ghosting the past

I know I have been writing a lot about pod casts lately but some of the topics make me really think about things I want to write about. Usually, I listen to these when I’m going for a walk. In fact, they kind of spur me to walk more because I look forward to listening to them. I cannot seem to listen to them while I’m at work because I can’t concentrate on my work and listen to what they are saying – sometimes even when I’m walking when I’m listening to something that makes me think I take off with my own thoughts and have to rewind the podcast to hear what they said because I drift off.

One of the topics that has stuck with me is ghosting. We all have been ghosted at one time or another and probably have ghosted someone else. I know I have probably written about this previously but I was ghosted by two of my good friends who I share a tattoo with and the other two friends with the tattoo I have ghosted (there are five of us altogether who share this tattoo). Sometimes I wonder if this tattoo was a curse to us. Maybe we shouldn’t have gone all-in to be marked for life with the same tattoo.  Other times I think that it’s just a way of life -having friendships come and go like the ebb and flow of the ocean. I’ve come to grips with it and am completely ok with it.

I believe that friendships fit into three categories.

  1. The besties you see or speak to every week or sometimes even more than once a week: These are a rarity for Charlie and I. We only have a few who we see every week and it’s kind of works out the way it does because if we had more then we wouldn’t have any time to ourselves.
  2. The once a month kind of friendships – the ones you may say, Hey haven’t seen you in a week, month, a few months since that ho left you – you meet for a drink or dinner.
  3. The ones you maintain a distance relationship with who you only really converse with on social media. Maybe you’ll travel every once in a blue moon to see but you remain distant friends.

And, everyone outside of that is really not a friend. They’re just someone you run in to at a bar or concert or restaurant and you exchange pleasantries of “We really do need to get together soon.” When both parties are thinking, Yeah no.

I believe someone can only have so many close friends in this life or else it gets crowded. I also believe people outgrow friendships, they move on or the time to spend with them takes a lower priority than the ones who currently are your besties or they piss you off.

I’ve lived on the same street since ’97 and have been friends with another lesbian couple three houses down. They have only been here a year longer than myself. They have both been through some health problems over the years but they are both doing well now. I used to take them lasagna’s when one of them was ill and there were times I got the mail for them. Charlie and I were always asking them down for a beer, over to dinner and even to the parties we’ve thrown – to no avail. They never hardly ever took us up on it – to a point where I was starting to think that there was something they didn’t like about us or our house or something. They always said no. It was a while back that I needed a ride to the train station – which, is less than 3 miles from both of our houses. I asked one of them if they could give me a ride to the station – this was the one who has her own business and is not tied to an 8-5 schedule. Before I could even tell her what time  or day I needed to go she said, Oh I don’t think so. I know I’ll be busy.

I was hurt by that and thought after all the lasagnas I’ve made for them when they weren’t feeling well and taking them all my Good Housekeeping magazines she won’t even give me a ride to the train? I mean, I think I almost cried.

Flash forward, they are one of our landscape clients and Charlie always gets roped into doing extra things for them like getting their mail when they go out of town and making sure if any packages that are left she gets them so no one will steal them. I told her that she shouldn’t do anything extra for them that I was done after that train station incident. She said that she was going to test them and ask if they could get our mail while we’re out of town next week just to see what she says since just recently she not only hauled their mail down to our house but also all their Amazon boxes as well. (Strangely, when Charlie said it would be easier if she had a key to their house and leave all that stuff there the woman acted all weird about it and changed the subject)

Don’t count on her saying yes, I said.

I just want to see what she says.

I guess the moral to this story is to just do stuff for people and not expect anything in return. Maybe I just need to get my head in that space and not expect anything of people. Even so – she’s pretty much off my #2 list.

Then, there’s the ones who are taking a different path – away from the friendship. Whether it’s a life changing thing, a new relationship, or a lifestyle change the ghosting may be mutual. Sometimes we’re just all in different places. I had heard that one of the “Toads” I share a tattoo with had hers removed. I find this ironic because she was one of the ones who always tried to get us all back together. I look down at mine in the traditional Chinese style on my ankle and think, this was just a phase of my life. Part of my past. I will not erase it. You can’t change history but only the future. 


concerts & kicked out

I’m so exhausted this morning. Last night we went to see Counting Crows with Matchbox 20 with Emil and Maybe-Nicole and the Thursday before that we also saw Emily Saliers play at Edie’s Attic for the late show.  We had a lot of fun and I enjoyed both shows but I’m showed out for a while.

(Charlie and Emil with photobomb lady in the background)

In between all the concerts, we went to friends down the street for dinner, saw Benji and managed to make an hour of drum practice yesterday.

So, Charlie and I made the decision to sell her Harley on cycle trader simply because we’d like to streamline our debt a little more and get out from under the payments. Once we sell hers I’m probably going to sell mine but it’s not really necessary because it’s paid for and I can always ride her on the back of mine. Charlie first posted an ad on Facebook in case any of her peeps on there were interested – plus, they could share it with friends of theirs. She no more got it posted on FB when Shutter asked why she was selling and Charlie said she just wanted to at this time that wasn’t to say that she, me, us would never ride again. Next thing you know – we get thrown out of the motorcycle group that we were in with Link, Shutter and Rooster – Rooster had created the Meetup page and kicked us off of there.

That kind of chapped my –well- chaps over that. I mean, this is not to say we’ll even get the Harley sold – and if not then we’ll keep it, ride and keep on. Whatever. I didn’t think we deserved to be kicked out of the group for that. Granted we hadn’t ridden with the group for a while but that didn’t mean we’d never ride with them again – until now. But, hey – now that I’m no longer a member of the group I will say this – I never really liked riding with the group. Don’t get me wrong – I liked everyone as people – just not riding with them in a group. Rooster always led the group and honestly would ride a little too fast for my taste up the busy 4-lane street in Atlanta (that she always insisted that we take to get out of town) when anyone could and would pull out in front of you. What happened to space cushion?? The last time we went barreling up Candler Road I spaced myself back and when one of the girls on her Harley got her hazard light stuck on for an hour and we had to pull off into a gas station we got lectured on riding faster to keep up.

I wanted to say, B*tch, I don’t keep up with anyone when I’m on this machine. I ride my own mf-ing ride. If I’m going too slow then you just go on and I’ll see you another time.  

It’s probably not helping their cause that I have 10 years of being a motorcycle instructor under my belt and this stuff is ingrained into my behavior and brain.

Also, Rooster has no GPS and relays on some paper with directions rubber-banded to her arm. After a long, hot ride to Macon for a history lesson (now those I did enjoy) and lunch on the way back I was running my GPS and it showed that unless we wanted to extend our trip another 2 hours that we should turn at this one particular intersection. Charlie and I pulled off into the gas station at the intersection and they circled around and back and asked what was up.

Gas, and we’re turning here.

This isn’t on my directions – we were going to ride closer to Athens and then turn back. By then, the paper with the directions had blown by us and had been lost on the road and I didn’t have a whole lot of confidence she really knew where the F we were going. But, I knew because I had GPS.

That’s fine but we’re going this way. Enjoy getting lost the rest of the ride.

And, we left. Which, brings me to the question as to why, if you’re leading a group of riders don’t you get some sort of GPS device on your bike so there won’t be any confusion? Or ask someone like myself to lead.

But, no that would be too hard and too advanced.

Maybe it is a good thing we got kicked out of the group. Charlie and I were going on our own rides anyway. It’s just easier to get an early start and go and get back so the day isn’t all taken up. That group would plan a trip to Birmingham and wait until 10:00 to leave and get back at 9:00 and we’d say, No thanks.

I mean, I don’t know if I’ll keep riding. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t but I don’t like other people making that decision for me. I mean, I’ve gone to a couple of Meetups for this screen writing group – I don’t go all the time because it always meets way up in Dunwoody during rush hour and it’s kind of hellish to get there. Even so I haven’t been kicked out of the group. I just find the whole thing to be mystifying.

Has anything like this ever happened to you? Have you ever been kicked out of a group? Became a lesbian and kicked out of the Junior League?



no acknowledgment

You know, I’m glad it’s over – the mother’s and father’s day weekends. Leading up to the former I would cringe hearing the commercials of “Do something special for Mom this year….” I have a stepmother that I barely acknowledge – I sent her a card with a gift certificate to homophobe central Cracker Barrel. But, it’s a hollow acknowledgment. It’s only because I feel sorry for her for being stupid enough to marry our father and put up with his shit. Ever since our mother died I have felt I have no more parents.

This last weekend I grudgingly sent our father a card and signed my new name. I know he hates it when I do that. For years he and my step mother would make out checks to my old name and I’d have to sign the check over to my new name. They would fail to acknowledge that I had changed my first and last name. I no longer wanted to carry his name as my last name so I changed it to my mother’s maiden name. I did this over a decade ago and it’s just recently they finally acknowledge my real name.  I really didn’t even want to send him a card to be honest. I told my sister that he’s lucky he’s even getting a card this year. (And, you know it’s a real challenge finding dysfunctional father’s day cards. Why can’t there be more cards that say, You were a shitty father and here’s your damn card you can stick up your @ss.)

She was having both him and our step mother over for father’s day dinner. She gets treated even worse by him but she still goes to all the trouble to meet them for lunch the other day and host a lunch for him. I called our step mother yesterday after the dinner – I had felt guilty that I didn’t call to wish him a happy father’s day. She had told me that he was already in bed asleep that when he eats lunch he just goes straight to bed afterwards and sleeps the rest of the day. (They guy is 78 going on 95) I told her to tell him I called whenever he wakes up. As I was talking to her my sister was trying to call me so after hanging up I called her back.

She told me the minute they got to her house they sat down and started eating without any conversation whatsoever. She had a few other guests present as well so I’m sure it must have seemed very awkward. Then, the minute they finished eating they got up and our father told her they were leaving. She asked if they’d stay 10 more minutes so he could open his card and he said no they were leaving now. She went and got his card and gave it to him and said, See ya, and they left.

I wasn’t surprised by the rudeness of his visit. He’s always treated her like a lowly piece of shit. Ever since after running away for the third time and him catching her and beating the shit out of her he’s treated her like that. I told her on the phone that I don’t know why she still does it – that she needs to stop. No more dinners, no more anything. She said she thought she was done. I told her she needed to be. Then, she said she didn’t know what she was going to do about his birthday. I said, SEND HIM A CARD AND BE DONE WITH IT.

Honestly, I wouldn’t even acknowledge it if I were her. I wonder why I do?

His birthday is near mine. I’ll never forget the time she concocted some scheme for me to come home and surprise him with a double birthday party she was hosting. My plane no more touched down in Indianapolis when she told me that when she told him I came up to surprise him and that she was having a party for us he said that he wouldn’t be around all weekend that he had a thing at church and he was too busy. We had a party anyway but really no one in our family really cares about anyone or anything – except eating. Usually, if there’s food they will come. All the people in our family that gave a shit are already dead. Our mother, our grandparents on our mother’s side – they’re the only people who cared. Our father’s side is just filled with people who don’t care about anyone.

And, they wonder why I don’t ever come home. Why should I? I’ve learned to move on long ago. I talk to our father three times a year – father’s day, his birthday and Christmas. I don’t really care and I admit my sister can be very difficult at times, too. She has a little of our father’s meanness in her but despite that it makes me really angry that he treated her that way. Maybe I should just stop acknowledging his birthday and calling at Christmas. I think I will say something to our step mother the next time I talk to her. I am so sick and tired of people letting their partners, husbands, wives, significant others walk all over them. They are enablers, sure. I am sick and tired of enablers. Enablers are just as bad as the people that do the acts. Because they are too weak to step up and tell people that they’re doing wrong or being @ssholes.

I’m so done with certain people. My sister’s dinner party almost contrasts the dinner party that we had that went south a few weeks ago. I am so done with them, too. Since there was no apology or acknowledgement of what happened that night it makes me not want to even acknowledge the next invitation that will not arrive in their mail. Fuck doing things with them anymore if I always have to worry about Dino being an @ss. Why should I waste the time and energy cooking a meal, buying booze, setting a table and buying desert when she’s just going to ruin it and be disrespectful. Why should I even try? And, if I do bring it up and acknowledge it guess who’s going to be the bad guy – ME.

The new clients that we recently got from the bad review on the neighborhood Nextdoor invited us over for dinner last night. It’s such a luxury to be invited somewhere for once as we ALWAYS entertain and send out the invites. We hit it off and later driving home Charlie said, I hope they like us.

What’s not to like?

I don’t know. I just hope they don’t think we’re crazy.

After all this, why would anyone think we’re crazy? Because we’re normal?




keep your shirt on


What a weekend. I have so much to tell y’all so grab another cup of coffee, black tea or your drink of choice – preferably not honey Evan Williams mixed with Jack because we all learned on Saturday that that’s a dangerous combination. One that would make –

-well, I’m getting too far ahead of myself.

I’m going to flash back to another time about Dino and Martha. You all know that Dino always gets under my skin when we’re all hanging out. When she’s drunk she’s either spouting off about something or grabbing Charlie and touching her inappropriately.

The last time we were all out at a bar in Little 5 points watching Rooster and Shutters band with our friend, Drewberry. Soon as the drink flowed and they started playing Dino came over and grabbed Charlie and started dancing and fondling her. I’ve pretty much stayed back thinking either Charlie or even Martha would intervene and say, Hey, hey – stop. Because, honestly if I intervene there’s going to be a fight and a scene.

So, after prying herself away from Dino and coming back over to Drew and I hanging in the corner rolling her eyes we thought it had stopped until Dino passed by grabbing her butt on the way to the little girls room (Yes, Dino is a women but I named her this pseudo name because I picture her to be some tacky, redneck guy).

We were shaking our heads like, Unbelievable.  I even said loudly in front of Martha that it was such a drag Dino grabbing Charlie all the time and grabbing her @ss. Did Martha do anything about that? No. Which, is SO typical of her. I have to tell you that I’m sooooo tired of it. This is the reason I haven’t invited them over, too. But, last week Charlie suggested that we have them over for dinner. I told her I’d only have them over if Link and Stiletto came, too, because I couldn’t deal with Dino on my own. So, it was a plan. Charlie made a fabulous lasagna, I picked up a couple of mini cakes because we were celebrating Martha’s belated birthday.

Martha and Dino showed first and when Martha handed me a six pack of craft beer to put in the beer cooler I knew this was a little short for Dino. Normally, Dino brings a bottle of Wild Turkey (because they know we don’t keep that rot gut in our cabinet) and a case of Rolling Rock. I asked Dino what I could get her and she said that honey Evan Williams and Jack Daniels would do. (I almost threw up in my mouth, to be honest) Glad to get rid of the honey rot gut out of the cabinet I freely poured and put a large ice cube into a tumbler for her.

Flash forward to the evening. We had a great time hanging out and having dinner. I actually thought for once that things were going OK. Aside from the little safety debate between Link and Dino (which, they get into every time they are together and I think it’s a total drag) things were running smoothly.  Until Link suggested we go out to the shed and throw some darts. Link and Stiletto had just got a couple sets of darts and were on fire to use them. It had the makings of a great night, really. We had the baseball game on out in the shed, music playing, we were dancing around laughing and having a great time until-

– Dino decides to take off her shirt and get completely naked from the waist up. (And, believe me – it was not a pretty sight). I tried seriously to act like it was no big deal because I think all Dino wants is me to lose it on her and have me deck her. (I was seriously considering it, too.) But, it was Martha’s birthday and honestly, I felt sorry for her. And, Dino did all the things that Dino does drunk – grabbed Charlie from behind and was trying to rub her breasts all over her back and dance. It was so obnoxious. Poor Stiletto looked mortified – she kept taking the birdies off her darts and switching them to the other set of darts saying they weren’t right. I was thinking we had to end this game quickly or else things were going to go south very quickly. Finally, Charlie hit a bulls eye and we closed up shop. I had already talked to Martha about sending the rest of the lasagna home with her and Dino and ran inside to get everything for them to take home. I instructed Link to help carry everything to the car as I was packing up the cakes and rosemary bread to send home with them, too.

And, do you think that freaking Dino could put on her shirt to walk to the car? No. We were carrying things out and here she comes walking down to the driveway saying loudly, I take off my shirt just about anywhere don’t I, honey?

At that point I’m PRAYING that the old ladies across the street aren’t looking out their windows. Plus, pervert Richard next door (who I’m sure saw it all). Then, I’m praying that the neighborhood cops that commonly cruise the neighborhood at night don’t drive by. I’m picturing tickets, blue lights and warnings as we’re packing the car and thinking, Get the hell out of here.

The next day, Charlie and I were still shaking our heads over it. We made plans with Link and Stiletto to go see Wonder Woman (fabulous, btw) and have dinner afterwards. Well, I’m sure Dino and Martha’s ears were on fire because once we all sat down together we were like, What the f*ck was that last night?!!!

Apparently, Dino has done the dancing and fondling thing with both of them, too. The only difference is the two of them have put Dino in her place. But, we all agreed something has to be done now. Link has volunteered to have a discussion with Martha about it. We all agreed that they are alienating themselves from all of Martha’s friends because everyone thinks Dino’s so obnoxious when she’s drinking – no one wants to be around them anymore and after last Saturday I’m about to wash my hands, too. We all agreed if we were at their house then Dino could do whatever she wants – and I agreed. If we were over there and the shirt came off I’d be like, Time to go, honey – BYE! But, the fact that it was at our house for a dinner party that we were hosting came off as being so disrespectful.

If there is a next time we hang out with them and Dino does her same shit I’m putting her in her place. I think we’ve all had it with her and Martha not doing anything about it. So, in short – I feel like the night was ruined. I was disappointed and felt bad for Martha for about a minute until I realized that she just keeps letting this go on and on.




friends won’t be around

You know, I just don’t get people.

Charlie and I usually go for a little ride on Sunday mornings. We’ll ride somewhere and have some brunch or lunch, depending on how far away it is. Yesterday we had decided to ride out to Conyers and visit the Harley place where we purchased her bike. Charlie wanted to order some new “farkle” for her bike (for you non-bike enthusiasts, farkle is anything you can put on a bike that isn’t engine related and/or doesn’t take a mechanic to install). We figured we’d spent some time at the dealership and then go out back and visit with some of my old teaching buddies who were running a class that weekend. Afterwards, we were planning on riding down the street to a BBQ place for lunch.

So, off we went. The previous evening I had texted Yvonne and Kat to see if they wanted to ride out with us. They said they’d meet us at lunch and I said, OK, see you then.

Once we were at the dealership, Charlie ordered her farkle and we went out back and talked to Jenna and Jeff who I have taught with on many occasions in the past. Charlie hadn’t met Jenna before and the two of them hit it off as Jenna is a relatively new mommy. While they talked about baby stuff I turned to Jeff and asked him how he was doing. Gone was the happy greeting I got just minutes before. His shoulders literally sank and said, Same ol’, same ol’. My knees and shoulder hurts and I’m getting old.

Way back in the day, Jeff used to be really fun to work with (– along with K.) The last few years I’ve worked with him he stopped being engaging to hang around -at lunch, he’d go outside and smoke and then take his Harley onto the range and ride the box several times – which, I always hated when instructors did that because I thought it was just a form of showing off in front of the students.

K got like that, too. Once he realized that I didn’t want to hear about his conquests anymore he stopped talking to me and when we taught together he would constantly be on his phone texting some honey that he was hoping to get with. We’d go to lunch and one of the other male instructors would sit with us and he’d talk to him the entire time about the latest rally he did. I started to feel invisible to many of the people I taught with because either the story never changed or they got bitter and worn out from teaching or life in general.

I had to bite my tongue at that point to keep from telling him he should retire, like me and ride on the weekends. But, that’s not for me to say.  At least Jenna was happy to see me and engaging as ever.

While she and Charlie talked I texted Yvonne asking when she thought they would be there for lunch and she texted back not until noon probably that they had just gotten up.

This is another thing is that when Charlie and I go ride we never wait for people. We say clutch out at [time we decided to leave based on distance and when we need to be there] and if they can’t make by then see ya. I won’t wait for anyone – especially if it’s going to be 1,000 degrees by noon. I want to get in as much riding as possible while it’s still cool.

I texted back, Ok, just text me your ETA – we’re probably going to go ride a bit since we’re early.

Right after that, she bailed. She said, Oh, well why don’t you go without us and we’ll do something next weekend. We’re moving kind of slow today.

I was like WTF? We offered to go ride a bit and wait for them and they just bail. I was disappointed. I mean, we ALWAYS ask them to ride and they NEVER do. They go out with their motorcycle boy group and even ride with Women on the Wind but they NEVER ride with us. I was over it.

I told Charlie and we just rode over ourselves and had lunch. Once home, we kicked off our boots and traded our jeans for shorts and hung out on the porch. Later, I see a FB post of both Yvonne and Kat in a photo with Hippy Dippy saying, Great ride with [Hippy Dippy] today!

Charlie and I were like, F-THAT. We’re not asking them again. I can’t believe they dissed us to ride with Hippy-Dippy and her pathetic little Rebel 250-needing-a-motorcycle- class-raggedy-ass. What-the-F-ever. Maybe it’s a good thing they didn’t come after all because I really don’t like Hippy Dippy. I was tempted to blow their FB up but all I said in the comments was We tried.

Pathetically, they both liked it. I hate FB sometimes.

I think of all the times I particularly didn’t want to hear for the 10th time Kat sing the same songs about her ex not paying any attention to her while her current played the drums but I went to the venue anyway, paid my cover and went in to support them. We bought all their CD’s and have shown up to every show. Now I wonder if I could spend my time better doing something else.

This brings up the issue of Charlie and I having several friends that we ask to do things and they never commit or do anything with us. I get tired of it.

I also get tired of us always hosting We’re always having the parties, come over for drinks, dinner, etc. But we never get invites. Never.  The last invite we got was from Ellen in May to come over to her house and help her celebrate her birthday – that that was even because she had her leg in a brace and couldn’t go anywhere. At least she made an effort. As does Michale and her new gf, Neasa. Michale makes an effort to come to our house or meet out but despite having a new house has never entertained there. I am hoping this [like her hairstyle] will change soon since her and Neasa [who sent her to her stylist] are together.

Anyway, I guess I’ll be thankful for the friends who do make an effort because those who don’t won’t be around for much longer.


where is the karma?

So, today I’m going to write about a friend of ours – Mary Ann. Charlie and I first met her at Ellen’s house when she was having a party. Mary Ann had just moved here from California at the time and had already made a slew of friends – ironically, ones that she knew while she was in Cali who had also moved here. I think I have mentioned that she’s friends with Katherine and Yvonne – who are now together and have a band.

At the time, Mary Ann had her –then – girlfriend here. In fact, at the party I mistook her for another friend of ours who had moved to Texas and wondered why she just looked at me and looked away like she didn’t know me – later, I found she didn’t because it wasn’t the ex-friend from Texas but Mary Ann’s girlfriend, Krystal.

Despite speaking with Krystal a bit that night I realize now that I have never liked anyone with that name. In fact, everyone with that name I have despised.

Krystal was working and living in Maine and had plans to quit her job and move to Georgia with Mary Ann. We have several friends who have coupled up this way – me and Charlie including. She moved here from Florida. Yvonne is moving here from SC and Ellen just had her new squeeze move here from Arkansas.

At Christmas Mary Ann proposed to Krystal and started house hunting. In January she flew up to Maine, picked Krystal up and they drove back to Georgia stopping along the way making it a vacation. When they got to Georgia they closed on a house [a very lovely one, I might add] and Krystal flew back to quit her job and start packing.

Or so we thought.

In murder mysteries this is the part where someone discovers a bloody knife in the cupboard.

As I told you before, I knew something was up at the Super Bowl party when Mary Ann said that Krystal was having a hard time quitting her job. Well, she didn’t afterall. She broke up with Mary Ann right before Valentine’s Day. Since then, Mary Ann has gone through the stage of grief of “What did I do wrong?” the self-blaming kind – much to all of our frustration.

You didn’t do anything, Krystal is just a bitch.

At the St. Paddy’s day party at Katherine’s I tried to talk to her about it. She was still in the what did I do mode. I said, You have to let this go. You may never know the reason.

Although, I suspected there was another chicken in the coop.

In the meantime, her very old dog – a two-time cancer survivor, I might add – hadn’t been doing well. In fact, he was taking a dive. Many times the past month we have had plans where she would say, Rudy’s not doing well and would stay home with him. We’ve all been on pins and needles about it – really. Poor girl going through a difficult breakup and her dog – only companion – not doing well.

What a fucking raw deal. It makes me want to go hug my Sadie-McTaddie-Fatty-McTattie and Bailey –Bait – well, you know.

Tuesday, we all had plans to go eat at the bar that has the burger specials when Mary Ann said Rudy wasn’t doing well. Then, Wednesday morning Ellen texted that he had passed. That night, she came out for one bowling game. She looked defeated. As she talked to us she raised her sweater and pulled her belt to another notch tighter – already pretty thin she was even more so now.

We need to get some food on those bones, girl.

She was showing Ellen something on her phone. When she went up to bowl later I asked her what that was about.

She’s getting messages from Krystal now about how sorry she is that Rudy isn’t doing well.

What? Has she told her that Rudy died?

Nope. She’s mad now.

Good, we’ve been waiting for this stage.

Saturday, we have plans to meet up at a motorcycle swap meet in North Georgia to look at bikes for Mary Ann. Katherine, Yvonne and I are riding up and meeting Mary Ann and Charlie. I hope she gets a bike and starts riding soon. She needs this. I just feel so terrible for her -just all these sucky things happening to such a good person. It just seems that nothing bad ever happens to the people who suck.

Where is the Karma in all this?

Next up – Lee the homewrecker. Stay tuned!


weekend recap – black fury

Charlie and I had Friday off together and we had decided to go by the Harley Davidson dealership and look at bikes.

Uh. Oh. You know what happens now:


Yes, we ended up walking out of there with a brand new Sportster 883 Iron. Now, Charlie can finally ride her own ride and instead of the back of my shirt saying, “If you can read this the bitch fell off” it will say, “Since you can read this the bitch got her own ride.” (Now, if it would only stop raining long enough for her to do her maiden ride on it.)

Saturday, she had to work and I waited for Black Fury (our neighbors named her) to be delivered. The delivery man no more unstrapped her from the trailer and rode her into the carport when it started sleeting. Great. So, I guess we’ll ride her in the Spring.

That night our friend, Katherine Cole (who is now Yvonne’s main squeeze and she is Katherine’s drummer-main squeeze) had a CD release party at Red Light Café’. Katherine is also the captain of a motorcycle club that was in attendance as well as about every lesbian in the community of Atlanta and then some. Most of crazy monkey woman’s ex friends were there (CMW was not as she doesn’t speak to any of them anymore which is a relief) along with our friend, Leslie who unfortunately said that her and Lisa were “having a good time” and “sorry we messed up your bed.” Charlie and I sat with Ellen who had her new squeeze there, Stephanie. Most of CMW’s old friends came up and said hi and Hippy Dippy came by and said for the 45th time she needed to take my motorcycle class. Then, some random woman who was friends with one of CMWs’ ex friends asked about taking the class. If I got a commission for every class I referred people to I wouldn’t have to work.

The show was great and right before Katherine’s last number an ex friend of mine walked in with roses. Leave it to her to upstage everyone else – no, I’m too important to sit and listen to your entire show but – look at me waltz in at the last second with roses. Everyone look at me because I’m so important. This was what I was thinking when Stephanie turned around and said, Who’s that weird woman who just walked in?

I said, “Long story.”

She looks like a troll.

I had to agree. A long time ago when I wrote the blog before this one (which, I deleted and secretly told my followers where they could find me again) I wrote about this.  Back when I was unemployed troll had hired me to do work for her landscaping company and like all her ex-friends/and people who work for her she ends up screwing them over and/or having arguments with because she has anger management issues. Our fallout was over me trying to find additional work with a realtor friend of ours who had offered the job first to her company and her turning it down because it was too small and she only wanted to do jobs up in the snobby Paces Ferry area for rich people who most of the time never paid their bills. She found out that I had called the realtor bitch to see if I could get the work and then accused me of trying to take work away from her. I had tried to explain at the time that I had only done this after she said she didn’t want the work and that I wasn’t trying to take work away from her. I was just trying to make ends meet as she only had me working for her 2-3 days a week. All of her other illegals crew had outside landscaping work, too, and she knew this. Anyway, she fired me after screaming at me over the phone and held my last paycheck from her for 6 months after that.  This was six years ago and I have not spoken to her since – even after she sent me rambling emails and voice mails saying she was still upset over me taking work – never a “I’m sorry” because, really, her ego doesn’t allow for that. Later, I started my own landscaping company with many accounts and I replied to one of her emails saying that I had no room for her in my life anymore.

So, as I was edging for the door that night her wife came up to supposedly say Hi to Katherine but got so close to me that all I could do was say, Hey and walk away. It wasn’t a Hey I’m acknowledging you – it was a Hey I’m not talking to you and you’re getting in my space, Hey.  I wasn’t talking to that bitch, either. She was just as much to blame as the troll.  But, she was getting my face like she wanted to talk.

Finally, we got out of there without any uncomfortable conversations and Charlie was like, “That’s such-and-such?! Wow – she looks like a troll.”

“She is a troll.”

I’m done with that part of my life. I don’t want anything more to do with her or her wife.

I’m so ready for Spring and to start riding with Charlie. If only the weather would cooperate.

You can find me on Twitter @Lanie_Belluz

running of the feet – and mouth

I bit the bullet yesterday and signed up for the Atlanta Track club. There was a race I wanted to do this weekend that if I joined I could do for free if I was a member. I went to their website and there a bunch of races they sponsor that are free to members. Now that’s done I’m going to be really careful not to hurt myself.

Ok, I have to admit something and tell me if I’m being unreasonable here, I can take it. Earlier I mentioned we had some peeps at our superbowl party that hooked up and messed up our spare room. I’m still kind of pissed over that. I mean, here’s how it went down. One of the motorcycle gals – Leslie hooked up with one of the pool girls, Lisa. (I swear everyone with that name is TROUBLE) Well, Lisa got really drunk, like, slurring words drunk. Her had Leslie had been talking all night and told both Charlie and I – and whoever else who would listen that they were going to go out on a date after that night. They liked each other and blah, blah, blah. I mean, don’t hold back y’all, whatever. Anyway, towards the end of the night when people were leaving Leslie asked Lisa if she was ok to drive. I mean, come on – the girl could barely walk without hitting the wall and part of me was thinking – do you really want to go out with someone who gets drunk off their face the first night you meet them? Really?!

But, who are you to judge, Lanie. [Holding hands up]

So, Lisa says that she needs a bit to sober up before driving home. I had asked Leslie earlier if she was going to take Lisa home – meaning to her own house and she thought I meant driving her to outside the fruitloop where she lives and said, “She lives all the way up in Norcross. I’m not going to do that. I’m not that kind of girl.” [whatever that means]

Charlie and I suggested that they could stay a bit and even crash for a while if they needed to, there was a spare room etc. and we went to bed. We both had to get up and go to work the next day. So, I just figured that they would make out a bit and either crash or Lisa would go home with Leslie who lived just down the street. The next morning we get up and 1. All the lights are on in the house. 2. The spare room has everything ripped off the bed all the way down to the mattress.

Ok, in the spare room [that we just changed the sheets] we have a down mattress pad, fitted sheet, regular sheet and comforter – all that was stuffed into the washing machine along with a couple of towels. 3. There’s no way our washing machine could handle that large of a load and 4. What the hell?! Someone offers you a place to sober up for a while and you’re going to mess up their whole bedroom?! Not to mention 5. EWWWWWW!! F-ing GROSS!

SO – after discovering all this I really expected a text from Leslie saying, Hey sorry we messed up your room and all…..


I finally texted them both asking if they made it home ok and had the unfortunate reply back from Leslie, “Yes, all good. The bed covers need to be washed [Really? No shit!] didn’t want to leave them on the bed, put them into the washer. Lordy….”

Ok, waaaaaay even MORE information than I wanted to know. I didn’t answer.

So, later I get a “We’re going out on a date any ideas on a first date restaurant in Decatur?”

So, because you used my spare room for massive sex I’m suddenly the lesbian Dear Abby of dating advice, too?!


I had to bite my finger practically OFF to keep from writing – McDonalds drive thru – have fun!


But, I gave the same advice I give everyone for a first date – go dutch. That way there are no expectations and you know it’s mutual and not someone just using you to get a free dinner. Which, honestly, I thought that about Lisa because she happened to mention several times in her drunkenness that she gets around and that she’s been dating A LOT since she broke up with her last GF. I know Leslie doesn’t get around much and Lisa is probably the first women she’s been on a date with in three years. Then-

“Is there anything I need to know, that you know about her, heads up on anything important?”

Well, just that she’s a drunk slut but – YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT!

But, I wasn’t getting involved in that.

“She says she’s a bad girl, that’s ok too. We’ll play 20 questions at dinner, see if she thinks I’m too crazy to date.”

Oh, yeah maybe you should bring a Scattergories game, too. Yeah, Leslie you so crazy that a wild night for you is probably fermenting your tequila while you watch American Idol. You’re out of your element, girl, and you’re about to have a rude awakening. I just hope it goes your way, girl, I do.

I said, “Only what you saw I mean she got pretty wasted I don’t really know that much about her so go with your gut.”

“Thanks, Lanie was thinking that would be a good idea. And, I know she drank quite a bit. I’m more reserved with alcohol these days, getting older, wiser. I will keep you posted.

Please don’t. I don’t care. I’m going to send you a dry cleaning bill.

I thought I was done with it after that. Then yesterday I get a text from Lisa asking if she can swing by sometime this weekend and pick up the dish that she left. I wanted to say, No, I’m keeping it for trade of my dry cleaning bill.

I said I’d put it in the carport and prayed neither of us would be home when she stopped by because I really don’t want to hear about the date.

Then she wrote, “You doing alright? I have a date with Leslie tomorrow night. 🙂 “

“Yes, she told me.”

Again, I don’t care and I don’t want to know really and I feel the walls closing in on me on this whole, Can I stop by and pick up my dish from the party? 1. I don’t like people just stopping by and arbitrarily wasting my time. If people are coming over I need to plan for it.  I’m really OCD when it comes to shit like that. I think I get that from my father who would get out his shotgun every time the cable man came to the farm to try and sell him service.

I also got this from Angela who is an ex motorcycle instructor that always likes to talk my head off about how she’s quitting teaching (yes, we’ve all been saying that for 5 years now) and how she has a new job and is working on herself (I’ve heard this as long as I’ve known her – almost 11 years.) And, there’s nothing she can say that won’t exhaust me because she is just one of those people that can open their mouth for five minutes and  exhaust me and now she wants to come over to my house and trap me for two hours saying all this all over again just to get her lame-ass bowl?

“Hey, I’ll drop it by tomorrow night.” With the dogs in the car and the – Oh, I have to go the dogs are getting antsy.

“Also, can I have your blog address? I’d like to read your blog.”

How does she know about my blog? Yeah, I blew that one off. She’s not reading my blog.

So, in all this – am I being unreasonable about the spare room? Would you be all like EWWW, EWWW, EWWW!? And, do you have friends who you can only take in small doses?


drumming [meh] circle

Well, my drum lesson was MEH.

I’m not really sure what this guy’s style of teaching is but you would think that he would at least have had some kind of plan. What was really strange is when we sat down at the kits in the room my kit didn’t have a bass foot pedal. I can’t operate if I don’t have a bass foot peddle, high hat and pedal and a snare in front of me. When I mentioned this to him he was like, OH! I’m sorry I thought that was set up.

I couldn’t help but think, You don’t even know how your room is set up prior to teaching a lesson?

We ended up swapping places and he put a pedal on the kit. However, when he was trying to show me a rhythm playing it his pant leg kept getting caught on the pedal. It was funny  – I almost started laughing. I told him that I wanted to work in fills on basic rhythms so he started playing a jazz riff – I watched for a bit then started in playing. That’s how I roll – I watch, then do and eventually I get it. He never said, Ok watch me then chime in when you’re ready. So, when I did he would stop and start talking again. I wasn’t sure if he just wanted me to sit there and watch him play or what. It was kind of frustrating and awkward to be honest. I was glad when the lesson was over.

At the end when we walked out of the studio he asked if I’d be taking another lesson again and I told him I didn’t know. That I just thought I needed to get a kit set up first and practice on that and then come see him. I asked if I could bring some music in that I wanted to work on and if we could play it together and work through it and he said sure.

I thought, Ok, maybe that would be better.

Then, he said, I mean, if you only want to come in for a half an hour sometime that’s cool or if you had a question about something you could come in and I could show you and I wouldn’t charge you.

Ok, that wasn’t my question. I said, Ok, but if I wanted to work on some music could we do that?

Sure, I should have an iPod by then.

Who the-F doesn’t own an iPod these days? Whatever.

I nodded and walked out. Next.

Maybe I just don’t need crazy drum instructors. I just need practice. There’s a ton of Youtube videos that have lessons that I’m going to try once I get set up.

But, that may be awhile as our oven when out this weekend. It practically caught our tuna melts on fire, too. Stupid thing. Now we have to buy a new oven which, I hate having to do this time of year. Since both Charlie and I are broke right now we’re going to be grilling and microwaving a lot.

Anyway, Merry Christmas to us tuna melts ON FIRE!

Yesterday, Ellen took us to a brewery in our neighborhood for a tasting. We hadn’t been to this one yet and it was nice! Her friend, MarryAnn came along and the three of us had a great time. After that we headed over to Oakhurst to hear Yvonne and Katherine play. This is the first I’ve seen her play since we reconnected over FB through Katherine. Charlie had a work friend coming with a friend of hers. I was interested who would show from the old group to see Yvonne play.

It turned out all of the old group was there minus CMW and an ex of one of the girls. I just sat back and waited for people to say hi to me as I was done making overtures. Yvonne came right over and hugged me after she set up. We talked about her kit and cymbals. Then, later Lori and Susan came over and said hi and met Charlie. I was surprised Jen, Susan’s gf didn’t stop and say hi but I let it pass. As I was going to the restroom I said hi to Li another member of the group – she said hi but then something snide under her breath as I passed by. Whatever. She was always a b*tch. I’m sure she’s still friends with CMW.

Anyway, it was great to be out with friends, listening to music and having fun. After we all went across the street to our favorite little Mexican joint for tacos. I made note that the people sitting at the table who stayed after Yvonne’s last set was my group of friends and not her old group who left right after her first set. I couldn’t help but think if they were such great friends why they didn’t stay.

Again, what a weird full circle.

You can find me on twitter @Lanie_Belluz

Unfriending part II

I realize that last post I didn’t even talk about myself unfriending but I did. I went through my list with a fine tooth comb and if they were on the “acquaintances” list then they got cut. There’s a few more that I would like to cut but I’m going to leave it for now.

I recently added a few people, too. The other night when we were out for the motorcycle meetup we saw some woman wondering around with a Harley Davidson beanie on and just assumed she was there to join the group. We waved her over and she [Katherine] laughed and said that, no, she wasn’t there for the group that she was meeting her realtor but she would join us until she got there. She sat down and later MaryAnn came wandering up and we said, Hey, what are you doing here?

“I’m here to hang out with Katherine after she talks to her realtor.”

So, it turns out that Katherine plays music with Yvonne. In fact, they have a show in December we’re going to.

Yesterday, I was on FB and messaged Yvonne. This was the first since I had accepted her friend request. I told her how it came about that we met both MaryAnn and Katherine and what a small world it was – especially since we used to hang out in an entirely different group. We talked about her breakup with [telephone talky] her ex and I’d said I didn’t know that I’d heard that from MaryAnn. I said, Such a small world looked like our old group kind of imploded. Then, I couldn’t help but ask.

“Hey, you and [CMW] seemed really tight back then. Do y’all keep up?”

“Nope, [CMW] is a bit crazy, sorry if you do still keep up with her she just weirded out on us. Actually, Susan and Jennifer but since we are close friends with them it spilled over to us somehow.”

I had heard from Alana that CMW had gone rogue on the group after Susan and Jen broke up. Why, I have no idea nor care.

“Nope, it ended badly with us and I don’t keep up with her at all. I tried to keep up with everyone else after but it seemed like no one would hang out after we broke up. I asked Jen and Susan, Lori and Lorrain and I know y’all (when you were with Jeanine) several times to no avail. It was a bit frustrating to be honest. But, you know things happen for a reason I guess.”

I just laid it out there how frustrated I was after that time. Practically all of CMW’s friends liked me but would never even consider hanging after the breakup despite her going off on everyone and only remaining friends with Lori – who, I always thought was fake as a Rolex from China. To be honest it was nice being able to say that to one of them after all these years. I think I was more hurt that no one would hang out after that then the breakup itself.

Yvonne replied, “Well that’s too bad, sorry I always pretty much let Jeanine handle the social calendar. I actually hibernated for a good 2 years, barely left the house really. Not a particularly good time. Things much better now though.”

“Well, I’m glad – all that seems behind us now. Maybe you can meet my wife someday soon when you come back to town and play.”

“I would love to meet her! We can get MaryAnn and Katharine and have drinks or something.”

What a weird full circle.

You can find me on twitter @Lanie_Belluz