll remember, Snarky @sshole went behind my back last year before my review and complained to the boss about my design skills and was -I think -the reason why I got a mediocre review last year).

In the vicinity of the OTP rednecks is The Wonder Twins who if they had to sit further than 10 feet from each other they would perish. Larry has since become one of Snarky @sshole’s besties because he went over to his house one weekend and helped him cut down a tree with the rest of the beer-drinking OTP rednecks and our boss. (no, there’s no preferential treatment in my group, whatsoever).

On the opposite end of the room is the airport office crew (remember I worked down there with them for awhile when I was going through office growing pains) that are all African American save for one engineer that’s like Big D – we’ll call him Stuart.

In the middle of the table was another @sshole we’ll call him Mort. I was once on a phone call with him going over a drawing I did. Mort’s job is to review all the drawings that are designed by our contractor. Sometimes we design our own drawings – a task that I’ve taken on this year because I figure if something’s going to get F’ed up in my center I’d rather do it than pay a contractor to do it. So, I was asking Mort about a job and I always start out by being polite and asking how his day has been or saying good morning when he just went off on me and told me to ask my F-ing questions and then onto a tirade of my having the least amount of experience on our team – that even Sherry had more experience than I and then ripped on all the airport crew calling them a bunch of [N-word]. Then, landblasted my design worse than Simon Cowell’s review on “Bush Baby” audition of N’Sync’s “Tearin’ Up My Heart”. 

So, I don’t talk to the head of the KKK Mort AT ALL anymore. In fact, Mort can eat shit and die for all I care. Mort can jump off the same cliff as Snarky @sshole.

I sat down with the airport crew (as I have since that phone call) and looked pointedly at Mort in the middle. Our meeting lasted about 15 minutes, we got up and got our food and sat back down again – all of us eating as fast as possible. I spoke to the airport crew back and forth and then later went down and complimented Indian-defector on the samosa’s she brought. Asked neutral-but-doesn’t-know-anything Patricia (who I used to share an office with) about two of the F-ed up jobs of hers that I had to handle while she was out of town for Thanksgiving and the outcome of those. Then, I was ready to leave – I wasn’t the only one because our boss had already eaten and left the room.

This post gave me an opportunity to read some posts from last year about work. I remember I was in a weird place back then. I’d been on the job less than 8 months – 6 of them in training. I wasn’t managing any projects, I was only designing activation jobs – which, I was told I did poorly at my year-end review because of Snarky. I was in-between offices since we had moved from the original office and everyone had scattered. Now, I’m running an entire wirecenter by myself, designing jobs, doing field work and working out of an office of my choice (since everyone else got to choose theirs).  I also got my PMP certification. I’m enrolled in a Cyber Security program so hopefully next year will look even better. If I’m still here –

-I’m skipping that F-ing Christmas luncheon.

 

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