friday chex mix – and, another prayer

Friends and Working Out 

Last week, Charlie went to Florida to see the kids and I stayed home and maintained home life with the dogs. Unfortunately, while she was gone we did not have a working dryer. Since I was watching Link’s cats I hauled washed clothes over there to put in her dryer. Saturday, I went to Incubus with Emil and this new girl -I don’t know new girl enough to give her a name. Maybe Nicole – that sounds like a straight girl name, doesn’t it? So, the plan was Emil picking me up and almost killing us in a car accident on the way to pick up Maybe-Nicole to go have dinner prior to the show. I was initially a little skeptical of the evening because originally when we met Maybe-Nicole she didn’t make the best impression on me nor Charlie. I had already told Emil that if I felt like a 3rd wheel then I was outta there. Maybe-Nicole just broke up with her live-in boyfriend and was dipping her toe into the lake of lesbianism with Emil.

[I don’t know about you but is there a gong going on in your head saying DANGER, DANGER, DANGER?]

But, the evening went well – we- um – had some special brownies that kind of enhanced the show. Along with some whiskey that I had snuck in in a special compartment in my bag with pads and tampons thrown on top. All weekend I practiced guitar to no avail. Despite my fingers developing some great calluses on the tips I still suck at guitar. I really do. I will leave the performing to the pros. Emil was supposed to rehearse with me all weekend but she got caught up in this Maybe-Nicole girl. At one point during that evening we were talking about work and Maybe-Nicole trying to make a better impression and be nice asked me what I did. I explained pointing to the wires above that provide service to everything that was around us (so that should tell you I work in utilities and engineering) and Emil said, I don’t think I ever knew that about you. Here’s what I wanted to say, Because every damn time we’re together all you’re talking about is your ex is why. 

I did not say that, of course. But honestly some of our friends they’re either falling off the map because they met a girl or all they have to talk about is said girl. It’s gets so one-dimensional and boring after awhile. Seriously, can we contribute anything to the conversation aside from who you’re screwing, thinking about screwing or wanting to screw right now?? I’m tired of it. It makes me want to start another Meetup group – one of serious conversation or one that people get out and actually DO something other than talk about Tinder. It’s one of the things I really appreciate about some of our friends who do provide thought-provoking conversations that are not always about themselves. I need more of that to feed my brain.

I’ve been going to Orangetheory every night this week to make up for my eating and drinking debauchery of last week. I love it and the more I go the more I want to go. For some reason the subject of our friends and how no one in our group really works out came up last night. Charlie, being the lucky one in landscaping all day doesn’t have to pay for an elevated heart rate and lifts weedeaters and saws in place of dumbbells said, Sure we have friends who work out.

Who? Who do we know other than Todd and Christie who live in Dahlonega and cycle and run all the time do we know?

Neither of us could name anyone. It’s part of the social aspect of why I like group fitness is the outlet to talk to other people who are trying to get fit like myself. (Believe me, I’ve asked some of our friends to come with me to the gym and they look at me as if I’m asking them to join a cult or something. They sort of back away shaking their heads, trying not to trip and fall backwards.) It used to be competition when I was in bootcamp but not so much where I go now. Although, every time we have a rowing competition in the gym this one burly guy always wins it. But, then I think – maybe this is the only thing he wins ever – so then he deserves it. I think most of these people, myself included, could be across the street at the pizza place drinking beer and eating a pie with pesto crust and instead they’re in here sweating their bums off. Working hard. Yes, I’m bitter about the pesto crust as I row and look across the street at the pizza place. There should be a law against putting a Mellow Mushroom across the street from an Orangetheory – it should be a zoning law. Like not being aable to put Industrial next to Residential.


Charlie and I are getting ready for our music party the Friday after next and going to see our friends in Asheville. We’re still planning food and drink but think we have a handle on it. I know next week is going to be hectic preparing. There’s little things that tick me off about inviting people to parties – like, not RSVP-ing. EVER. Or, when you ask them to they put a comment like, Oh sorry I forgot about this and I made other plans. 

I know it’s a fact of every party thrown that there are always going to be people who never respond without some major arm twisting. Then, there are those who say, We don’t know yet? These are the people who still haven’t made up their mind if they’re going to go to work or not tomorrow. Everything is “We’ll see.” 

Ok, we’ll see if we invite you to the next party, how about that?

This weekend is anything goes – we don’t (at least I don’t think we do) have any plans to speak of but maybe it will be getting ready for the following weekend. Even without the “We’ll see’s” or “Maybe’s” we still have about 20 people confirmed.


In all the mix Link has to have a surgery tomorrow so please send positive thoughts and prayers or even energy today for our dear friend.



new mods

I finally got the fenders and tank back from the painter a few weeks ago. Saturday, Drewberry came over and put it together for me. I did a lot of holding of the tank and handing of beers while he worked. A few glitches were one of the screws broke off putting one of the tank badges back on and we had to use doubled sided tape to keep it on while I ordered another set of screws. Then, the gaskets on the fuel supply valve were cracked and leaking so he had to fashion a piece of rubber (from the existing tail light that we did not install) which seemed to plug up the leak but I still order another set of those, too.

The final modifications were the fender eliminator kit on the back (the back fender which is solid black is staying wrapped up until I decide if I ever want to put it back on again) that includes a new tail light. New café style seat, newly painted tank and front fender with a stripe down the middle. Here are some pics:

Last night, Charlie and I rode down to Victory sandwich bar and met up with Link. As we were pulling into the lot we almost ran over Sharon just getting off the train from work who ended up joining us. After a bite to eat and lively conversation about ex’s we went out to look at all the bikes that had parked since we sat down. We were standing outside looking at bikes and talking when a young woman came up and asked to join us. She pointed over to a BMW that was hers and we all chatted and joked around as we’re winking at Sharon going, Girl you should get her number!

She’s only 23!

So? 23 backwards is 32 your age – it’s meant to be!

We left leaving Sharon to get the girls phone number. It was a fun night and nice to ride again.


ex’s, rats and apple watches


Last Saturday Sadie had her test to become a therapy dog and both she and Charlie passed with flying colors. I wasn’t worried, honestly – despite Sadie being my dog initially her and Charlie have a special bond – even the examiner said so.

I took both to drop them off for their test and headed over to catch both the soccer and UGA game at the local pub. After downing a Guinness and heading back I got a text from Charlie saying they were running late. I only received this after I’d gotten back since I was on my tablet and it signs off texts after a while. I was on my tablet because –

-my iPhone (7) was sitting next to my Apple watch (1st gen) updating. I’ll get more in to that in a bit.

So, once I got back I was sitting in the car with the windows down and these two ladies came out and asked if I was Lanie and I said, Yes. They said I could come inside and wait if I didn’t want to sit in the hot car and I said that’s ok I didn’t mind I was in the shade anyway. They went back inside and then some blonde woman came out and looked around then turned and looked right at me and went back inside. It took me a moment but I thought she looked just like someone I went out with years ago and once I noted that she had an Alabama t-shirt on I swore it was her.

Later, after driving home with Charlie reliving her and Sadie’s testing she related that there were other women in there doing scenarios of talking loud, yelling and slamming things around to see if they could get a reaction out of Sadie – this was part of the exam (which, she didn’t have any reaction at all).

What was the blonde woman’s name?

Uh, I can’t remember, um….

Was it Beverly?

Yes, that was her name! Wait! You know her?

I went out with her for, like a minute, a long time ago.

It just figures that I run in to yet another one of your ex-girlfriends.

(Our friend, Link always jokes that I’ve dated everyone in Atlanta and when I say, No, I don’t think Charlie believes me. I get that look. I told Link, Quit saying that. You’ll give the girl a complex.)

I always say, That was then, this is now, baby! to Charlie.

So, once home we were getting ready to go out for a celebratory beer when I checked my watch. It was still updating. At this point I was ready to throw the thing out the window. I specifically waited until the new version came out and the older ones went on sale because I wanted a stainless steel one and was not about to pay $500 for it. (this from someone who once paid the cost of a car WAY more for a Rolex which I sold to buy a motorcycle but that’s another story). It had spent ALL NIGHT updating and then most of the next day. I had to reboot both my phone and watch three times in order for the update to take. I was wondering if I’d gotten a bad watch. I unplugged it and went and set it on the box thinking I was going to take it back the next day. Later, I thought, I will try it one.more.time just to see if it will go and when I picked it up and, voila, it was updated. Yeah, it only took 2 days! These apple updates are getting somewhat short of ridiculous in my book.

The other night, Charlie and I were driving back from having dinner at the 57th Fighter Club. It was nice sitting out there watching the planes come in. It’s finally cooled off here and the club lit the fire pit while we were sitting on the patio. This was the first time we’d tried this place. We’re trying to break out of our regular scene and try new places.

On the way home Charlie said, it just figures I run in to yet another girlfriend of yours.

You haven’t met that many ex-girlfriends of mine.

Yes, I have.

Ok, so you met Bird, Lee and Beverly – that’s it.

No, I’ve met monkey lady, too. Remember when she brought her dog into the vet and I had to check her in?

Oh yeah, that’s right. How unfortunate.

So, why did you break up with them?


What’s wrong?

No, I mean because of rats.

What? Seriously?

Yeah, Beverly had these rats in her condo – she was also a hoarder, by-the-way. Her building super set all these live traps in there and only cleaned them out once a month. She asked me if I would come over and clean them out for her and I said no. She got really mad at me after that and I just blew her off and we stopped going out. We weren’t really hitting it anyway. She ended up getting married to a man after that so she was never really lesbian material.

What about monkey lady?

Oh, well one night I went over there  and we’d had a couple of bourbons and her friend, Lorraine called and said there was a stench so bad in her house that she needed us to come over and find the dead animal in her walls. We ran over there with a drill and jig saw. After drilling several holes in their newly painted stairwell wall we discovered after prying up a couple of stairs and looking down into the crawlspace that it was under there. I had to shimmy down there and get it out. After that, I got the rep of removing rats and there was another night monkey lady called me and asked me to go crawling around in her attic to find these rats that had been getting into her house and I refused. She got very angry and started yelling at me about it. So, like before I just blew her off after that. We weren’t hitting it either. I’d gotten tired of her yelling at me about rats.

That’s weird. Why do you get stuck killing rats – in your house and others peoples?

Yeah, remember Ellen? I had to go over there and kill a rat for her, too.

I remember that. I was afraid you’d get rabies.

And, right after that conversation in the car we got home and let the dogs out and was enjoying a whiskey when Sadie started looking at the grill.

What is it, Sadie?

Charlie went over and opened the lid and turned on one of the burners and just then…..

……you guessed it- a rat ran out. Sadie chased it around the side of the house and then suddenly it came running towards me. I jumped up as I saw a grey blur run by with Sadie in tow. Sadie never got it but she was looking for it the rest of the night. And, so was I.

I don’t know what it is about ex’s, rats and Apple watches-but it is what it is.



girls at pizza places

I decided to take off work today and rest. After teaching this past weekend I realized that I was so tired of constantly being in a hurry and running from place to place. Despite working with my friend, K, it was taxing. K is even more anal retentive than I. He runs his classes at a full speed ahead schedule. When we take a 10 minute break between exercises he sets his stop watch. I was worn out by the end of the day on Sunday (even though I was appreciative that we got out at 3:30).

This morning when the alarm went off at 6 I rolled over and texted my boss that I wasn’t coming in today. I needed a day of cleaning my messy house, catching up on laundry and just decompressing. I also needed a day to just think. Even though some of the things I thought weren’t good. I thought about how sick and tired I am of being alone and being on my own. Always being the one to take care of things, make things happen. Oh yeah, I’m good at it – completely self-sufficient. However, it would be nice to just depend on someone else for things. To have someone in my life I could depend on.

I remember in college the criteria for girlfriends/dating was much smaller. Maybe she had to have a car. Maybe it would be good if she lived off campus and her part time job didn’t take up a lot of time so you could date. Maybe she even worked at a pizza place and you could get half off slices on Wednesday nights. Even better if she tended bar and you could wait around after closing and get free drinks before going home together.

Nowadays, being my age it gets to be a long list of things that could go on and on. Yeah, she must have a car and a good job (and that’s not always easy these days with the economy and unemployment). Maybe if she didn’t have a good job but owned her own business that would do – as long as she had time to date. She can’t have kids or she can if they’re grown and on their own or can take care of themselves. There’s messy breakups and ex’s they’re trying to either get over or get away from.  If they’re like some lesbians I know – 1,000 old cats with ailments or ten dogs that can never be left alone. There’s house, divorce and alimony settlements. There’s moving, and older parents to take care of. Never again is it ok that she works in a pizza place or bartends. Pizza places don’t pay the rent and bartenders get hit on all the time. The list goes on and on, the criteria gets more stringent and the field gets narrower and narrower.

I just took myself off of one of the dating sites after getting hit on by a transgender woman. I mean, nothing against the people in transition but that is not for me. I’d be more apt to date men before I’d do that.

Suddenly, the pizza place chick with her own car that lives off campus is starting to look better and better.


worst date

Well, my date with the good doctor turned out to be one of the worst dates in history. (Probably a strong second to the date at the Moroccan restaurant with the crying girl who told me her entire family was dead while some woman danced with a sword on her stomach – yeah, that one. To this day I hate Moroccan restaurants.)

I got out of work around 4 yesterday – hours before I was supposed to meet Janice for our date. I ended up meeting Alana for a few drinks before picking up Sadie from doggie daycare and going home to shower and get ready for my date. As I’m getting out of the shower my phone dings indicating a text.

From Bird (who I’d not told I had a date with her ex gf. I was leaving it up to Janice to tell her – to which she did.) “Hey, took your date to a bday party and we drank a little bit and she wanted to come to [date restaurant/bar] a little early she’s gonna walk home but I’ll be there for a bit.”


So, Bird is joining us on our “date” and she’s gotten her nice and drunk for it.

I texted back: “Ok, I can drive her home later if she wants.”

I texted Janice next: “Do you want me to come down there now or wait until 7?”

From Janice: “Now is good. I’m already here outside.”

“Ok, I can be there in 15.”


“Is Bird gonna hit me when I get there?”

No answer. Great.

I walk up to the patio and pull up a chair. Bird and Janice are sitting there nursing beers. Janice slurs “How was yer class?”

“Fine. Great. How are you?”

“Good, good.”

Bird always filling in the conversation goes, “Janice went to a birthday party with me and we just got back. I know you two are wanting to visit so I’m just gonna finish this beer and go.”

I was trying to read any signs in her voice that she was angry with me but she seemed to be fine. In fact, she continued telling a story of arriving at the wrong birthday party and running into her brother’s boyfriend.

Janice touched my hand and said, “That’s a pretty ring. Where did you get it?”

“Oh, I think pride one year.”

Then we all had to take off our rings and show each other. Bird finally downed her beer and got up from the table. “I have to hit the room and then I’m gone. I told Janice here that you were a good kisser.”

I was a little floored by that. She was drunk but Bird will say anything. She left and I was looking for the server to order another beer. I started asking Janice questions about her sons, work anything I could think of to keep the conversation going and not seem so distracted – which, I was. All I kept thinking of was “What the h*ll is going on here?”

Bird came back to the table to say goodbye and I gave her a hug and she left. Just then the server brought over another round that Bird had sent over to the table before she left. I started to loosen up. I thought, maybe she wanted me to hook up with Janice and get her off the hook. She sent a round over. She told her I was a good kisser. I relaxed more. I ordered a burger because I was starving but couldn’t get Janice to eat anything.

“So, I was wondering if you were going to tell Bird about our date.”

“Oh, of course.”

“Why’s that?”

“Well, I tell her everything.”

“It’s good that you can still be friends. I mean, Bird’s one of the only ex’s I’m friends with.”

“Oh, she’s not my ex. We’re together.”

I had just taken a bite of my burger and almost choked.


“Yeah, Bird and I are together.”

“You mean you just got back together.”

“No, we were never apart.”

I put my burger down and just sat there. I didn’t know what to say. I think I was trying to swallow the bite of food I’d taken.


“Well, that’s not what I’ve heard.”

“What did you hear?”

“I’d heard you two had broken it off.” Several times from Bird – I wanted to add.

“No, we’re together.”

“Ok then.”

I wasn’t hungry anymore and I wanted to leave right then.

“Aren’t you going to eat?”

“I’m not hungry anymore.”

“Why? What’s wrong?”

“What’s wrong is that I never would have asked you on a “date” [holding up my hands and making a quotation gesture] if I would have known you and Bird were still together. I’m sorry I just misconstrued everything.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I thought you knew.”

“What I know is that all I’ve heard from Bird is that you want to get back together.”

“But, we are together.”

I could see that this was a mute argument that I no longer wanted to have anything else to do with. It was obvious that both her and Bird were on different pages.

“I have to go to the restroom. Excuse me.” I shoved away from the table and walked inside and flagged down the server.

I gave her my card and said, “Please close out my check and send a take-out box to my table.”

I went in the bathroom and leaned against the door. I was angry and upset at the same time.

F*ck her. I should just leave her @ss here. She can walk home. Does this place have a back door? I sighed. Pull yourself together, Lanie. Compose yourself. I walked out. Janice had boxed up my food for me.

“Do you want me to drive you home?”

“Yes, that would be great.”

“Ok, let’s go.”

She stood up and stumbled. “Here.” I put her arm in mine and walked her to my truck.

“It’s much easier walking this way.” She said holding on to me. She really was drunk.

We got to the truck and I unlocked the door, shoving stuff off the seat.

“Your truck is a mess.” She said gaily as she hopped in.

“Yes, it’s a mess.” I agreed. Goddess, just get me through this.

”You’re going to have to give me directions. I don’t remember where you live.”

She directed me and shortly I was turning into her driveway.

“Thanks.” She hugged me and gave  me a kiss on the cheek.

“You’re welcome. Do you want me to walk you to the door?”

“No, that’s ok.”

I was thankful because I really didn’t want to turn off the truck and get out. My chivalry was waning.

She reached for the door handle but it was locked. I reached across to unlock the door for her and that was when she went in for the kiss.

I turned my head and said, “No. It’s not happening.”


I sat back and stared out the windshield.


She got out of the truck and I watched her walk up the steps and go inside. I pulled away willing myself not to burn rubber backing out of her drive. It was an effort. Instead, I just turned up the radio.

not there yet or already there

I don’t even know where to begin.

Let’s go back to last Saturday and work forward, shall we?

Saturday, Savannah and I took in a leisurely lunch before going to the High Museum to see the Picasso exhibit.  On the way home from the exhibit we stopped off at a bar in downtown [burb of Atlanta] and had a beer. Afterwards, as we were walking to the car I spied Kate and Kendra sitting on the patio.

“Hold on, I want to say hi to these ladies.”

As I walked up, I noticed Cindi sitting with them. Cindi and I haven’t spoken since I blew her off last December. When I saw her I shrugged to myself thinking, “I’m going to bury the hatchet. I don’t want anymore weirdness.”

So, I said hi and invited them to the Irish pub with us later. Savannah and I were meeting Ellen, Louise, Amanda and Beth there. When Savannah and I got in the truck I said, “Those ladies may be joining us tonight. Cindi and I got drunk together last December and I kissed her.”

So, yeah – K&K and Cindi showed up at the bar later and we had a big table of girls. We ended up taking the party to my house with Cindi driving us there since Savannah and I had walked from the house. And, again Cindi and I – uh – got buzzed and kissed. I don’t know what it is about that woman but yes, alcohol tends to make both of us lose our inhibitions around each other.

The next day, I took Savannah to the airport and we had breakfast before she got on her plane (barely making it, according to her FB message later). I called Cindi and went to get coffee. We talked about what happened the previous evening – both checking in to see if everything was ok. We ended up laughing about it and agreed to work on a friendship. I was parked at the church waiting for service to start. I was excited that I was off and could go. I walked in and immediately saw Kaitlyn who gave me a huge wave. My heart leap into my throat. I took a seat and two of the women I met in the Wednesday night theology class came over and said hi.

The service started and Kaitlyn went up the front of the church and all the children gathered around her and she read them a story. I was sitting there thinking, “This woman just blows me away.” The whole thing was so pathetically cute and wholesome that even I scolded myself for putting her up on a pedestal of perfect goodness. “She’s human just like everyone else, Lanie. Yeah, but she is so hot……you really are the gatekeeper for hell, Lanie – crushing on the minister who’s in a relationship no less.”

After church I went up to talk to her.

“It’s so good to see you! I was surprised since you said you work most weekends.”

“Uh, yeah, I know – it’s great.” Thinking, ‘seeing you’. then, took the plunge and asked, “So, I wanted to see if you and your partner wanted to grab coffee or a meal sometime.”

“Yeah, that would be great! I will check our schedule and email you this week.”

“Great! Yeah, let me know. I will see you Wednesday at theology study.”

So, yeah – I’m attempting a friendship with HMM and her partner.

Then I went home and got Sadie. It was an 80 degree day and I packed some water and headed to the park. I called Cindi and asked if she was up for a walk with us. She decided to come down. We had decided we needed to be around each other sober to see if we behaved. We walked around the park until Sadie was so tired I thought I was going to have to pick her up and carry her to the car on my shoulders. We ended up at a pizza place in Oakhurst talking about our ex’s.

“Now when I get texts from Lee I just start making up funny stories.”

Just then Cindi’s phone vibrated and she picked it up. “Speak of the devil. She said, ‘want to come over for potroast?”

“Hmm, ok – I got this – tell her that you’re eating anchovies off a beautiful blonde right now and have your hands full.”

She chuckled, “That’s great but she knows I don’t eat anchovies.”

“Well, think of another pizza topping you do eat.”

As soon as I got home I had to fly into the shower and meet a friend downtown for a concert. The weekend wasn’t over yet. I was feeling it by then and decided that a bike ride there might wake me up. So, I took the Triumph and cut through neighborhoods to get there.

The concert was good but it was a bit emotional for my friend. She just got out of something and was feeling really blue. Seeing her emotions made me glad I wasn’t dealing with all that now.  In fact, Cindi and I had just talked about that earlier that day – not wanting to be in anything right now. I think the two of us scare the hell out of each other, to be honest. Oh, it’s all easy to crush on all these women who aren’t available –HMM, the woman in my motorcycle class, chiro and let’s not forget Emily (who I’m seeing play again next week) but when it comes to actually seeing someone who’s available maybe I’m just not ready. Or maybe I still haven’t met the right one. Or maybe I’m going to wait for HMM to be single.

Either way, I’m just hanging out and enjoying myself.

sin and running out of time

I can tell that I’m approaching total burnout from working two weekends in a row. Which means that my last full day off was February 20th. Suck it up, Lanie – you’ll have some time off next week. Next week a childhood friend of mine is flying in from Indiana. We’ll call her FP for Famous Psychologist. (sounds better than famous shrink) I can’t remember the last time I saw her and am really looking forward to her visit. I will write more about her and our adventures later.

Last night I went to church and saw Kaitlyn and, again, she plunked down right beside me. Our feet almost touched under the table. She wrote on a piece of paper taking notes right next to my cookies and coffee. I wondered if she noticed how close she was. Unbeknownst to her she had invaded the invisible line I call my personal space. Despite her oblivion I welcomed it. The study last night was based on sin.

Sin = transgression – I thought about her.

Sin = trespassing – her

Sin = guilt – me guilty over wanting her

Sigh, it meant so many things that I could apply….to her.  Afterwards, I said in passing that maybe all this was a little out of my depth.

“How did you study it in your church back home?”

“We didn’t, Kaitlyn, it was simple – you sin, you’re going to hell.”

She asked me for my email address after that. I said she already had it.

“That’s right. I do. I just have to plug you into my address book.”

And then what?  I so wanted to ask.

I wondered what she was going to email me about. Sin? Anyway, I never hear from the people I want to hear from but hear tons from the ones who I don’t –

-the other night Sadie and I were curled up on the bed watching Fringe when my phone vibrated. I pick it up and saw it was a text from just a number – which, meant it was Lee because I didn’t put her number into my new phone.

“Half of burgers!! Haha”

I looked at it and put it back, What the f-ing-F? I’m ignoring that.

Sometime later another text, “My @ss is still at work. 45 more min and it will be 12 hr day….I think I will leave in 5 min. ha”

Does the woman memorize the same cliff notes on what to say because it’s like a reel on a cassette tape that gets rewound every time. Again, I ignored her. Maybe she will go away.

Later, I was texting Ellen about this.

I texted Ellen, “I should text Lee and say ‘I just did my taxes and owe 10k – haha!”

Ellen wrote back, “But then she would text back, ‘that’s too bad….i did my taxes two months ago and they already paid me the $50,000 return and am off on a world trip to Europe in three days. My boss said I could be paid for the whole time I’m gone cause I’m such a hard worker and worked 12 hours the other day…..Ha ha! Half price burgers!”

I was cracking up and wrote back, “Add on that, ’Olivia cruise lines decided to make me the spokesperson because I’m so hot and relate so well to women and even Melissa Ethridge wrote a song about me and is performing along side me on the cruise – which, is headed to Italy. Gonna see some art! Haha!”

So, at least I’m getting some mileage out of Lee and her antics but now I’m being stalked by Hannah. Yes, Hannah. I got a FB message from her yesterday that caused me to go “Ahh!” and whip off a frantic text to both Ellen and Charlie saying “Wtf?”

It said,

“hey woman….called you a couple times. haven’t heard back! don’t have to just be your drinkn buddy:) i had that awful food poisoning this past week. wow. horrible. think i lost 5 lbs. let get together soon!”

Yeah, I hadn’t called her back and wanted to do a fade out ever since I felt the winds shift that night we went to see Emily. I could tell that night when I was walking her to her truck that she wanted me to take her hand or kiss her to which I did neither. I wrote back,

Hey,  Hannah- I’m sorry you got food poisoning. I hope you’re feeling better. Yeah, I’m sorry I’ve been lame getting back to you. I’ve worked the past two weekends an have been busy. Got another work weekend ahead of me and then a friend in town visiting and then I should be free.”

I purposely left it open-ended making no plans until –

I took Sadie for a walk down to the lake and ran right into her walking her dog. I silently cursed myself when I saw her in the distance. “Why does this always happen to me?”

And, just the fact that she acted like she didn’t see me until the last minute confirmed that she went down there hoping to run into me. We walked around the lake and I said that I had replied to her FB message and I knew by her reaction that she’d already read it despite saying “Oh, ok.” It confirmed mentally that my reply wasn’t what she wanted so she went down there to find me. So, sigh – we have a dinner date for Monday.

[And, it’s not lost on me that because I never initiate anything with these women they get all clingy on me and suddenly find me soooo attractive. Although, it only works on the psychos!]

How is it that I get all these dates I don’t want? I’m fully prepared to tell Hannah on Monday that my heart belongs to someone else if she tries anything fishy.

But, who does it belong to? Kaitlyn? Emily? Some hot female firefighter I haven’t even met yet? Who?

Things would be a hell heck of a lot less complicated if I had a girlfriend. Summer is approaching and I’m running out of time.





no hope, no drink

Why is it that some nights I just have a hard time staying home? Last week I overbooked myself and had something going on almost every night. I looked back on Monday and thought, “Why do you do this to yourself?”

By Thursday I was thinking that I seriously wanted to skip pool and stay home that night. Sadie and I were on a long walk, it was nice outside, I’d ridden my motorcycle that day and I just wanted to stay in. I longed to watch Queer as Folk and read. But, I had made a commitment to play pool this season I had to go. (and, I can’t tell you how hard it is to be in that smoky bar after quitting). Fortunately, I played first that night and then took off. I think my team is mostly used to this by now but at least I’m showing up.

Then, I went into the weekend working. Not that it’s bad – I’m not complaining. I’m thankful for the work. (despite paying out the @ss taxes on my misc income this past year) And, ok I’m going to admit it – I broke lent after work on Sunday because I read that some denominations break Lent on Sundays. So, I had a couple of beers. (And, they were heavenly) I felt completely ok in doing so. However, tonight I wanted to do it again. I wanted to go out and have a couple of beers. I almost did, too. Especially when I started doing my taxes – and, for awhile I was about to slam the laptop shut and go get something stronger to drink because it wasn’t looking good. But, then I stuck with it through the deductions and ended up doing ok. I was relieved. Then, I wanted to have a drink because I was relieved.

A movie was playing on the dvd player in my office, Sadie was curled up on the futon and I had eaten a salad. I remembered my cords fitting better this morning when I put them on. I didn’t want to disrupt my sleeping dog to put her in her kennel if I went out nor make her go into the cold truck. She was asleep. I mustn’t disturb her. It was cozy in here. I could heat up a couple of hamburgers and eat them without the bun. Carb-free dinner. I’d be into those size 30’s in no time. I told myself all these things over and over again. So, I talked myself out of it. (Although, I am going to break Lent on Sundays –which, brings Lent to 40 days) But, regardless I’m sure there are going to be several nights like this (except Sundays).

I think what it comes down to is that I’m lonely. I guess that’s why I work so much. I figure if I’m not getting laid I might as well get paid. Hannah called on Friday but I didn’t answer and she didn’t leave a message. I didn’t call her back, either. I don’t feel like hanging with her. Then, of course, Lee wanted to get together but I certainly don’t want to hang with her. So, I’m being selective in who I hang out with these days. I’d rather be lonely then be around people I don’t want to be around. But, the thing is – no one is doing it for me these days. No one.

And, this whole Lent thing – well, it’s not helping my social life. I’m not saying that I want to meet a woman in a bar but the way things are going that may be the only place. I know – I’m sounding crazy. I keep thinking I’m going to meet this great woman in one of my motorcycle classes and we’re going to ride [bikes] together. I’ve been teaching for almost ten years and this has never happened. I know – there’s a first time for everything. There’s a woman who keeps trying to chat with me on a dating site but I need to subscribe in order to “unlock” my messages. But, I think if that was meant to be then she would have contacted me more when I was a subscriber. I told myself that if I didn’t meet and go out with anyone in a month from being on that site that I was canceling my membership – and, I did. So, I’m holding strong to my guns. The $$ it costs for that could be a good meal that I treated myself. It could be a couple of doggie daycare visits for Sadie. I don’t know – maybe when you get a dog it replaces having a girlfriend. I know – I’m sounding crazy again.

Sigh – anyway, I don’t have much hope……



in a hole and going off women

It’s just not meant to be.

Yesterday, as I was pulling out of the Starbucks I heard a crash and felt my truck drop. It felt like one of my wheels had fallen off the axle. I got out and saw that my left tire was lodged in a grate inlet that the grate had broken off of. I was basically stuck in a hole. I didn’t know what to do but call nine-one-one and tell them to send a cop and a tow truck.

As I was waiting a huge four wheel drive pickup pulled up behind me and a man wearing an Alabama hat (Roll Tide!) got out.

“Ma-am, I can pull you out of there and save you the tow fee.”

Putting on my best damsel in distress, which, wasn’t hard, “Really? Thanks so much.”

After pulling my truck out of the hole and unhooking the chain, he handed me his card.

“Anytime you want to get together give me a call.”

“Er, ok. Hey, thanks so much.”

I was dumbfounded. Even cutting my hair hadn’t seem to squelch being noticed by men. In fact, I get noticed more than ever now.

-Sigh –

Why can’t it be that way with women? I know how that guy feels. He’s so desperate for a date that he took time out of his busy day to pull a woman out of a hole. (Probably, something I’d do, too, come to think of it.)

I won my pool match last night and tore out of there heading for the country bar. Connie was there again and I asked her to dance. I had wondered why she hadn’t called me. I asked her if she still had my card.

“Yes, I think so.”

“Well, call me and we’ll go grab a cup of coffee sometime.”

Then, she totally flaked on me. When I tried to talk to her later she interrupted me and said she had to go talk to her gay guy friends and she wouldn’t dance with me again after that.

I have never understood why women go out to a gay bar and only talk to gay men – unless, they want to be with them. Or unless they’re giving you the brush off like Connie was doing to me. I sighed and ordered another beer and then left only finishing half. Just as well I don’t meet a rude woman in a bar that hangs on gay men. Even if she did call I doubt I would answer now.

I feel like I’m still stuck in that hole. I think I’m going off women for 46 days, too.

chex mix

Despite driving all the way up to work today and realizing that I forgot my i.d. card (without it, I cannot do a thing at work – ie: get in the gate, log on to my computer, etc.) and having to turn around and drive all the way home and back I decided that I really didn’t mind.

I have no idea why.

As I drove through the connector once again I noted how pink the sky was after the sun came up. I felt a breeze of love in the air. I don’t know where it came from. It was just a light, fleeting touch.

I’m getting my new iPhone today. This is the replacement of the old one that decided to take a swim in the bathroom sink. K had loaned me his ancient 1st generation one. I never realized how much faster a 3 gs was than a 3. I am hoping the new one is even zippier. It’s a 4-32gb. I can probably download the entire next season of Dexter when it comes out.

I really want to go out dancing again tonight but I’m not sure that’s going to be possible since I snuck out of pool the week before (I’m sure I’m going to hear about it from Mick tonight). Plus, my interview is at 9:00 in the morning.

I’m listening to this woman who I met a few weeks ago at Edie’s Attic when I saw Hannah play. (The one who hugged me. The one who is hot.) Yeah, she mentioned on stage that she’d just been dumped and I thought, “You won’t be single for long, woman.” Honestly, what musicians don’t make in money they make up for in dates. [Really need to start those guitar lessons soon.] I have included link of one of her new singles (which, was recorded live at Edie’s Attic while I was there the other night) below for your listening pleasure.

Speaking of which,  I have a date on Friday with the other Hannah. I have to give it to the girl for being persistent since I never call her we’ve been missing each other a lot the past month. We may just end up at Edie’s listening to music which is just fine with me.

Wreck Was My Heart