friday chex mix – and, another prayer

Friends and Working Out 

Last week, Charlie went to Florida to see the kids and I stayed home and maintained home life with the dogs. Unfortunately, while she was gone we did not have a working dryer. Since I was watching Link’s cats I hauled washed clothes over there to put in her dryer. Saturday, I went to Incubus with Emil and this new girl -I don’t know new girl enough to give her a name. Maybe Nicole – that sounds like a straight girl name, doesn’t it? So, the plan was Emil picking me up and almost killing us in a car accident on the way to pick up Maybe-Nicole to go have dinner prior to the show. I was initially a little skeptical of the evening because originally when we met Maybe-Nicole she didn’t make the best impression on me nor Charlie. I had already told Emil that if I felt like a 3rd wheel then I was outta there. Maybe-Nicole just broke up with her live-in boyfriend and was dipping her toe into the lake of lesbianism with Emil.

[I don’t know about you but is there a gong going on in your head saying DANGER, DANGER, DANGER?]

But, the evening went well – we- um – had some special brownies that kind of enhanced the show. Along with some whiskey that I had snuck in in a special compartment in my bag with pads and tampons thrown on top. All weekend I practiced guitar to no avail. Despite my fingers developing some great calluses on the tips I still suck at guitar. I really do. I will leave the performing to the pros. Emil was supposed to rehearse with me all weekend but she got caught up in this Maybe-Nicole girl. At one point during that evening we were talking about work and Maybe-Nicole trying to make a better impression and be nice asked me what I did. I explained pointing to the wires above that provide service to everything that was around us (so that should tell you I work in utilities and engineering) and Emil said, I don’t think I ever knew that about you. Here’s what I wanted to say, Because every damn time we’re together all you’re talking about is your ex is why. 

I did not say that, of course. But honestly some of our friends they’re either falling off the map because they met a girl or all they have to talk about is said girl. It’s gets so one-dimensional and boring after awhile. Seriously, can we contribute anything to the conversation aside from who you’re screwing, thinking about screwing or wanting to screw right now?? I’m tired of it. It makes me want to start another Meetup group – one of serious conversation or one that people get out and actually DO something other than talk about Tinder. It’s one of the things I really appreciate about some of our friends who do provide thought-provoking conversations that are not always about themselves. I need more of that to feed my brain.

I’ve been going to Orangetheory every night this week to make up for my eating and drinking debauchery of last week. I love it and the more I go the more I want to go. For some reason the subject of our friends and how no one in our group really works out came up last night. Charlie, being the lucky one in landscaping all day doesn’t have to pay for an elevated heart rate and lifts weedeaters and saws in place of dumbbells said, Sure we have friends who work out.

Who? Who do we know other than Todd and Christie who live in Dahlonega and cycle and run all the time do we know?

Neither of us could name anyone. It’s part of the social aspect of why I like group fitness is the outlet to talk to other people who are trying to get fit like myself. (Believe me, I’ve asked some of our friends to come with me to the gym and they look at me as if I’m asking them to join a cult or something. They sort of back away shaking their heads, trying not to trip and fall backwards.) It used to be competition when I was in bootcamp but not so much where I go now. Although, every time we have a rowing competition in the gym this one burly guy always wins it. But, then I think – maybe this is the only thing he wins ever – so then he deserves it. I think most of these people, myself included, could be across the street at the pizza place drinking beer and eating a pie with pesto crust and instead they’re in here sweating their bums off. Working hard. Yes, I’m bitter about the pesto crust as I row and look across the street at the pizza place. There should be a law against putting a Mellow Mushroom across the street from an Orangetheory – it should be a zoning law. Like not being aable to put Industrial next to Residential.

Parties

Charlie and I are getting ready for our music party the Friday after next and going to see our friends in Asheville. We’re still planning food and drink but think we have a handle on it. I know next week is going to be hectic preparing. There’s little things that tick me off about inviting people to parties – like, not RSVP-ing. EVER. Or, when you ask them to they put a comment like, Oh sorry I forgot about this and I made other plans. 

I know it’s a fact of every party thrown that there are always going to be people who never respond without some major arm twisting. Then, there are those who say, We don’t know yet? These are the people who still haven’t made up their mind if they’re going to go to work or not tomorrow. Everything is “We’ll see.” 

Ok, we’ll see if we invite you to the next party, how about that?

This weekend is anything goes – we don’t (at least I don’t think we do) have any plans to speak of but maybe it will be getting ready for the following weekend. Even without the “We’ll see’s” or “Maybe’s” we still have about 20 people confirmed.

Prayers 

In all the mix Link has to have a surgery tomorrow so please send positive thoughts and prayers or even energy today for our dear friend.

 

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early friday chex mix

It’s a rainy evening here in Georgia.

Not that I’m complaining of the rain – never. We have grass seed in the back that needs to germinate and I desperately do not want a drought this summer. Yes, I’d take rain any day over a dusty summer. I do realize that we’re still in spring and not quite gotten to summer just yet. I am not rushing it, either. I enjoy these lush, spring days (now that I’ve gotten over the high pollen count with two sinus infections). Charlie is feeling a little under the weather today – something she ate last night, perhaps. It was date night tonight and we went to have pho and then straight home. She has fallen asleep in front of the TV watching some documentary about Africa.

Vacation, f*cking vacation.

I want to be on vacation, honestly. I want to see beaches and smell the salt in the air. We leave for Florida the end of next week and it cannot get here soon enough.

Happy hour.

It’s impossible to get everyone together anyhow for this. I feel like I constantly be the communicator, the planner, the organizer. Maybe one HH a month is enough. We got quite a few 3 people over last week for it but this week we have a bunch of maybes and rain. Maybe’s and rain = Meh, forget it.  Sometimes it would be nice to sit in a cozy Irish pub by a fire (Hey, Marley House) so if it’s raining tomorrow we go there – that is, if Charlie’s feeling better.

We have this friend.

Who I will name DD for Dreary Debbie? Debbie Downer is too common. Desperate Debbie? Yeah, more like that. The girl puts a whole new meaning into that word desperate. Deeeeesperado…….why don’t you come to your senses…….

-it’s like that, y’all. She’s been chasing a dream with two legs for seven-sevenfucking-YEARS to no avail who treats her like a laundry basket or one that holds magazines. Every once in a while you kick it when you’ve had a frustrating day – that kind of basket. So, when she’s Desperate Debbie basket she gets on Tinder.

No good can come from a DESPERATE women in her mid-40’s being on Tinder.

NO GOOD, PEOPLE. No good…..So, you can just imagine the types of people she’s talking to. The ones who ask for money after the 50th text, no snapchat-asses. These are probably men in their mid-50’s using their 20-something year old nieces pictures to elicit money and sex on the internet. We have lunch with Debbie sometimes on the weekends and she shows us dozens of pictures of ho’s women she’s talking to on the internet. Then she gets all depressed that she’s not meeting someone and in the same breath says she’s going to see the woman who treats her like a basket for dinner. We say, Why, why, why, Debbie? You’re going to be on Tinder when you’re FIDDY (50). You don’t want that to happen. You won’t able to swipe left or right because you’ll have arthritis by then from swiping so much. Stop being desperate, Debbie. Stop.

Even Benji had problems with Tinder. Her Tinder woman went cra-cra, said she didn’t want to see anyone and then dropped off the face of the earth (but, probably not off Tinder). They had planz, too. Like going out of town and to a (teeny-bopper 20ish) concert which didn’t happen. Benji was so depressed that she didn’t go – even after trying to talk her into going and giving the xtra ticket to some hot 20-something and having fun. She stayed at home and moped. I would have gone if I were her.

Work. PMP. What am I doing?

I don’t know. We had a “team” meeting on Tuesday and we were told that they found enough old geezers people to take an early retirement that they wouldn’t have to lay anyone off. This is a relief because I’m still trying to find a way to get a promotion to a different department and it’s proving to be equal to landing a federal job interview. That difficult. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks since I got certified but I hope this PMP thing holds more weight than it is holding so far. Part of me doesn’t know what to do with all this spare time I have now from not having to study. The other part is like, what’s next? The company has all these online training classes on Agile Scrum and if I take 22 of these things and take their test I get their company bronze certification in Agile Scrum (notice I said company – by no means is this the nationwide scrum master cert) so I’m doing it so I can add it to my company resume. I’m going to take six months and keep applying and if I don’t get any interviews then I’m going on to another certification – scrum master, Agile, or even Leed. Something.

So, that’s all I got. I hope you enjoyed the snippets of topics – we’ll call it an early Friday chex mix. Y’all have a great weekend! Cheers!

 

kickin’ it

Last week went by in a whirl. Thursday, I had a really bad day at work. Well, bad in such a way that I was hit with some stuff that I didn’t expect. The upside was that I’m going to take on more responsibility and downside was I was told that I could progress a little faster. Part of me was like, I’ve been in this job less than a year, feel isolated in my current work environment and really have no one around to ask questions – so this feedback seems very unfair. The other part was ok, I’ll work harder, ask more questions but only after studying up on the stuff I’m doing.

It was almost the mentality of my old job – we want you to do this but we don’t want to answer any questions or train anyone. It just all kind of get thrown on you and you have to roll with the punches. So, after an evening of crying to Charlie and getting drunk with her and Benji I went into my boss’s office the next day and asked if we could follow up on a few things. We had a good conversation. I wanted him to know that there had been a breakdown in communication and the strides I was going to take to ensure that didn’t happen again. That I was going to work hard for a higher rating this year. In short, I’m going to make sure I have more facetime with him and him hear stuff from me directly and not just from our middle manager that sits out in the satellite office who I only see once a week. [Yeah, basically -phuck you middle manager who sabotaged my review with your opinions]

Friday, Charlie was really hung over feeling under the weather and I ended up going out and meeting Benji and her new squeeze, Kate, to see our friend Hannah Thomas play at Eddie’s.  Charlie and I were coming back from eating some wonderful Pho (which, I think revived her a little) and I had her drop me off at the box office so I could go ahead and get a ticket to the show. I was planning to get my ticket and hit a coffee shop and study a little before the show but as I was standing in line for my ticket this woman bought the remaining 21 tickets left for the early show who was Madison Parks.

They were like, Thanks for waiting.

Oh, that’s ok, I’m just getting a ticket for the late show so I have time to kill.

The woman who bought the tickets asked me if I wanted a ticket to the early show and I said, Sure. So I got in for free. (Which, was a good thing because I doubt I’d ever pay $$ to see that woman again) I went in and took a seat in the bleachers they have in the back. Since I was coming in late all the seats were already full. It’s a tiny place so if you’re seeing a show there you want to get there very early so you can get a good seat. Then, a family of 4 came up and I ended up sitting next to a 7 year old in a tu-tu, who squirmed the whole time and at one point I could have sworn she had her elbow in my ear.

Would you like a child with your Guinness?

Madison rocked it out for the first three songs with her band who looked like all high school kids. But, when she pulled up a stool and started talking about hanging with her girlfriends in Nashville talking about boyz and this was a song she wrote about it blah, blah, blah I decided to hit the back patio to watch the rest of the hockey game until Benji and Kate got there. On the way out I hugged Hannah’s neck and wished her a Happy Birthday and said Charlie was sorry she missed her that night. Once Benji and Kate got there I scored us some great seats at the bar inside and we rocked out to Hannah and her new girl band. So much of a contrast from the early show (– maybe that’s why she was the early show).

Saturday, we ran around getting stuff for the party Super Bowl party and Bernice came into town. Minutes after she pulled in we were all in our car going to dinner in Little 5 and hitting Shutter & Roosters gig at the Star Bar. We had a blast that night!

Sunday morning, Bernice was hung over feeling under the weather and Charlie and I went out and grabbed a bagel and ran some errands before the party. By the time we got back she was up making empanadas for the party. We talked and ate and prepped food. We ended up having a great turnout and aside from our team losing we had a great time!  Link was our only Patriots fan in the crowd and she and Charlie were at it all night goofing off as you can see in this pic:

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The next morning I was hung over not feeling well until I ate a piece of sourdough toast with some butter and honey on it. I had been on this Paleo diet for a few weeks and the weekend was the first real carbs I’d eaten in a while and I think it just hit me really hard. Or I drank too much beer. Charlie and I went to have noodles for lunch and hit our favorite joint on the way back to the house. I had gone ahead and took the day off as I knew I wouldn’t want to work along with 6 million Americans that call in sick the day after Super Bowl. When we got back we hung out and played darts in the bar shed so all in all it was a very full weekend and glad it was a good end to a shaky start.

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advice & new lease

I think I’m going to become a non-social hermit for the rest of 2016. I am so tired of hearing about the presidential election and everyone’s opinion of it that I could scream “NO MORE F*CKING POLITICS! SHUT THE H*LL UP!” And, then no one would like me so therefore why I have to become a hermit because I will develop Tourettes and blurt out cuss words and inappropriate things.

Last night, we went over to Rooster & Shutters house for dinner.

Word of advice: When you’re invited to someone’s house for dinner and they don’t offer up “We’re having [lasagna, Indian food, tacos, hamburgers or pasta]” then eat something before you go.

Another word of advice: Don’t talk about politics ever after dinner unless you want your guests to feel ill afterwards.

Seriously.

Link & Stiletto were there as well as Dino & Martha. I understand the Link & Stiletto connection as Link and Rooster have been friends for years and Stil is Link’s squeeze. But, Dino & Martha I don’t get that. Charlie & I are riding buds with R & S and I’ve known Shutter for years but still – I don’t get the whole D & M connection or how they’re good friends. First of all, Dino says a lot of weird things. Sometimes, inappropriate things in my opinion.

Last night, after dinner everyone went outside and sat by the fire and bitched about politics. After a while I started feeling light-headed. I don’t know if it was from the cigar I just smoked, Dino’s Marlboro light smoke, the politics, dinner or Dino trying to tell me that she wants to set up a camp to convert gays into straights then when you get them there convince them to still be gay? I was trying to understand what the hell it was she was saying until she said the word “evangelist” and always wanting to be one. She lost me at that.

I had so happened to have been doing research that day on the subject of Jim Jones for my next sci-fi series murder mystery (basically, my main character killing him before he makes everyone drink the cool-aide). I was kind of shocked over some of the stuff I read so when Dino said “Evangelist” I just left the fire and went inside and played with R & S’s kitten until Charlie came in and asked me if I was ok. Thankfully, it seemed to be a cue for everyone to come in and hug and say goodbye.

I went home and drank Alka-Seltzer and snuggled up with Charlie to watch TV in bed. Let’s watch This is Us and forget about politics and evangelism for a while.

This morning, I wanted to wake up to a new lease. Despite the dryness and drought I was still happy it was nice out. I drove to work looking at the fall leaves and thankful for my job and my life with Charlie.

Advice to myself: Embrace every day as if it were your last. And, despite dinner last night at least you were invited somewhere for dinner so don’t let politics or anyone else ruin it.

 

the wedding slinger

This was the sort of Monday that I wished to stay in bed and sleep in. We made it through the weekend of Dino and Martha’s wedding. We hugged so many necks I’m wanting to go home and o.d. on Emergen-C packs.

Friday evening was the bachelor/bachelorette part(ies). The later consisted of Hollis C. Literar driving all the girls up to this spa where they got naked and women scrubbed their bodies. In hearing Stiletto explain this is worthy of a SNL skit. Especially, the part where she’s talking about the spa for the –uh-groin area only. I was sitting there wondering if one would add in some spices like olive oil and basil if they knew they were going to get some action later.

I was to drop Charlie off at the pub to rendezvous with the girls and go on to have dinner with Drewberry and meet up with them later at the Claremont Lounge. When we got to the pub we decided to have a few beers before she left as the spa didn’t allow any alcohol – probably to keep everything hydrated you know what I mean? Cant’ have a dry hootchie or else there will be more treatment.

Once there, Stiletto came in from the back porch saying they were having a pre-rehearsal dinner and everyone was out there. We kind of wondered why we didn’t get invited as it would have been nice to meet Martha and Dino’s extended family and Creed who I haven’t seen in 5 years as well has Rhoda and her new gf. But, according to Stiletto it was only for the family and people in the wedding party. Ok. Looking back, I still would have been happier with a place of meeting where everyone could eat and linger instead of dividing up the heard between heifers and bulls and leaving. Creed came in and introduced us to her new gf. I never did see Rhoda until the next day at the wedding. So, as everyone was wrapping up and I made my escape.

Later, I Uber’d it down to the Lounge and when I got there I texted Charlie to see where they were. I guessed that all the “boys” were already in the club but I wanted to wait for the [newly scrubbed] girls. Hollis had to park about three blocks away as there was no parking anywhere close. Finally, we went inside but everyone got lost in the crowd. I managed to score Charlie and I some seats at the bar and we visited with Link and Stiletto from time to time but Martha and the group had gotten a table in the back where I guess it was more accessible for lap dances? I don’t know. The boys had only gone to one strip club prior to arriving and Mike had drank so much he was passed out in the limo. When we got there they were leaving to take the limo back and some of the heifer/bull people left with the limo. Charlie and I finally called it quits and walked outside to follow Hollis to the car to get her bag. Hollis disappeared for what seemed hours and we walked up these really steep stairs to get to the front. The minute I got to the top of the stairs I turned my ankle and went down. Charlie and this guy who was there grilling hot dogs [why that seemed like a reasonable thing at 2 a.m. in the morning] had to help me up. I skinned my shin and knee as well.

The next day, the dogs had to drag us out of bed to get us up. We had breakfast and took it easy until the wedding. There was to be cocktails at 4, the ceremony at 5 and festivities after. When we arrived, Rhoda was on the back deck playing guitar. Unlike her ex she’s a wonderful musician and I enjoyed hearing her. We mingled with Hollis and her gf, Sharon who we hadn’t seen in forever. We had just had a beer when everyone was directed to stand in the back garden area and await the ceremony to begin. Martha was escorted down by Hollis and Dino by [of course] Mike. Creed came out to do the ceremony. It was very surprisingly fast – no vows or anything. I remembered Charlie and me exchanging ours in Valbella in New York – in fact, it was attached to a really nice hotel with a library where we did our exchange.

After the ceremony, many people herded to the food line. I wasn’t about to stand in that line so Charlie and I grabbed more drinks and mingled some more. I was telling Rhoda about hearing that Lee threw Heidi out (which, is no surprise as I figured Bertha would have made her get her out of there eventually). Apparently, once Lee threw her out she later went to look for her and found Heidi passed out on a park bench (frothing at the mouth, even) and took a bunch of pictures and posted them on FB. Rhoda was livid that she never called an ambulance or anything just took pictures and walked away. I wasn’t surprised. I said all Lee ever thought about was herself. But, then Lee upped and moved out to Seattle to be with Heidi and moved into some trailer with her. Rhoda said they deserve each other and they do.

Rooster and Shutter’s band played after the ceremony. I had gone in to say hi to them when we got there. Link was walking around helping Stiletto (who was the volunteered music coordinator, makeup artist for the bride and her mother, caterer manager and bachelorette party planner). B. Ferris had shown up after the ceremony and she and Charlie had started managing the fire pit as it was freezing outside. I was talking to Hollis and them on the deck when we noticed flames coming up. Dino walked over and told them to cool it on the fire ring.

Later, there was a mass exodus to get at several of the cakes that were provided. Someone said that the kids started cutting the cake and eating it before the brides could get in there to do their slice and feed it to each other. Others said that people were ignoring the caterers serving the slices and were just cutting in a grabbing a bunch of pieces with their forks. I mean, it’s just cake, people. Charlie and I left shortly after that and went over to Brockett for dinner. I had the most amazing patty melt and I was happy.

I’m still tired from the weekend despite taking it easy yesterday. This week is Hell week at Orangetheory. If we make it there 5 out of 8 days to work out starting today thru Halloween we get this skull t-shirt. I’m going to try but I only hope I don’t end up getting a really bad cold after this week. I’m planning on drinking some smoothies and eating well this week so hopefully I’ll make it.

Next weekend, we’re doing the Halloween ride with the Hags like we did last year. Rooster has a whole new agenda of places we’re going. What are your plans for Halloween?  I will leave you with this appropriately named drink recipe:

The Wedding Slinger

  • 1.25 ounces of 77 Local Rye and Corn Whisky
  • .5 ounce of Carpano Antica Formula Sweet Vermouth
  • 2 dashes of orange bitters
  • Ginger Ale
  • Cocktail cherry

 

 

 

ex’s, rats and apple watches

rat

Last Saturday Sadie had her test to become a therapy dog and both she and Charlie passed with flying colors. I wasn’t worried, honestly – despite Sadie being my dog initially her and Charlie have a special bond – even the examiner said so.

I took both to drop them off for their test and headed over to catch both the soccer and UGA game at the local pub. After downing a Guinness and heading back I got a text from Charlie saying they were running late. I only received this after I’d gotten back since I was on my tablet and it signs off texts after a while. I was on my tablet because –

-my iPhone (7) was sitting next to my Apple watch (1st gen) updating. I’ll get more in to that in a bit.

So, once I got back I was sitting in the car with the windows down and these two ladies came out and asked if I was Lanie and I said, Yes. They said I could come inside and wait if I didn’t want to sit in the hot car and I said that’s ok I didn’t mind I was in the shade anyway. They went back inside and then some blonde woman came out and looked around then turned and looked right at me and went back inside. It took me a moment but I thought she looked just like someone I went out with years ago and once I noted that she had an Alabama t-shirt on I swore it was her.

Later, after driving home with Charlie reliving her and Sadie’s testing she related that there were other women in there doing scenarios of talking loud, yelling and slamming things around to see if they could get a reaction out of Sadie – this was part of the exam (which, she didn’t have any reaction at all).

What was the blonde woman’s name?

Uh, I can’t remember, um….

Was it Beverly?

Yes, that was her name! Wait! You know her?

I went out with her for, like a minute, a long time ago.

It just figures that I run in to yet another one of your ex-girlfriends.

(Our friend, Link always jokes that I’ve dated everyone in Atlanta and when I say, No, I don’t think Charlie believes me. I get that look. I told Link, Quit saying that. You’ll give the girl a complex.)

I always say, That was then, this is now, baby! to Charlie.

So, once home we were getting ready to go out for a celebratory beer when I checked my watch. It was still updating. At this point I was ready to throw the thing out the window. I specifically waited until the new version came out and the older ones went on sale because I wanted a stainless steel one and was not about to pay $500 for it. (this from someone who once paid the cost of a car WAY more for a Rolex which I sold to buy a motorcycle but that’s another story). It had spent ALL NIGHT updating and then most of the next day. I had to reboot both my phone and watch three times in order for the update to take. I was wondering if I’d gotten a bad watch. I unplugged it and went and set it on the box thinking I was going to take it back the next day. Later, I thought, I will try it one.more.time just to see if it will go and when I picked it up and, voila, it was updated. Yeah, it only took 2 days! These apple updates are getting somewhat short of ridiculous in my book.

The other night, Charlie and I were driving back from having dinner at the 57th Fighter Club. It was nice sitting out there watching the planes come in. It’s finally cooled off here and the club lit the fire pit while we were sitting on the patio. This was the first time we’d tried this place. We’re trying to break out of our regular scene and try new places.

On the way home Charlie said, it just figures I run in to yet another girlfriend of yours.

You haven’t met that many ex-girlfriends of mine.

Yes, I have.

Ok, so you met Bird, Lee and Beverly – that’s it.

No, I’ve met monkey lady, too. Remember when she brought her dog into the vet and I had to check her in?

Oh yeah, that’s right. How unfortunate.

So, why did you break up with them?

Rats.

What’s wrong?

No, I mean because of rats.

What? Seriously?

Yeah, Beverly had these rats in her condo – she was also a hoarder, by-the-way. Her building super set all these live traps in there and only cleaned them out once a month. She asked me if I would come over and clean them out for her and I said no. She got really mad at me after that and I just blew her off and we stopped going out. We weren’t really hitting it anyway. She ended up getting married to a man after that so she was never really lesbian material.

What about monkey lady?

Oh, well one night I went over there  and we’d had a couple of bourbons and her friend, Lorraine called and said there was a stench so bad in her house that she needed us to come over and find the dead animal in her walls. We ran over there with a drill and jig saw. After drilling several holes in their newly painted stairwell wall we discovered after prying up a couple of stairs and looking down into the crawlspace that it was under there. I had to shimmy down there and get it out. After that, I got the rep of removing rats and there was another night monkey lady called me and asked me to go crawling around in her attic to find these rats that had been getting into her house and I refused. She got very angry and started yelling at me about it. So, like before I just blew her off after that. We weren’t hitting it either. I’d gotten tired of her yelling at me about rats.

That’s weird. Why do you get stuck killing rats – in your house and others peoples?

Yeah, remember Ellen? I had to go over there and kill a rat for her, too.

I remember that. I was afraid you’d get rabies.

And, right after that conversation in the car we got home and let the dogs out and was enjoying a whiskey when Sadie started looking at the grill.

What is it, Sadie?

Charlie went over and opened the lid and turned on one of the burners and just then…..

……you guessed it- a rat ran out. Sadie chased it around the side of the house and then suddenly it came running towards me. I jumped up as I saw a grey blur run by with Sadie in tow. Sadie never got it but she was looking for it the rest of the night. And, so was I.

I don’t know what it is about ex’s, rats and Apple watches-but it is what it is.

 

 

hell is for outdoor concerts

What is it with outdoor concerts and rain?

We’ve had a drought for two months in Georgia and the MINUTE we have Melissa Etheridge tickets is rains. In fact, the last three times I’ve been to Chastain Amphitheatre to see a show it’s rained.

Last Saturday was the concert. We had planned to get there early and to tailgate with our new friends from Dawsonville. A friend up the street called and asked if her and her gf could carpool so it was a plan. We split the $20 parking so it wasn’t too painful. We were one of five other cars pulling into the lot, parked, got out the chairs and the cooler and started watching people come in. Our friends waved to us across the parking lot and dragged chairs and wine over to visit. We no more got twenty minutes into our tailgating when –

BOOM!

We barely had enough time to fold up the chairs, throw them in the trunk and dive into the car. We thought, Oh, it will stop in 20 minutes. Nope. We sat there for an hour and ½. The gates weren’t even open no one was playing in the deluge with thunder and lightning. Our friend, Emil was trapped in her car up the hill. Dawsonville friends were going through 3 bottles of wine. Charlie and I were drinking beer but all of our bladders were on the verge of exploding. We saw some girl get out of the car behind us and open both front and back doors and go between them. I was tempted believe me but that seemed way too personal with Angela and Sharon in the backseat. (This is really the first time we’ve gone somewhere with them.) I texted the Dawsonville peeps and said we were staying until 8:30 and if no music and it’s still pouring we’re out of there. They said they were leaving at 8:15. As if knowing we were all going to leave they opened the gates. Then, the rain let up. We all got out – like a mass exodus. There were soggy lesbians everywhere. Our Dawsonville friends decided they were too drunk to leave to stay.

Angela and Sharon took off for the gate and I hopped a squat between the car doors and peed all over my shorts and flipflops. We lugged the cooler down the steps to a line that was forming to get in. Charlie and a cop got into it because she wanted to wait on the side until I got up to the front of the line before hopping in – she didn’t want to have to lug the cooler the whole time we were in line which made sense. The cop was pointing over to the side telling her she had to stand right.there. What a b*tch.

We finally got up to the guy checking tickets and when I pulled out my Groupon tickets he barely looked at them and said we had to get behind that woman to have them scanned. He was kind of a b*tch, too. So, we followed the woman and came to an usher who we showed the tickets to. She looked at them and then the previous guy yelled over our shoulders, [Name of usher] I NEED YOU BACK HERE RIGHT NOOOOOW.

Usher, I’M HELPING THESE LADIES FIND THEIR SEAAAAAAAAATS! Even louder. I thought a fight was going to break out.

We went in to find our seats only to find this grandma older couple in our seats with a tray and food set up. They looked at us to move and we stopped them and said we’d sit somewhere else and if someone kicked us out we’d come back. So, we pushed up under the terrace a few rows up and sat down. We tried to eat but every time we put our deli containers with salad and chicken on the cooler they got dumped off on the ground. By this time I was realllllllly over it. I probably could have left right then if Melissa Etheridge hadn’t started playing. I wanted to see her but I was lukewarm about Pat Benatar. We decided to just drink beer at that point and f*ck the food.

After some time, Angela and Sharon found us and said, It’s terrible out there- it’s raining.

I hadn’t noticed being under the terrace. So, we told them to sit with us. The place was half empty anyway and I was glad we’d gotten a Groupon for this show as I would have HATED to have spent the $$ on tickets our friends had.

Melissa finished then Pat came out and the first two songs were great – I think they were “Love is a Battlefield” and “We Belong”. Great. Then, I was ready to go. She was playing with Neil Giraldo (who, I have no idea who he is) and he started to TALK before every song they played. I was like, Shut up and play, old man.

I was getting restless and wanted food. I was starting to ask everyone if they were ready to go. Then, on stage they started talking again and then ripped into, “Hell is for Children”. Sounding like: HELLSIS FOR CHIL-REN!!!!

Cat3

It kind of blasted us out of our seats and hard to take after several beers and I imagine the rest of the crowd – three bottles of wine and towards the end of the evening. That seemed to do it for everyone they were like, Lets go.

For that, I am happy they played that song then.

The next concert is not until the fall and inside the Tabernacle, which, I’m thankful for that.

lesbian GO

Happy Friday, everyone! It is the dog days of summer here. We try to stay cool as we push through to September and football season.

Last Sunday we hosted a soccer championship party. Well, we called it a party because for once there were more than three people including Charlie and myself [shocking, I know]. We made a plan with our friend, B.Ferris to come over that afternoon to watch the game and grill out after. That morning, we had breakfast with our friend, Emil and she agreed to come over later if she didn’t hear from two of the women she’s been in contact with on HER. I guess this is the lesbian version of Adam4Adam? [is there an Eve4Eve app?]

Ok, you know I just can’t let this opportunity go by without reflecting on this. I’ll continue with the soccer in a bit –

So, with all the app madness these days, like the Pokemon GO and people falling off cliffs to play I wonder if there could be a lesbian dating app calling LessyGO! Like, a single person like Emil could check in to an area, say a frequented place that has restaurants, bars, stores, etc. and then GO find a partner, hookup, friend to hold hands with – whatever. I was thinking this when I saw this video this morning:

Like, these apps could make you GO find whatever it you want- like me, I’d want Miller Lite. Miller Lite GO because the [soccer, football, hockey] game is about to begin! People like BBQ then there’s BBQ-GO! Get that rib, come on!

BBQGOOOOOOOOOO!

The possibilities are endless, y’all.

So, back to the soccer party. Our friend, Nana who has recently earned the new motorcycle group/blog/nickname of Stiletto stopped by on her way to the airport. Stiletto is always a lively addition to any gathering. So, Emil was talking about the hookups women she’s met on HER. Of course B.Ferris had to break in and relate to Stiletto the time when I told her not to mention all of the deceased cat’s she’s had in the past on a first date. It always goes like this:

Don’t talk about all your old cats dying on a first date.

I wasn’t on a date.

Yeah, because you mentioned all your cats dying.

It’s sort of like a who’s on first thing with us. Now I’m thinking of an app Finding-someone-who-has-as-many-cats-as-I-GO, app. Maybe then it would be appropriate to commiserate over all the cats who have died in the past and give them respectful remembrance. Instead of me saying, DON’T TALK ABOUT DEAD CATS!

Stiletto stuck up for me on that one but she wasn’t around for the Canada debate between B.Ferris and I that went something like this:

If Trump wins I’m moving to Canada.

What makes you think Canada wants you?

Well, I can just move there.

No you can’t. You have to become a citizen. What makes you think they’ll accept you.

My parents live near there in New York.

So what? That doesn’t mean anything. I get so sick of people saying that they’re going to move to Canada. I mean, Canada doesn’t want your @ss. Just because Americans can’t make their political system in the US work we’re going to flee to Canada? What a cop out.

Oh, you just like to debate with me every time we drink.

Not every time we drink, most times.

Anyway, despite the Canada debate much fun was had and Portugal won so I was happy until I dragged my hungover butt in to work the next Monday and I posted this CANADA GO article for B.Ferris on my FB

 

 

 

why dogs are women’s best friend

Last Saturday I went down to Petco and volunteered with the local shelter for their pet adoption clinic. They have it every Saturday from 10 – 2pm. I got there early and met two other volunteers before the van pulled up with Chris who was the staff person heading up the clinic. We all said Hi and proceeded to unpack the van along with getting out 4 of our cutie dogs who were adoption-ready.

Most of the job was to walk the animals every hour or so, pet and keep them calm and talk to potential adoption clients. It was a pretty easy job. All of the dogs but 1 you could pet through their kennels and even take them out for people to pet and visit with them. There was one dog there Chris said to let her walk and sit next to that he wasn’t really up for adoption and was very timid. She had been working with him for several months, he’s had a hard life so far and was very timid and only really trusted her. So, we placed several signs in front and on top of Brody’s cage saying DON’T PUT HANDS THROUGH BARS. Most times Brody just sat calmly in his kennel not barking or doing anything.

Well, people are just like kids. You tell them not to do something and next thing you know someone’s got their face down in Brody’s cage talking to him and he’s barking and growling. I could understand where he was coming from, too. Some human puts their stupid face in mine I’m going to say, Back off, Buster! I even had to stop one child from putting her hands in there right after telling both the parents that this one was the only one that couldn’t be petted.

People can be so stupid, really. We had four other dogs that were sweet as could be that people did visit with and talk to but every hour or so someone stupid would come up to Brody and get him barking. One lady even said he didn’t deserve to be there and should be put down.

Now, let’s step back. Most of these animals have been in the shelter for at least 2-6 months. Some even longer. Even bringing them out for adoption is a break for them. They get a change of scenery, fresh air, get walked every hour – even Brody – and it’s just a good change for them. Brody may have been beaten in his last life or chained up and severely neglected. People are working with him instead of just giving up and putting him down.

Like every volunteer opportunity it comes with educating morons people about the process, why it’s important and how to take steps not to be stupid in the future to keep meeting the goals of the organization. At least that’s what I kept telling myself – especially, when this crackhead homeless woman eyeing our donation bucket on top of Brodys kennel came up and was taunting him. That was the last straw for me, really – I felt she was just causing a distraction so she could grab the money and run off. I stepped between her and the kennel and told her to move on off and stop antagonizing the dog. She left and Chris came up and said that I handled it well.

I tried to think back on doing the 3-day walk if I ever ran into crazy people that didn’t understand the organization or why we were there. Although, the difference with that organization and this one was the former was all about raising money. You couldn’t raise enough money – ever. This one is all about people adopting, volunteering their time, taking a pet home for a day just to get them out of the shelter and they’re running free adoptions for dogs over 25 pounds and cats this month so they’re certainly not money-driven although money is always accepted. So, there are some differences. I just don’t remember wanting to throw someone off a building feeling like this when I walked the 3-day – maybe it was just because I was so tired walking 20 miles a day.

After the event was over (and, no dogs went home with anyone but one got some paperwork filled out on her so I have my fingers crossed she’ll get adopted) I went home and let my own dogs out and told them how lucky they were to veg on the couch all day watching soccer. Then, I had to meet a landscape client who was just around the corner.

When I went there I realized she lived in this kind of run-down condo complex. I wondered why she needed landscape maintenance until I pulled up at her front door. It was very run down and there was this disheveled woman who came out. She looked so familiar, too, but I couldn’t place her. It was obvious why she needed someone because the small patch in front was all weeds and poison ivy. We talked and she just needed someone to mow it down and clean it up. The next door neighbor had his front lawn all torn up and it looked sod-ready, however, he had artificial turf rolled up at the curb like he was going to lay it on top of the dirt. (Yeah, talk about TACKY!) I asked her if he was laying that and she said, Yes.

He could lay sod on top of what he’s prepped easily.

She just shrugged her shoulders. The whole time I was thinking I was going to price her high because I didn’t want the job when he came out and picked up a few sticks that were in the parking lot and said, I’d appreciate it if you didn’t throw your sticks into the parking lot.

I wanted to say, Dude! You’re laying astro turf onto dirt and you’re complaining about a few sticks??

I went around back to see what the client had there and like the front it was full of weeds. I told her I would email her a quote this week and as we were walking around the front someone pulled up and stopped. It was the guy’s girlfriend/partner/wife/skank whatever. The lady said, Oh, I’m sorry you’re in her space.

I waved and shouted, I’m moving, I’m moving! And turned to the lady shook her hand and said nice meeting you and ran to the truck.

Too late the lady had already torn off in her car in a heat when there were spaces on either side of me that she could have parked temporarily. I got in the truck and thought, What the f*ck is wrong with people?

I was angry and wanted to cry. I think the day had gotten to me. I drove home and let the dogs out again and sat down and cracked a beer and wrote up that lady’s quote – cheap. I wasn’t going to take that job until that neighbor was such a d*ckhead to her. Now I’m p*ssed. F-him I’m gonna make that place look so good and he can go f*ck himself with his rolled up astro turf.

The next day, Charlie and I just took it easy. We were meeting Link and gf Nana for Link’s sister, Sue Ellen’s bday brunch. I prayed they were going to be the only one’s there but I was wrong. Of course both Mike and Dino were there with their wives. Mike unfortunately sat next to me. I was hoping nothing about the bachelor party was going to come up and it didn’t however, when Nana asked me about my new job Mike started in on why it was such a bad company (Mike retired from the company before it got bought out by fortune 500 company) and that I shouldn’t invest in company stock and he hoped it worked out, etc. I added that we were #10 of profit making on the list of Fortune 500 companies but he wasn’t deterred.  I think Nana was sorry she asked because the whole conversation became about Mike (as always). I ignored Mike and actually turned sideways in my seat putting my back to him the rest of the meal only focusing on Charlie, Link, Nana and Sue Ellen. Dino and Martha were there but Dino was constantly out smoking with Mike’s wife, Celia every ten minutes I didn’t talk to him that much. All I can say is that it was a good thing we met them the next day and not the day before because there probably would have been drinks in Mike’s face spilt and me storming out of the restaurant.

I’m tired of grumpy friends these days, too. There’s one I ask to do things with and get ignored or they’re snippy with me over text. Other’s we met up with and they’re grouchy and then there’s Mike. I don’t’ care to see Mike and his wife for a long time now (in fact, usually when we know they’re going to be there we pass). I wouldn’t mind seeing Link and Nana for a couple’s thing because they are always in a good mood. Although, Charlie and I have been working so much these days that it’s hard to have any energy to chase them down put towards making plans and doing them. We were so tired last week we skipped Weezer and Panic at the Disco. I gave the tickets to a young guy in my class, instead. (He was happy, too, and I was so glad they didn’t go to waste). Charlie’s going to Florida this weekend to see her boys and after I make that client’s yard from above look good I’m flopping the rest of the weekend with the dogs who are certainly never grouchy when I’m around. Maybe there will even be some pizza crusts in their future and we have plenty of soccer to watch.

concerts and riding

A blinking cursor followed by an empty document is the worst, isn’t it? Sometimes it’s so hard to break the seal of writing. Last weekend I was able to break the seal and finally start my next book project. I at least eked out a chapter of 934 words. Not bad for not having written anything serious in the last few years. This one is a sci-fi thriller. I’m not really going to go into details as I don’t believe in putting my work on my blog. This blog and book projects are two separate things. But, I will say that if I self-publish this one (like my last one) I will link it in case you want to download it to read. (and, if any of you want to download and read my last book just shoot me a message and I will give you the information.)

I have all next week off – save for taking a virtual class for three days but I plan on making a huge dent on the new book. I can’t wait. A whole week dedicated to just messing around in my home office taking my class, writing and playing the occasional drums. I can’t wait!

Tonight, Charlie and I are going to see The Rolling Stones play. She’s going to take the train to my office and we’re going to dinner from there and then Uber it over to the stadium. I’m hoping this concert will be as good as the one we went to last Friday: Matt Nathanson: The Fray : Train. They were all fantastic and we had incredible seats that were lawn seats that I had scored for $15 each through a Groupon. It was money well spent because all three of them were good but Train just blew everyone away. We asked Michale to go with us and she drove us down there.  The three of us had a ball! She’s one of our few friends that actually do stuff with us. Granted, I feel like I always have to plan stuff – even with the friends who do things with us – I’m always looking ahead and seeing things to do or happy hours to have. Some people just never even ask – ever. It’s frustrating and makes me not want to ask them to do anything, either.

Michale also just got a motorcycle (yesterday) so now our little click is complete – me, Charlie, Michale, Kath & Yvonne all have bikes now. We were trying to get Stacy to get a bike but she stupidly said that until Georgia got rid of their helmet law she wasn’t riding (which, I could see Ellen roll her eyes out of the corner of my eye).

Since I quit the teaching business I don’t lecture anymore I just think, Being stupid is your business, not mine.

I bet you’ll change your mind when you see Ellen riding away on the back of my bike, Michale replied.

Hmm, should be interesting…..

IMG_3702 (1) (Charlie and I at Train concert)