gone are the days

Why is it when I have a hangover  I’m awake at an ungodly hour? Everyone else is sleeping away their hangovers except me and the cat. The cat is bitching at me right now to be fed. I’m ignoring him. He can wait. I have important shit to write.

Last night, we all met up at the pub for Martha’s birthday. It was a surprise party that Dino had arranged. She called earlier in the week and ordered us to be there and asked if I would make sure Link knew about it. I was like, I’ll tell her but she can call or text that she’s coming herself. I’m not planning shit these days because between my two classes I don’t have time for anything but working on the assignments and trying to understand what the f*ck it is that I should be learning.

Of course, Mike and Celia were there. I had given myself a talk about not letting Mike get under my skin prior to getting there. Plus, Charlie’s ex gf was there because she’s met Martha all of two times and thinks they’re bosom buds. We knew J-mac was going to be there and just said, Oh well. I invited B Ferris because I knew that Martha would want her there and vice versa. Link had ridden over with us and Stiletto had shown up later to buffer join the party. Both Rooster and Shutter came as well.

So, when we walked up of course Celia was outside smoking with her and Mikes live-in Sarah (who is very strange) I really didn’t want to hug them because I didn’t want cigarette smoke on me but I did.  We went in and sat down – fortunately, there were a lot of seats to choose from so we ended up sitting at the opposite end of the table than J-mac. Mike just happened to be sitting in the middle and by the time Martha came in she took a seat at the end of the table as the head since it was her birthday leaving one chair beside Mike and a chair at the other end of the table next to me open. We were all sitting there talking and waiting for B Ferris and Christie to come before ordering food.

Dino came over to say that she was glad that I invited B Ferris as she said it wasn’t on her radar. It’s been almost a year to date since the whole nudity situation from Martha’s last birthday. I’m still not over it entirely. I still think, If you ever touch my wife again there WILL be consequences. 

Just then, B Ferris walks in and plops down in the chair beside me after hugging Charlie and I. That’s when Mike lost her shit.

YOU CAN’T SIT THERE BECAUSE CHRISTIE IS STILL COMING AND SHE’S VERY FAT AND WONT BE ABLE TO SIT IN BETWEEN ME AND [SHUTTER] HERE.

Every time Mike speaks its like a shout. Not sure if she needs to be fitted for hearing aids or what. And, how disrespectful to Christie talking about her weight like that at a full table of people. I’m sure if Christie would have known that she would have been mortified.

B Ferris just looked at her and went to get up and said, I don’t think so I want to sit here.

YOU CAN’T SIT THERE THAT’S CHRISTIE’S SEAT! YOU NEED TO COME SIT OVER HERE NOW.

I was getting pissed. I put my hand on B Ferris who was looking like she wanted to burst into tears and said, It’s ok stay here. 

B Ferris had just lost a beloved cat and was having a rough time so I’m sure Mike’s outburst caused even more distress. I was about to shout at Mike to cut her some slack she’d just lost a cat but I was afraid that would push Ferris over the brink and she’d leave and I wanted her to stay. Rooster and Shutter also chimed in that they could make room when Christie gets there no worries.

Mike then pointed at B Ferris and said, I’M NOT GOING TO FORGET THIS.

Like it was a threat or something. All I could think was WTH?! If she would have said that to me I would have been in her face so fast she wouldn’t have known what hit her.

B Ferris said, I think I need to go outside.

I knew if she went outside she’d start crying and then leave. I put my hand on her back and said, You’re fine, stay here.

I think Rooster and Shutter chimed in again that they’d make room and the subject was finally dropped and people were starting to look at Mike like she was the asshole that she is. Yeah, Link and Stiletto say it’s just because she’s from New York. I’m like I don’t care where you’re from -rude is rude. I get tired of every time we all get together either Mike is an ass or Dino has to get handsy or naked. People say, I don’t’ understand why you don’t ever want to do anything with them.

Really, people?

There are so many other friends who behave themselves and are a joy to be around why do I have to put up with that shit? Anyway, we all got through it but if I have to hang out with them in the future I’m going to start calling them out on their shit. If Mike starts talking rude to me or someone else I’m going say, Mike stop being rude and call her out. If Dino decides to grab my wife’s crotch like she did at Rooster and Shutters show that one time I’m going to immediately get in her face and say That’s not appropriate, keep your hands to yourself. Gone are the days of not saying anything. I mean, sheesh, am I being unreasonable here?

I have two more freaking days until vacation. WHOOP! I need it! I’ve been working on what seems like 100 labs to get ahead in school so I won’t have to be hitting the books while we’re gone. If I don’t talk to you before then I will see you on the flip-side. Cheers!

 

 

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no dice no d*ck

I admit I haven’t written in a while – well, except for that last rant I left up for a day or so then felt guilty about it and made it private. Sometimes I should just shut up  and change the behavior instead of ranting about it on here. But, it is my blog and I feel entitled to rant a little because if people don’t like it they can go read about Trump on CNN or something.

I finished up Spring semester in school with a 95% in both classes and an IT fundamentals certification. Baby steps, I know. Summer semester starts up in three weeks and I hope to be ahead of the game before classes start so I can keep up. I think by the end of the Fall semester I should have enough classes and certifications under my belt that things professionally will look a lot more promising different. I won’t say that things are entirely that bad right now but things can always change quickly and like the Summer semester I want to stay ahead of the game.

We had great weather here last weekend which meant we went and did a lot. We ended up at our neighbors down the street for dinner last night and Yolanda was there as well. We hadn’t seen her since guitar classes were over. I asked if she had been playing but she said no. I said I’d been learning some songs on Fender play since then and was thinking of having a guitar practice dinner at the house sometime next week if she’d like to join but she said she’d be out of town. No, that sounds great, I cant make it this time but please include me in the next. So, I was like ok, then. I get it, you’re not interested – guitar was in the past but there’s no reason to hang out after that unless we happen to see her at our neighbors and I just skipped a whole bunch of ranting over A-gays and A-listers but instead of ranting I’m just never going to ask again. Maybe we’ll see you at the next dinner. I have too much to do to chase people down these days. Either you’re in or you’re not and if you’re not then moving on. Next.

My sister tried to call me this past weekend but I didn’t answer. If she doesn’t leave me a message then I wait and call her back the following week when she’s pushed for time and can’t talk very long. If a few times go by and it’s not urgent she will text me instead which is even better. Most of the time when I talk to her I try not to give away much information which is to my benefit. I started doing this after the whole sex change rumor my father started throughout the county I’m from. So now I don’t tell her DICK (no pun intended) so she doesn’t have anything to gossip about concerning me to our father, our relatives, anyone in the county who will listen including and not limited to the liars club that he hangs out with every morning for breakfast. I’m sure there’s people in my hometown now who are dying to know if I have a package now. Maybe out of shits and giggles the next time I go home I will pack more than a bag.

Today she texted me she was leaving the country for work and knowing she was at the airport waiting to board the plane and pressed for time I called her back. This time she was going on about our father’s cell phone service and how he tried to have our step mother’s phone shut off because she died and they wouldn’t until he showed them a death certificate. Long story short she’s putting him on her cell phone service. What. Ever. I said, I wasn’t under the impression he was talking much on his cellphone and when he gets a new phone store my number in it because he never calls me. Not that I care if he calls me but HE NEVER DOES. I told her I was tired of always having to call him because he never called me. Let’s just see if she says anything to him about it. This was only a test really to see if she would tell him what I said. If he calls me then I know for a fact she tells him everything I tell her. Anyway, that’s a family rant that I allow myself.

 

 

 

 

 

ghosting the past

I know I have been writing a lot about pod casts lately but some of the topics make me really think about things I want to write about. Usually, I listen to these when I’m going for a walk. In fact, they kind of spur me to walk more because I look forward to listening to them. I cannot seem to listen to them while I’m at work because I can’t concentrate on my work and listen to what they are saying – sometimes even when I’m walking when I’m listening to something that makes me think I take off with my own thoughts and have to rewind the podcast to hear what they said because I drift off.

One of the topics that has stuck with me is ghosting. We all have been ghosted at one time or another and probably have ghosted someone else. I know I have probably written about this previously but I was ghosted by two of my good friends who I share a tattoo with and the other two friends with the tattoo I have ghosted (there are five of us altogether who share this tattoo). Sometimes I wonder if this tattoo was a curse to us. Maybe we shouldn’t have gone all-in to be marked for life with the same tattoo.  Other times I think that it’s just a way of life -having friendships come and go like the ebb and flow of the ocean. I’ve come to grips with it and am completely ok with it.

I believe that friendships fit into three categories.

  1. The besties you see or speak to every week or sometimes even more than once a week: These are a rarity for Charlie and I. We only have a few who we see every week and it’s kind of works out the way it does because if we had more then we wouldn’t have any time to ourselves.
  2. The once a month kind of friendships – the ones you may say, Hey haven’t seen you in a week, month, a few months since that ho left you – you meet for a drink or dinner.
  3. The ones you maintain a distance relationship with who you only really converse with on social media. Maybe you’ll travel every once in a blue moon to see but you remain distant friends.

And, everyone outside of that is really not a friend. They’re just someone you run in to at a bar or concert or restaurant and you exchange pleasantries of “We really do need to get together soon.” When both parties are thinking, Yeah no.

I believe someone can only have so many close friends in this life or else it gets crowded. I also believe people outgrow friendships, they move on or the time to spend with them takes a lower priority than the ones who currently are your besties or they piss you off.

I’ve lived on the same street since ’97 and have been friends with another lesbian couple three houses down. They have only been here a year longer than myself. They have both been through some health problems over the years but they are both doing well now. I used to take them lasagna’s when one of them was ill and there were times I got the mail for them. Charlie and I were always asking them down for a beer, over to dinner and even to the parties we’ve thrown – to no avail. They never hardly ever took us up on it – to a point where I was starting to think that there was something they didn’t like about us or our house or something. They always said no. It was a while back that I needed a ride to the train station – which, is less than 3 miles from both of our houses. I asked one of them if they could give me a ride to the station – this was the one who has her own business and is not tied to an 8-5 schedule. Before I could even tell her what time  or day I needed to go she said, Oh I don’t think so. I know I’ll be busy.

I was hurt by that and thought after all the lasagnas I’ve made for them when they weren’t feeling well and taking them all my Good Housekeeping magazines she won’t even give me a ride to the train? I mean, I think I almost cried.

Flash forward, they are one of our landscape clients and Charlie always gets roped into doing extra things for them like getting their mail when they go out of town and making sure if any packages that are left she gets them so no one will steal them. I told her that she shouldn’t do anything extra for them that I was done after that train station incident. She said that she was going to test them and ask if they could get our mail while we’re out of town next week just to see what she says since just recently she not only hauled their mail down to our house but also all their Amazon boxes as well. (Strangely, when Charlie said it would be easier if she had a key to their house and leave all that stuff there the woman acted all weird about it and changed the subject)

Don’t count on her saying yes, I said.

I just want to see what she says.

I guess the moral to this story is to just do stuff for people and not expect anything in return. Maybe I just need to get my head in that space and not expect anything of people. Even so – she’s pretty much off my #2 list.

Then, there’s the ones who are taking a different path – away from the friendship. Whether it’s a life changing thing, a new relationship, or a lifestyle change the ghosting may be mutual. Sometimes we’re just all in different places. I had heard that one of the “Toads” I share a tattoo with had hers removed. I find this ironic because she was one of the ones who always tried to get us all back together. I look down at mine in the traditional Chinese style on my ankle and think, this was just a phase of my life. Part of my past. I will not erase it. You can’t change history but only the future. 

friday chex mix – and, another prayer

Friends and Working Out 

Last week, Charlie went to Florida to see the kids and I stayed home and maintained home life with the dogs. Unfortunately, while she was gone we did not have a working dryer. Since I was watching Link’s cats I hauled washed clothes over there to put in her dryer. Saturday, I went to Incubus with Emil and this new girl -I don’t know new girl enough to give her a name. Maybe Nicole – that sounds like a straight girl name, doesn’t it? So, the plan was Emil picking me up and almost killing us in a car accident on the way to pick up Maybe-Nicole to go have dinner prior to the show. I was initially a little skeptical of the evening because originally when we met Maybe-Nicole she didn’t make the best impression on me nor Charlie. I had already told Emil that if I felt like a 3rd wheel then I was outta there. Maybe-Nicole just broke up with her live-in boyfriend and was dipping her toe into the lake of lesbianism with Emil.

[I don’t know about you but is there a gong going on in your head saying DANGER, DANGER, DANGER?]

But, the evening went well – we- um – had some special brownies that kind of enhanced the show. Along with some whiskey that I had snuck in in a special compartment in my bag with pads and tampons thrown on top. All weekend I practiced guitar to no avail. Despite my fingers developing some great calluses on the tips I still suck at guitar. I really do. I will leave the performing to the pros. Emil was supposed to rehearse with me all weekend but she got caught up in this Maybe-Nicole girl. At one point during that evening we were talking about work and Maybe-Nicole trying to make a better impression and be nice asked me what I did. I explained pointing to the wires above that provide service to everything that was around us (so that should tell you I work in utilities and engineering) and Emil said, I don’t think I ever knew that about you. Here’s what I wanted to say, Because every damn time we’re together all you’re talking about is your ex is why. 

I did not say that, of course. But honestly some of our friends they’re either falling off the map because they met a girl or all they have to talk about is said girl. It’s gets so one-dimensional and boring after awhile. Seriously, can we contribute anything to the conversation aside from who you’re screwing, thinking about screwing or wanting to screw right now?? I’m tired of it. It makes me want to start another Meetup group – one of serious conversation or one that people get out and actually DO something other than talk about Tinder. It’s one of the things I really appreciate about some of our friends who do provide thought-provoking conversations that are not always about themselves. I need more of that to feed my brain.

I’ve been going to Orangetheory every night this week to make up for my eating and drinking debauchery of last week. I love it and the more I go the more I want to go. For some reason the subject of our friends and how no one in our group really works out came up last night. Charlie, being the lucky one in landscaping all day doesn’t have to pay for an elevated heart rate and lifts weedeaters and saws in place of dumbbells said, Sure we have friends who work out.

Who? Who do we know other than Todd and Christie who live in Dahlonega and cycle and run all the time do we know?

Neither of us could name anyone. It’s part of the social aspect of why I like group fitness is the outlet to talk to other people who are trying to get fit like myself. (Believe me, I’ve asked some of our friends to come with me to the gym and they look at me as if I’m asking them to join a cult or something. They sort of back away shaking their heads, trying not to trip and fall backwards.) It used to be competition when I was in bootcamp but not so much where I go now. Although, every time we have a rowing competition in the gym this one burly guy always wins it. But, then I think – maybe this is the only thing he wins ever – so then he deserves it. I think most of these people, myself included, could be across the street at the pizza place drinking beer and eating a pie with pesto crust and instead they’re in here sweating their bums off. Working hard. Yes, I’m bitter about the pesto crust as I row and look across the street at the pizza place. There should be a law against putting a Mellow Mushroom across the street from an Orangetheory – it should be a zoning law. Like not being aable to put Industrial next to Residential.

Parties

Charlie and I are getting ready for our music party the Friday after next and going to see our friends in Asheville. We’re still planning food and drink but think we have a handle on it. I know next week is going to be hectic preparing. There’s little things that tick me off about inviting people to parties – like, not RSVP-ing. EVER. Or, when you ask them to they put a comment like, Oh sorry I forgot about this and I made other plans. 

I know it’s a fact of every party thrown that there are always going to be people who never respond without some major arm twisting. Then, there are those who say, We don’t know yet? These are the people who still haven’t made up their mind if they’re going to go to work or not tomorrow. Everything is “We’ll see.” 

Ok, we’ll see if we invite you to the next party, how about that?

This weekend is anything goes – we don’t (at least I don’t think we do) have any plans to speak of but maybe it will be getting ready for the following weekend. Even without the “We’ll see’s” or “Maybe’s” we still have about 20 people confirmed.

Prayers 

In all the mix Link has to have a surgery tomorrow so please send positive thoughts and prayers or even energy today for our dear friend.

 

early friday chex mix

It’s a rainy evening here in Georgia.

Not that I’m complaining of the rain – never. We have grass seed in the back that needs to germinate and I desperately do not want a drought this summer. Yes, I’d take rain any day over a dusty summer. I do realize that we’re still in spring and not quite gotten to summer just yet. I am not rushing it, either. I enjoy these lush, spring days (now that I’ve gotten over the high pollen count with two sinus infections). Charlie is feeling a little under the weather today – something she ate last night, perhaps. It was date night tonight and we went to have pho and then straight home. She has fallen asleep in front of the TV watching some documentary about Africa.

Vacation, f*cking vacation.

I want to be on vacation, honestly. I want to see beaches and smell the salt in the air. We leave for Florida the end of next week and it cannot get here soon enough.

Happy hour.

It’s impossible to get everyone together anyhow for this. I feel like I constantly be the communicator, the planner, the organizer. Maybe one HH a month is enough. We got quite a few 3 people over last week for it but this week we have a bunch of maybes and rain. Maybe’s and rain = Meh, forget it.  Sometimes it would be nice to sit in a cozy Irish pub by a fire (Hey, Marley House) so if it’s raining tomorrow we go there – that is, if Charlie’s feeling better.

We have this friend.

Who I will name DD for Dreary Debbie? Debbie Downer is too common. Desperate Debbie? Yeah, more like that. The girl puts a whole new meaning into that word desperate. Deeeeesperado…….why don’t you come to your senses…….

-it’s like that, y’all. She’s been chasing a dream with two legs for seven-sevenfucking-YEARS to no avail who treats her like a laundry basket or one that holds magazines. Every once in a while you kick it when you’ve had a frustrating day – that kind of basket. So, when she’s Desperate Debbie basket she gets on Tinder.

No good can come from a DESPERATE women in her mid-40’s being on Tinder.

NO GOOD, PEOPLE. No good…..So, you can just imagine the types of people she’s talking to. The ones who ask for money after the 50th text, no snapchat-asses. These are probably men in their mid-50’s using their 20-something year old nieces pictures to elicit money and sex on the internet. We have lunch with Debbie sometimes on the weekends and she shows us dozens of pictures of ho’s women she’s talking to on the internet. Then she gets all depressed that she’s not meeting someone and in the same breath says she’s going to see the woman who treats her like a basket for dinner. We say, Why, why, why, Debbie? You’re going to be on Tinder when you’re FIDDY (50). You don’t want that to happen. You won’t able to swipe left or right because you’ll have arthritis by then from swiping so much. Stop being desperate, Debbie. Stop.

Even Benji had problems with Tinder. Her Tinder woman went cra-cra, said she didn’t want to see anyone and then dropped off the face of the earth (but, probably not off Tinder). They had planz, too. Like going out of town and to a (teeny-bopper 20ish) concert which didn’t happen. Benji was so depressed that she didn’t go – even after trying to talk her into going and giving the xtra ticket to some hot 20-something and having fun. She stayed at home and moped. I would have gone if I were her.

Work. PMP. What am I doing?

I don’t know. We had a “team” meeting on Tuesday and we were told that they found enough old geezers people to take an early retirement that they wouldn’t have to lay anyone off. This is a relief because I’m still trying to find a way to get a promotion to a different department and it’s proving to be equal to landing a federal job interview. That difficult. I know it’s only been a couple of weeks since I got certified but I hope this PMP thing holds more weight than it is holding so far. Part of me doesn’t know what to do with all this spare time I have now from not having to study. The other part is like, what’s next? The company has all these online training classes on Agile Scrum and if I take 22 of these things and take their test I get their company bronze certification in Agile Scrum (notice I said company – by no means is this the nationwide scrum master cert) so I’m doing it so I can add it to my company resume. I’m going to take six months and keep applying and if I don’t get any interviews then I’m going on to another certification – scrum master, Agile, or even Leed. Something.

So, that’s all I got. I hope you enjoyed the snippets of topics – we’ll call it an early Friday chex mix. Y’all have a great weekend! Cheers!

 

kickin’ it

Last week went by in a whirl. Thursday, I had a really bad day at work. Well, bad in such a way that I was hit with some stuff that I didn’t expect. The upside was that I’m going to take on more responsibility and downside was I was told that I could progress a little faster. Part of me was like, I’ve been in this job less than a year, feel isolated in my current work environment and really have no one around to ask questions – so this feedback seems very unfair. The other part was ok, I’ll work harder, ask more questions but only after studying up on the stuff I’m doing.

It was almost the mentality of my old job – we want you to do this but we don’t want to answer any questions or train anyone. It just all kind of get thrown on you and you have to roll with the punches. So, after an evening of crying to Charlie and getting drunk with her and Benji I went into my boss’s office the next day and asked if we could follow up on a few things. We had a good conversation. I wanted him to know that there had been a breakdown in communication and the strides I was going to take to ensure that didn’t happen again. That I was going to work hard for a higher rating this year. In short, I’m going to make sure I have more facetime with him and him hear stuff from me directly and not just from our middle manager that sits out in the satellite office who I only see once a week. [Yeah, basically -phuck you middle manager who sabotaged my review with your opinions]

Friday, Charlie was really hung over feeling under the weather and I ended up going out and meeting Benji and her new squeeze, Kate, to see our friend Hannah Thomas play at Eddie’s.  Charlie and I were coming back from eating some wonderful Pho (which, I think revived her a little) and I had her drop me off at the box office so I could go ahead and get a ticket to the show. I was planning to get my ticket and hit a coffee shop and study a little before the show but as I was standing in line for my ticket this woman bought the remaining 21 tickets left for the early show who was Madison Parks.

They were like, Thanks for waiting.

Oh, that’s ok, I’m just getting a ticket for the late show so I have time to kill.

The woman who bought the tickets asked me if I wanted a ticket to the early show and I said, Sure. So I got in for free. (Which, was a good thing because I doubt I’d ever pay $$ to see that woman again) I went in and took a seat in the bleachers they have in the back. Since I was coming in late all the seats were already full. It’s a tiny place so if you’re seeing a show there you want to get there very early so you can get a good seat. Then, a family of 4 came up and I ended up sitting next to a 7 year old in a tu-tu, who squirmed the whole time and at one point I could have sworn she had her elbow in my ear.

Would you like a child with your Guinness?

Madison rocked it out for the first three songs with her band who looked like all high school kids. But, when she pulled up a stool and started talking about hanging with her girlfriends in Nashville talking about boyz and this was a song she wrote about it blah, blah, blah I decided to hit the back patio to watch the rest of the hockey game until Benji and Kate got there. On the way out I hugged Hannah’s neck and wished her a Happy Birthday and said Charlie was sorry she missed her that night. Once Benji and Kate got there I scored us some great seats at the bar inside and we rocked out to Hannah and her new girl band. So much of a contrast from the early show (– maybe that’s why she was the early show).

Saturday, we ran around getting stuff for the party Super Bowl party and Bernice came into town. Minutes after she pulled in we were all in our car going to dinner in Little 5 and hitting Shutter & Roosters gig at the Star Bar. We had a blast that night!

Sunday morning, Bernice was hung over feeling under the weather and Charlie and I went out and grabbed a bagel and ran some errands before the party. By the time we got back she was up making empanadas for the party. We talked and ate and prepped food. We ended up having a great turnout and aside from our team losing we had a great time!  Link was our only Patriots fan in the crowd and she and Charlie were at it all night goofing off as you can see in this pic:

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The next morning I was hung over not feeling well until I ate a piece of sourdough toast with some butter and honey on it. I had been on this Paleo diet for a few weeks and the weekend was the first real carbs I’d eaten in a while and I think it just hit me really hard. Or I drank too much beer. Charlie and I went to have noodles for lunch and hit our favorite joint on the way back to the house. I had gone ahead and took the day off as I knew I wouldn’t want to work along with 6 million Americans that call in sick the day after Super Bowl. When we got back we hung out and played darts in the bar shed so all in all it was a very full weekend and glad it was a good end to a shaky start.

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advice & new lease

I think I’m going to become a non-social hermit for the rest of 2016. I am so tired of hearing about the presidential election and everyone’s opinion of it that I could scream “NO MORE F*CKING POLITICS! SHUT THE H*LL UP!” And, then no one would like me so therefore why I have to become a hermit because I will develop Tourettes and blurt out cuss words and inappropriate things.

Last night, we went over to Rooster & Shutters house for dinner.

Word of advice: When you’re invited to someone’s house for dinner and they don’t offer up “We’re having [lasagna, Indian food, tacos, hamburgers or pasta]” then eat something before you go.

Another word of advice: Don’t talk about politics ever after dinner unless you want your guests to feel ill afterwards.

Seriously.

Link & Stiletto were there as well as Dino & Martha. I understand the Link & Stiletto connection as Link and Rooster have been friends for years and Stil is Link’s squeeze. But, Dino & Martha I don’t get that. Charlie & I are riding buds with R & S and I’ve known Shutter for years but still – I don’t get the whole D & M connection or how they’re good friends. First of all, Dino says a lot of weird things. Sometimes, inappropriate things in my opinion.

Last night, after dinner everyone went outside and sat by the fire and bitched about politics. After a while I started feeling light-headed. I don’t know if it was from the cigar I just smoked, Dino’s Marlboro light smoke, the politics, dinner or Dino trying to tell me that she wants to set up a camp to convert gays into straights then when you get them there convince them to still be gay? I was trying to understand what the hell it was she was saying until she said the word “evangelist” and always wanting to be one. She lost me at that.

I had so happened to have been doing research that day on the subject of Jim Jones for my next sci-fi series murder mystery (basically, my main character killing him before he makes everyone drink the cool-aide). I was kind of shocked over some of the stuff I read so when Dino said “Evangelist” I just left the fire and went inside and played with R & S’s kitten until Charlie came in and asked me if I was ok. Thankfully, it seemed to be a cue for everyone to come in and hug and say goodbye.

I went home and drank Alka-Seltzer and snuggled up with Charlie to watch TV in bed. Let’s watch This is Us and forget about politics and evangelism for a while.

This morning, I wanted to wake up to a new lease. Despite the dryness and drought I was still happy it was nice out. I drove to work looking at the fall leaves and thankful for my job and my life with Charlie.

Advice to myself: Embrace every day as if it were your last. And, despite dinner last night at least you were invited somewhere for dinner so don’t let politics or anyone else ruin it.

 

the wedding slinger

This was the sort of Monday that I wished to stay in bed and sleep in. We made it through the weekend of Dino and Martha’s wedding. We hugged so many necks I’m wanting to go home and o.d. on Emergen-C packs.

Friday evening was the bachelor/bachelorette part(ies). The later consisted of Hollis C. Literar driving all the girls up to this spa where they got naked and women scrubbed their bodies. In hearing Stiletto explain this is worthy of a SNL skit. Especially, the part where she’s talking about the spa for the –uh-groin area only. I was sitting there wondering if one would add in some spices like olive oil and basil if they knew they were going to get some action later.

I was to drop Charlie off at the pub to rendezvous with the girls and go on to have dinner with Drewberry and meet up with them later at the Claremont Lounge. When we got to the pub we decided to have a few beers before she left as the spa didn’t allow any alcohol – probably to keep everything hydrated you know what I mean? Cant’ have a dry hootchie or else there will be more treatment.

Once there, Stiletto came in from the back porch saying they were having a pre-rehearsal dinner and everyone was out there. We kind of wondered why we didn’t get invited as it would have been nice to meet Martha and Dino’s extended family and Creed who I haven’t seen in 5 years as well has Rhoda and her new gf. But, according to Stiletto it was only for the family and people in the wedding party. Ok. Looking back, I still would have been happier with a place of meeting where everyone could eat and linger instead of dividing up the heard between heifers and bulls and leaving. Creed came in and introduced us to her new gf. I never did see Rhoda until the next day at the wedding. So, as everyone was wrapping up and I made my escape.

Later, I Uber’d it down to the Lounge and when I got there I texted Charlie to see where they were. I guessed that all the “boys” were already in the club but I wanted to wait for the [newly scrubbed] girls. Hollis had to park about three blocks away as there was no parking anywhere close. Finally, we went inside but everyone got lost in the crowd. I managed to score Charlie and I some seats at the bar and we visited with Link and Stiletto from time to time but Martha and the group had gotten a table in the back where I guess it was more accessible for lap dances? I don’t know. The boys had only gone to one strip club prior to arriving and Mike had drank so much he was passed out in the limo. When we got there they were leaving to take the limo back and some of the heifer/bull people left with the limo. Charlie and I finally called it quits and walked outside to follow Hollis to the car to get her bag. Hollis disappeared for what seemed hours and we walked up these really steep stairs to get to the front. The minute I got to the top of the stairs I turned my ankle and went down. Charlie and this guy who was there grilling hot dogs [why that seemed like a reasonable thing at 2 a.m. in the morning] had to help me up. I skinned my shin and knee as well.

The next day, the dogs had to drag us out of bed to get us up. We had breakfast and took it easy until the wedding. There was to be cocktails at 4, the ceremony at 5 and festivities after. When we arrived, Rhoda was on the back deck playing guitar. Unlike her ex she’s a wonderful musician and I enjoyed hearing her. We mingled with Hollis and her gf, Sharon who we hadn’t seen in forever. We had just had a beer when everyone was directed to stand in the back garden area and await the ceremony to begin. Martha was escorted down by Hollis and Dino by [of course] Mike. Creed came out to do the ceremony. It was very surprisingly fast – no vows or anything. I remembered Charlie and me exchanging ours in Valbella in New York – in fact, it was attached to a really nice hotel with a library where we did our exchange.

After the ceremony, many people herded to the food line. I wasn’t about to stand in that line so Charlie and I grabbed more drinks and mingled some more. I was telling Rhoda about hearing that Lee threw Heidi out (which, is no surprise as I figured Bertha would have made her get her out of there eventually). Apparently, once Lee threw her out she later went to look for her and found Heidi passed out on a park bench (frothing at the mouth, even) and took a bunch of pictures and posted them on FB. Rhoda was livid that she never called an ambulance or anything just took pictures and walked away. I wasn’t surprised. I said all Lee ever thought about was herself. But, then Lee upped and moved out to Seattle to be with Heidi and moved into some trailer with her. Rhoda said they deserve each other and they do.

Rooster and Shutter’s band played after the ceremony. I had gone in to say hi to them when we got there. Link was walking around helping Stiletto (who was the volunteered music coordinator, makeup artist for the bride and her mother, caterer manager and bachelorette party planner). B. Ferris had shown up after the ceremony and she and Charlie had started managing the fire pit as it was freezing outside. I was talking to Hollis and them on the deck when we noticed flames coming up. Dino walked over and told them to cool it on the fire ring.

Later, there was a mass exodus to get at several of the cakes that were provided. Someone said that the kids started cutting the cake and eating it before the brides could get in there to do their slice and feed it to each other. Others said that people were ignoring the caterers serving the slices and were just cutting in a grabbing a bunch of pieces with their forks. I mean, it’s just cake, people. Charlie and I left shortly after that and went over to Brockett for dinner. I had the most amazing patty melt and I was happy.

I’m still tired from the weekend despite taking it easy yesterday. This week is Hell week at Orangetheory. If we make it there 5 out of 8 days to work out starting today thru Halloween we get this skull t-shirt. I’m going to try but I only hope I don’t end up getting a really bad cold after this week. I’m planning on drinking some smoothies and eating well this week so hopefully I’ll make it.

Next weekend, we’re doing the Halloween ride with the Hags like we did last year. Rooster has a whole new agenda of places we’re going. What are your plans for Halloween?  I will leave you with this appropriately named drink recipe:

The Wedding Slinger

  • 1.25 ounces of 77 Local Rye and Corn Whisky
  • .5 ounce of Carpano Antica Formula Sweet Vermouth
  • 2 dashes of orange bitters
  • Ginger Ale
  • Cocktail cherry

 

 

 

ex’s, rats and apple watches

rat

Last Saturday Sadie had her test to become a therapy dog and both she and Charlie passed with flying colors. I wasn’t worried, honestly – despite Sadie being my dog initially her and Charlie have a special bond – even the examiner said so.

I took both to drop them off for their test and headed over to catch both the soccer and UGA game at the local pub. After downing a Guinness and heading back I got a text from Charlie saying they were running late. I only received this after I’d gotten back since I was on my tablet and it signs off texts after a while. I was on my tablet because –

-my iPhone (7) was sitting next to my Apple watch (1st gen) updating. I’ll get more in to that in a bit.

So, once I got back I was sitting in the car with the windows down and these two ladies came out and asked if I was Lanie and I said, Yes. They said I could come inside and wait if I didn’t want to sit in the hot car and I said that’s ok I didn’t mind I was in the shade anyway. They went back inside and then some blonde woman came out and looked around then turned and looked right at me and went back inside. It took me a moment but I thought she looked just like someone I went out with years ago and once I noted that she had an Alabama t-shirt on I swore it was her.

Later, after driving home with Charlie reliving her and Sadie’s testing she related that there were other women in there doing scenarios of talking loud, yelling and slamming things around to see if they could get a reaction out of Sadie – this was part of the exam (which, she didn’t have any reaction at all).

What was the blonde woman’s name?

Uh, I can’t remember, um….

Was it Beverly?

Yes, that was her name! Wait! You know her?

I went out with her for, like a minute, a long time ago.

It just figures that I run in to yet another one of your ex-girlfriends.

(Our friend, Link always jokes that I’ve dated everyone in Atlanta and when I say, No, I don’t think Charlie believes me. I get that look. I told Link, Quit saying that. You’ll give the girl a complex.)

I always say, That was then, this is now, baby! to Charlie.

So, once home we were getting ready to go out for a celebratory beer when I checked my watch. It was still updating. At this point I was ready to throw the thing out the window. I specifically waited until the new version came out and the older ones went on sale because I wanted a stainless steel one and was not about to pay $500 for it. (this from someone who once paid the cost of a car WAY more for a Rolex which I sold to buy a motorcycle but that’s another story). It had spent ALL NIGHT updating and then most of the next day. I had to reboot both my phone and watch three times in order for the update to take. I was wondering if I’d gotten a bad watch. I unplugged it and went and set it on the box thinking I was going to take it back the next day. Later, I thought, I will try it one.more.time just to see if it will go and when I picked it up and, voila, it was updated. Yeah, it only took 2 days! These apple updates are getting somewhat short of ridiculous in my book.

The other night, Charlie and I were driving back from having dinner at the 57th Fighter Club. It was nice sitting out there watching the planes come in. It’s finally cooled off here and the club lit the fire pit while we were sitting on the patio. This was the first time we’d tried this place. We’re trying to break out of our regular scene and try new places.

On the way home Charlie said, it just figures I run in to yet another girlfriend of yours.

You haven’t met that many ex-girlfriends of mine.

Yes, I have.

Ok, so you met Bird, Lee and Beverly – that’s it.

No, I’ve met monkey lady, too. Remember when she brought her dog into the vet and I had to check her in?

Oh yeah, that’s right. How unfortunate.

So, why did you break up with them?

Rats.

What’s wrong?

No, I mean because of rats.

What? Seriously?

Yeah, Beverly had these rats in her condo – she was also a hoarder, by-the-way. Her building super set all these live traps in there and only cleaned them out once a month. She asked me if I would come over and clean them out for her and I said no. She got really mad at me after that and I just blew her off and we stopped going out. We weren’t really hitting it anyway. She ended up getting married to a man after that so she was never really lesbian material.

What about monkey lady?

Oh, well one night I went over there  and we’d had a couple of bourbons and her friend, Lorraine called and said there was a stench so bad in her house that she needed us to come over and find the dead animal in her walls. We ran over there with a drill and jig saw. After drilling several holes in their newly painted stairwell wall we discovered after prying up a couple of stairs and looking down into the crawlspace that it was under there. I had to shimmy down there and get it out. After that, I got the rep of removing rats and there was another night monkey lady called me and asked me to go crawling around in her attic to find these rats that had been getting into her house and I refused. She got very angry and started yelling at me about it. So, like before I just blew her off after that. We weren’t hitting it either. I’d gotten tired of her yelling at me about rats.

That’s weird. Why do you get stuck killing rats – in your house and others peoples?

Yeah, remember Ellen? I had to go over there and kill a rat for her, too.

I remember that. I was afraid you’d get rabies.

And, right after that conversation in the car we got home and let the dogs out and was enjoying a whiskey when Sadie started looking at the grill.

What is it, Sadie?

Charlie went over and opened the lid and turned on one of the burners and just then…..

……you guessed it- a rat ran out. Sadie chased it around the side of the house and then suddenly it came running towards me. I jumped up as I saw a grey blur run by with Sadie in tow. Sadie never got it but she was looking for it the rest of the night. And, so was I.

I don’t know what it is about ex’s, rats and Apple watches-but it is what it is.

 

 

hell is for outdoor concerts

What is it with outdoor concerts and rain?

We’ve had a drought for two months in Georgia and the MINUTE we have Melissa Etheridge tickets is rains. In fact, the last three times I’ve been to Chastain Amphitheatre to see a show it’s rained.

Last Saturday was the concert. We had planned to get there early and to tailgate with our new friends from Dawsonville. A friend up the street called and asked if her and her gf could carpool so it was a plan. We split the $20 parking so it wasn’t too painful. We were one of five other cars pulling into the lot, parked, got out the chairs and the cooler and started watching people come in. Our friends waved to us across the parking lot and dragged chairs and wine over to visit. We no more got twenty minutes into our tailgating when –

BOOM!

We barely had enough time to fold up the chairs, throw them in the trunk and dive into the car. We thought, Oh, it will stop in 20 minutes. Nope. We sat there for an hour and ½. The gates weren’t even open no one was playing in the deluge with thunder and lightning. Our friend, Emil was trapped in her car up the hill. Dawsonville friends were going through 3 bottles of wine. Charlie and I were drinking beer but all of our bladders were on the verge of exploding. We saw some girl get out of the car behind us and open both front and back doors and go between them. I was tempted believe me but that seemed way too personal with Angela and Sharon in the backseat. (This is really the first time we’ve gone somewhere with them.) I texted the Dawsonville peeps and said we were staying until 8:30 and if no music and it’s still pouring we’re out of there. They said they were leaving at 8:15. As if knowing we were all going to leave they opened the gates. Then, the rain let up. We all got out – like a mass exodus. There were soggy lesbians everywhere. Our Dawsonville friends decided they were too drunk to leave to stay.

Angela and Sharon took off for the gate and I hopped a squat between the car doors and peed all over my shorts and flipflops. We lugged the cooler down the steps to a line that was forming to get in. Charlie and a cop got into it because she wanted to wait on the side until I got up to the front of the line before hopping in – she didn’t want to have to lug the cooler the whole time we were in line which made sense. The cop was pointing over to the side telling her she had to stand right.there. What a b*tch.

We finally got up to the guy checking tickets and when I pulled out my Groupon tickets he barely looked at them and said we had to get behind that woman to have them scanned. He was kind of a b*tch, too. So, we followed the woman and came to an usher who we showed the tickets to. She looked at them and then the previous guy yelled over our shoulders, [Name of usher] I NEED YOU BACK HERE RIGHT NOOOOOW.

Usher, I’M HELPING THESE LADIES FIND THEIR SEAAAAAAAAATS! Even louder. I thought a fight was going to break out.

We went in to find our seats only to find this grandma older couple in our seats with a tray and food set up. They looked at us to move and we stopped them and said we’d sit somewhere else and if someone kicked us out we’d come back. So, we pushed up under the terrace a few rows up and sat down. We tried to eat but every time we put our deli containers with salad and chicken on the cooler they got dumped off on the ground. By this time I was realllllllly over it. I probably could have left right then if Melissa Etheridge hadn’t started playing. I wanted to see her but I was lukewarm about Pat Benatar. We decided to just drink beer at that point and f*ck the food.

After some time, Angela and Sharon found us and said, It’s terrible out there- it’s raining.

I hadn’t noticed being under the terrace. So, we told them to sit with us. The place was half empty anyway and I was glad we’d gotten a Groupon for this show as I would have HATED to have spent the $$ on tickets our friends had.

Melissa finished then Pat came out and the first two songs were great – I think they were “Love is a Battlefield” and “We Belong”. Great. Then, I was ready to go. She was playing with Neil Giraldo (who, I have no idea who he is) and he started to TALK before every song they played. I was like, Shut up and play, old man.

I was getting restless and wanted food. I was starting to ask everyone if they were ready to go. Then, on stage they started talking again and then ripped into, “Hell is for Children”. Sounding like: HELLSIS FOR CHIL-REN!!!!

Cat3

It kind of blasted us out of our seats and hard to take after several beers and I imagine the rest of the crowd – three bottles of wine and towards the end of the evening. That seemed to do it for everyone they were like, Lets go.

For that, I am happy they played that song then.

The next concert is not until the fall and inside the Tabernacle, which, I’m thankful for that.