It’s been a week. Despite my impending unemployment I’ve been working a lot lately on self promotion, resumes, cover letters along with school work. It’s really hard going into the office every day. I’m just trying to bide my time. The other guys I work with have been ok -it’s just work in general that has sucked.
The other day I had a meeting with my current boss, Dan. I’m not sure I wrote about this but our old boss, Baxter, got moved out to bum-f*ck to manage another team. Lucky them is all I could say. Then, they brought a new guy in who is about 10 years my junior to run the group. I will say he’s a really nice but clueless. I called a meeting with him because I wanted to make sure he’s going to give me a good review, recommendation and that I can use him as a reference for future jobs. All that was a yes, I have no worries he will give me a decent recommendation if someone calls him. So, while we were meeting he told me he’s going to go ahead and do my yearly review that day and we’ll go over it. Great! You know how long I had to chase Baxter down to do my review last year? I called and emailed him to ask when he was going to do it and he blew me off and waited until 4:00 pm on a Friday of the last day he had to turn them in to call me with it. So, you get the idea how much of a jerk this guy was.
Later in the day, Dan tells me he’s finished with my review and asks if I want to go over it. I said, Sure. So he asked me what I felt my accomplishments were in the last year. I thought, Ok, this is going to be like a job interview. So, I rattled off some things I had accomplished with my wirecenter, designs, continuing education, etc. Because the company had been spouting off all this BS of continuing education to get “2020” ready. What a load! Obviously that’s total bullshit. After I was finished I was waiting for him to start in on my review. I’m like, Just give it to me and let’s get this over with. He starts by saying that since he’s only managed me for a short time and since Baxter managed us 7 months out of the year he called him for feedback.
My heart sank. I knew what he was going to say. Baxter has always had a grudge against me for some reason. Because I’m a female working in a man’s world? Because I don’t take shit from anyone? Because I’m a strong female? Who knows. So, he reads me what Baxter said and then reads the portion of what he wrote which I couldn’t even hear because I seeing red over what Baxter said-“that I needed to communicate better with clients and developers and that relaying on others has slowed my development in grasping key concepts and processes”.
What.thefuck.was.that? I just sat there and then made him read it again. I couldn’t believe it. I have done nothing but work on my own since I started this job. There was no training, no mentoring, nothing. Baxter never even answered his emails let alone held my hand in doing anything. I told Dan that I didn’t feel that was fair. He just shrugged his shoulders and said that he had written positive things after that. I was like,Yeah but you can’t take away a negative with a positive.
Then he went on to say that I could reject the review. Yeah, I know how that goes – HR ends up eventually overriding it and it gets posted anyway. It’s a no-win situation. So, I told him I was going to look at it but that I would probably sign off on it regardless. I didn’t want to look at it after that. I knew if I looked at it I would throw something and I just needed to get out of there and go home. So, I did.
Yesterday, I opened it and read it and was steamed once again. Right below their comments was a box for employees comments so I wrote the following:
I do not agree with the following comments from the Overall Comments section which are “Lanie needs to work on communicating in a timely fashion with developers/customers.” And, “Relaying on others has slowed her development in grasping key concepts and processes.”
Both of these statements are inaccurate – I communicate daily with developers/customers as well as work independentely on my ongoing projects. I have never relied on others for my professional development or growth. I have only sought out more senior members of my team as mentors to answer questions and seek advice. My current team has never been collaborative so I have had to relay on myself to solve complex problems.
I want to add that I am the only member of my team that has a professional project management certification at PMP and is seeking higher education in cybersecurity. I am constantly growing my skills and accomplishments and striving to meet professional goals.
Then, after I made sure it was saved and signed the damn thing. Let Baxter and Dan read that. I was professional – unlike Baxter. The whole thing just made me want to get the hell out of there. As I was driving to school I wanted to just blow it off and go drink somewhere. Seriously, I was thinking, When does all this shit end? I can answer that – March 29th when my stint is done and my severance kicks in unless I get an offer prior to Feb 18th but I don’t think that’s going to happen. I had a meeting set up with the internship department to go over my resume and match it to some of the IT related jobs I wanted to go for so I didn’t want to miss that and I’m so glad I didn’t. The lady I had the appointment with, Malika, sat down with me in her bosses office to start editing my resume. The resume the outsoucing coaches had guided me on had a lot of problems with it. First of all, the objective that they suggested I use had all these run-on sentences and used outdated lingo like “track record”. So, Malika and I got to work deconstructing it and her boss, Phoebe, was looking over our shoulders while we did it and I happened to pull out the job announcement for a role that I’m interviewing for next week. Phoebe looked at it and said, By all means lets go over your interview and started firing off interview questions. We went through the whole thing and the two of them guided me on the things I should say. It was a totally meaningful workshop – really, much better than the career outsourcing company that my former company contracts to coach people they cut loose. Granted I’ve been to a lot of their things too but working with Malika and Phoebe felt more personalized. As I packed up to go to class I scheduled another session with them the following week. Then, I walked into class and my prof – who is a security engineer with Verison said we would be subnetting that evening. Even though I don’t have a solid grasp of it I love doing it. I love writing out the IP addresses and breaking it down to how many hosts per subnets, how many available IP addresses per host, etc. He taught us the way he does it which was a lot better than any of the other ways I’d ever learned it. My classmate who I had intro to networking with last summer said this was the best way he’d ever learned it too. The prof made each of us get up and subnet an address on the board. It was great but by the end of class I was really fried. I’d been through so many emotions that day, went from one thing to the other that I just wanted to go home and drink a beer and decompress. I was seriously spent and still a little emotional over work shit. I won’t let them keep me down. I am going to fucking move the hell on to a better place if it kills me and I’m going to nail that fucking interview next week.