a resolution

I’m really tired of my biological family b.s. It makes me glad I live three states away from them. My sister called yesterday. I take about every third call of her and it really depends on my mood whether I answer or not. I’ve been going through menopause lately so it makes my emotions run a little high at times. The gym and cutting back on the alcohol has helped a bit but she still gets under my skin.

So, yesterday I answered and let her prattle on and on about her job and her dog and having a party for all the people at her office that got let go prior to Christmas. (Of course, she didn’t get let go). There weren’t any questions about how our holiday was, how the boys and their spouse/gf were, what we cooked, what we ate, where we went – no-thing. I’m was waiting for her to get to the part of going to see our father. Since our step mother passed this last summer she’s been going down there to see him once a week. She takes him food that he doesn’t eat and complains about it. I ask why she even bothers if he won’t eat it and she says she doesn’t know maybe if she puts it in certain containers he’ll eat it – like that makes a lot of sense. I could give a rat’s @ss to be honest – at this point in my life I feel like they both deserve each other.

She tells me she took him to friends of ours house for lunch the other day- Jack and Lilly. They have been friends of our family since they were all in kindergarten. In fact, they grew up together as my sister and I grew up with their children. Their youngest son, Doug, has taken over the family farming business and is the one that farms my deceased grandparent’s land – the land that my sister, father and I fight over. So, during lunch Dad goes outside to talk to Jack about some piece of shit farm equipment or some stupid MAN stuff and Lilly and my sister talk. It’s then that Lilly tells Jan that she heard from Dad that I had a sex reassignment surgery and that I had asked him for $25,000 for the surgery.

Unbelievable.

Jan (I hope) said she set her straight and it wasn’t true but Lilly said Dad had been the one going around telling everyone about my sex change and asking him to pay for it. She went on to say that when they were leaving one of Lilly’s daughters pulled up and Dad didn’t know who she was. I asked her if we should have him committed. She said, Oh, he’s not that bad, yet.

Ok, let’s just everyone stay in denial about everything.

Denial about Mom’s cancer.

Denial about Step Mom’s cancer.

Denial about Dad’s Dementia.

Denial about every. Fucking. thing.

Let’s just play the denial game over and over again until something happens and we’re SHOCKED.

Man, I get so sick of it. I texted my cousin, Jake and told him that whatever he heard I have not had a sex reassignment surgery.

Normally, Jake takes a while to answer texts. He’s a busy IT guy running his own company and taking care of a sick husband but he answered right away.

I would have thought it would have come up in conversation by now so I wouldn’t believe it – who’s saying it?

Dad apparently – Jan was at lunch with Jack and Lilly and Lilly said something.

Oh, well I can’t see your dad talking anything about sex – I doubt if he’s ever uttered that word his whole life – you sure this isn’t coming from Lilly – she could be the one losing her marbles.

I could see that. Lilly is a huge gossiper and loves to stir up shit. I wouldn’t even put it past her to be a huge homophobe, too.

Yeah, she ran in the other direction when she saw me at Jo’s funeral.

I do recall Lilly gossiping quite a bit during the time I was in Indiana both before and after the funeral.

There was some speculation from Jan that Jo could have told Dad that in her moment of delirium from the morphine prior to passing. Even so – would you want to spread rumors of your daughter having a sex change surgery without even VERIFYING it first?

Regardless of everything I still can’t believe it. No one there has been able to comprehend my changing my first and last name. I always hated my first name and when mom passed I thought it the appropriate time. My first name is more androgynous and my last name is my mother’s maiden name. For years when my father cut the farm check to me he refused to make it out to my new name. This was even years after I had changed my name. I always had to sign it over to my new name before cashing it. I told my step mother over and over again to make sure he made it out to my NEW NAME. It’s only been a few years that it actually got made out to the correct name but only because the checks started coming directly from Doug and I instructed him to make them out to either my company or my new name.

Although, some have [stupidly] thought [an ex, my entire home town minus my gay cousin] that because I took a more androgynous first name that I wanted to become a man. Hello, there are plenty of other women with my name that are still women.

Just because I like my first name doesn’t mean that I want to change my sex. But, whatever – I’m done talking to them for another few weeks. This New Year I don’t want to let them get under my skin any longer or if they do they won’t know it. In fact, I find it would be amusing to get under my sisters skin for a change. Wonder how I can do that. But, alas I won’t have time because I’m starting school and guitar lessons next week. Guess it will have to be later.

 

 

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